We have just found out last week that I'm pregnant again.
The past 4 years we have been TTC on and off which has resulted in 3 MMC at 9 weeks and 1 spontaneous MC at 4 weeks.
Our last baby died in January this year and I'm still grieving and emotionally recovering from surgery. We are still waiting for the test results. Our sweet baby took us a very long and painful year to conceive (PCOS)
Since then we have actively been avoiding pregnancy. Following my app which predicts ovulation. I had no worries as I don't conceive easily, even when it's timed perfectly cycle after cycle.
I was booked to have a copper coil fitted at the end of April
But in true Sod's Law fashion I randomly ovulated early (never happened before, it's always late if anything) and fell pregnant. I even took the MAP when my app suddenly brought ovulation forward. It clearly didn't work 🤔
I can't get excited. We never wanted to have to go through yet another MMC. It's just too hard and has beaten us down immensely. I know for a fact this one will be no different to the others.
My recurrent miscarriage team have told me that there are no 'reassurance' scans for the foreseeable. My only scan will be at 12 weeks - by then I could have a dead baby inside me for at least 3 weeks.
I'm terrified I will start to love this baby like I did all the others. I need to know how not to bond as I simply can't go through the agony of babyloss again.
How can I distance myself from this one? It's not even like I can go out and do things to take my mind off it!
I wish I could be like everyone else and have hope and no worries. It seems like the whole world just has babies with no trouble (in my small world anyway)
And of all the times I could get pregnant It had to be during a fucking pandemic...
I don't know what I'm asking really, just tips on how to not get my hopes up like I have every single time.
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Pregnancy
*Trigger warning* Here we go again...
Frazzlerock · 28/03/2020 17:59
I am a very sorry for what you are going through. I also have been through many m/c (15 in total at various stages). I have 2 dc. Nothing anyone says will help or make you feel any better and you will be going through every range of emotions. It’s truly the most awful experience and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Have you ever been offered any explanations or investigations into your recurrent m/c? I found out mine were due to immune issues and if I’d not found this out I would have continued to miscarry. Be kind to yourself - we recover from the physical side of miscarriage but the mental scars stay with you forever. You are not a horrible woman with a hole in her heart - you are a human being who has been through so much physical and mental hurt and you are reacting to this. Have you considered counselling? Both Tommy’s and The Miscarriage Association are there for you - why not pick up the phone and ring them. If you ever feel strong enough to want to try again - just maybe have a look into the immune side of things. I have high killer cells and hypothyroidism. My body saw each pregnancy as a threat/disease and my own immune system was killing each pregnancy. I saw Mr Shehata who has treated many women with success. Whatever you decide to do I wish you the very best xx 
I am so, so, sorry. The universe doesn't hate you, it's just that sometimes utterly shit things happen. I know nothing much will help right now, but know that there are people thinking about you and wishing you well.
That’s amazing so pleased for you! What a lovely update. Keeping everything crossed for you 
xx
Another continuous miscarrier here, 7 in total.
I could be you, you sound so similar to me.
In fact I have recently read back my miscarriage posts and I have written almost identically to you.
My last miscarriage was horrific, bleeding, pain so bad I went into hospital for morphine, gas & air until it was over.
That was that. No more, enough.
No explanations from reoccurring miscarriage clinic, no answers.
I went to the GP and got the pill. Couldn’t carry on.
Bleeding stopped.
Waited for my next period to start taking the pill.
It didn’t arrive and I felt very unwell.
I thought I must have retained some of the pregnancy, maybe it hadn’t all gone.
Went to EPAU for a quick confirmation scan so I could book for surgery to have it all removed.
There, on that screen as bold as owt was a heart beat within a tiny baby.
About 7 weeks. I told the sonographer that I would see if I could miscarry are home and avoid a&zen if my gp would give me decent painkillers.
Sonographer looked at me as if I had 2 heads.
She said, no, come back next week to see the heart beat again...
I just rolled my eyes and went off.
Anyway, week 8, week 9, weeks 10,11 & 12 came and went and then at age 43 I had my baby after 10 years and 7 miscarriages.
I made no plans, bought nothing, refused to discuss it, didn’t go on any forums, looked at no books.
Refused to believe it until it happened.
The universe loved us at long fucking last!
And it will you
Woah that was a rollercoaster thread for me to read, let alone for you to experience.
What a fighter this baby is!
Sending you every ounce of strength and positivity.
You and your partner are so strong
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