family have suprised me with a holiday - but i am trying to conceive

[qwertt12]

so my gorg family have once again suprised me with a massive holiday to maldheives (if it was me who booked to go with my partner i would cancl) ( i should add its in 4 weeks to go away for christmas)

we are a super close family so i cant use work as an excuse

but they have booked or us all to go away and i feel like i dont want to let them down/ waste their money / make them sad

but obviously they did not know we was trying for a baby

i have spoke with my docotr who didnt even know about zika

2 questions what would you do ?

if you was to not go what would you tell them ?

Thanks Anna x

so you basically just kept posting until you could find one person to agree with you to validate your decision not to go?

There is currently no evidence of a zika outbreak in the Maldives and there hasn't been for some time. I would just go and wear plenty of insect repellent and long sleeves and trousers at dawn and dusk. If you don't get bitten there is no need to pause TTC at all

1. don't go, concoct lie about why not
2. don't go, tell truth about why not
3. go. Have lovely time. Use condoms for now. Start TTC again in March/April.

Couples planning conception should be strongly advised to follow Public Health England guidance and delay conception for 3 months after return from a country or area with risk for Zika, rather then pay for private Zika tests that may not be fully validated for testing people who don’t have symptoms

^ this is the advice from www.gov.uk/guidance/zika-virus-sample-testing-advice

Whether you would rather miss the holiday or delay TTC for a few months is really a personal decision that you have to decide for yourself. Personally I would go, but circs are different for everyone.

What's the rush? You've got the chance to go on an amazing holiday that most of us could only dream of. If you are only 21 you've got plenty of time.

Just go on the holiday, enjoy it and treat it as your last child free time away. Trust me, holidays won't be the same for a long time.

Fwiw I had my first reasonably young and I wish I'd waited a few years. It would certainly have made life easier. Being a parent is so hard, most people will only tell you the good bits. Enjoy your youth, you won't get the chance again.

If your this focused on TTC at 21, you must be putting pressure on your partner as well.
You do know that is not a good thing .

I think you should go and spend some fun time with the family you already have. There will be lots of time for ttc when you come back. But I think you have already decided not to go.

How old are you op? I think most people, myself included think you can pause ttc. You obviously don't so you need to tell your family. You say you are close so hopefully they will understand. I don't know your ttc journey so I don't want to sound harsh but I think you are being a bit precious.

If you just don't want to go (sounds that way) then I would just quietly tell your mum or whoever you are closest to the truth, but in all honesty you might not even be pregnant in three months time and then what a waste it will have been. Conceiving can take such a long time, three months won't really make that much difference.

I have a similar situation in that my family has been desperate to book a holiday for us all next Summer but we've been TTC for 6 months (no joy yet) so I told them to book something fully refundable! They want to go to Turkey and I'm not sure how feasible it would be for me to go if I were pregnant.

@mummmy2017 haha it certainly sounds that way doesn't it! i am sure i have a lot to lear x

thanks for everyones advice x

qwertt12 making babies is so much fun, if you let it be.
Stress can stop you conceiving.
And watching a blue stick each month , sure kills the joy faster than anything.
So long as you are lucky enough to be healthy, put the baby plans on hold for a few months and surprise your partner by lots of practice...

haha definatly @mummy2017 yeah we are fairly open and my partner is 27 and defiantly ready haha there is no pressure for him,

i have been enjoying it i havent been doing tests or tracking it, i think thats one of the problems im quite enjoying my time at the minute its exciting for the both of us, and just feel i don't want to let my family down since they treated me ( i know some people will never go to maldhives and think it is a holiday to not miss but i have been with my family 2 years ago) so i don't feel i am missing the opportunity of a life time x

i really love reading everyones replies, i do have to appologise for the spelling mistakes im bashing the replies out whilst at work

@aSofaNearYou yes defiantly my mind keeps thinking this too, like realistically we wont be pregnant so then i would feel guilt and regret
x

@BuildBuildings i love your reply! yes i definatly am being precious
i don't even mind if we don't catch on for months as at the moment it feels such a special time!

i think i don't want to pop myself in a place where i feel trapped, its the feeling i keep getting, ( very bizzare i know) but who's life isnt bizzare

its a weird one to explain too, i know there is gonna be a mummy out there who is going to say i will feel more trapped with a little one, its a weird thing
but there is something in my brain that makes me relax if i feel like the choice to try and conceive is there

Youre 21! Go live your life, have fun with your dP. Plenty of time to have a baby. I’d wait a good few years if I was you.

@Deadringer Yes! your reply is totaly right, one side of my brain is like girl! get a grip haha go, enjoy it, have fun, read a book and paddle in the water come back and work work work on my buisness for a bit, and then enjoy life in every step

i know this, i feel like thats the frustrating bit but my head is talking myself out of it, and thinks its just a holiday.

You're only 21. Jesus. Live your life for a bit first!

Are you having any help for your anxiety? I think this should be a priority

@bobble53
Oh god yes! haha nothing wrong with a worrier x

" if this is playing on your mind so much now and you’re not even pregnant, then sorry but you’re going to struggle when you are pregnant anxiety wise. " - i am sure i will be okay, but i suppose i can't change how my brain works :) so i will have to learn to cope, maybe this is a good learning curve x

Thanks for your reply tho! its nice everyone has taken time out of their day to do so

@bobbinsblue

Hi!

erm no, i make sure my mind is healthy and a safe enviroment, i don't know if my messages are coming across mental because i am typing them inebrtween my clients,

i feel relatively calm, quite enjoy the fact the world is my oyster, i have 100's of things to be happy for, i just want to think about every situation really

@Tableclothing thanks for replying xx

What answer do you want to get from us?
You're on thread two, and basically, both threads say the same.
So...what are you looking for?

I’m not sure you can say you’re not anxious if this is your second thread! If you’re only 21 is there a particular rush to keep trying to conceive and not wait a few months?

OP go and push it back - the initial plan was April so stick with that. This is all too much I think

@clangus00

sorry i am still getting the hang of mumsnet and didnt realise it caused a thread 2! obvs have some learning to do on this site :)

no answer really, i don't think there is a direct answer, it just nice reading the comments and understanding different veiws, sorry didn't mean to inconvenience you

Isn’t this the sort of thread that makes people go on about the ‘good old days’? I find those threads so tedious but reading this makes me want to agree with them!

OP - stop asking the same question in multiple new threads. Use your original thread, and then other mumsnetters can decide whether they want to take the time to respond to you based on advise you’ve already received. It makes for a happier place all round.