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Original poster

Nervous to find out the gender

86 replies

Charis1503 · 17/02/2020 21:47

Have a little boy who I adore, and if this baby is another healthy boy I will absolutly love and cherish him.

I am super excited to meet this baby and feel very blessed and grateful that I have been fortunate enough to carry two lovely babies.

I find out tomorrow or wednesday the sex of this baby but im terrified how i will feel if im told im never having a daughter. We r only planning 2 kids so whilst i will love and adore this baby if its a boy, it would mean never having a daughter.

This is absolutly NOT the same as wishing this baby away/not being grateful/rejecting this baby for being a boy ect ect. This baby will be loved and wanted regardless of its sex.

Its more the confirmation that i would never be having a daughter...

We lost a baby a few years back in a really traumatic miscarriage, which I ended up needing emergency surgery for. It was a little girl. I supose i got through it because i truly believed you are gifted the children you are meant to have... i guess i always believed she would come back to us one day. If she doesnt, im not sure how i close that chapter or if il spend the next 50 years feeling something is missing....

OP posts:
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Leasha16 · 17/02/2020 22:13

Hi OP,

I felt the need to reply and just say I completely understand your worries and they are totally justified.

Just know you are allowed to feel the way you feel and whatever the outcome is, you will be okay regardless. If it is a boy it just might take more time that's all.

Good luck for tomorrow and I hope whatever happens it's a positive day for you xx

grace1991 · 17/02/2020 22:14

Fingers crossed for you. How you're feeling is ok. Do let us know?

Original poster
Charis1503 · 17/02/2020 22:18

Thanks guys. I was prepared for a torrent of abuse and being told to get a grip!! Feel better knowing people dont think im an awful human being.

Had the harmony test last wed so she said to expect results tues or wed. Il defo update you.

I literally can think of nothing else. Im convinced it will be a boy, have a boys name picked out and the nursery planned in my head.... so at least im sort of prepared to expect 'its a boy'

OP posts:
Avearage · 18/02/2020 00:02

Hiya.... I feel this too although along way off in finding out we have 3 girls but I know the longing my husband has for a boy we are very blessed with another baby and will love them no mater what but like you this is our last and it just makes me almost heartachy for the boy/girl I've convinced myself probably unhelpfully it's a boy and planning a gender scan (alone) so that I can get my head in the right place xx sending prayers your way for a little pink one xx what's the harmony test??

WineOrGin · 18/02/2020 05:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 18/02/2020 05:49

guess i always believed she would come back to us one day. If she doesnt, im not sure how i close that chapter

This bit of your post stood out to me. The baby you are carrying - even if it is another girl - can’t be a replacement for the one you lost. I understand the trauma you must be feeling after your miscarriage but this is a different baby.

I would recommend speaking to a professional about your feelings towards the baby you lost. It may help you to find peace with it and ‘close the chapter’.

Good luck with your results. Flowers

FaFoutis · 18/02/2020 06:06

this is a different baby
People believe different things, it's not your job to tell them otherwise.

GroggyLegs · 18/02/2020 06:06

I have 2 boys.
I think I grieved a little bit for the girl I would never have, despite being over the moon to have a second son.

It wasn't about not wanting DS2 for one second and I wouldn't have swapped him for the world, it was just recognising that I would never experience being mum to a daughter.

I think your loss must definitely put an additional layer of 'what might have been' on these feelings Flowers. I can't imagine.

Wishing you a healthy, happy pregnancy.

Mysocalledlifexx · 18/02/2020 07:17

Hi i lost a little girl at 20wks ive went on to have more children so i know how u feel its totally different to someone just wanting a baby for the gender they want.
It does help the pain when u have the same gender that u lost people dont understand unless they have been through it.

Original poster
Charis1503 · 18/02/2020 08:03

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

I appreciate your reply and understand where you are coming from. I sort of accepted it by telling myself that we didnt make the right body for her and i didnt want her trapped in a body that didnt do her justice, didnt want her in pain or suffering. So when we misscarried i felt it was my body sort of protecting her I supose i clung on to the hope that one day I would make a perfect little girl and that little soul would get another shot.

I saw a professional for nearly a year after and it helped. I supose i was so thrilled with ds1 that this fear didnt arise as i always knew we would have a second. Now its feeling abit intense.

@Avearage its a non invasive genetic test to look for genetic abnormality, i.e downs. It also confirms is XX or XY chromasones are present so will tell you 100% boy or girl. Also known as NIPT testing

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 18/02/2020 08:36

I would just worry for you that, if it were a little girl, the pain of your first loss would never go away. I know I fixate on something in the future that will make me happy or cancel out my sadness but it never does.

Snoopy28x · 18/02/2020 08:54

The soul of your little girl you lost could also come back as a boy.. that's what I believe anyway. Just because she was a girl once, doesn't mean she cant be a boy next. If that makes sense.

I totally understand how you feel and your not unreasonable. Big hugs xx

Mummyspider27 · 18/02/2020 08:55

It’s totally normal to feel that way. I think regardless of what you have you always have the ‘what if’s’. I have a little girl and currently pregnant with a boy. I am over the moon to have one of each but still have a moment of “my daughter won’t ever have a sister”. However it I was having another girl I know I would think “My husband and I will never have a son”. Totally natural to think that way and even better you are talking about it xx

Firsttimer16 · 18/02/2020 10:37

I totally understand where you’re coming from. You’re allowed to grieve an experience you thought you’d have but now won’t - it’s not wishing your child was anything different. I have two DS and was v conflicted as I knew I’d always mourn never having a daughter but at the same time I really love love the fact my son has a same sex sibling. I grew up with a sister and so I think I always wanted two of the same so they had a similar experience. So I hold onto that - they adore each other. I love ds2 more than I ever thought possible - he is completely amazing and I never wish to change a thing about him! But I am still sad to not experience a daughter!

Livpool · 18/02/2020 10:40

I have a DS who is 4 and always worry if I had a girl. I have no idea why I feel like this - not a major thing to be concerned about but I wonder why this makes me think

Piesandpants · 18/02/2020 13:51

I have two DS and I think this also. I’m still slightly sad that il never have a daughter, and I seem to notice one boy and one girl families everywhere, but would not change my boys for the world. I try to think that it just wasn’t meant to be and I’m lucky to have two healthy boys.

Moongirl10 · 18/02/2020 15:05

I just want to say I totally understand. I fear never having a girl and it’s really hard to explain this to other people because they just don't understand.

Seekingadviceagain2020 · 18/02/2020 15:58

Hello OP. I read your post last night but didn’t have the time to reply but you have been in my thoughts.
I really don’t think it is at all unreasonable to be grieving for something you will never have. Of course, this doesn’t mean you won’t love you boy more than life itself, and wouldn’t change him for anything. But with this opportunity to become the mother of another gorgeous boy you feel you are losing the possibility to mother a girl. It’s a loss of what you have imagined and hoped for.
That could be natural to any one but given also what did happen to your daughter I can only imagine the grief feels much more palpable and has a whole different level to it.

Please let us know how you get on.

Original poster
Charis1503 · 18/02/2020 16:17

Called the clinic, no results today so tomorow it is. I will be sure to update you all.

Thanks for everyones kind words, and understanding. Feels so surreal to have my destiny just one day away.

My lovely friend has invited me over for dinner tonight ( my partner works away mon-fri) so i have a nice evening to look forward too and keep me busy x

OP posts:
Whynosnowyet · 18/02/2020 16:22

Lots of people envisage having certain dc. Don't be too hard on yourself for speaking out op. You have more reason than most. I mc my first dc. It never leaves you. Don't let anyone judge how you have /are managing that grief.

Seekingadviceagain2020 · 18/02/2020 17:50

Glad you have an invite for this evening.

BlueBlazerBlack · 18/02/2020 20:23

I think the desire for a girl will lessen over time for you, if the baby you are expecting turns out to be another boy. I have two boys and they have an amazing bond. Just my personal opinion, but I think siblings of the same sex tend to be closer. And it is very practical having two of the same sex: they can share clothes, rooms on holidays, hobbies etc. Sorry if this sounds sexist, but I see in my son's primary that the boys tend to play with other boys and the girls with other girls..

UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 19/02/2020 03:57

❤️

Firsttimer16 · 19/02/2020 11:10

Thinking of you today 💙❤️

Seekingadviceagain2020 · 19/02/2020 16:07

Hello op. How are you feeling today? Have you had any results through?

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