Gender confusion? Pics included.

[essexanon]

Hey all.

So yesterday I had a private gender scan (16+5) and they said Boy.
But both nub experts and nub techs said girl.
We have had our heart set on a girl and to be honest, I left the scan a little disappointed (please don’t judge)

But I’ve read girls parts can be swollen?
Has anyone been told ‘boy’ and it’s really a ‘girl’?
Maybe I’m just looking for hope that at my 20wk NHS scan, they are going to tell me girl. I know it sounds silly.

Xx

Potty shot thats a boy dont go by anything else.

I'm pretty good at the nub theory when it's clear but it should never be taken as gospel. There's no clear nub on those pictures so unfortunately you were given information wrongly anyway.
The latest pictures I would say are quite clearly a boy.

Boys and girls are physically, mentally and emotionally different....they're just as wonderful and you can be close to both and love them both equally but they're not the same!

Of course all children are different. I still don’t understand why you would have a different relationship with them based on their sex.

It makes me sad when people desperately want a girl over a boy tbh.Boys are brilliant and definitely not a consolation prize.

Of course all children are different. I still don’t understand why you would have a different relationship with them based on their sex

Because boys and girls are different physically, mentally and emotionally. They think differently, they process information differently, they learn differently, they react to things differently......just look around you at the adults you know: the relationship between mothers and sons is different to the relationship between mothers and daughters (and same with fathers too).
One is not better or stronger than the other, but it is different.

Agree with @sel2223

How people can say that a mothers relationship with an adult son is the same as one with an adult daughter just baffles me! There are quite clearly differences! Maybe some people prefer to be oblivious to this for fear of feeling the same way!

My dm had lots of children and she had a different relationship with us all because, well, we are all individuals. Personality matters as well as sex surely.

@Tombakersscarf 100% agree

My post was in response to an earlier reply specifically regarding sex though, not the personality of every different child. That goes without saying 😊

They think differently, they process information differently, they learn differently, they react to things differently

The only way that could possibly be true is if you assume all boys do those things the same as a group, and all girls do those things the same as a group.

Where’s your evidence for this?

It’s way too close to pink brain and blue brain nonsense for my liking.

it’s way too close to pink brain and blue brain nonsense for my liking

I don't agree at all. I think the gender neutral thing has gone too far now and it's just become trendy to pretend girls and boys are exactly the same. Which they're not.

It's scientific fact that male and female brains are different. Don't believe that? Show me any teenage girl and teenage boy going through puberty and tell me that the differences in the way they think, act, react etc are not obvious to see. Any teacher will tell you that boys and girls learn in different ways and at different speeds, at all ages. I'm an adult female in a male dominated industry, the way I operate at work is different to my male colleagues.
One is not better or superior to the other, it's just different.

It's ridiculous to pretend there are no differences between males and females and, in my opinion, can be very damaging. Just look at all the mental health problems amongst teenagers and young adults these days....ir's certainly not the only factor but a lot of kids are lost, they don't know who they are or where they fit into society and that doesn't help. Children rely on their parents to help them form a sense of identity and belonging as they grow up. We should be teaching them that they can be whoever they want to be and do whatever they want to do, regardless of gender, while still embracing their differences, their strengths and weaknesses. I dont agree at all with lumping all children together in one gender neutral pot of mediocracy and making them ashamed to be a boy or a girl just to be politically correct.

Of course every individual child then has a completely unique personality as well and that too should be embraced and nurtured but I'm just talking specifically about the fundamental differences between the sexes and their genetic make up. It's there whether we like it or not.

It's nothing to do with pink or blue. I was a complete tomboy when I was growing up in the 80's and 90's, i hated pink, played football and went on to work in traditionally 'masculine' industry. I was never held back because of gender but I was still very different to all the boys I knew and that was ok.

Anyway, i doubt we're going to agree on this and it's going way off topic. Sorry OP. The issue was whether a relationship with a son and daughter is the same. You think yes, I disagree.

As it happens, I've not experienced gender disappointment myself and have no preference either way as to whether I have a boy or a girl. I'm in the 'as long as baby is healthy, that's all that matters' camp x

Sorry for hijacking your post with that essay OP. Can you tell it's something I feel strongly about? 🙈
(and I've got pregnancy related insomnia at half 3 in the morning)

It's scientific fact that male and female brains are different. Don't believe that?

It’s not about belief. It’s about science, which is facts, not beliefs. Post a link to that research and I’m all ears.

It's ridiculous to pretend there are no differences between males and females

Who posted that? Certainly not me. I posted that it was bizarre to say a parent has a different relationship with each of their children because of their children’s sex. I have a different relationship with my DS and DD because of their personalities. It’s got nothing to do with their sex.

@FamilyOfAliens I agree with your point about your relationship with your children being based on personality not sex. I've argued this on similar threads (and got shouted down). I am not denying differences between boys and girls but I do think these differences are often exaggerated in people's minds. Any differences I've experienced in bringing up my children (one boy and one girl) has been purely down to their personalities. I have a 9 year old girl who behaves as people believe boys will behave (loud, active, never keeps still) and a boy who has more supposedly female characteristics - he's quiet, like to sit down and do creative activities. Also there are mothers who assume they'll be able to relate to their daughters more than their sons. My daughter is much more like her father (outgoing, confident, daredevil) and my son is much more like me (shy, anxious, cautious) so in many ways I relate more to my son. Looking at myself and my brothers growing up - we were pretty similar. I can't really see me being more girly than them and they weren't typical boys. My parents treated us all the same. I really think so much of the parent experience comes down to your child's personality rather than their sex.

@FamilyOfAliens we could go round in circles with this all day and never agree, which is fine. We're all entitled to our own opinions.

We've also both got access to the same internet so the information is there for both to see if you care to look for it.

It's interesting you've given no response to any of the examples I have offered about males and females being inherently different which is what leads to a different relationship....I mentioned mother's and adult sons vs mother's and adult daughters for example. You don't think there is a difference in those relationships in general? Before individual personalities come into it?

I'm from a big family of 4 siblings and numerous cousins, nieces and nephews etc. Everyone has their own different personality but there are also fundamental differences between both sexes which are clear for anyone to see.

And @SallyWD nobody should get shouted down for anything. It's just a difference of opinion x

Is the baby healthy? No problems that they could see?
If the answer is yes, then give your head a wobble for gods sake.

I hope you come to a happy re-adjustment in your looking forward to your baby, OP.

I deliberately did not find out about the sex of my babies because I didn’t want to develop an ‘idea’ of a little person not yet born. It’hard to get unused to an idea sometimes.

If you’d asked me before I had my first, my preference would have been girl. But I sort of knew ‘boy’ during my pregnancy. Didn’t find out. As a PP said “My friend was told she was having a boy brought everything named then delivered a beautiful girl...... They don't always get it right x she found this quite traumatic and actually grieved the baby boy she prepared for”... I didn’t want to ‘prepare for’ an idea.

I have boys, and oh god I love them and can’t imagine having girls now

I thought this was another trans thread from the title.

Potty shot - not envy. Really? This is a baby. Think about it- you’ve posted a picture of your babys genitalia all over the internet and invited comments.

I just find all this gender stuff wierd.

You get what you get. You can stare at scans and read up on whatever old wives tales or “expert theory”, it won’t change anything.

There is nothing you can do with a girl you can’t do with a boy, and vice versa. It’s personality and your interaction will affect your relationship, not what’s between it’s legs.

Everyone has their own different personality but there are also fundamental differences between both sexes which are clear for anyone to see

You have no way to tell whether these “fundamental differences” are because of nature, or your family have different expectations of the sexes.

There are “clear differences” in dh’s family. But it’s also clear that boys and girls are treated very differently right from birth. They would swear it’s just boys and girls and they treat them the same- they don’t. The boys are all very lazy while the girls are all “clever” and enjoy helping with the cooking and cleaning.....they honestly treat them the same it’s just what they like

It’s impossible to separate nature from nuture. Even in utero i got sex based comments- if it was kicking it was either a boy footballer or a girl giving me trouble already. If it was quite it was because it was a lazy boy or a girl because girls are well behaved...

Don't find out the sex till birth. Sorted it for you.

It looks like a boy to me. I do know that they can get it wrong but it's very rare. So chances are you are having a boy! I know you had you heart set on a girl, but you have time now to get used to the idea! You will love your baby no matter what when he arrives. Boys are fantastic in my opinion (not saying girls aren't) but they are usually very loving, especially towards their mummy. I have my second ds on the way and I wouldn't change it for the world!

I chose not to find out the sex with either of my two for this reason. Honestly what's the point if it causes disappointment and you question it anyway?

I have a dd and a ds. With my second pregnancy I went on my own for my 24 week scan. I didn't ask the sex but his little bollocks were the first thing I saw on the screen. I put it out of my mind.

Honestly OP, it's a boy. Boys are utterly fantastic. I have a great relationship with my ds and yes now a smelly teenager (my teenage dd is equally smelly 😂)

What's a nub tech and what's a potty shot?

I can't follow this. Is OP saying she thought girl from nub stuff at 12 weeks and then just got told boy at a later scan, but all before 20 weeks? Why can't people just wait a bit!

@Lochroy yes that’s right. a nub tech is someone who claims to be able to see if the baby is a boy or girl, just based on the nub. Potty shot is a scan picture between babies legs, so the picture op posted of the babies penis.

Thanks @Chinks123. Oh OP, sorry you are in this situation, it's understandable to have got your hopes up in one direction, so don't take some of the comments to heart. You've got plenty of time now to get used to welcoming your beautiful baby boy.

Why would you need to readjust to a boy, when you didn't know if it was a boy or a girl in the first place.
You've been told you are having a boy, yet you are on an Internet forum desperately looking for non experts to tell you that the experts are wrong. You need to get over it.