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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant and my husband doesn’t believe me...

92 replies

amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 03:32

Married for 16 years, we have 3 children and i’m 16 weeks Pregnant( complete accident).. My husband told me today that he hates me and doesn’t want baby. He accusing me in lying to him. He thinks it was my “plan “ and i “ manipulated him into it”, which is complete rubbish. I always was very honest with him... His mother is also against me ( his her only child). Yesterday I sent him a message , explaining him how i feel and begging him to allow me to keep the baby... Today I found out he forward my message to a female colleague. Who told him what to answer, saying again I am” manipulating him”... then he answered her something “ may be I can go with N2 “?... i am completely lost... I have no family support around... what should I do to make him to believe me?..,

OP posts:
ShimmeryShiny · 29/09/2019 08:46

You muster all the strength possible inside you and respect yourself. If you want to keep the baby you tell him and if he doesn't stay then good riddance.

Original poster
amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 08:48

Thank you everyone for taking time in answering. It’s opening my eyes to the reality., I will try to stay strong for my children., even his attitude to me still seems so unfair...

OP posts:
pinksparkleunicorns · 29/09/2019 08:50

I'd do a test in front of him. See what he says then.

If he carries on it sounds like the marriage is over. I'm so sorry. Please don't let him treat you this poorly though, and leave.

Are you in the uk? There are women's charities you could contact OP, please contact woman's aid on 08082000247.

Original poster
amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 08:53

If I keep the baby he will need to pay... and it will make him very angry...I just want things to be peaceful...

OP posts:
Flyingarcher · 29/09/2019 08:57

Can you move back to your original area where presumably you had more support/friends. Not easy with three kids in tow, I appreciate. He is being a dick of the highest order. Term isn't too far in to get kids back into old school.

pinksparkleunicorns · 29/09/2019 08:57

If I keep the baby he will need to pay... and it will make him very angry...I just want things to be peaceful...

You can't force peace when he is like this.

He will be angry that he has to pay for a baby that he created? He sounds like an abusive vile creature. I'm saying this out of kindness, but it sounds like the marriage is over already and you just want to have as little of his anger and misery as possible. For this you must leave. Although it's scary It will be better for you all, I think.

saraclara · 29/09/2019 08:59

But things aren't going to be peaceful of you stay with him are they?

Original poster
amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 09:02

I feel so stupid now that I allowed it to happen... and didn’t do anything about it earlier, thinking he will get used to the idea..

OP posts:
VictoriaBun · 29/09/2019 09:06

This maybe are harsh words you do not want to hear, but honestly I think your marriage is already over. He has told you he hates you, and you say he says hateful words to you. He speaks badly of you to his mother and other people.
Why do you even want to be with this man ?
I get it that you have been together for a long while, but honestly, he sounds like a piece of shit. Picking up from how you are coming across I'm guessing that over the years he has worn down your self esteem and confidence into believing you could not cope without him. Please don't believe this . Lead your own life ( with your kids obviously )

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/09/2019 09:12

It sounds like your marriage is over anyway, he's told you as much.
Does he scare you? Do you feel safe? You sound so worn down.

Ozziewozzie · 29/09/2019 09:18

If he treats you like this, and as you say ‘your soft’ the chances are you’ve become dependant in him. Particularly as you have no family close by or good friends.

Roll your sleeves up, keep the baby and instruct your husband that this is what’s going to happen. He can either apologise to you for being rude and disrespectful, or he can move out immediately. You are 16 weeks pregnant and need a calm supportive environment.

Take control for yourself and your baby. If you’re soft by nature, be soft to yourself, your children. Not to a man who disrespects you.

Stand up to him.

Ginmonkey84 · 29/09/2019 09:23

Honestly first and foremost you need to start looking after you. Your husband has pretty much emotionally left your marriage already. You deserve so much more than this. As one of the other PP has said please ring woman’s aid and open up lines of communication with them so that you have some support and they can give you all the information you need should you decide to leave. You don’t need to decide to do anything just yet but having advice and expert advice from them will hopefully allow you to build up some self esteem and confidence that he clearly has stripped you of. They truly are amazing ladies and worth their weight in gold.

MidnightMystery · 29/09/2019 09:46

He doesn't want you to keep the baby because he's having an emotional affair at least with his female friend at work!

Keep your baby and fuck him off before he pressures you into something you don't want to do and leaves you anyway!

Chloemol · 29/09/2019 09:47

You say you don’t have friends or family around, so leave, take the kids and go back to where you do. You shouldn’t have to beg to be allowed to keep a baby and would your relationship survive a term8nation? Wouldn’t you always be bearing a grudge towards him for forcing you to do something you didn’t want to?

Dinosauraddict · 29/09/2019 09:53

@amazon2017 this sounds incredibly tough. How old are your other children? Do they know about the baby yet? Also, come join us on the March 2020 #4 thread - we're very friendly as @Jesskir89 will vouch for. And I'm also 16 weeks so we can all help each other!

Moondancer73 · 29/09/2019 10:08

This man is a bully. You may say that your children will be devastated but they will also grow up thinking that his behaviour is ok and the norm if you stay with him and I can't believe any mother would want that for her children.
I'd be seeking legal advice, getting your finances and paperwork in order and seeing if you could move closer to family. If not join social groups nearby and look at getting him moved out. He can't make you get rid of the baby and it's your decision. He will have to pay for his children and he has no right to tell you to get rid of this baby. Don't engage with his mother and definitely don't contact his 'colleague'.

Jesskir89 · 29/09/2019 10:34

Op what does he mean about seeing other people when he wants? The man is a bully and I'm sorry to say but is walking all over you. Don't let yourself go through this any more. As @dinosauraddict said join the march babies thread number 4 you will get a lot of support and advice on there don't go through this alone

ameliathomas84 · 29/09/2019 10:55

@amazon2017 you've been married 16 years?? Sorry he sounds like a pig! Leave! Your children will grow up thinking this is normal to be treat like this! Hope you find the strength xx

tryingforminime · 29/09/2019 11:00

Take your children and leave. He's not worth all this stress and upset.

Your life will be so much easier without him

katalavenete · 29/09/2019 11:07

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

katalavenete · 29/09/2019 11:12

Allowing your children to live in an environment like this will be devastating to them in the long term. The distress at things changing will be short term.

You help them by being clear and honest, by not minimising or excusing his poor behaviour (otherwise they'll grow up thinking it's normal and acceptable to be treated like that), and by telling them it is not their fault.

Children don't understand things the same as adults, so when something bad/difficult/distressing happens they understand it as being their fault and caused by them. It's your job to explicitly tell them that is not the case.

Original poster
amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 11:16

This morning he got up and asked me why I was grumpy...then he said « please try to be pleasant...»...My family is abroad, it would be too unsettling for children for us to move now...

OP posts:
pooopypants · 29/09/2019 11:22

OP, you need to put you and your children first, they are your priority, not this pig of a man. He's lower than pathetic if you're having to beg to be 'allowed' to so something with your body. If he didn't want more children, there are plenty of things he could have done to prevent that from happening.

By remaining in this environment, you'll allow your children to grow up believing that this is the norm and it's perfectly acceptable to be controlled and treated like crap by your husband.

Are you in the UK?

Jamal988 · 29/09/2019 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
amazon2017 · 29/09/2019 11:32

To be honest, I don’t know what to do. If course, I would have a baby if our relationship were happy, but if he leave us, it’s going to be hard. Also one if my children is on the spectrum...

OP posts: