Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Sister In Law fallout due to pregnancy

86 replies

Roberlcm · 01/03/2020 22:37

So here goes, I found out my husband and I were unexpectedly pregnant with our 2nd child a few weeks back.

This was very unexpected as I was on the pill and I just started a new job of which I had a plan for, for the next couple of years.

I was very surprised to the point it took me a couple of days to tell my husband, why I don't know.

Anyway 2 weeks after I found out I met with my sister in law but I couldn't bring myself to tell her face to face, she's a bit sensitive about the oddest things and she was also 5 months pregnant with her 1st.

So when I got home I texted her a big message almost apologetically but explaining the surprise and telling her I don't expect a response right now. That was 6 weeks ago. Iv since messaged a few times, sometimes about how she feels sometimes completely off topic.

Nothing.

She or her husband haven't bothered with me or my husband or their 16 month old nephew of which is mostly upsetting me.

I don't know truly how they feel but they haven't replied to any messages or birthday cards and presents sent as it was one of their bdays recently.

So a week ago I sent the scan pic to the family group chat with a message about how we know its caused trouble but hope everyone's well, heres the new baby, and she left the group chat. She just removed herself.

I was taking it well, telling my husband she's being irrational and she's hormonal etc but we should wait it out, now I'm getting furious. I don't want this to go on. I'm going to miss out on their baby's life and they are not bothered with their nephew and its so hurtful, what should be a happy time has turned sour and I'm constantly sad that I'm even pregnant because of how they are making me feel.

I don't want to be sad, I don't want to steal any limelight, I just want to enjoy my family and pregnancy as I should. I even told her we wouldn't tell anyone until her baby was here, though it would be obvious at that point.

My mother and father in law don't want to get involved as she is not handling pregnancy well, apparently, and they don't want to fall out with them. My husband is angry and won't do anything. I have done nothing wrong yet I'm being punished and I'm completely alone with this terrible burden.

Iv sent another message tonight telling them this has to stop and that I need to understand what is actually wrong but il probably be hit with a brick wall.

I just don't know what else I can do. Can someone reassure me that I'm not being unreasonable. If anyone has a similar situation can you tell me what happened. If you were the sister in law how did u feel?

I'd just like some advice please.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 01/03/2020 22:44

I don't understand why you assumed shed make a big deal out of it though. She's pregnant herself, why would she be bothered that you are? It just reads as though you expected fireworks and acted accordingly.

catchyjem · 01/03/2020 22:46

Why should it have bothered her? I'm confused Confused

MsMeowington · 01/03/2020 22:47

Stop pandering to her. Don't send any further messages. Don't apologise for being pregnant. Leave her to wallow in her own misery.

Bringonspring · 01/03/2020 22:51

She may feel that your taking some of her limelight. Ultimately though they are your husbands family so stop sending messages especially if she is having a challenging pregnancy.

You sent a scan and then said sorry for the trouble which she might think makes her look bad etc

Enjoy your pregnancy and let go of the negative energy

Ispy123 · 01/03/2020 22:51

Could she be annoyed that you assumed she would be upset when she isnt??? I'd be annoyed too if you were making out to others I was upset when I was anything but

Bubski2020 · 01/03/2020 22:53

I'd ignore her.. I have a SIL the same way and I used to be nice to her but never got it back. anyway I learnt the only way to deal with her was to ignore and forget about her. she has 4 kids, I send them birthday cards etc SIL never acknowledges it nor would she send my 2 cards etc..

not worth stressing over her, enjoy your pregnancy xx

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/03/2020 22:54

Did they struggle to conceive?

PurpleDaisies · 01/03/2020 22:56

It sounds like your message set you off on a really weird foot. I don’t know why you felt you needed to send something like that.

Hopefully once the babies arrive it will all blow over.

Itwasntme1 · 01/03/2020 23:00

It’s all a bit odd. There must be a huge back story here, why make such a big deal about it?

midnightcamiforever · 01/03/2020 23:05

I don’t understand why you effectively apologised to her for getting pregnant in the first place? It gives her validation for acting like a drama queen.

PurpleDaisies · 01/03/2020 23:07

Did they struggle to conceive?

Even if they did, she’s five months pregnant now.

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 01/03/2020 23:07

Why were you so sure from the start she would be annoyed or upset about your pregnancy?
Not telling her when you saw her and then sending a long text explaining you were pregnant but hadn’t wanted to tell her seems to have started the drama- can you explain why you felt the need to do that?

I think you need to back off now. If she is upset you are somehow stealing her limelight by being pregnant at the same time then she’s clearly hard work and you won’t win this one so step away-BUT I wonder if actually it’s you who has created drama and she feels irritated and accused by you doing that?

Hard to tell but whatever the reason you need to drop it now.
Hope your pregnancy goes well

Lalala205 · 01/03/2020 23:17

It all sounds a bit soap opera tbh. I'm not sure why you'd have not just have told her face-to-face that you were pregnant? Yes, she might have been miffed (weirdly), but she'd either of had to say congrats and suck it up, or storm off. Without jumping on you it's now just like it's going from bad to worse really. She may have thought wtf?! that you felt you needed to do the big apology for being pregnant (you didn't btw). Plus sending follow up 'apology messages/I'm so sorry its caused trouble' post on WhatsApp. Did you phrase your initial text as 'I was worried how you'd react to the news'?... In which case I would feel pretty 'eh?', and less than thrilled.

Samtsirch · 01/03/2020 23:17

My cousin fell pregnant with her second child whilst her sister was pregnant with her first.
Her sister was very upset and worried that another pregnancy within the immediate family would detract from hers, she wanted her first pregnancy to be the main focus without any other distractions.
However once both babies were born all of this was forgotten and both women were grateful for support and companionship during their children’s early years, so try to get on with enjoying your pregnancy and hope that your sister in law comes round in a similar way.

strawberrylipgloss · 01/03/2020 23:20

You should have left it to your h to announce the pregnancy on WhatsApp

strawberrylipgloss · 01/03/2020 23:22

I just realised that you didn't mean your h's sibling's wife

I don't understand why everybody is being weird like why you couldn't say that you were pregnant when you saw her

Delbelleber · 01/03/2020 23:47

What a miserable cow! You'd think she'd be happy her baby will have a similar aged cousin to grow up with.
You've done nothing wrong. Enjoy your baby and forget about her and very odd strange unreasonable behaviour.

Lucked · 01/03/2020 23:53

I also don’t understand why you are walking on eggshells and apologetic, not just to her, but the rest of your family too.

An unplanned second child within a happy marriage, where more children are wanted, is hardly an unusual occurrence. Stop being apologetic and start enjoying your pregnancy. Just refuse to be sorry or embarrassed about it.

Avearage · 01/03/2020 23:54

Family's are weird and wonderful things!! My sister in law had known since very early on but has not mentioned it asked any questions nor congratulated us?? Why who knows she has children but I think female jealousy around pregnancy is not often talked about but actually is quite common regardless of how many children /pregnancies /or even Child free...... I remember seeing my friends baby loved him so much but desperately wanting my own.....

I soon will have to tell someone else close to me and I'm expecting vile response.... Hateful almost I know the reasons behind it so it hurts less, maybe its because its her first...... Or has she maybe had unexpected news she hasn't yet shared? Baby healthy etc......

Also sometimes we(women) are just bit**es aren't we Grin

mumysgirls · 02/03/2020 00:08

I'm too confused why you didn't just tell her you were happily expecting (okay baby wasn't planned but you and DH have decided to continue with the pregnancy so whether it was planned or not is no one else's business). Your PILs are being odd too, they should be delighted to be having 3DGC within approx 2 years.

SnoozyLou · 02/03/2020 00:39

No offence OP, but SIL is clearly a twat.

You've told her - it's up to her what she wants to do with that. I do think you're unreasonable pursuing it though. I wouldn't want DP or PIL to have a word, because to be honest, there is no point trying to reason with the unreasonable. I definitely wouldn't have sent that message. I don't think you have any choice but leave her to it. If someone is determined to act like a dick, there is nothing you can do to stop it.

ahsan · 02/03/2020 00:41

Don’t bother got a sister like this, get on with your life forget her

SnoozyLou · 02/03/2020 00:47

About not telling her face to face - you saw her 2 weeks after you found out?

We didn't tell family in this pregnancy until after the 12 week scan. Some people don't. We'd had 2 losses and wanted to make sure everything was ok first. That's a weird thing to hold a grudge over.

I wouldn't give her any more airspace in your head.

Jesskir89 · 02/03/2020 03:34

This is pathetic. My SIL fell pregnant while me and dh were going through fertility treatment and although I was jealous of anyone being pregnant at the time especially family, we picked ourself up, put a smile on our face and was happy for her. She's already pregnant so what her problem is I don't know and even if she wasn't she should be happy for you. Weird and childish behaviour...

Dennisreynoldsduster · 02/03/2020 03:47

Why did you assume she would be weird about it? I think it’s odd you didn’t tell her face to face, I think i would feel a bit weird if someone did that to me although her reaction is over the top