Sister In Law fallout due to pregnancy

[Roberlcm]

So here goes, I found out my husband and I were unexpectedly pregnant with our 2nd child a few weeks back.

This was very unexpected as I was on the pill and I just started a new job of which I had a plan for, for the next couple of years.

I was very surprised to the point it took me a couple of days to tell my husband, why I don't know.

Anyway 2 weeks after I found out I met with my sister in law but I couldn't bring myself to tell her face to face, she's a bit sensitive about the oddest things and she was also 5 months pregnant with her 1st.

So when I got home I texted her a big message almost apologetically but explaining the surprise and telling her I don't expect a response right now. That was 6 weeks ago. Iv since messaged a few times, sometimes about how she feels sometimes completely off topic.

Nothing.

She or her husband haven't bothered with me or my husband or their 16 month old nephew of which is mostly upsetting me.

I don't know truly how they feel but they haven't replied to any messages or birthday cards and presents sent as it was one of their bdays recently.

So a week ago I sent the scan pic to the family group chat with a message about how we know its caused trouble but hope everyone's well, heres the new baby, and she left the group chat. She just removed herself.

I was taking it well, telling my husband she's being irrational and she's hormonal etc but we should wait it out, now I'm getting furious. I don't want this to go on. I'm going to miss out on their baby's life and they are not bothered with their nephew and its so hurtful, what should be a happy time has turned sour and I'm constantly sad that I'm even pregnant because of how they are making me feel.

I don't want to be sad, I don't want to steal any limelight, I just want to enjoy my family and pregnancy as I should. I even told her we wouldn't tell anyone until her baby was here, though it would be obvious at that point.

My mother and father in law don't want to get involved as she is not handling pregnancy well, apparently, and they don't want to fall out with them. My husband is angry and won't do anything. I have done nothing wrong yet I'm being punished and I'm completely alone with this terrible burden.

Iv sent another message tonight telling them this has to stop and that I need to understand what is actually wrong but il probably be hit with a brick wall.

I just don't know what else I can do. Can someone reassure me that I'm not being unreasonable. If anyone has a similar situation can you tell me what happened. If you were the sister in law how did u feel?

I'd just like some advice please.

Very competitive parents it seems

Could she have had bad news at her 20week scan? Something that she’s not willing to share yet? Give her some space and time just in case.

Families are mental. Apparently my brother was slightly miffed when I fell pregnant as I had never wanted kids and he wanted his child to be the first grandchild. I don’t know if there’s any truth to it and just let it go.

As it turned out, his wife fell pregnant a few months after me, and there’s only five months between our daughters. I was over the moon, it was a first child for both of us, my mum was having two grandchildren at once, and the best thing is that the girls have a really good bond despite not living near each other. I couldn’t imagine being pissed at them for being pregnant at the same time.

At the same time, I think most women have their own struggles with some things in pregnancy and it might blow over once the babies have arrived. I wouldn’t completely discount the effect of hormones!

I don't know why everyone is having a go at the OP?! It's clear from what's happened that she was right to be cautious!!

It's also super weird that her MIL said 'you won't have any more, you'll let them enjoy this won't you?'...what is that about?

I don't think OP has done anything wrong at all. Her fears about telling SIL seem completely justified to me. Sounds like SIL needs to grow up.

I know two psychologists and the are two of the most neurotic people I know!

This explains a lot!

She is behaving very strangely, I don’t think you need this drama!!! I would leave things be, the ball is in her court. If she wants to fall out with you and you have already reached out more than once, I would just make my peace with the situation and leave her to it! Congrats on your pregnancy, I hope you have a nice one and that things settle down soon! Either way, if they don’t I’m not sure it’s that great a loss for you!!!

I get you OP. We have one of those in our family too. You did your best. You cannot make her behave normally. She has clearly been pandered to for a long time.

I read something that said, unless someone comes to you and shows you they've changed, you must presume they are still behaving as they always have done. I think it's time to step away, until she can show you she has changed.

You should not spend your adult life pandering to her. You are all giving her implicit permission to behave disgracefully. Enough now.

IF the OP is right about her SIL and she really is the sort of person to take the huff and get inexplicably upset about something so minor and bizarre, is this what emotionally unstable personality disorder looks like?

I think perhaps the OPs crime was to openly acknowledge to the SIL and the rest of the family via Whatsapp that the SIL has had an extreme emotional reaction to this news. Normally if there is someone in the family who needs delicate handling then it’s usually talked about in hushed tones and euphemisms to avoid causing offence or making a scene.

If the OP has gone straight in and said ‘I realise this news has upset someone on this Whatsapp group but anyway, here’s my scan photo’ then it’s basically like saying in front of the whole family ‘We all think you are really hard work SIL, but I’m not pandering to it so up yours.’ But it’s been done in a very passive aggressive way.

I imagine this has probably made the SIL more angry than the PG itself.

I totally get the OP and the being on eggshells with stuff like this.
My SIL is a difficult one.
Had the gall to say, when they were expecting a boy, that unlike my second daughter, theirs wasn't 'just another baby' (because apparently gender is so important, and, you know, any reason to rub something in someone else's face).

Some people are just weird and have weird, spoilt and unreasonable ideas.

Over time they cause us to go into otherwise normal situations like the OP has with this pregnancy announcement - it's because we become conditioned to expect odd responses to day to day things.

The SIL is obviously an unhinged princess whose own mother suggested she should have her entire pregnancy as the top dog of the family...

OP - step back and engage no further. This arse knows exactly what she's playing at and it will only cause you anxiety.

I'd just back off from them all to be honest. The MIL sounds a bit wacko as well - who tells their DIL when they can have a baby? Definitely wouldn't be initiating any more Whatsap chats.

Just crazy she must just want all the attention on her, you shouldnt be sorry ,she is pregnant not like she cant have children. She is acting like a spoilt child,she shouldnt be having a baby herself if she is acting like one. Stop saying sorry to everyone ,its a happy time x