Please don't judge...

[KDF011194]

Hi all

So recently discovered I'm pregnant after trying since January!

However I don't know who the father is

I last did it unprotected with my husband on the 16th August, we then (as our relationship isn't great at the moment - I was planning on leaving before any of this happened, and am still planning to) decided to stop for awhile as we didn't seem to getting anywhere and perhaps this was causing some of our problems (it isn't) but still I was relieved. I was due to ovulate the following Friday, so the 23rd

I then, stupidly, I know these things 'don't just happen' ended up in bed with my best friend. We used a condom. This was 2 days before I was due to ovulate, so the 21st

I was suspicious that I was pregnant but waited a week to take the test, but the possibility of who the father would be was driving me mad so I want to the doctors and they said due to how long sperm live once inside a woman it is unlikely my husband is the father and that it is my friends even though we used protection. So to me that was doctor speak for 'it's your friends but I can't say that in case I'm wrong and you sue me'

However my line manager (who is lovely and I confined in) said that she thinks she got pregnant at the beginning and ends of her cycle so could have gotten pregnant at any time. I don't think that's right, if even the doctor is saying it's most likely my friends?

Plus if me and my husband have been trying for 8 months and nothing has happened and now I sleep with my friend two days before I ovulate and now I'm pregnant?

I know I ovulated on time as I got the little cramps I get around that time on the right day

I'm planning to leave my husband next week anyway, I would have told by now and left but me and my friend need to tell our other halves at the same time so they don't tell each other as that's not fair

Being as she and her mate used a condom it's hardly likely the baby is his, unless the condom burst & she'd know if it did.

I am none of those things thank you

Well, you're not likely to admit it are you? Better to go by your actions than your opinion.

😂😂 no judgement, I mean seriously you behave in a disgusting way and expect no judgement?? Some people

You didn't accidentally drop her knickers and fall on your friends dick ffs

Just a shame a child is in this mess

If you used protection with the friend unless it split (and adults, tend to know when a condom has split) then it's very unlikely to be friends baby

Book a early scan too for dating.

The scan won't help - the sex is too close together to be of any use in determining paternity. The margin of error on dating is more than the 5 days apart the sex was. She has to do DNA.

It’s most likely your husbands given that was unprotected and you used a condom, and don’t mention it splitting, with your friend. I’m very sceptical however, namely about what you reckon your doctor said. She/He didn’t really say that did he op? You’re just very desperate to believe it’s your friends, which in your head will start a chain of events ending with you and your friend riding (no pun intended) off into the sunset together. I think that unlikely to happen.
Is this truly something you want to go ahead with? You don’t mention any other children, is this how you want your first child to be brought into the world? I’d be rethinking the pregnancy if I were you, and I don’t say that lightly, or to be cruel, honestly.

Some people ... make this site very toxic! It's a shame.. as some people are genuinely helpful.

@timshelthechoice ha, I thought the same thing. I ran over the cat carrier last week (no cat in it, my very helpful DH had left it sitting on the drive ). That’s an example of a mistake. You don’t cheat by mistake, you purposely slept with someone else and should own that action really.

If your husband is controlling and you were afraid to leave, why on earth were you trying for a baby? With someone you were "scared to leave". That's either unfathomably stupid and selfish, or you re-writing history to justify cheating.
FWIW, given the dates and the condom, I'd say it's your husband's baby and you felt implantation pains, thinking that was ovulation. You can get a blood test at about 10 weeks which can test for chromosomal abnormalities, baby's sex and paternity. It costs about £400.

I've got to say I'm baffled why you would be trying for a baby with a man you don't love and are planning to leave. Leaving aside the cheating, that's pretty selfish behaviour.

Your husband might be controlling , abusive , whatever - but what did your friends girlfriend do to deserve this.
You’ve shafted that poor woman too.

Do you want to have the baby?

@timshelthechoice @nonmerci I burnt my clutch out by holding it on the bite for too long during a hill start...that was a pretty rubbish mistake. But I've never been impregnated by any spoken-for men who weren't my husband. Maybe we're just "lucky"? Could happen to anyone!

An expensive lesson to learn, Derby! OMG, I was lucky I was in a flat place. The brake was gone! I was like 'Fuck!' and thankfully put it in neutral and coasted to a safe stop.

I think the baby is far more likely to be your husbands.

I think OP left about 90 messages ago!

Are you close with your best friend’s girlfriend of 7yrs?? Wow....that’s going to be rough.

I, too, am perplexed by the active TTC until a week before cheating, but that’s up to you.

Going by dates, if all that you say is fact (no one ‘knows’ when they ovulate, cramps are sometimes a sign but not the indicator), then on paper, the dad will be friend.

But actually, given the trickle of extra information, I think it probably is your husband’s.

Good luck. Sorry you’re in this situation.

I think OP left about 90 messages ago

Yep, wind 'em up and watch 'em go.