The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

Hello @rubyroot and all - sorry to have been quiet, am still here, although mostly lurking rather than posting because it moves so quickly! Hope everyone is broadly OK and navigating the wobbles alright.

Have made it to 9w4 now, which feels like progress, and am largely happy, relatively calm and trying to enjoy things a bit. I still worry about an mmc, especially as I haven't had a scan since 5w5, but am trying to focus on the fact that I haven't had one of those before, the odds are 80% that everything is OK, and even if it isn't, I can't control or influence it anyway. It's sort of helping, although my Google search history would tell you a different story.

NT scan in just under two weeks though, which I am simultaneously really looking forward to and dreading. We're actually going on holiday to see my in-laws the next day, which will either be lovely (sharing scan picture if we get one) or bloody dreadful if it does all go wrong, but at least I'll be in Scotland with easy access to consolatory whisky and baked goods.

@sadtoday21 I hear you about Mumsnet both soothing and feeding the nerves - at least in my case, sometimes the more I know, the more I find to worry about. Sometimes sitting with my fingers in my ears going 'Lalalala' is the best coping strategy I have! :)

Am glad you're finally getting your tooth seen to @rubyroot, it's led you a right merry dance, hasn't it? Hope all goes OK at the dentists tonight and you show that pesky dentine who's boss :)

Awww nice to hear from you @DuvetCaterpillar and glad to hear things are going well. Good luck for 12 week scan, let us know how you get on x.

@Mistymeow fx for tomorrows scan. Hope all will be looking healthy with a strong HB.

@Bluebelltulip melon sounds lovely in this weather. Good decision to stay in and not face the heat.

@rubyroot hahaha thanks. Not sure if it's pregnancy insomnia or just unable to get comfortable. I'm trying to practice sleeping on my side, I'm okay for short periods then need to shift to the other side. I like to sleep on my front or back and of course front is now impossible as belly in the way. Hope the dentist appointment goes well. Sounds like you're really suffering so hopefully you'll feel better after.

@Yukka lovely to hear from you and to hear all goes well with DD. I can't believe she is already 6w! Where does the time go? Although this pregnancy is really dragging. Thanks for your tips on labour and birth. I'm not in that head space yet but hopefully I get there and will then be frantically looking for your post! Might just screenshot it actually. I'm impressed at how well you managed it. Sounds like a dream birth. I don't think anyone has added to the roll call since I started the new thread so time I think for an update.

@sadtoday21 this does move fast doesn't it. Good luck for your scan on Friday! I am going to get a scan booked in for this week hopefully.

@sadtoday21 good luck with the scan on Friday - ita a major milestone to reach and hopefully soon you will be able to relax a little more as each week progresses.

@Avocuddles - I also started going after mc, during pregnancy I went every 3 weeks after 12 weeks, then at 34 weeks we went weekly again. At 37 weeks she changed the treatment to focus on a natural birth and I had one more session of that before baby came. i found it really helpful in staying calm an shedding my worries throughout the months. Symptoms are so hard because they do vary hugely by person and pregnancy but stick with the base - no pain and no bleeding together is good x

This was our last roll call. Please add yourself if you're not on it yet (of course you don't have to if you're not comfortable yet):

@Melpops3638- EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93- 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81- 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue- 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends- 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79- 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip- 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace- 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21- 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth- 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina- 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer- 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar- 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

@Yukka!!! Great to her from you! Glad you and little Yukka are doing well. Don't stress about routine, no six week old needs one! I found it much better for baby (and my sanity) to be baby led. There comes a time when the routine just sort of comes in naturally. Anyway, really pleased you're enjoying motherhood. The smiles are the best!

@DuvetCaterpillar 9+4 is great! I feel like other people's pregnancies go really quickly! Keeping all crossed and positive pants on for your scan.

@avocuddles 35 EDD 22/4/20 (that's the first time I've dared to put that in writing....)

@Yukka thanks, that sounds sensible, much as the weekly sessions have been relaxing (and potentially contributed to helping me get pregnant again in spite of a historically very irregular cycle) I definitely couldn't afford to keep that up for the duration, so every few weeks would be great. Thanks also for your reassuring words re lack of symptoms. I had quite a bit of cramping initially but this has settled down over the past few days. I'm hoping it's a good sign, but know only time will tell.....

Thanks ladies 😘 so glad to be back in this thread 💕 I know it's very early days but adding myself to the roll call, going to let myself be positive and excited 🌈

@Melpops3638- EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93- 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81- 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue- 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends- 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79- 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip- 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace- 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21- 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth- 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina- 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer- 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar- 34 - EDD 27/03/2020
@FirstTimeMama1991 - 28 - EDD 07/05/2020

Will update properly later when I'm on my laptop but just wanted to say we had a viability scan at the IVF clinic today at 6+2 and we saw a heartbeat almost straight away! I was honestly surprised as I was expecting the worst and it's only now starting to sink in.

Baby measured 1 day behind, gestational sac measured exactly to dates, yolk sac is on larger side of normal but still less than 5mm, and there is some sort of fluid collection in my uterus that may be the source of the bleeding but it is very tiny and not currently posing a threat to the baby. They didn't measure the heart rate but it was flashing away nice and quick.

I have googled everything like a maniac and what I have found had been mostly reassuring. I recognise that I'm not in a healthy place with regards to anxiety but as I suspected this would happen I referred myself to the local NHS psychological therapies a few weeks ago and my telephone assessment is tomorrow.

I've taken the liberty of adding myself to the roll call and aim to reply to everyone properly once I get a moment with my laptop.

@Melpops3638- EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93- 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81- 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue- 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends- 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79- 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip- 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace- 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21- 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth- 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina- 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer- 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar- 34 - EDD 27/03/2020
@TinyPaws 33 EDD 19/4/20
@Avocuddles 35 EDD 22/04/20
@FirstTimeMama1991 - 28 - EDD 07/05/2020

@TinyPaws great news re your scan! So glad everything is looking ok and you saw that lovely heartbeat.
It's good that you've acknowledged that some psychological support might be helpful to you. I hope your assessment goes well and you get an outcome that is helpful to you and helps make the stressful experience of pregnancy a little more bearable x

@FirstTimeMama91 - welcome back, fingers are crossed this works out for you!

@TinyPaws great to hear that you saw a heartbeat but also that you’ve self referred, I did the same when I found out about this pregnancy and to be honest even the initial telephone assessment was a relief as it was good to say some of my concerns out loud to someone.

Hope I don’t mess this roll call up...also my first time daring to join it.

@Melpops3638- EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93- 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81- 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue- 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends- 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79- 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip- 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@coconutlatte44 - 33 - EDD 22/1/20
@moonpeace- 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21- 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth- 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina- 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer- 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar- 34 - EDD 27/03/2020
@TinyPaws 33 EDD 19/4/20
@Avocuddles 35 EDD 22/04/20
@FirstTimeMama1991 - 28 - EDD 07/05/2020

It's great to hear from you @Yukka. Glad you're both doing well :)

Congratulations on your good scan @TinyPaws, seeing a heartbeat is great news!

@Melpops3638- EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93- 26 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81- 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue- 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends- 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79- 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip- 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@coconutlatte44 - 33 - EDD 22/1/20
@moonpeace- 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21- 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth- 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina- 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer- 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar- 34 - EDD 27/03/2020
@TinyPaws 33 EDD 19/4/20
@Avocuddles 35 EDD 22/04/20
@FirstTimeMama1991 - 28 - EDD 07/05/2020

Thanks @coconutlatte44 it's good to be back 😘🌈

@FirstTimeMama91 welcome back. I was here for a few days, then bled, but now I've been back 8 weeks. Let's hope this one sticks for both of us x.

@Yukka excellent birth story, glad it was so easy for you.

@TinyPaws excellent news on scan, I don't think thy measure heartbeat so earlier as it is more viewed as a flutter, least that is what was described to me, so perhaps they can't measure it at that stage.

@Indreamland there's very little risk of lying on your back, although I understand your anxiety. If you are going to worry about it though, at least wait til the third trimester! I woke up several times heavily pregnant on my back, yes I shat myself, but I've read that you would wake up naturally before cutting off blood supply to fetus and its only really relevant in final trimester when you are heavily pregnant.

I found a pregnancy pillow helped me to both lie on my side and to get comfortable, I bought one of those super long ones in a u shape. Almost as long as me! Very useful for afterwards too in the early stages of breastfeeding, esp cos I had a c section.

Wow I've missed a lot since I last looked at this thread!

In a bit of a hurry so won't name names but congratulations on those positive scans ladies!

I'm 7 weeks today which feels very strange as completely new territory for me! Scan in 6 days and I'm struggling to manage my worries that it's all gone wrong. Those of you that have referred for help, have you just gone through your local nhs self-referral system? I was googling local counselling last night so might go down that route instead.

My cold is starting to improve and I actually went out last night for a group meal and really enjoyed it. It was a very welcome distraction!

@Melpops3638- EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93- 26 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81- 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue- 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends- 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79- 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip- 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@coconutlatte44 - 33 - EDD 22/1/20
@moonpeace- 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21- 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth- 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina- 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer- 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar- 34 - EDD 27/03/2020
@janey15 - 34 -EDD 16/04/2020
@TinyPaws 33 EDD 19/4/20
@Avocuddles 35 EDD 22/04/20
@FirstTimeMama1991* - 28 - EDD 07/05/2020

Hopefully I've managed to add myself.

Lastly, have any of you told someone outside of your family before 12 weeks? I'm thinking of telling a friend today so that I've got someone who knows when work starts next week.

Xxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I find the same, everyone else's pregnancies fly by whilst mine just drags which I know is impossible haha as time is the same for us all. Did the new link work for you?

@Avocuddles lovely to see you joining the roll call. It is nerve wracking putting it in writing for the first time, I was nervous doing it. I'm also getting acupuncture, as often as I can since 3 months before this BFP.

@FirstTimeMama91 our first May EDD!!!!!

@TinyPaws @coconutlatte44 so nice you're joining the roll call too. @TinyPaws great news on your scan!

@rubyroot thank you. I will worry about it, especially after reading the NHS and Tommy's advice. So thought I'd practice now. I'm being stupid right?

Why oh why do people have to drink coffee on the train? 🤢 I was doing so well this morning and enjoying the cooler temperature.

@janey15 lovely to hear from you and that your cold is getting better. Before 12w my manager was told and I confided in a couple of people as I just needed support. I've still not told many people. No colleagues know yet and a few friends now know but I fear every time I tell anyone it's jinxing it and it'll then all go wrong and I'll have to untell.

@InDreamland I didn't know it was NHS advice and neither did my midwives during my last pregnancy! When I asked them about it they shrugged their shoulders and said they had no clue.

It's also NHS advice not to cosleep with baby, but I'm afraid that went out of the window when my little one was born. 😂

No, in all honesty, of course you try and follow nhs advice, but if you do wake on your back, dont worry. Chances are nothing will have happened nd you'd awake naturally if you were putting too much weight on that vein anyhow. Do get a preggo pillow tho, lifesaver!

Hi @janey15. I've told a friend and if I see any other close friends in person over the next few weeks I'll probably tell them. My theory is that if you'd tell them if you miscarried, then then you might as well let them know and have their support during this challenging time. My closest friends all know what I went through so they would know that early pregnancy is a frightening time for me and that any congratulations they give are very tentative for now....
I haven't told anyone at work yet but suspect that a couple of colleagues (the ones who know about my loss) have a good idea that I'm either pregnant or undergoing fertility treatment as I have a fair few medical appointments in my diary.
Glad you're feeling better and enjoyed your meal last night!

@InDreamland i know exactly what you mean about time moving SO slowly.
I have another acupuncture session tonight. My acupuncturist specialises in fertility and has had me crying on her numerous times! I do think that it helped to shorten my menstrual cycle and I'm hoping it will support me through a successful pregnancy too. Fingers crossed! x

Regarding sleeping on your back @InDreamland I always sleep on my back and in this pregnancy and last, made a pillow pile so I can lay backwards but at an angle. So I am sleeping on my back but on a slope so I'm not flat. I do sleep on my sides but find this to be my most comfortable position. Not sure what advice is on laying at an angle on your back though! Not sure I want to know!

I hear you on the cosleeping @rubyroot! I coslept with DD from about three months (when I realised all the books were lies!) until she was gone 2. I also breastfed until she was 2.3 (but only at bedtime by then) and found cosleeping a brilliant way of getting sleep and doing night feeds! I hope to breastfeed and cosleep again as I found it the best solution. I'm too lazy! Cant imagine getting up in the night and dealing with bottles and putting baby back in a cot! Plus I loved the closeness and snuggles

Great news on reaching 7 weeks @janey15! And I'm glad you're feeling better.

Lovely to see your due date on the list @TinyPaws and hope all continues to progress well for you.

I agree with your theory of telling people @Avocuddles. Although I was super cautious this time around. I didn't really tell people at work aside from my manager early on and a few colleagues I am close to. I just let them find out as my bump grew and by wearing my baby on board badge into the office. There are still a few of my friends who don't know I'm pregnant and I'm 21+4 today! I don't really use social media anymore (it became too difficult) so unless I see people then they won't find out either!

I didn't go to work today I slept baldy again and am just so tired. I dropped DD at nursery and am laying on the sofa catching up on eastenders

Thanks @Yukka @InDreamland @rubyroot @DuvetCaterpillar for all your good wishes on my scan! Only two more sleeps to go and this terrible week will finally be over. The waiting for the 12 week scan really is unbearable - this is when I feel its going to be "real" or not. And also when I discovered my MMC last time. And also when I want to tell family finally - only DH knows so far. So basically just a lot of pressure and anxiety. I am a wreck right now!

Congrats on your scan @TinyPaws, that is wonderful news!!

@DuvetCaterpillar many congrats on adding yourself to the roll call, you are braver than me! I think we might be the only March babies on here so far - I'm EDD 14 March, but can't bring myself to add it to the list just yet, would be too sad to have to take it down later. I'm glad I found someone on here that's almost going through the same stage as me though, that's really helpful! Completely share your worries about the NT scan and telling the in-laws - same exact story here. It's so hard because even if the scan goes well, I'll still be worried until I got those test results. I read if they call you it's bad news, if you get a letter two weeks later likely fine. Does that sound right to you?

@InDreamland I completely share your fears about back sleeping! Not sure if I am just being paranoid. Even though its only the first trimester, I am afraid to lie on my back and mostly try to keep to the left side. This is unnecessary though, right? Feeling sore from sleeping only on one side!

Here is little Beany, who we met today with a lovely heartbeat. I did think I would be more like 8 weeks, but Beany is currently 7w4d and looking good. DH had tears in his eyes. I do worry about being out after seeing a heartbeat last time at 7 weeks but measuring 6, although I’m hoping being a few days out is ok. There was a medical student so the sonographer was really thorough which was helpful- no cysts or fibroids. Also the midwife said that the one off spotting is definitely the progesterone pessary. Next stop is to book the harmony test!

@Dimblebimble thank you- how are you feeling? It’s so good to hear from you.
@TinyPaws absolutely thrilled for your positive scan after the worry over the spotting.
@sadtoday21 good luck for your scan, I’m sure everything will be fine.

@Avocuddles I've just been to see my acupuncturist this morning with thank you flowers and we both had a cry - I think they are often as invested in your pregnancy as you are. Got a lovely photo if her with the babe.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thanks and thanks for the routine comment - its really hard to know what you should be doing by baby led is working for me right now too xx

@TinyPaws fantastic news on the scan, are they bringing you back to check the fluid collection? I guess with IVF you will be regularly checked anyway?

@sadtoday21 and @InDreamland there are really mixed opinions on back sleeping but I followed the advice that its not really relevant until the 3rd trimester as you're not carrying enough weight until then, and that whatever position you fall asleep in is the position you sleep most of the night in, and a few hours on your back is fine. I couldn't lie on my left because of the baby's position and had to lie on my right. You can also prop yourself up 30degrees with pillows and sleep on your back that way if its comfortable, but you should be fine for a while longer yet xx

@Mistymeow excellent news. I had it with my little boy and also this pregnancy too.
seriously your dates are likely to be right. Mine always are and they get it wrong in the early scans. It'll catch up. You wait.