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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant and my husband doesn’t believe me...

92 replies

amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 03:32

Married for 16 years, we have 3 children and i’m 16 weeks Pregnant( complete accident).. My husband told me today that he hates me and doesn’t want baby. He accusing me in lying to him. He thinks it was my “plan “ and i “ manipulated him into it”, which is complete rubbish. I always was very honest with him... His mother is also against me ( his her only child). Yesterday I sent him a message , explaining him how i feel and begging him to allow me to keep the baby... Today I found out he forward my message to a female colleague. Who told him what to answer, saying again I am” manipulating him”... then he answered her something “ may be I can go with N2 “?... i am completely lost... I have no family support around... what should I do to make him to believe me?..,

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/09/2019 03:36

Today I found out he forward my message to a female colleague. Who told him what to answer,

Yeah that screams affair.

AmIThough · 29/09/2019 03:39

That was my first thought too @MrsTerryPratchett. At the very least it shows a massive lack of respect.

OP you don't need to beg him to let you keep it. You decide what's right for you.
If you want to keep the baby that's up to you.
If he doesn't want any more children he needs to learn to take more responsibility.

Thegracefuloctopus · 29/09/2019 03:41

then he answered her something “ may be I can go with N2 “?

This bit doesn't make sense to me?!

Your husband is clearly in shock but that's no excuse to treat you like this. You should have to beg him to allow you to keep a baby. That's awful. I'm sorry you're in this position op. But getting him to believe you is the least of your worries here

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 29/09/2019 03:45

Yeah that screams affair. totally agree with this.

I’m sorry he is being such a dick.

Original poster

amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 03:45

He told me that “ it’s him it “IT», meaning he can’t promise he will stay...

OP posts:

MyOtherProfile · 29/09/2019 03:47

What a bastard. Keep the baby and ditch the bloke.

Weenurse · 29/09/2019 03:49

Well show him the door then.
He is unreasonable to forward message to anyone.

AmIThough · 29/09/2019 03:51

Your decision needs to be for you. Ditch him then decide what to do about the baby. He sounds like a prick.

Original poster

amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 03:56

It’s not that easy. We have 3 kids together, and don’t have any family around..

OP posts:

CheesecakeAddict · 29/09/2019 04:15

Why do you want this man to be the role model to your children? He sounds awful. You need to start standing up for yourself and your children. Not being funny, but no husband would be discussing this sort of thing with colleagues. He's going to leave you anyway

Original poster

amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 04:21

This is my problem. I’m just too soft..

OP posts:

Whatnext11 · 29/09/2019 04:25

I'm so sorry you're in such a tough position, how awful. Looking at the time, I do hope you're able to get some sleep.
He may be in shock, though his reaction and the comment about manipulating sounds awful. What's your relationship normally like?
It's not simple to just leave him, I agree, but have a think about what support you do have so you don't feel so alone. Do you have friends who would help you out, eg taking the children to school etc? It sound like you need some good friends right now. There's support in terms of benefits if you were to be a single parent, and the council can support families practically sometimes. Just worth counting the help that is around you, even if family isn't. Maybe some counseling to talk it through would be good- just for you, if he isn't up for it.
Hope you are looking after yourself, if you have just found out book in at the midwife/GP, they will also be able to help.
Take care.

Original poster

amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 04:36

Whatnext11

Thank you so much for your kind words. Unfortunately, I don’t have many friends around, as we’ve just moved house...that’s why i’m So worried... I just want him to believe me...

OP posts:

Whatnext11 · 29/09/2019 04:50

Oh no that does make things really tough. Would be good to focus on building up some friendships - where do you normally meet people? At the children's school maybe? If your other children are the right age, maybe join a mum's n tots group. Church ones are great, whatever your beliefs, they are so supportive. Find somewhere to make friends and go regularly. Honestly that will help now but also later.
I hear your pain about wanting him to believe you. You know what is true, just hold onto that and in time he will either believe or he won't. Hard as that is, you can't control that or even really influence it.
Find your support network, it's there you just have to find it, and look after yourself for a few weeks.

LividLaughLove · 29/09/2019 05:09

What was he like before you got pregnant this time?

Jesskir89 · 29/09/2019 08:02

Op why is your husband being like this? Is it due to age or could there be someone else? After 16b years of marriage and 3 kids he owes you more than this. Get rid plenty of women raise kids on their own he sounds like an absolute bully. Hope you're ok

Original poster

amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 08:14

Our relationship wasn’t great before, if i’m honest. He blames me for our constant lack of money ( I work part time and he thinks we had children too early ( I was 30 when I had my first!!!), but I think it’s his mother’s words...He became like this since he got his first well paid job. My parents has been together for 50 years, divorce was never something I considered, and always tried so hard to make things work ( as he always will be dad for my children). I feel like whatever he says today it’s not his words( apparently he told lots of people about our situation), and he constantly ask his mother and his friends about what he needs to do..,

OP posts:

PennysPocket · 29/09/2019 08:15

Begging will not make him stay OP.

If he did not want anymore children then he should have done something about it.

You need to change focus now.
Shift from putting all your energy in to trying to keep him and start focusing on what you need and what your children need.
This may sound harsh but sitting there begging him and saying you have no support will change nothing.
You have to start planning on looking after yourself and your DC.
If he does stay he will probably resent you and the relationship will fail anyway.
If he leaves you have no say and will have to just get on with it so start doing that now.
Support from others does not mean they have to live near you. You can have support on the phone/skype/messenger so contact family and friends and ask for their help.
You don't have to cope on your own.

Original poster

amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 08:18

I just don’t know what to do... do i speak to him as normal, like nothing happened ? Shall I message his colleague ? Shall I go and speak to his mother ? I just don’t know. I want us to be a normal happy family again...

OP posts:

PennysPocket · 29/09/2019 08:26

No you don't speak to his mother or his colleague.
This is about you and him.
He has a decision to make so he needs to make it.
I know this must be devestating OP but you have to start dealing with the possibility that this may end your marriage.

Peony99 · 29/09/2019 08:27

Don't message his colleague or his mother.

Tell him you won't put up with his manipulative bullshit, and that he can either change his attitude or leave.

Give him a while to stew, and if he doesn't change, you have your answer.

Begging him to want the baby isn't going to make it happen. It will just show him that you're easy to walk over, and so he will.

Good luck!

Original poster

amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 08:28

I feel like he wants to destroy my from inside ( he said to much horrible things about me yesterday )....

OP posts:

Original poster

amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 08:32

I told him a few days ago to change his attitude towards me or leave. He said that he goes nowhere., and he will continue to do what he wants when he wants, seeing who he wants and nothing I can do about it...

OP posts:

MollyButton · 29/09/2019 08:39

I'd suggest you get some legal advice. And do reach out and chat to people at work and Mum's at the school gate - you can even get great recommendations for SHL (shit hot lawyers) there.

And legally he may not have a choice about leaving the house.

Original poster

amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 08:42

Children will be devastated if we split up... how do I protect them? I don’t have any friends who went through separation, i have no idea.

OP posts:

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