The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

@chikiTIKI hope the brown is just that.. A bit of spotting and nothing more. I had left sided pain quite bad until 8 weeks, no explanation (could have been luteal cyst but sonographer said it shouldn't really hurt) and now still get lots of weird pains all over so the pains don't necessarily mean anything although I realise it's unnerving. Will you get a private scan for reassurance?

Thanks @rubyroot hopefully my one sided pain is something similar to what yours was. I'm feeling tired and a bit emotional. Hopefully I will be fine once I have an early night and start again tomorrow. Wondering if I need my iron checked I'm so tired this afternoon!!

I was looking at early scans (private companies) but not sure. One of them only does abdominal ones and the other wasn't clear. I think it's a bit soon for an abdominal scan. I am also still kind of hopeful that my local hospital will do a scan soon. If I am paying for a private scan I also kind of want to hold out and get the NIPT. I first want to find out if I am pregnant with twins though. (I realise I am probably not but just have a feeling).

@ChikiTIKI I'm currently fucking exhausted. All normal. You're growing a baby, imagine all the energy that goes into that. Dieant help that my head pounds when I lie down so I have to sit up all night 🙄😂

Doesn't

@rubyroot it's awful isn't it. My head is killing me since the nap (I tried to avoid it but it just happened to me!! Lol) I usually drink many pints of water with cordial throughout the day but I can't have cordial any more as sweet things leave a horrible bitter taste in my mouth. So I am not as hydrated as normal. I also naturally have low blood pressure. When I was pregnant with DD I had my booking in appointment feeling like this and when they did the blood tests at the end I threw up!!

Hi all

@ChikiTIKI I have started feeling exhausted every afternoon in the past few days so you're not alone with that one! I've been firmly told that in my area there are no early nhs scans unless you are bleeding so I've booked one for next week. The chain I have booked with (window to the womb) definitely offers internal scans, as will any place that offers them prior to 8 weeks. I have a tilted uterus which makes it even harder to see things externally so I look forward to my appointment with what can only be described as 'dildo cam'....!

@InDreamland glad you got a scan booked, let us know how you get on. Hope it gives you at least temporary reassurance.

I'm having quite a lot of discharge today but it seems to be clear so hoping it's a good thing?

Exhaustion has hit and I'm only 4+1 😴😴 and any wee random cramps are so worrying. It's awful that it's such an anxious time. Wish I could fast forward to 6 week scan! Hope you are all well 😘

@Avocuddles my uterus is tilted too so abdominal scan definitely no good then.

Afternoon @FirstTimeMama91! I had lots of cramps and twinges from about 3.5 weeks, they seem to have settled down the past few days (I'm 6 weeks now), no nausea to speak of but am generally quite gassy, boobs are achy and I'm feeling far more tired than usual so I'm hoping that things are ok. These first weeks go SOOOOOOOO slowly! Hope you are looking after yourself and also keeping yourself busy to hopefully help the days pass that little bit quicker x

@Bluebelltulip hope all goes well for your scan tomorrow! Sorry it's mixed emotions for holiday prepping. I have similar feelings as DC1 from first pregnancy should be 7 months old now and we had planned a September hols to be their first trip abroad. Baby from pregnancy no.2 should be 6 weeks old. This all feels very odd as I'm anxious about baby no.3 making it through to full term and surviving this holiday we go on next week for 2 weeks. Head is all over the place.

@ChikiTIKI sorry you've had some spotting. Hopefully because it's brown it's just some old blood that's come loose.

Thanks ladies. Either I'll get a few days of reassurance or my world will come crashing down again. I'm petrified. A few more people know now and I'm worried that's jinxed it.

How was the midwife appointment @Beaglemum93 hope it went well and all is looking positive still.

@InDreamland you are extremely unlikely to miscarry now you're past 12 weeks, please remember that. Really the next milestone is your anomaly scan, so try and rest easy until then.

@Bluebelltulip sorry missed that update. Very good luck for tomorrow, I realise it must be very anxiety inducing for you given your history, though its also unlikely that lightening will strike twice. Will be thinking if you x

@InDreamland the appointment was fine, she listened briefly for the heartbeat and he kicked the doppler but she didn't measure heart rate or anything so no more reassuring than me checking it myself. I was an idiot and forgot to ask about the MATB1 form so now I have to chase that up because it needs to be given to your employer by 25 weeks. I did get the whooping cough vaccine at least so I guess there was some point to it.

I'm just surprised at how different these appointments are in different areas. Most people seem to have the foetal heart rate checked at 16 weeks and start having discussions about birth plans etc. I'm starting to worry she's just not bothering with me because she expects it to go wrong again. At least I'm seeing the consultant next week.

@Beaglemum93 I don't think that will be the case, perhaps you are feeling a bit sensitive and overthinking it. They don't measure heartrate at midwives appointments and you ate lucky if you get to listen to it as some don't really like to do it.

Birth plans at 16 weeks! I've never heard of such a thing! I was well past 30 weeks when they mentioned it and it was very brief.
Honestly, birth plans are a waste of time as when it happens that plan could ho out the window.

@janey15 I haven't been sick yet either, doctor didn't seem to mind! Honestly it has made the world of difference - I've gone from sofa bound with cbbc on all day to doing all my normal activities (with a nap after lunch and never being out of arms reach of a snack!). Also I saw what you said about eating while teaching - although not ideal I basically said last time that I'd have to eat when I needed to and they put it in my risk assessment so no one could challenge it.

@Frillyfarmer how did the gtt go? It took all my willpower not to be sick immediately after drinking that rank drink on an empty stomach last time!

@Yukka glad that book ended up in the bin - she doesn't know squat about babies!!

Anyone else still totally in denial about being pregnant? Honestly any time i think about it my brain stops me and diverts to something else! Hopefully scan next week will let me start to accept it.

@Navy123 thank you. I'm going to drs on Monday. My dr is so lovely and supportive so I'm not really worried. There's really no alternative to snacking at work is there? My friend/colleague today said they just go in the cupboard if they need a snack in her room but I don't have a cupboard! 😂 I'll see how our new head reacts!

Thanks @Avocuddles that's reassuring 😘 I'm back to work now (teacher) so deff keeping myself busy 🙈 you're right that it goes so slowly. I just can't wait to get past the milestones of 6 and 7 weeks (2 previous MCs) but suppose will just have to take each day as it comes! Hope you're taking care of yourself too x

Glad your appointment went well @Beaglemum93. I need to sort a Drs app for a MATB form too. Have been putting it off as I haven't even really thought about when I will go off on leave, I haven't really dared believe I will get to maternity leave again. Do you know what you will do? I will probably take the full year again like I did with DD, but no idea when I will go off... depends on when I get my section date.

That made me laugh @rubyroot! I actually cringe a little bit when I think of my well thought out, nicely typed up birth plan... it was completely shot to shit and DD's birth nothing like it! 😂

Will be thinking of you lovely ladies tomorrow @InDreamland and @Bluebelltulip. I am sure all will go well but I will be sending positive vibes and virtual hugs xxx

Ps - @Yukka that's definitely the best place for the Gina Ford book! Well done to your DH!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue well I was trying to be diplomatic saying go out the window, but I like your phrase shot to shit.
Having spoken to quite a few people about birth etc I decided not to make a birth plsn, but I dud write that of prefer not to have epidural and pethidine.

Fast orward and after three days of pessaries to be induced, they broke waters and started the dreaded drip. After spending two hours on gas and air, I was begging for pethidine and then begging for epidural. The anaesthetist came and read the consent and effects etc... I didn't hear any of it just nodded my head and signed as fast as I could.
I ended up dilated to 9cm but half of cervix still hard as baby in wrong position so finally had a c section.

I had what felt like mild ptsd afterwards and boyfriend found it difficult too. Had I planned a perfect waterbirth I may have found the reality even more difficult.
But hey, when they're out it's great and the bad memories of birth exoerience soon fade into oblivion.
Don't mean to put a downer on it as many women have lovely and easy pregnancies but the way u saw it if the waterbirth happens it happens, if it doesn't then it doesn't.

I saw it, not u. Sorry for typos

@rubyroot I feel the same RE waterbirth. I was induced as high risk GD/PE and wasn't allowed a water birth but to be honest given the unpredictability of childbirth I still think it's batshit they insist on "well thought out" birth plans. I can dream of a more natural, deep breathing affair this time round but realistically it will probably be another date with four million pessaries and the hormone drop again!

RE movements, I think I've been feeling little popping bubbles since 10 weeks? It isn't gas, and I feel as though I can feel more on one side, little flutters and flickers almost. My first was anterior and this time we're posterior so a lot earlier but it feels like movement.

@Navy123 GTT in the morning - been nil by mouth since 8pm (after inhaling allllllll the spaghetti as quickly as possible).

Your birth experience sounds very like mine @rubyroot! Except I'd planned for this hypnobirthing, water experience. I'd done the classes, listened to the CDs, drank the fucking tea, you name it, I'd done it; I was ready. Shame my body wasn't. Two weeks over due, two days of pessaries, then the drip and I was begging for pain relief!! (Bloody loved diamorphine 😜) Another 18 hours later and my DD's heart rate was dropping so to theatre it was. I beat myself up about it for a long time after. It felt like I'd failed. After all, so much of what I'd been told and read was about how if we only breath right and think right, then we can control the experience. Good for you if your birth goes "to plan", but I wish women weren't sold this ideal birth. Anyway, I don't want to scare the ladies on here! So any first timers; the main thing is that it's all immaterial once your baby is here and as the years pass it matters even less. Have preferences, not a plan, and keep an open mind as all the matters is mother and baby's safety.

The only thing I am going to request this time (if I get that far!) is skin to skin after the section and to breastfeed ASAP. I also want to look into expressing colostrum ahead of my section as I've read a bit but not sure how it works, if it is beneficial to supply etc.

Anyway, I need to sleep now! Hugs to all; no matter what happens in pregnancy, birth and beyond - positive pants on, we've got this ladies xxxx

@janey15 I'm sure the head will be understanding about the need for snacks but hope the conversation goes ok and leaves you feeling at ease.

@Beaglemum93 glad your appointment went ok. As the others say a long way to go yet to figure out birth plans but hope you get your Mat leave sorted ASAP.

@Navy123 the one who is in denial about the pregnancy isn't so much me as my DH. He was very shaken by the experience of my miscarriage and the moment he's (quite sensibly) not letting himself thinking about the possibility of us finally having a child. I really hope we have a positive scan next week and then he might relax a little as well as me, although i know there's still plenty of risk even if we do see a heartbeat.

Thanks @FirstTimeMama91. I'm around my milestones now. First time round I miscarried 20 days after I found out that I was pregnant, and was probably just over 7 weeks. This time round I had a very early BFP at 9 days post ovulation. I found out I was pregnant 19 days ago and I'm currently 6+2 so feel like I'm very much in the 'danger zone' at the moment. If I can get to the end of next week at least I'll know I lasted longer, but I don't think the anxiety will ease. I'm at peak knicker watch at the moment 

@InDreamland @Bluebelltulip I hope your appointments go well.

I've just home after spending the evening at a comedy night in a local brewery! I noticed a box of decaf tea behind the counter so got them to make me one had the tiniest taste of DHs beer (literally wet my lips) but didn't feel particularly envious with my loving steaming mug of Yorkshire! ☕️

Thanks @janey15 @sadtoday21 @Dimblebimble @InDreamland for the suggestions. I might try a face mask first and then move on if it’s still greasy. My pregnancy glow is the reflection of my shiny forehead!
@InDreamland good luck for your scan, don’t blame you wanting to have a quick look as it’s a long wait for the 20 weeks scan when you’re anxious.
@VenusStarr been thinking about you, how are you doing?
@ChikiTIKI how is the spotting now? I had a one off bit of brown last week and all was well, it was an irritated cervix caused by the progesterone pessary. It’s likely yours was caused by the exercise, the cervix is very sensitive.
@dimblebimble you should be offered a scan at 7 weeks and 9 weeks. I only had one appointment at rmc and fell pregnant a week later, but I’m still under their care and this is their policy. It should be the same for you. Sounds like everything is progressing well. I’m getting nausea and fatigue, started at 6 weeks. It hits in the morning (standard morning sickness!) and the fatigue is bad at around 3pm. Even though it’s a nuisance it is reassuring. How are you doing?

Does anyone have cravings? I always want the plasticky melted cheese and curry (not together!)