The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

Thanks @rubyroot. How far along are you? In my head I understand that I’m theory there is no point being worried and especially not being nice with your loved ones. But I say this to myself and at the same time sit searching for early pregnancy scans not far from me, but then I say to myself that yet another scan is not going to change much and I’ll be worried again next hour!

@Worriedmum97 I'm just 8 weeks. I've had scan at 6 weeks at epu heartbeat seen and then this scan at 8 weeks. I'll have another at 10 weeks plus harmony test. For me, although the scans are anxiety inducing. I'd rather know sooner than later, for my own mental health x
There's not much to do about anxiety, I think it's natural and inevitable after loss. Be kind to yourself.

@rubyroot. Congrats on your positive scan today. I think once you see heartbeat at 8 weeks they say the risk of miscarriage is 1% or something.

Good luck today @rubyroot.

@Worriedmum87 welcome I don't have any answers sorry, I try and distract myself and focus on each small milestone at a time.

@ReeReeR I hope it's not too long until you need those appointments again, I did find it helpful. The mw is coming round today to get some things I've bought to donate to snowdrop and rosemary. Look after yourself today

@Worriedmum97 yes they do say that, but I'm afraid it doesn't bring me much comfort as had heartbeat at 9 weeks last time and had to terminate at 13. 5

Lots of messages!

@InDreamland good news on being 13 weeks, sorry for the retching and phlegm 😷 hope you start to feel a bit better soon

@rubyroot good news on the positive scan 🙂 how far along are you now?

@ReeReeR sending love 💜 today must be incredibly difficult. Be kind to yourself today. Stay here if this is where you feel most comfortable xx

Time has practically stopped @sadtoday21! I want the scan to check everything is OK but am petrified of getting bad news again 😔

@Worriedmum97 welcome, you're a couple of weeks ahead of me. I'm so sorry for your losses. So pleased you had a positive scan which matches your dates. I'm only 5+1 today, hopefully getting a scan sometime next week at the epu. I'm struggling a lot with anxiety too, dh kind of gets it but I'm not telling him the full extent. This group is really supportive. The best thing I keep reminding myself that today I am pregnant - that's the only thing that helps me. I can't change the future (as much as I wish I could!) ❤️

@VenusStarr how are you feeling? I like your attitude. Xx

It’s great to hear about your scan today @rubyroot I can however understand it’s not bringing much comfort. I hope the next mile stone comes quickly for you. Xx

So you probably remember last week I had a scan to check my ovaries due to one sided pain (arranged before pregnancy). The sonographer has a poker face and it was like getting blood out of a stone getting any reassurance. She just said my lining showed pregnancy. Anyway my gp has told me today the gestational sac was seen on the scan and it’s in the right place. I can’t believe she didn’t show us or tell us. I am however relieved and over the moon all is looking good so far. Xx

@Catconfusion I can't believe she didnt let you know then and there.
My 12 week scan is next Tuesday morning. I'll be 12+6 and I'm getting more worried.

That's great news @Catconfusion!! 😍 Can't believe she didn't tell you, but great it is in the right place and they could see it ❤️
I'm not too bad, had lots of bloating last night and was very tired - both reassured me. I sometimes feel guilty (not sure if that's the right word?) but when I feel a flash of optimism or hope, my head reminds me that I shouldn't be feeling that because it could all be over and then I feel bad. I'm not really explaining it well, but on the whole, I know I will be OK and I've not had any symptoms that concern me. It's exhausting, constantly thinking about everything xx

I know, it’s baffling @tinatsarina. The doctor thinks she didn’t want to get our hopes up in case there was a problem. The fact she hadn’t mentioned the sac gave me a lot of anxiety and all looked healthy so not sure why she wouldn’t share. I appreciate early pregnancy is a chargeable time but knowing the sac existed would have really helped.

Good luck with your scan. I hope Tuesday comes quickly. Completely understandable to be nervous.💐 xx

It’s so odd @VenusStarr but I’m very grateful it’s there.

I think I know what you mean about feeling bad when there are happy thoughts about the pregnancy in case it doesn’t work out. It’s a very personal time and we all feel differently but I’m trying to allow myself some excitement over this. I’m keeping at the back of my mind that it could go wrong while being vigilant with symptoms etc. Having a scan earlier this time is helping. Only a couple of weeks until I can go. During this time I’m just carrying on and letting those happy thoughts stay for a bit when they come. I’m pushing away the negative ones completely. I’ll deal with those should I have a reason to worry. You’re right it is exhausting but we’ll all get there and no matter what we’ll all be ok! Xx

Wow this thread moves fast.

Glad to hear the appointment went well @Bluebelltulip and you’re getting the monitoring you want

@catconfusion I’m the same with feeling weirdly guilty if i dare think positively or plan or look at baby things! It’s such a weird stressful time. I’m so jealous of women who are oblivious to this kind of worry and just really enjoy their pregnancy (I know everyone worries a bit but I feel like we are all on a heightened sense of alert).

I’m a bit stressed as yesterday I went for a walk and came back to a little bit of brown discharge/blood in my underwear. Spoke to the midwives who said brown should be ok if I’m not having cramps and to call back if it turns red/I start having more.
Absolutely nothing all day yesterday then I’ve got a tiny bit again today - again in my underwear but not when I wipe. I have enough to be worrying about without this! 😫

I think I’m going to see how it goes today and then contact my midwife tomorrow if it persists and get her to check the heart beat for me - midwife unit said at this gestation (18 weeks) the most they’ll do is check for heartbeat anyway.

My friend who is a midwife said a bit of spotting is normal but I think because I haven’t had any this pregnancy it’s freaked me out.

@Catconfusion what a total wanker!! I had a scan around the same time and saw tiny gestational sac. When's your next scan. Soon I take it?

@Bellasblankexpression my friend had some brown discharge around 24 weeks I think. She was in hospital for observation for a while. They never did find out what it was. Baby born at 40 weeks and fine. Bless you, it must be very stressful for you x

So I've bitten the bullet and I've booked myself in for local anaesthetic and start of root canal. I'll be 8 weeks exactly and have to say I'm absolutely shitting it. I can't wait anymore tho as I can feel the tooth hurting more as time goes on and have a sore throat. So I guess infection will be no good for baby. But I've been reading far too much about tetragenic effects of meds during furst trimester when all the organs are forming. I'm terrified, but feel like I've no choice. Was it @Frillyfarmer that had local during first trimester. I'm probably worrying over nothing!!

@rubyroot The risk is so much lower after a healthy scan at 8 weeks though. Unfortunately we know there are no guarantees but there are times when the risk dramatically reduces.

@Bluebelltulip oh that’s a lovely thing to do

@moonpeace I am ok. I am struggling a bit this week but have had a lot on I suppose and I feel like I’ve got PMT so no idea what my body / hormones are doing!

@Bellasblankexpression I think some spotting is normal but it is always scary especially if you haven’t had it before.

@Catconfusion I think you have the right approach tbh. You don’t lose anything by being excited.

@rubyroot What does the dentist say? Google is not our friend sometimes. I’m sure they wouldn’t do it if it was not deemed safe or worth the risk in 1st tri. But I would be the same as you in doing my own research.

I am slightly apprehensive because a family member is coming to visit later and I’ve had it in my head for a few weeks that she might be pregnant - only because she mentioned a doctor’s appointment once and I haven’t really seen her. Well, also because my mum twice asked me “isn’t X pregnant yet?” shortly after we lost our daughter and that planted a seed. If she is, fine, obviously, and I want her to be happy, but I really hope she doesn’t come to tell me that face to face today when it’s 6 months to the day that we had our first baby and a week after an early MC! DH and I are taking it out on each other. I don’t know how excited I can be for her today! She asked to come over and I didn’t want to say no as she is going abroad next week for a few months. I don’t know if she realises it’s 6 m today, she doesn’t know about MC and it might not have occurred to her I might find her news difficult but then I again I could have made it all up 😫

Can I ask why there's another thread? 'Pregnancy after miscarriage' with same people in it?

@ReeReeR definitely stick around here if you're comfortable and need to vent. Sending you lots of hugs today, it must be so hard for you and you are being so strong. I hope your family member has some compassion and doesn't just pregnancy bomb you, especially today of all days. Sensitivity is in order.

@Worriedmum97 welcome to the thread and anxiety after pregnancy loss. I really believe that you won't get more supportive ladies than here for dealing with our situation. Feel free to share your worries but also the good news.

@rubyroot glad you had a good scan. I know you don't necessarily feel it will give you a lot of confidence yet but it is a good sign little bean is developing in there. For you your milestone is further along but you're well on your way to it. Great that you're booking in the 10w scan and Harmony test. Keeping my fx for you! The aches, twinges and pains should be a positive sign that things are growing and moving about.

@moonpeace only just dipping toe into second trimester now but last boss knew about this pregnancy pretty early on and then I told my new one when I started new job because I felt bad if I didn't say anything. Plus, I knew if anything went wrong again I would need the support. All kept confidential though. No one else knows. I'm not in that telling people place yet. If you feel comfortable telling your manager then do, they'll have to make sure they do risk assessment and you get time off for your appointments. People may guess when bump starts to get obvious. It's a tough one, especially after a loss (losses).

@Catconfusion I wonder why sonographer didn't say anything. Very odd. You'd think she'd at least say ectopic is ruled out.

@Bellasblankexpression hope it's nothing sinister or to worry about. You must be so worried though. This 24 hour knicker watch never ends right?

@VenusStarr thank you. I think it's good you're having some moments of optimism. It's important to have some positivity no matter how short lived. Hopefully as your pregnancy progresses it will shift to more optimism than anxiety.

When does everyone start buying maternity clothes? I'm beginning to struggle but too scared to buy then something goes wrong ......jinxing worry.

@ReeReeR the dentist said its safe. But I know of others whose dentist wouldn't do fillings til 2nd trimester. I know I'm probably being silly. And unlike a filling I don't really have much choice

@nzs2019 it’s a thread with some of on who started on ‘first pregnancy missed miscarriage’ thread. You are more than welcome to chip in there I’m sure.

Thanks @ReeReeR I’m surprising myself at how cool I feel. It might not last but for now I’m feeling good. I really hope your family member isn’t insensitive enough to do that. Really not cool. You’re dealing with enough right now to be loaded up with something like that. Xx

@Bellasblankexpression

@rubyroot well done and I’m sure you’ll be fine. I can understand the anxiety though. My dentist has told me I can delay mine and it’s not very symptomatic at the moment. He’s made me a mouth guard to wear so I don’t make it worse by grinding. We’re going to reevaluate in a couple of weeks. It’s such a difficult call to make but I think you’re right if there’s any potential infection. My 7 week scan should be in a couple of weeks. We’re looking forward to knowing more. I feel ok with wait though at the moment.

@Bellasblankexpression I really hope your spotting stops completely. I know someone who had this and it was absolutely fine but can appreciate your worry.

I’m actually feeling pretty good. My DH said earlier he’s very proud with how I’m handling this. Currently I feel in control with a good balance of positivity and just letting those darker thoughts wash over me. We’ll see though as I have a very long way to go! Xx

@nzs2019 its just another thread and I guess other people join many other threads. I'm not on there, but I'm still on 40+ TTC as the ladies on there are so great.

@Catconfusion you're so lucky you can delay. I really wanted to delay another 4 weeks, but my sore throat and headache is making me think it's not a wise idea. Even though I've booked an appt I'm still so unsure.

Oh, right  thanks.

@InDreamland I wasn't going to buy any maternity clothes yet as didn't want to jinx anything but needs must as bump seems to have appeared out of nowhere and I had to buy some maternity work trousers yesterday! My other ones were cutting into my hips!
So comfy to wear today and didn't feel like I was going to pop out of my trousers.
I need to get some jeans next as I wore jeans out for a meal yesterday and had to have them undone with a hair bobble around the button 🤦🏻‍♀️

The hairbobble around the button trick 😂 . I had to do that from ten weeks--tho I think a lot of that was bloat. @nzs2019 remind me of how many weeks you are x