The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

Letting them wash over you is a good plan @Catconfusion. I asked dh how he seemed so calm about it all and he said because he doesn't have a choice. He has all the same worries as me but said he can't allow himself to indulge in the worries because he'd go mad.
I'm a bit worried about going at 6+ weeks but we're away next week and don't think I can wait that long xx

Hi all

Selfish post here. Anyone had dizziness? Been like this for over 30mins. Feels surreal. Made a cup of tea with sugar. Hopefully it'll help.

@VenusStarr I’d go earlier if a holiday prevented it. I couldn’t wait beyond 7 weeks to know. Xx

@rubyroot yes I’ve been really dizzy the last few days. It comes really randomly. Probably hormonal! Xx

Thanks @catconfusion. Feels really weird. I was going to take my 18 month old for swim but I can't now as no way can I drive. He's being a bugger too so I'm just letting him make a mess,+. 😂

@rubyroot I had dizziness on and off. Not as bad now I'm at the 12 week mark

Thanks I had dizziness when I had missed miscarriage so I find it worrying. It's probably nothing though.

I've had dizziness too @rubyroot, only fleeting but enough to make me notice. Comes at random times too. I don't recall having it last time (I had a mmc too). It's hard not to overanalyse isn't it? Hope your little one isn't making too much mess! X

@VenusStarr it's getting a bit better, but I've been dizzy for over an hour. He's just plopped his book and toys everywhere. 😂

@rubyroot @Catconfusion @VenusStarr @tinatsarina dizziness wise-check your blood pressure...mine is good when I'm not pregnant but since getting my bfp it's actually even lower -averaging 90/55! That can make you feel dizzy if you get up too quick. I have a home BP monitor and every time I've felt woozy/dizzy it's been even lower! It's much better to be lower than high BP but it may help with the anxiety if you can get an answer!

Welcome to the newbies...@TinyPaws @Avocuddles lovely to see your names pop up!!!

Sorry I've been a bit rubbish at keeping up and responding. Anxiety still gets to me a lot...but I'm 19+2 today and had my anomaly scan and everything looks good. Also feeling little one move now which is weird but awesome.

In terms of anxiety for me personally it just shifts...so initially it was knicker checking and worrying I wouldn't see a heartbeat, then when we did it was fear of another mmc, or the slightest ache or pain would send me into a spiral...once we hit 12 weeks it was worrying I'd have a late miscarriage like my friend had, then worrying because I couldn't feel it move, then worrying what I was feeling wasn't actually the baby! so I think sadly when you've experienced loss you'll always be anxious. I was almost In tears this morning waiting for my scan as I thought it would be bad news, despite little one kicking me as I stood there! For me it's just something I have to live with and manage, and every time it feels overwhelming think about all the positive stuff we've experienced with scans etc and the kicking now...and I also have mini milestones to get to. My next one is 24 weeks-viability...if I can get that far and hear a heartbeat the baby has a chance even if it's born that early...little steps I guess.

Here's a pic from today...giving a little wave!

@Catconfusion glad your GP told you about the sac, strange the sonographer didn’t especially as you asked if they could see the pregnancy.

@tinatsarina good luck for your scan next week I hope you can distract yourself until then.

@VenusStarr/@Catconfusion/@Bellasblankexpression I struggle with letting myself think positively, I feel bad if think too far ahead but also feel bad for being pessimistic too. Fells like I can't win sometimes.

@Bellasblankexpression hope the spotting stops soon.

@rubyroot I hope your tooth feels better after you get it sorted. I had a lot of dizziness in DD1’s pregnancy not as much in DD2’s or this one.

@InDreamland I started wearing maternity stuff at 13/14 weeks in my first pregnancy, 10 in my 2nd and 8ish I think this time. First time I only got a couple of pairs of trousers to start with as I have quite a few floaty dresses which work quite well then I added maternity tops further on.

@TinyPaws thinking of you today.

@ReeReeR glad the visit went well, the weather isn't helping me feel upbeat either.

@Avocuddles congratulations.

@Mistymeow I would just say you can’t go especially as you aren't that close.

I'm feeling tired and nauseous today as i didn't sleep well, there was an enlargement in my family last night and I was trying to comfort my mum, it's times like this that i wish i lived closer and could go round for a cuppa, a chat and give her a hug.

@rubyroot I’ve been really dizzy too, but I wasn’t with my previous mmc. I know it’s hard not to read into symptoms, but I do think dizziness is common! Hope you are well otherwise ❤️

Thank you all. It got better about twenty mins after my tea with two sugars. I hate sugar in tea! Not sure if that was a coincidence or not. Now I'm left with a slight headache. It's probably perfectly normal, but it stopped me functioning for over an hour and a half. I didn't get up quick it just came over me. Weird.

@Squiff70 I can understand it being hard having a second twin pregnancy at a similar time of year- lots of reminders. See if you can make some unique plans to aim for in winter to create new memories. Really great you’re getting good care but if you’re struggling mentally do reach out for professional support.
@rubyroot quite a few of my friends are affected by dizziness in pregnancy- could be low blood sugar or low blood pressure. Take it easy and eat small amounts often if you can.
@VenusStarr oh now I want Nutella on pancakes! Wouldn’t that be delicious right now. Cramping is definitely normal at 5w2 as the uterus stretches. I do have an early scan booked in 2 weeks when I’ll be 8 weeks. I’ll be getting more nervous as it approaches.
@ReeReeR thanks yes I think I’ll just come up with an excuse. I don’t really like the concept of baby showers anyway, I’m not a broody type and I find the idea rather nauseating! But I am a grumpy northerner :) Glad you got to do Zumba, you are looking after yourself really well.
@Catconfusion you seem to be quite close to me, how many weeks? The progesterone pessaries are gross aren’t they!

Hello ladies,

Sorry, I dropped off the thread for a while and I didn't get notified that I'd been tagged in the new thread (thank you @InDreamland).

It's so lovely to see some familiar names joining us! @VenusStar, @Squiff70, @strawberrye, @Mistymeow, @Avocuddles (Sorry if I've missed any of you, I've not been able to properly catch up as so much has happened since I last posted).
@TinyPaws lovely to see you! I didn't think you were having IVF again until September so it's a lovely surprise! (How is your partner doing, did she find another job?)

@InDreamland, @Frillyfarmer, @Beaglemum93, and @Laney79 Great scan pics! So pleased everything is still going well for you.

@Yukka Wonderful to see you drop in! I imagine you're very busy. And Fenna is such a lovely name! I wouldn't mind gathering information about labour and birth, so PM me if/when you have time.

@moonpeace how was your appointment today? What was the verdict on the progesterone? I was very nervous about stopping mine and talked to my consultant yesterday and she's let me drop down to the smallest dose but stay on it for now; she basically left the ball entirely in my court and said there was absolutely no need to take it, but if I wanted to I can keep on it until 34 weeks.

@ReeReeR I don't recognise your name from the other thread; have you had a name change? Sorry for your loss, and welcome to the thread. I hope everything goes well for this pregnancy.

Update on me:

I had a flash-back this morning to a few weeks ago when I was about 4-5 weeks pregnant and sitting in the work car park sobbing my eyes out because I was convinced I was going to lose this baby after all of the other losses... I never thought I'd get this far... and now, I am 16 weeks today! And things are still going well.

Yesterday I had a scan with the consultant obstetrician to check my womb and cervix and as a bonus we got to see baby again.
She confirmed that due to my anatomy I am at risk of prem/breech/c-section but everything was looking good and my cervix is a normal size and closed. I'll need regular scans to check this, so I have another one in 3 weeks; the week before my 20-week scan.
She said there is no need for me to be on the progesterone pessaries anymore but completely understood my being nervous to come off them and said it would do absolutely no harm to stay on them until 34 weeks. I've decided to drop down to the lowest dose and will see how I feel about coming off them in a few weeks.
She showed us baby who was very active and wriggling around. It gave us the thumbs up at one point. We heard the heartbeat too; which I only realised about a week ago that I'd never been offered that in my other scans. And she did a 3D scan and gave me a photo (I think they use the 3D technology for the anatomy part of the scan to see clearer; I didn't realise the NHS even had that facility).
Apparently I have an anterior placenta, but it's nice and high up - I think a few of you other ladies have mentioned having one too. I've heard it can stop you feeling the baby moving as early; but I'm sure I've been feeling a few flutters... Nothing conclusive yet though.

The consultant said she thought she had a hint that baby is a girl; but couldn't tell for sure yet.

Also, are any of you asthmatic?
My asthma had been a lot better and I hadn't been taking any medication for it in my first trimester, but in my second trimester its been getting worse and I've had to start using my steroid inhaler again. I wasn't very happy about it; but I had an asthma review yesterday and the nurse was very reassuring. My peak-flo was only 250 ... hopefully it'll get a bit better now I'm on my meds again.
I'm also just generally getting breathless when walking distances, but she said that sounds like it's just pregnancy-related.

Bump is getting quite noticeable now!

How is everyone else this evening?

And I've been wondering how @hayleyfx is? You still around hun? How are things?

@avocuddles, you're here! Hooray! Am so pleased you got your BFP, tentative congratulations and hope Baby of House Avocuddles sticks tight and holds on.

@rubyroot Sorry about the dizziness, isn't pregnancy weird? Glad the sweet tea helped. How are you doing?

Things are going OK with me. After the scan a fortnight ago confirming a viable interuterine non-ectopic pregnancy with heartbeat at 5w+5, I've been advised that mine is now a 'bog-standard' pregnancy (which I am very pleased with), so I'm not due for another scan until 9th Sept, which seems a flipping age away. Anxiety is easing up now I'm in 7w, which is further than I got last time, but the lack of any control over anything doesn't half mess with your head. Am just trying to focus on eating well and using the Headspace app to chill out as the only practical things I can really do.

Wow, fast moving thread again. Sorry I've missed so much.

Thanks for all the maternity clothes advice/info sharing. I am really going to have to get a few bits I think as some clothes are just so tight and look dreadful as well as being uncomfortable. I just really don't want to jinx this though. Also have an issue with spending on clothes I'll be in for not very long even if bubsy goes full term and comes home with us. I'm so tight lol.

@sadtoday21 thanks for asking. I have to admit I'm still anxious despite good scan on Friday with sonographer describing bubsy as "perfect" and results all low risk. It just made me uneasy. No one can be that positive and sure about a pregnancy surely. I am relieved though which is a good thing.

@TinyPaws @ Avocuddles congratulations on the BFP! Lovely to see you here!

@ReeReeR I'm so glad you didn't get pregnancy bombed. Hope you're okay.

@rubyroot sorry you've been getting dizzy.
I definitely had loads of spells of dizziness, some days worse than others, earlier on In this pregnancy. Also had it in my first pregnancy that was mmc. It's not necessarily a bad thing as midwife seemed to be happy with my blood pressure etc. It might just be hormones (hopefully). If you're worried though and didn't think you had low blood sugar (like if you had eaten ok earlier) then see your GP. We can't be too careful when carrying precious cargo.

@Mistymeow I'm the same, not a fan of baby showers. Sorry to anyone who is into them but I find them a bit grabby TBH. Also, hate the idea of buying loads of baby stuff for someone who hasn't yet given birth, what if something went wrong? For me it's another thing to jinx. I'd rather choose to send good wishes and if close enough to the couple a gift of my choice after baby is safely delivered. Goodness I sound like a miserable moo. Anyways, definitely just be too busy to attend. Doesn't sound like you're close.

@Bellasblankexpression hope the bleeding stops and it's just IB.

@Laney79 lovely scan photo. Getting a good anomaly scan must be a relief. Onto the next milestone.

@Bluebelltulip I hope you're feeling better now.

@KnitKitty lovely to hear from you. You been on hols right? Hope you had a lovely break. Great news that you're dropping progesterone down and pregnancy is going well. Getting the thumbs up is so cute!

So sorry if I missed anyone.

Thanks all - @DuvetCaterpillar you made me smile, glad everything is 'bog standard' for you this time around!

@Mistymeow @InDreamland I feel the same about baby showers and you definitely don't sound like a miserable moo! I have to go to one for one of my best friends in a couple of weeks time - I know she'll love it and be really grateful but it's all a bit too naff and Americanised for my liking, and like you I'd rather give and receive gifts once the baby is home safe and well. It's only a week before her due date so I've got a small present for mum and something for baby that I'll wrap with instructions to keep it for when little one arrives. I'd rather have given it to her after he arrives but as she lives some distance away will hand it over whilst I see her in person.

@KnitKitty I'm asthmatic, symptoms are generally very mild at the moment but I'll keep an eye on them as things (hopefully) progress. Glad all looks good at the moment, 3D scan sounds great.

@Bluebelltulip I sympathise with you re living a long way from family, I'm over 250 miles away from mine. Will be seeing them for the first time in a good few months tomorrow evening which will be nice. I'd rather have not told them the news this early but I think it'll be easier and less stressful if I do, especially as I'm expecting calls from my GP and consultant whilst I'm there.

@Laney79 cute photo!

@VenusStarr @Catconfusion think I'll aim for a scan at 7 weeks too so three more weeks to wait. Before my MC I had a scan at the EPU where I saw a fetal pole and sac in the right place but no heartbeat, within 24 hrs I miscarried naturally so thankfully didn't have to wait too long. I was fairly confident based on my (long) cycle and the dates that we'd DTD that I was 7 weeks but as my cycles were irregular the hospital insisted that maybe my dates were out and I was only 5 weeks - that gave me hope at the time but was somewhat unlikely given I'd had a super strong positive almost four weeks prior. This time at least I'm clear on my dates - my cycle at 32 days was the shortest I've ever had since coming off the pill (possibly thanks to acupuncture...) - and I'd been ovulation testing so know exactly where I'm at, give or take a day. This makes me feel slightly more in control, but also terrified - I just wish we could jump in a time machine and fast forward to 12+ weeks....

Anyone else I've missed / not said hi too, hope you're all ok and have had a good day! xx

@Knitkitty welcome back. I'm asthmatic and I had to stop one of my medications in DD1's pregnancy (monteklast) but it stayed fairly stable, stayed on the steroid though and had to increase dosage just before I got pregnant this time. I was also surprised when one of the doctor's did a 3d scan for us when DD2 was poorly, it was lovely to see.

My friend lives abroad and they do a normal anomaly plus 3d scan as can see anomalies more easily

@Bellasblankexpression Thanks. We didn't really mark this one in a special way mostly due to being mad busy. Worked the morning, drove the almost 4 hour round trip to my clinic to get thyroid and beta hcg blood tests done, had a friend round for tea and looked after the puppy.

@rubyroot There's no evidence it will harm the baby, but I totally understand your anxiety. I can't so much as eat something sugary without worrying it'll cause another loss (written down that looks so much crazier than it sounded in my head...) Re: the dizziness - I did have some lightheadedness in my first pregnancy. No idea if that's normal or not.

@ReeReeR Glad the family visit went well and the Zumba class was cheering.

@Avocuddles Welcome! Your line progression looks very encouraging. I'm just 3 days ahead of you. Hope you have a good weekend/wedding!

@Mistymeow Glad you're not letting anxiety get the better of you. Re: the baby shower, I'd just make some sort of excuse. Surely you have an important medical appointment to go to that day?

@Squiff70 Gosh, I can't imagine making birth plans at 7+6! Still, it's good to be prepared. Totally understand your apprehension about it being twins again, but as you say, also a blessing.

@Catconfusion I don't find the miscarriage stats site that reassuring either. I think it's because I looked at it in previous pregnancies and still miscarried despite supposedly favourable stats. Also, this early the odds of miscarrying are still uncomfortably high.

@VenusStarr Glad you're getting the ball rolling on an early scan. Mine is in 2 weeks time (booked it as early as possible at 6+2 to get it out the way) and I'm already bricking it.

@Laney79 Lovely to hear from you! Glad all is good on the anomaly scan. It must be really special to feel the baby move! Will you be finding out the sex before the birth?

@Bluebelltulip Thank you. Sorry you've had a tough day - I'm guessing "enlargement" should read "bereavement", sorry for your loss.

@KnitKitty Lovely to hear from you and glad things are going well! Yes, my partner did find another job which seems to be working out fine.

@DuvetCaterpillar Congratulations on your bog standard pregnancy

@InDreamland Thank you. I think you should bite the bullet and get some maternity clothes, you must be so uncomfortable! Maybe try to find tops that are suitable for both maternity and nursing to try and get the most wear out of them and get just a pair of jeans and a pair of plain black trousers? Also people tend to sell quite cheap second hand bundles of maternity clothes on facebook marketplace so that might be worth a look?

4+3 today and spent most of the day feeling really nauseous and eating constantly to try and ward it off. I'm actually pretty pleased about this because as soon as the nausea fades I start to worry. I'm testing daily which I'm aware probably isn't healthy but at the moment I think it's bringing me more comfort than anxiety so I'll probably continue a little longer.

I've bought a book called "Joy at the End of the Rainbow". I'm determined to enjoy this pregnancy (and tbh I am enjoying it despite the anxiety - I had a horrible feeling with my last pregnancy that something wasn't right and I was correct but I don't have that feeling with this one which is hopefully a good sign?!).

So happy to hear your updates @Laney79 and @KnitKitty and I’m also wondering about @hayleyfx

Yes I’m going to come up with an excuse about the baby shower. I would just be so uncomfortable otherwise. We got them a gift when we were in California which I think they would like.

May I have a wobbly moment? Dh got his sperm dna fragmentation results and they are very poor. 54% and the high end of normal is something like 25%. @InDreamland I know you have some experience of this, you are giving me hope as your baby seems to be doing really well. It’s making me think I’ve got a 50-50 chance of miscarrying and that’s so depressing. Seeing the GP tomorrow. I really wanted to keep it together for this pregnancy but I have to admit the positivity is waning and I feel really sad :(

Wow, everything is moving so fast!!
Congrats @Avocuddles and what a lovely scan @Laney79.
17+3 today and back at work prepping for students’ arrival next week. I’ve actually been much happier back at work as it takes my mind off all the unpleasant symptoms I’ve been having - they’re really mild in the grand scheme of things but when you have nothing else to do you can get focused on them! However I am so hungry I feel like I’m munching all day long, and I need a nap when I get back home at the end of the day. 😅

@Mistymeow how many weeks are you. I think with sperm it's a bit different to having dodgy eggs.

This is my take on it. Say at 40 60% of your eggs are not good enough quality. This probably means that you may miscarry as one drops out every month and could be fertilised.

However, there's millions of sperm and in the race to the egg natural selection takes place and so it is much more likely that the fastest strongest sperm will get there.

I don't really know if this is the case, but I do know theres n element of natural selection with sperm.