The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

Evening ladies, just checking in really - this thread moves so quickly and I haven't been on for a couple of days!

@KnitKitty I'm also asthmatic and in my first pregnancy it disappeared. This time I'm really struggling as I'm also allergic to my horses - usually it's controlled by montelukast but I can't take it during pregnancy so I've been using both my fostair and my reliever fairly regularly. I'm planning to call the GP this week as I can't go on like this and it's not practical to shelf the horses for the next six months 😂

I'm 11+4 and this week my sickness has shifted to the evening time. Just trying to keep myself busy until my next scan which is next Wednesday! My big stress at the moment is when to tell work 😩

Wow this thread really does move fast! I’m sorry I haven’t read through it all yet and responded to everyone, just feeling exhausted at night now that I’m nearing 10 weeks.

Welcome @Avocuddles and @TinyPaws! I have everything crossed for you. ❤️

@Tinypaws I completely agree with you about statistics not being reassuring - there was only a .5% chance of me having an mmc that was a partial molar, but I did. I can’t be reassured by any numbers now! Thanks also for the book recommendation - what you said about enjoying this pregnancy really resonated with me and it’s something that I’m striving to do, but it’s hard. I really admire your attitude!

@InDreamland when is your next milestone? I know the anxiety never really goes away, even after 12 weeks, we just know too much about what can go wrong. Hoping you find some good maternity clothes! Anyone know of any good brands?

@VenusStarr how are you doing? Your scan is coming up, right?

I’m also feeling pretty wobbly today. Today is the milestone where I lost the previous baby to mmc at 9+4. It feels like the danger zone for me and I’m really worried about whether my current baby is ok in there. I just keep thinking please let her keep her heartbeat this time. 💗

@rubyroot I think lightheadedness and dizziness is common in pregnancy as we have more blood in our system which can mean lower blood pressure. Just be careful to get up slowly etc.

@KnitKitty I have NC was previously Alice. Pleased you are doing well

@VenusStarr Yes it’s raining and full today. After the gym I got a really bad headache and ended up throwing up. Wondering if I’m getting migraines maybe triggered by pregnancy as I think they started with my first pregnancy.

@Mistymeow I’m not a fan of baby showers etc. To be fair I don’t love weddings either. I really am a grumpy northerner! I did have a sort of shower with my first pregnancy but only cause friends insisted so I agreed to an afternoon tea with a few friends.

I was thinking about @hayleyfx too. Hope you are doing ok

Hope you’re ok @Squiff70 and @InDreamland

Awww thanks ReeReer it's lovely that you are still on here being reassuring despite going through what you have. I also stayed on here after my chemical and I'm still here... for now 🤞
Yeah the dizziness was weird as I felt very dizzy and had to sit down. If lasted nearly two hours, found it all a bit unnerving.

@rubyroot No problem, I like it here 😬🙈 It is unnerving to feel that way, especially if you’re not at home or you’re alone. I used to keep something sweet in my bag like fruit or jelly sweets or a chocolate bar in case I felt like that while I was out and about too if that helps.

Awww @ReeReeer I like it here too. I got lobbed off the other board as soon as I got my bfp and didn't want to go back with my tail between my legs so I stayed on here. 😂

@rubyroot I think it’s hard to find a balance sometimes between people not feeling forced into this thread but also keeping in mind those who haven’t got their BFPs yet and many of us have the dark days where you think it’s not going to happen and the pregnancy chat can be difficult. The other thread is very quiet now but that’s good I suppose as it’s because there have been a good few BFPs recently 🙂

Hey @sadtoday21 thanks for asking. I'm calling the epu again on Monday for my scan. Dh is struggling that week to get time off, so really hoping it will be next Thursday or Friday.

Sorry you've been feeling wobbly, I think that's understandable though 💜 how are you feeling today?

@Laney79 good to see you popping in, with a lovely scan photo! We're all here rooting for you ❤️

@ReeReeR sorry you had a migraine yesterday. I wonder if they're hormone related? I've been getting quite a few headaches

I'm lying in bed feeling very nauseous 🤢 wide awake again. Luckily I'm off today, I was supposed to have the hysteroscopy today, cancelled on Monday but kept today and tomorrow off. Feels a bit surreal - my mom has just test to say she hopes it goes well today. I've only told my sister at the moment.

@TinyPaws no they just cause more worry. For example 1% chance of mmc yet many of us have had them. Also I refuse to believe I have a 50% chance of loss just because I’m 40 as some websites say. Xx

@Laney79 I’m still in awe of how far you’ve come after everything you’ve been through. You give me hope! ❤️ Xx

@sadtoday21 I can understand it’s hard at the moment. You’re doing so well. Just take each day as it comes and keep as distracted as you can. Xx

@Mistymeow I’m 5 plus 2 today. Yes the progesterone is messy. Last night the pessary got stuck to the applicator so I had to shove it in. It has made me feel a bit more hopeful though and like this time is different. I’m on aspirin too so feel like I’ve got a couple more bases covered. I’m very nauseous today so feel like it will be a battle to get breakfast down. I just keep thinking at least in about 10 days time we’ll know what’s going on when we have our scan. Xx

@VenusStarr I hear you on the nausea front. It’s feeling a bit overwhelming today. I think some toast hopefully will help. Xx

Crikey this thread moves fast - sorry not to say hi to everyone individually.

@Mistymeow totally understandable that the news about DH's sperm results has rocked you, and I think also totally normal to have good days and bad days with regards to positivity. What I'm not sure that i understand is whether 50% sperm DNA fragmentation means 50% of sperm have fragmented DNA (and therefore 50% don't) or if it means all sperm have DNA which is 50% fragmented?? I would think it's the former, in which case try to remember it only takes one sperm to fertilise that egg and a healthy sperm is more likely to be able to fertilise an egg successfully than an unhealthy one. I'm hoping you can feel a bit more positive soon, and I agree with the other re making an excuse re the baby shower.

@KnitKitty and @moonpeace lovely to hear about both of your progress, 16 weeks is amazing! Not long now til your 20 week scans.

@avocuddles congratulations looks like great line progression.

Solidarity with the progesterone crew of waxy candle insertions and ruined pants - totally worth it if it's the key to our rainbows though! And I agree with those of you not really being keen on baby showers, I also find them a bit cringey and grabby. Maybe my experience trying to have a baby has tainted that view but to me it feels more personal and natural to see people individually/in smaller groups after the baby is born if they'd like to say hi/give gifts.

I have my booking appointment this morning at 10 weeks and my next scan on Monday at 10+4. Have felt my nausea isn't as bad as it was a week or two ago so praying that isn't a bad sign.

@VenusStarr I think they may be hormone related (assuming it is a migraine) as they started when I was pregnant. Going to see GP as I’d find it more difficult if I felt that way when out and about it at work. I also think it could have impacted baby in first pregnancy so need to get it checked out

@Tinypaws it should be argument not enlargement, sorry for the confusion. My phone's screen is playing up.

@moonpeace what did you get from asos? I was looking at their stuff and wondered what quality is like, I have a few regular bits from them which are good but no idea about maternity clothes. Also, I find with asos I have to order 3 different sizes as they all vary so much so have from 8-12 in their stuff.

@KnitKitty the constant testing is normal. I'd be a hypocrite if I said to step away from the HPTs. If they give you some comfort then great. I found after second scan I stopped. Hope this is a sticky one for you. I do need jeans that aren't tight and also leggings I think. I also am finding most of my bras now don't hold me all in 😳 this baby has already cost me a lot (private scans and Harmony test) and now I need new clothes ..........but I'm just too scared to buy anything baby/pregnancy related and jinx it. Two losses have really messed my head up.

@Mistymeow yep that was me. It is really worrying isn't it. Totally understand your anxiety around the possibility that it was a damaged swimmer that got to the egg. My DH has high % damage too and I really was thinking it'd just be the repeat of the last 2 pregnancies. Somehow luckily it seems we caught one of the healthy ones but he was also on a lot of supplements so wonder if they have in some way helped and he also has been having acupuncture. The urologist said that as long as we can get passed 12 weeks then we would know then a healthy one made it (DH was so relieved at our 12w scan). Keeping fx that a healthy swimmer made it to the egg this time for you! Take each day one at a time, that's all we can do.

@coconutlatte44 glad you are enjoying the distraction. Another one here always hungry and tired!

@sadtoday21 next milestone is 20w scan but don't think I can hold out that long. That's 7w away! Hoping this one will stick for you, those milestone days are tough though. When are you getting a scan?

@ReeReeR love having you here. I've not popped onto the other board for a week now. Many of those I know from there are here now. Think it's only Lilimum7 I now want over here from the old timers from when I was on there, everyone else is new.

@VenusStarr hope you have a good day off and the nausea subsides. Try rich tea biscuits.

@strawberrye hope your booking appointment goes well. Wow, you're 10w already.

@sadtoday21 next milestone is 20w scan but don't think I can hold out that long. That's 7w away! Hoping this one will stick for you, those milestone days are tough though. When are you getting a scan?

@ReeReeR love having you here. I've not popped onto the other board for a week now. Many of those I know from there are here now. Think it's only Lilimum7 I now want over here from the old timers from when I was on there, everyone else is new.

@VenusStarr hope you have a good day off and the nausea subsides. Try rich tea biscuits.

@strawberrye hope your booking appointment goes well. Wow, you're 10w already.

@Laney79 can I just ask how you’ve found the professional care to be being 40? I think you’re the only one who’s the same age as me. With my mmc pregnancy I was 39 and everyone was so chilled about risks etc. This time I’m getting weekly calls from the GP. I’ve been put on progesterone and aspirin. I’ve been told I’ll have consultant led care. The only one who’s not been great is the midwife who just seemed a bit negative since I’ve had losses and over 40. It’s upset me a bit as the last pregnancy was only 6 months ago and there was very little support. It’s not as if at midnight on our 40th birthday we suddenly become more at risk. I wonder whether more should be done in the run up to 40. Anyway just interested to see what your experiences are as an older Mum so far? Xx

@ReeReeR that's great most are on here. I had to move one day after bfp, a week later I was bleeding.. which was why I didn't really want to join thread. Anyhow I stayed and stalked for a month and then got another positive. And here I still am.. For now!

@Catconfusion hey I'm 40 😂

I found no one questioned anything at 38/39. But many of my friends report that suddenly when you hit 40 it's like BAM you've suddenly gone from low risk to high risk. Weird eh? Guess that's the age when the guidelines kick in and they have to follow them

@Catconfusion I had odd exp at private scan, which I know is a slightly different matter. I told her a bit of history and why I was anxious and she said...oh you're bit a very good candidate for a scan. God knows what that meant. But I thought it was rather rude, and had I not been so hard skinned it could have upset me somewhat.

It’s so weird @rubyroot you’d think maybe the run up would be covered too. I was told I didn’t need to see a GP at all. I regret that now as I would have got more realistic information about the risks. My midwife was ultra positive and it felt like mcs were a dirty secret. She wouldn’t even talk about them. Ironic as our baby had stopped developing when we saw her but we didn’t know.

Horribly rude what your sonographer said. I think everyone should have a reassurance if they want one early on anyway with mc being so common. No reason to think you’d be a good candidate based on anything really. Xx

Meant you're not a good candidate, not bit.

Yep I was considered low risk when 38/39 no one said a word to me about anything despite having mmc previously

I think this time after a t21 diagnosis at 13 weeks it'll be safe to say I'll be high risk

@rubyroot I think they need to clearer about what they mean by low risk. I’m not even sure it’s possible to know until further into the pregnancy what the risk factors will be. It just gives false hope. When we were told low risk there’s no way I thought I’d have a mmc. I was 8 weeks with no spotting or cramping and doubled over with sickness (supposedly a good sign). It just feels like the system needs to change. Especially since pregnancy loss is common. From my first midwife appointment you’d have thought it was the most unlikely thing ever. I know they don’t want to make people anxious but it’s important to be realistic. I think I’d have dealt with our loss much better had the midwife explained the risks rather than talk about pregnancy yoga and parenting classes which obviously were way off. It’s like going for a job interview for your dream job, being told you’ve pretty much got it and then finding out you weren’t even close. Just pretty cruel really. Xx

@Catconfusion yep that's shitty. In the country my friend lives, all pregnant women have scan about seven weeks. But then they have a brill health system.

Well today I had my dentist appt, I bottled out and cancelled