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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Please don't judge...

93 replies

KDF011194 · 14/09/2019 15:42

Hi all

So recently discovered I'm pregnant after trying since January!

However I don't know who the father is

I last did it unprotected with my husband on the 16th August, we then (as our relationship isn't great at the moment - I was planning on leaving before any of this happened, and am still planning to) decided to stop for awhile as we didn't seem to getting anywhere and perhaps this was causing some of our problems (it isn't) but still I was relieved. I was due to ovulate the following Friday, so the 23rd

I then, stupidly, I know these things 'don't just happen' ended up in bed with my best friend. We used a condom. This was 2 days before I was due to ovulate, so the 21st

I was suspicious that I was pregnant but waited a week to take the test, but the possibility of who the father would be was driving me mad so I want to the doctors and they said due to how long sperm live once inside a woman it is unlikely my husband is the father and that it is my friends even though we used protection. So to me that was doctor speak for 'it's your friends but I can't say that in case I'm wrong and you sue me'

However my line manager (who is lovely and I confined in) said that she thinks she got pregnant at the beginning and ends of her cycle so could have gotten pregnant at any time. I don't think that's right, if even the doctor is saying it's most likely my friends?

Plus if me and my husband have been trying for 8 months and nothing has happened and now I sleep with my friend two days before I ovulate and now I'm pregnant?

I know I ovulated on time as I got the little cramps I get around that time on the right day

I'm planning to leave my husband next week anyway, I would have told by now and left but me and my friend need to tell our other halves at the same time so they don't tell each other as that's not fair

OP posts:
Hederex · 14/09/2019 15:47

There's no way to be absolutely sure but it is most likely by a long way that your friend is the father.
I think you need to get on and split up with your partner before you do anything else. Do you have a plan for housing, finances etc?

Hederex · 14/09/2019 15:48

And just to be sure but are you absolutely certain you are pregnant? Have you now done the test?

When was your last period?

Original poster
KDF011194 · 14/09/2019 15:54

We've agreed Wednesday that we're telling our partners. I'm leaving even if it is my husbands (if it is, he can of course have access) and we aren't sure what his girlfriend is going to do

I will be moving back with my parents for now, me and my friend are going to talk about the other things in a couple of weeks when things have calmed down

Yes I took a test on Thursday, my last period was 31st of July, I have quite a long cycle!

OP posts:
timshelthechoice · 14/09/2019 15:55

Your friend is also married? Wow.

timshelthechoice · 14/09/2019 15:57

It sounds like you want it to be your friend's but there won't be any way to know before it arrives.

Opheliasgoldenwine · 14/09/2019 15:58

Could an amino not tell in a few months from now?

Original poster
KDF011194 · 14/09/2019 16:00

No he isn't married but has been with his girlfriend for 7 years, which is actually longer than I have been with my husband

I know. We both thinks it's his, as does my other best friend

Not available on the nhs and we don't have £900 to spare on one!

OP posts:
abcdeg · 14/09/2019 16:00

and we aren't sure what his girlfriend is going to do

So... if she wanted to stay with him would he do it? What do you mean by this? Surely if you're prepared to leave your partner, he should be too?

wellitwasfuckingoneofyous · 14/09/2019 16:01

It could be your husbands if you ovulated early and the cramping was implantation.
I think you should tell everyone involved and then do a paternity test after the birth to find out who the dad really is. Or I think there is a paternity test you could do while pregnant but it could be risky/expensive.

timshelthechoice · 14/09/2019 16:05

Could an amino not tell in a few months from now?

No one is going to do an amnio for purposes of establishing paternity. It carries a miscarriage risk and so is performed for diagnosing chromosomal abnormalities.

Original poster
KDF011194 · 14/09/2019 16:05

He's still going to stand by me but he'll obviously be with her. He loves her. I unfortunately don't love my husband anymore. It would make life easier if she broke up with him but at the same time I don't want to see him hurt

I've never been early, if anything I'm late. We are still going to do a test when they get here to make sure, can't get the one while I'm pregnant cause of the price!

OP posts:
Original poster
KDF011194 · 14/09/2019 16:06

Yes and I of course don't want to risk that either

OP posts:
timshelthechoice · 14/09/2019 16:07

Why would his girlfriend want to stay with a cheating scumbag like your friend?

Original poster
KDF011194 · 14/09/2019 16:08

I don't know but she might

OP posts:
FlowerPowerBecky · 14/09/2019 16:09

I'm sorry but can people not be loyal anymore?? This is the second thread now on MN regarding cheating and baby being created...

You'll have to tell your husband, hopefully as soon as possible! If you dont love him then dont be sad that he might tell you to sod off, then once baby is here do a DNA test to see who its dad actually is...

cookingwithlove · 14/09/2019 16:11

I'm totally judging but that aside I think it's more likely to be your husband's if you used a condom (properly!?) with your friend.

Either way this won't end well for you. Your husband deserves better and I can't see your friend sticking around long term- in my experience, when men sleep with married women it's appealing because they're unavailable and the novelty wears off fairly quickly once any type of commitment is required.

Original poster
KDF011194 · 14/09/2019 16:15

Try being married to a control freak who you're scared to leave because you don't know what he'll do. Not an excuse but still

We used to properly. Its happened to two of my friends as well. Trust me, I'm fully aware and scared of it happening

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 14/09/2019 16:16

It sounds like you want to separate from your husband regardless of the friend and you aren't planning on stringing anyone along so whilst cheating was obviously not ok - you're doing your best to straighten things out now. Try not to beat yourself up too much.

timshelthechoice · 14/09/2019 16:20

You want it to be your friend's, you still kept trying to procreate with your husband even though he's abusive and now you won't know anything until the baby's here so I guess you just have to hang in there and wait. I'd expect to be parenting alone.

Bouffalant · 14/09/2019 16:24

No way will his girlfriend stay with him.

Original poster
KDF011194 · 14/09/2019 16:25

Thank you codename. I know what I did was wrong. As the doctor said to me, regardless of what I've done its given me a reality check of what I want

I had stopped with my husband by the time I slept with my friend, as I said above, its given me the reality check I need. This isn't where I want to raise my child no matter whose it is

OP posts:
Felicitycity · 14/09/2019 16:28

It could easily be your husband's. Loads of people get pregnant that early in their cycle.

cookingwithlove · 14/09/2019 16:29

Interesting advice from your doctor. Mine wasn't even interested in seeing me when I was pregnant (with my husband's baby) let alone talk to me about the conception or my life choices.

Toodlehoooo · 14/09/2019 16:30

Totally missing the point here but WHY on earth are you trying for a baby with a man you are planning on leaving??!! I mean that is just the most SELFISH thing I have EVER heard of!! You sound like a very self centered, cold hearted person OP!! Shame on you!!Angry

Original poster
KDF011194 · 14/09/2019 16:34

I didn't ovulate until I was meant to, so I doubt it

I only very recently decided to leave. In the last month. I am none of those things thank you

OP posts:
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