bored of all the negative comments whenever anyone gets pregnant.

[SexlessBoulderBelly]

I’ve just commented on a post and it got me think and would be interested to hear other peoples views or what comments they had that even though may be true makes you roll your eyes and think shut up, you’re not telling me anything I don’t already know

Comments like:
“no one is ever ready for a baby”
“you don’t know what’s coming”
“it’s really hard work you have no idea”
“you don’t know how hard it is until she’s here”
“You will never sleep again!”
“You have this commitment for at least the next 18 years”
“It’s got to be really, REALLY hard!”

The “no one is ever ready for a baby” thing really sets me off, I think it’s because it’s usually followed on from something like “how do you think you will cope with a baby?” - I’ve grew up from a very young age changing nappies, holding, feeding, soothing baby’s that have come into the family, I can confidently do it for other people’s children... yes it will be nerve wracking with my own child because I won’t be giving them back when they’re fed up or just tired, but why do people feel the need to tell me it’s not the same as talk to me as if I haven’t already known that the child inside me is my responsibility.

I think the negativity and general mindset that new mothers are shit for brains who need telling it’s going to be hard as if they don’t already know there’s a big change coming, just makes us question ourselves, why would you want to do that to someone?

I’m a quite strong willed and ahem.. stubborn.. person so I tend to roll my eyes and laugh it off. But after a post I’ve just read I’ve starting question why it’s ok to make a new pregnant mother even more nervous than she already is, why purposefully torment someone into thinking they cant do it.

Why can people say positive things.. or if they’re going to tell us it’s really hard work and how on earth shall we cope?!... offer to bloody help

I just needed a 5am hormonal rant.

Let me know what comments you have that just made you think shut up!

@Teachermaths 100%!

I've never been more wrong about anything in my life than I was thinking I was anywhere close to being prepared for having a baby! I dont think looking after family members children or having to get up in the night when babysitting a small child is anywhere close to having to do that... All day everyday... With no choice to just not do it or light at the end of the tunnel where you give the child back until the next time you babysit!

I agree with you OP. I am expecting twins and we spoke at our twins antenatal class about the immediate negative comments you get when you announce 'how will you cope' 'you will never sleep again' 'double trouble' 'rather you than me' etc. The day i told my family i was so excited but after their constant comments I left feeling anxious and deflated.

The amount of people who complain to me about pregnancy or caring for baby and then go 'and oh my god your having 2 and i thought i had it bad' just makes me feel crap.

Alot of twin mums i have spoken to have said that these types of comments will continue throughout the twins lives so I will have to learn to live with them I suppose or think of some witty comebacks.

I am under no illusion that having the babies will not be difficult but i see these babies as an absolute blessing and some more positivity around the situation would make me feel so much more reassured and confident that I can and will cope.

I felt exactly the same way when I was pregnant with my first OP. It was very annoying. Most people who made the comments had went on to have more kids so it couldn’t have been too terrible.

Stock- bloody hell- stick phrases! Okay, so I'm out! Have a lovely pregnancy Op. Hope it's a positive and quick labour and you have a fantastic, well settled baby. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, sleep when the baby sleeps 😂😂😂 and love every minute of it!

STOOOOOOCK*

Also I don't think any thing can prepare you for the sleep deprivation, that's the worst part because it makes everything else 100% harder.

Spend the next few months only sleeping in intervals of 1, 2 or 3 hours while trying to function and see how you feel then 😄

@titnomatani sarcy bastard 😏 but thank you anyway! I do hope you manage to get some sleep. Good luck with the chapped nipples.

Just wait until the terrible twos... you won’t know what’s hit you! The baby stage is easy! 💁🏼‍♀️

On a serious note, thank you for engaging with valid points and not being a total nob head, their quite easy to come across on MN recently!

@BonnieSeptember I can decide if the sleep deprivation is my most of least concern.

It migthe be linked to the steroid injections I had a few weeks ago but the last coupon of weeks I’ve sleep for an hour or two, woken up somewhere around 11/midnight and can not get back to sleep for no love nor money.

But I’ve never been a great sleeper, it’s much more noticeable now, but I’ve always suffered with terrible sleep.

It makes me want to punch my deep sleeping other half.. I occasionally let out a big sign to see if he’s semi awake at any point but nothing, he’s like a dead person, or a log. Makes me sick 😂

I find it odd too and nobody believes me when I say that I don't find it hard at all (FTM with a 4 month old and a diagnosis of PND...). I'm no more sleep deprived than when I was working and it's much easier to get up and play with a baby all day than have to work. I get bored at times but that's about it really. Maybe I had very low expectations going in to parenthood!

@SexlessBoulderBelly see, I kind of feel the opposite. I had terrible pnd with my first. I had looked after babies for years. Everyone told me i was going to be great, it would be brilliant etc (mainly parents of children I was caring for) but in reality it hit me like a ton of bricks and I so desperately wished someone had told me what it was really like. I feel like I was much more able to enjoy the process with my second baby because I had realistic expectations of what would actually happen, rather than all the fluffy excitement of how 'wonderful ' a newborn is.

I’m nervous about telling my mum I’m pregnant (waiting til feb when I’ll be 12 weeks), as I know she will possibly come out with a comment of some kind , I’m thinking ‘say bye bye to your cinema dates’ or something to do with money . We are very financially stable , both DH and I have got good salaries, we are settled in our house , we are ready . But I’m so anxious of her reaction ! I know my in laws will be over the moon though.

The thing to take from these threads, is that the majority of people who agree with the OP are pregnant, and the majority of people who try to explain these comments and what is meant by them have children. I agree with PP that it would be good to wait until your baby is here and you've actually experienced motherhood before completely discounting them, as you will likely feel differently.

Personally, I wish more people told me how difficult it could be. Those first few months when you think it should be amazing and empowering and at times it really isn't are very lonely indeed.

You do seem to discount people's experiences though. Yes, you have encountered sleep problems. But there's a difference between insomnia (which is bloody awful) and being so tired you can barely keep your eyes open but you need to stay awake and be responsible for something for nights on end. I'm not saying you won't cope, you might be absolutely fine with that, but you really can't compare that to your experiences so far as they aren't the same at all.

Birth and motherhood is an experience you can’t imagine you have to have lived it to understand it, both the highs and the lows.
Some of its luck eg how the birth goes, how well your baby feeds and sleeps, sleep deprivation, hormones and if you end up with pnd it ptsd
If asked about advice for soon to be parents I try to give positive practical advice such as buy nappies with the wee indicators strips which no one told me
I think people tell you what you won’t be able to do because they are missing certain things from their pre baby life, which is natural.

I agree with PP that it would be good to wait until your baby is here and you've actually experienced motherhood before completely discounting them

But saying "ha ha ha well your life's over, big mistake, you'll regret it" isn't helpful advice. It's just mean gloating. What do you expect OP to do when she hears this "great advice" - run to the abortion clinic? Otherwise she is naive and stupid?

@SexlessBoulderBelly right but what do you get to do at the moment when you're awake all night? Rest? Maybe read a book? Whatever you fancy?

When you've got a baby you'll be feeding, burping, nappy changing, walking around constantly bopping them about (starts to really take its toll when they're getting heavier and will not allow you to sit now for love nor money) it's mentally exhausting as well as physically. Especially if you plan to breastfeed - you'll be feeding for more hours of the day than you're not!

Feel free to continue ignoring real life experiences and think you'll be the only new mother ever to excel while sleep deprived - it's a form of torture you know!

Feel free to continue ignoring real life experiences and think you'll be the only new mother ever to excel while sleep deprived

Goodness gracious me 🤦🏼‍♀️ I have no words.

Feel free to continue ignoring real life experiences

Give it a break. OP isn't stupid. You may think what you've done is an amazing achievement but actually parenting is something that pretty much every mammal and bird can do. Humans have been coping with it for a million years - I doubt OP is going to be the one to let us down.

1300cakes huh? Where did I call anyone naive and stupid? And "haha your life is over" is different from "you don't know what's coming". Was just giving a perspective from someone who heard these comments and is now looking at it from the other side. Hopefully it's ok to do that and not have words put in my mouth from now on.

I totally get you. Sometimes you wonder why these people even have children.

Having a baby is hardly a walk in the park, but you just get on with it don't you?

I never expected it to be easy. But it's bloody rewarding.

But possibly I'm lucky my one at 1 week but old behaves like a dream. I'm not sure actually if this is good or bad!

Yeah some people do seem almost too happy to tell you how miserable you're going to be as a parent. I do find it very odd.
Also I know being a parent is something you have to experience for yourself, but people go into it with different levels of experience. I think there's a difference between someone who has never spent much time with kids having a baby and someone who has quite a lot of time spent looking after kids.
A few people at work used to point out whenever they heard a crying baby: "That'll be you dealing with that next!".
After a while you dont really know what to say. Yes. Babies sure do cry.

Nannypear the post I quoted was from was BonnieSeptember who told OP she is about to be tortured.

Ah sorry you meant the post above. But that's exactly what people say - "ha ha ha, you're an idiot, your life is over, you won't cope, etc". Honestly OP knows exactly what's coming, because she is a normal human of at least average intelligence, who can read.

I rolled my eyes at all the negative comments & memes on the internet, parenthood was going to be a total joy .. then I had a baby 😂 and now I know they are all true haha! I’ve had to eat my words a lot as a parent! I don’t think people mean any malice personally, Brits tend to be a tad on the negative side & are just trying to make conversation most of the time!

Just ignore it.. you’ll need a thick skin as a parent. Now is the time to practice. You’ll have all kinds of opinions & comments throughout parenthood. From your feeding choices, how you are physically feeding, ‘oh we didn’t have any of these fancy things and survived’ (particularly car seats & weirdly cot choices I find), weaning, sleeping, how often you take them to classes, how much TV, toys.. I could go on 😂

I admit to thinking some of these things in my head, but I wouldn’t dream of saying them out loud. Becoming a parent is a really exciting and precious time for most people and I wouldn’t want to be a joy killer to any woman at this time in her life.

However, when pregnant women say ‘I’ve practically brought up my little sisters/nieces/kids I babysat for, so it won’t be such a big shock’ I inwardly groan. It’s nothing in the world the same as 24/7 emotional, practical, financial support for a child/children for the next two decades minimum.