The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

@VenusStarr I think you've got your scan today? Really hope it all goes well for you xxx

Awk @Avocuddles I know it must be such a worrying time for you. But I love the wee reminder, different egg, different sperm, different pregnancy so just keep thinking of that

Gosh all these birth stories  It's fine as I still can't actually believe I'm going to have a baby...

@Avocuddles I'm hoping she will be keen to make a good impression and will be nice to me...
My DH is the complete opposite. He's so convinced everything will be fine I'm finding it quite annoying. In fact my mum and friend are the same. In their worlds pregnancy = baby

I actually made it out of the house yesterday and told my friend then we walked 3.5 miles with the dogs which almost killed me! I've cancelled my plans for today as not ready to tell those friends yet and still feeling sick. I might try to get a dr appointment today so I don't have to feel like this all weekend but I'm worried I'll get an unsympathetic dr - I have such anxiety around medical appointments it's ridiculous and sometimes makes me cry when I get in the room which is very very embarrassing

Good luck to everyone having scans today

Today is our EDD for our first baby and I'm trying not to think about it. Dh has obviously forgotten and I didn't remind him...

@rubyroot I know the risks are lower but there are still risks and we all know on here women lose their babies after their 12w scans and that it still isn't guaranteed I'll have a healthy living bubsy to bring home in February. It's been a long journey for me and still no living children. I'm just so anxious. I don't want to be in that 1-2%.

@Beaglemum93 glad the appointment went well. Does MATB1 have to be given by 25w? I thought it was by 6w before you want SMP to start so usually by 6w before mat leave starts. I thought that you do have to inform your employer of your intention to take mat leave by 25w but can do without MATB1 ..........that said it's been a long time since I done HR admin, the more senior you go the less of these admin processes you get involved in. I'd better check our policy so I follow it properly.

Interesting reading all your birth plan stories vs reality. My head is so not in that space yet, I think if I get there I'll give general guide on what I know I definitely do and don't want.

@janey15 look after yourself today. Maybe remind DH?

Good luck to all those having scans today too x

Thanks for thinking of me @Mistymeow, it's not good news 💔 looking at my second missed miscarriage. There is a foetal pole now but no heartbeat and still measuring 5 weeks but I'm 7 from lmp and early ovulation means this is only ending one way. Got a scan in 2 weeks but waiting for the inevitable, again. I thought mmc were rare but guess I'm one of the unlucky ones. The mass has gone, was probably one of my fibroids. X

Hey guys

About me..

I am 40
2 children already - 14 & 16 yrs old
Fell pregnant in Feb and lost baby in May. This was an absolute shocking and traumatic time, I had some bleeding and was given a scan, they told me it was a MMC. I had to wait another week for second scan but miscarried naturally half way through.
The hardest thing was going back to work, I still had people coming over to me to congratulate me, rumours spread fast in the large work place and people knew that I didn’t even know.

Anyway, cycle # 4 since MC and I’m pregnant again 🤩. Tested early. 6 days early, faint line on cheap test, then did a digital and said pregnant. I’m not feeling particularly different at the minute. Is this normal? I can’t remember when I started to feel pregnant last time.

I’ve booked a private scan for 6 weeks and hope doctor will also send me in for a reassurance scan on the nhs due to previous MC.

I feel like I’m not taking this one seriously. That I have this shadow hanging over me.. this cloud...

I’m so so sorry @VenusStarr my heart absolutely breaks for you. Such sad news for you both. Can they not see you sooner like in a week to confirm? Seems like an awful two weeks of waiting. My thoughts are with you. Rest up and take care. I hope your recovery is as smooth as possible. Xxx

@VenusStarr I am so sorry to hear your heartbreaking news. Thinking of you xxxx

@VenusStarr I'm so so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how you're feeling. As @Catconfusion said, two weeks seems like an awfully long time to wait. I'm so sorry xxx

Oh @VenusStarr I'm so sorry to read your update. You don't deserve this but you WILL get your rainbow. Hang in there my darling and hope to see you back here with positive news soon xxx

Welcome @Jojowash. Hope you're here for the duration and this is the start of a happy and healthy 9 months xxx

Dr has given me promethazine but she was reluctant as I'm not actually vomiting and now I feel like I shouldn't take it?
She also offered to sign me off work next week but I so don't want to miss the start of the school year. I've missed it once before due to surgery and I missed the beginning of term in January this year after my miscarriage and it just makes the rest of the year so much more stressful. Now I feel guilty and not even sure if it's relevant as I'm worried about getting past my scan on Tuesday - arghhh!
I hate moaning about being pregnant too - sorry for the selfish post

@Jojowash I'm really sorry for your loss and with you the best for this pregnancy. I was referred for a scan by my GP because he thought my MC was quite late at 8 weeks. So hopefully your GP will refer you too.

I did my test a couple of days before AF was due and didn't feel pregnant then. It was after coming back from a wedding and I started to get a lot more tired over the week after that. As if I never recovered from the long day of the wedding.

When I had my MC, everyone at church knew about it and I found it helpful, but I think it was because everyone who knew about it came to me and hugged me, told me how sorry they felt for us and most people actually told us about miscarriages they'd had too which I hadn't previously known about most of them. I'm sorry it didn't work out like that with your colleagues though. It sounds like you've been left not knowing who knows about it which i would feel like a bit of an invasion of my privacy. I've had a few people not mention it at all like my MIL. I think some people don't want to make people sad by bringing up sad things... I assume she has told lots of other people about it though based on how many things she has told me about other people's personal business when she shouldn't have. It's fine but if she tries to talk to me about my mc once she learns I am pregnant again I won't have it.

It's hard to know what the right thing to do/ say is I suppose. Although gossiping is never the right thing.

@ChikiTIKI

Thank you!

Yeah. At work the word had spread I was pregnant far and wide, I work at a school, so it had even spread to some kids parents without my knowledge, sadly people weren't so quick to spread the word I'd lost it, so first few weeks had lots of people coming over saying congrats, whilst I was working, I had to quickly say ' no sorry I've lost baby' to which people were embarrassed with various different reactions.

I'm not wishing the symptoms on myself but at least I feel pregnant, saying that I still remember I felt pregnant up until the scan, still had strong positive tests, so nothing will satisfy me apart from seeing baby on screen. Hence why I've already booked scan and will probably have one every few weeks

I'm so sorry @VenusStarr.

Hi all, I'm sorry to share this news when there's been some bad news so recently.

I had a scan at 10 weeks 2 days on Tuesday and just have had nipt results back which are all low risk. Consuktant said she expected low risks so I'm so happy with the resukts. I cried like a baby.

I'm still nervous, I'm nearly 41 and so there could be other issues. But I need to be more positive moving forward

@VenusStarr I am so sorry to hear that. I also had two mmc in a row and it felt very cruel. I would see if you can be seen earlier than two weeks at catconfusion says, not good for you to be waiting so long. See if you can see your gp and discuss your concerns about the fibroid. For now, rest up and take your time.
@rubyroot that’s really great, so pleased!

I am so sorry to read your update @VenusStarr.

Sorry I'm so quiet ladies, I have little to add but I am reading x

@VenusStarr so sorry to see your update. Thinking of you at this difficult time.

@rubyroot great news on the NIPT results

@VenusStarr

So so sorry

@rubyroot

Aww great news xx

@VenusStarr So so sorry to hear your news.

I really don't think missed miscarriages are as rare as people say they are. Maybe it was less common to find out via a scan when scans were less widely available.

I agree about the missed miscarriages @TinyPaws @VenusStarr they're not rare. I think they're more common than is made out.

My sonographer said she didn't diagnose miscarriages as types when I had my mmc. Sac was 6.5 weeks with nothing inside and I was 9 weeks pregnant.

Also all the miscarriages that occur before 12 weeks and without scans. Some people just miscarry and don't have scans, but they could miscarry at 11 weeks and never know that baby had say stopped growing at 9. Anecdotally I know of quite a few people in real life (so not just on mumsnet) who have gone to scans and found out baby has stopped growing... So mmc.
There tends to be this attitude that although lots of people say it on mumsnet its not representative and so this statistic of 2 percent of miscarriages are missed is correct. Personally, I think that stat is inaccurate.

@VenusStarr mmc are very difficult of course, but you are not abnormal because you have had two. Look after yourself, drink wine and eat brie and get cuddles from your nearest and dearest.
You will get your rainbow. Some of us really do have to work very hard at it. Allow yourself to grieve and sending thoughts your way

@VenusStarr I re read your post again and I really don't want to get your hopes up etc, but was there a yolk sac too? Is there any way the heartbeat is just yet to start up? Its just that i do know of someone who had similar to you about the same time and went back for a scan (can't remember if 1 or 2 weeks) and heartbeat was showing. As I said I don't want to get your hopes up, so sorry if this seems insensitive etc, I'm just thinking you might want to hold off with ibuprofen and wine etc.. Just in case x