We have just found out last week that I'm pregnant again.
The past 4 years we have been TTC on and off which has resulted in 3 MMC at 9 weeks and 1 spontaneous MC at 4 weeks.
Our last baby died in January this year and I'm still grieving and emotionally recovering from surgery. We are still waiting for the test results. Our sweet baby took us a very long and painful year to conceive (PCOS)
Since then we have actively been avoiding pregnancy. Following my app which predicts ovulation. I had no worries as I don't conceive easily, even when it's timed perfectly cycle after cycle.
I was booked to have a copper coil fitted at the end of April
But in true Sod's Law fashion I randomly ovulated early (never happened before, it's always late if anything) and fell pregnant. I even took the MAP when my app suddenly brought ovulation forward. It clearly didn't work 🤔
I can't get excited. We never wanted to have to go through yet another MMC. It's just too hard and has beaten us down immensely. I know for a fact this one will be no different to the others.
My recurrent miscarriage team have told me that there are no 'reassurance' scans for the foreseeable. My only scan will be at 12 weeks - by then I could have a dead baby inside me for at least 3 weeks.
I'm terrified I will start to love this baby like I did all the others. I need to know how not to bond as I simply can't go through the agony of babyloss again.
How can I distance myself from this one? It's not even like I can go out and do things to take my mind off it!
I wish I could be like everyone else and have hope and no worries. It seems like the whole world just has babies with no trouble (in my small world anyway)
And of all the times I could get pregnant It had to be during a fucking pandemic...
I don't know what I'm asking really, just tips on how to not get my hopes up like I have every single time.
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Pregnancy
*Trigger warning* Here we go again...
Frazzlerock · 28/03/2020 17:59
Oh @Frazzlerock I don't even have words for this, I'm so pleased for you all and to have your beautiful boy home safe with you already, he's absolutely gorgeous. That little face!
I am over the moon for you all, I've been thinking about you all week and this is the most wonderful news. 
Oh wow I was just thinking of you yesterday as I knew you must be due in the next month or so, huge congratulations to you, DP and your little warrior baby! He's gorgeous and so glad you are home after just a short stay in hospital 
it's not often I get so invested in a thread but I'm so happy for you frazzle!
Wahhhhh
Congratulations Frazzle, what a beautiful story and a beautiful little son for you
How are you?
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