The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

@Newbie21 that is a fantastic scan pic, love the cheeky wave!

@VenusStarr glad you have some time away planned. It's natural to focus on worst case scenarios but as others have said there's every chance that everything will work out fine. Just wish everyone on this group had a crystal ball, it would make life a lot easier. Will be thinking of you x

@janey15 you're right that infertility is just the hardest thing to cope with. We had unexplained for the 5 years before first BFP last year. So for that to be followed by 2 MCs has just changed me forever. I'm really a very different person to what I used to be. It's very normal and natural for you to feel the way you do now about your experience and this pregnancy. It's so hard isn't it to believe we'll finally get the family we dreamed of after so many years of heartbreak. Keeping my fx for you that this is your rainbow.

@Bluebelltulip thanks for letting us know that operation knicker watch continues and appears to be normal for us. How does it feel being half way? I wish I was there. Ages to go yet, another 5.5 weeks.

@VenusStarr I'm so sorry you're going through this worry. Fx that it isn't all bad and that the uterine pregnancy develops and progresses well. The suspected ectopic is scary but hopefully if that is what it is they can treat/remove it with no risk to the living one in your womb.

@Newbie21 love that cheeky photo! Funny I said to DH after our 12w scan that I'm convinced bubsy gave the sonographer the finger as well as refusing to get into the right position. Glad all looks well for you.

@Beaglemum93 that must be so worrying about the water trickle. Glad though that things still look ok.

@Frillyfarmer lovely that you have a pregnancy buddy. So I think this is the week for bad jacket potatoes...........last night, DH cut one of the two baked for dinner last night and it was rotten inside! We had to nuke a new one in the microwave instead.

@Navy123 so early on the measurements apparently aren't very accurate which is why they wait until 12w before dating scan. I know its difficult but try to remember that, so many ladies on MN say that they measure under at early scans but at 12w scan all is caught up. Keeping fx for you that little bean sticks and develops aa it should. It's great they saw a Hb.

@Lilimum7 yay! Tentative congratulations! Hope you're here with us for the full 40w! So pleased to see you here.

@Squiff70 glad you're getting good care.

@TinyPaws glad the bleeding stopped. Hopefully it was just IB and all is well.

@Loveprosecca welcome to the huddle!

Sorry if I've missed anyone. Its hard keeping up now. TGIF! I'm so tired! Still worrying about this one. I'm finding my panty liners at the end of the day always look a little dirty .......don't know if it's something to worry about or not. Why does the time between 12 and 20w scans drag so much?

@Newbie21 Congratulations. Wow scan is amazing!

@InDreamland Thanks for the welcome.

I have just been over thinking things recently. Start a new job in September only a year contract to August. So hoping to have a summer 2020 baby. But have been having a little wobble on whether I should wait to see how things go and contract can be extended or made permanent. But it's or if buts and maybes.

@InDreamland it's nice to know someone else understands although obviously I wish you didn't. My mum tried for a year for me and keeps claiming to understand what we've been through when she hasn't got a clue 🙄 She's driving me nuts!

@VenusStarr that's good you've got some time away together. It should help you relax to take your mind off things a bit.

@Newbie21 what an awesome picture!

@TinyPaws I'm glad the bleeding has stopped. I'm still getting cramping, pulling pains, twinges, sharp pains and general aches in my lower abdomen and it's very unnerving 🙁 I was very worried about my scan - same nurse, same room - but it actually felt ok. I think I've blocked most memories of my other scans there as I was so upset.

Welcome @Loveprosecca

@Squiff70 that's good they're taking such good care of you.

@Navy123 hope you start feeling better soon. Is it medicine for sickness? Must be so hard when you've got another child to care for.

@Avocuddles our scan is on 3rd Sept so nervously waiting along with you. It will be a huge milestone for us as we'll hopefully get discharged from the fertility clinic and I'm honestly sick of the place!

@Lilimum7 welcome - fx it all goes well this time.

As for me, I'm feeling a bit fed up to be honest. I've been stuck at home all week and DH is working most of the weekend so I've got way too much time to overthink and google things. I've made some tentative plans with friends next week but feel weird about keeping this secret. I was going to walk the dogs yesterday then had some twinges and chickened out! My house needs a good sort out but I've got no motivation or energy... just feel stuck in limbo and don't want to make plans invade this all goes wrong if that makes any sense?!

@InDreamland in general I'm starting the feel more positive, movements are helping a lot. Got my 20 week scan next week then the heart scan a week and a half later so feeling nervous for them. I don't think panty liners looking dirty is a problem, likely just from discharge.

@janey15 I know that feeling .........a colleague a few months ago who pregnancy bombed me before I got this BFP told me she thought I'd never happen because it took ages, so I asked how long it took and she said 8 months!!!!!!! FFS!!!!! You can imagine what I told her ..........there are very few people who really understand what you and I have gone through. Infertility and pregnancy loss are just the most awful things and to combine them it really takes you to a dark place. I'll never be the same again and I hate what I've become because I do get angry and bitter about my journey. I have questioned my very existence and purpose and worth and felt like the most inadequate woman on the planet. It's so hard. I really hope that you get your rainbow, I get the heartache. This is why I like this thread so much, the journeys all the ladies here have been on are just so so sad and they all understand how difficult trying to have that much wanted family is. I lurk on my month bus reading the excitement and positivity but I just can't join in. I hope you can make some plans and not allow this to stop you enjoying yourself, it is difficult, I've had to force myself not to cancel our holiday for fear of something going wrong out there.

@Bluebelltulip glad you're feeling more positive now, it's a huge milestone, keeping fx that both scans go well. Thank you for the advice, I think I'm looking for all signs of problems because anxiety is still there. I'm always feeling like I might be moist down there but when I check there's no bleeding but I can't stop worrying. It's been 2 weeks since my last scan when we got Harmony results, I think I'm gonna cave and book another in for just before our holiday. So does discharge look a yellowy browny colour on a liner? I feel so gross.

Sorry ladies but I'll be leaving you back to the other thread wasn't to be. Practically negative test this morning and I now have painful cramps. Short but sweet, I wish you ladies all the best xx

So sorry to hear @Lilimum7 :( I hoped so much that this was it for you.

@InDreamland my liners have looked dark yellow at the end of the day for weeks, I think that's what the discharge looks like when it dries. If you're worried you can always get swabs done to make sure there's no infection.

@Newbie21 amazing scan photos! And happy anniversary :)

@Lilimum7 I'm so sorry, this journey is so cruel. Are you certain it's over? Lots of ladies seem to have cramping. I've been convinced my period is coming since we found out.

@InDreamland I could have written every word of that post. I completely agree with everything. A colleague did that to me - she was plastered on a hen night (I was obviously sober 🙄) telling me she knew how I felt because they'd been trying for 6 months. Two weeks later, you've guessed it, she was announcing her pregnancy at 6 weeks!. She continued to be really insensitive to me throughout the whole pregnancy to the point where two other people noticed it and still is actually. The other day she started discussing the wonderful bond of breastfeeding with the lady sat on the other side of me. My friend thought maybe I reminded her of babies so she always started talking about them when I was there 🤬

As for discharge, mine is a yellowish colour (definitely tmi - sorry!!!) but google says that's ok?

Can I ask what are the benefits of the harmony test? We're keen to do anything that might reassure us.

@InDreamland also I am constantly checking for bleeding as I keep getting that wet feeling Don't know how I'm going to cope when I'm back with my class and I can't dash to the loo every 10 minutes!

@janey15 I’m the most active member of the Knicker Watch, I’m the equivalent of Jon Snow.... or Benj Stark

@indreamland I hate what miscarriage has done to me. I’ve become a right bitter bitch It was my Grandmother’s funeral & there was her carer’s baby there. Everyone was saying how lovely it was that there was a baby as it was new life after death. I was sat there like “She was my Grandmother FFS & that shitting baby can F-off” which is horrible. Luckily I’m pregnant now & I hope my midwife Granny is looking out for me a bit.

@VenusStarr huge hugs here.

Meanwhile all: sorry I’ve missed lots. Hugs and thoughts to all.

I went fishing for the last two days. I’m pleased because I didn’t take the last one fishing with me but whatever happens to this one, I’m pleased I got to go.

@janey15 @InDreamland i can't begin to imagine how painful your journeys have been so far, every month feels like an eternity when TTC. I by no means can understand what you have been through but personally felt broken and in a dark place mentally after just over a year of struggle; your strength and honesty after such heartbreaking experiences is admirable and i know everyone here is longing to see you introduce your previous rainbows after a healthy 9 months.

@Flyfisherlady I love your GOT knicker watch references! I feel exactly the same. I'm a few days short of when I first experienced bleeding last time round, and about ten days earlier on than when I miscarried, and I'm completely paranoid....

@InDreamland I'm also interested in the harmony test - how do you go about booking it, I've seen it advertised privately online but do you need to liaise with your midwife? x

@Avocuddles - unlikely that your NHS trust will offer it. They offer it in Wales, and perhaps some trusts in England. You have to go straight to private provider. It is called a nipt, harmony is a trade mark of a nipt but there are a variety of different tests and which one you have will depend on who you get it with. People who offer private scans usually offer the service and costs around 400

Thanks @rubyroot I'm happy to pay privately just wasn't sure what the process would be as I understand it overrides the need for some of the NHS tests. If any mumsnetters in my area (Leeds) have had NIPT would be interested to know where you had them done. I want to make sure I have all the facts before my first midwife appointment! x

@Beaglemum93 @Mistymeow @InDreamland thanks - I just wish the sonographer said that it could be inaccurate, she was just going on about my ovulation date but I know when I ovd!

@Newbie21 love that scan pic, amazing!

@janey15 started on cyclazine for sickness and it has made such a difference - I've actually eaten and been able to play with DS! Totally get what you mean about feeling in limbo, I feel like I can't plan anything or think too much ahead.

Taken the step and made an appointment with the midwife to get booked in in a couple of weeks. Hoping to get a scan booked in that week too after yesterday's wasn't as reassuring as I'd hoped!

Anyone know what dates they will use for my 12 week scan? Lmp or the dates they measured on the scan yesterday? As there's a week difference I'm trying to work out when the scan would be.

I've said on here before that I'm struggling with when to tell DD, after an incident at the park this morning I think it will have to be very soon. An older child came over to see if DD was ok (she had fallen and grazed her knee), the child then asked Thea if she was getting a brother or sister, I said maybe, child then said but your tummy is very big, my friend then said some people have big tummies and it's not nice to say that. Child then said it looks like a baby tummy you need to find out, then said if your baby stops cooking you can get one from a stork instead (we didn't mention anything about baby loss but this comment leads me to think she knows someone who has). The dad was too far away to hear her.

@Lilimum7 I'm so sorry you're going through this again. Sorry I've not kept up with our other thread. What has RMC said?

@Beaglemum93 thanks for sharing your experience too with the liner. I was thinking about seeing GP about possible infection, does it need to smell for that?

@janey15 it is so hard isn't it. I've lost count of the fake smiles and congratulations I've given when pregnancy bombed. Even being pregnant now I struggle with news of others in real life announcing because they've all just had a super easy ride (quick conceptions and textbook pregnancies). The Harmony test is just way more accurate than the combined screening you get on NHS for downs, pataus and Edwards syndrome. Also get told the sex (ours still in a sealed envelope as not decided if we actually want to know). You only get it done privately but there are a small number of NHS Trusts that offer it after the combined test results come out high risk. I wanted it done because of my age (39) as risks supposed to be higher after 35.

@Flyfisherlady that must have been so hard to cope with. I'd have just broken down I think.

@Avocuddles just as @rubyroot said and like I said to @janey15. We paid privately and got a package with the fetal medicine centre on Harley Street. We got a 10w and 12w scan (had at 10.5w and 12.5w) along with bloods taken for the Harmony. Cost us £400 and for us was worth every penny. Some people are happy to just go for the combined NHS test and only book the Harmony privately if NHS results come back high risk rather than go for amnio which has mc risks.

@Navy123 it's a shame they didn't tell you that as it could have eased any anxiety you have. Hard to do but please try not to worry. Main thing is you saw a HB and it's in the right place. Good that you've got a midwife appointment booked in. They will use the LMP to schedule your 12w scan in.

@Bluebelltulip I'm speechless. Goodness I don't think I'd know how to react if that happened to me. Children are so innocent though and don't understand sometimes what exactly they're saying. Could you wait until after the 20w and heart scans. You might feel more confident in telling her then?

@Avocuddles thisismy Leeds

@InDreamland oh gosh that's rubbish - there is nothing more disappointing than a microwaved Tate! Are you having any scans inbeteeen 12 & 20? I wasn't going to, but I'm now quietly convinced I want to know the sex so might book in for a 16wk scan.

@Lilimum7 I'm so sorry, you have just been on such a shit journey you deserve your rainbow.

Evening to everyone. Absolutely melting here, been sat in the garden with toddler, dogs and a paddling pool - bliss!

@InDreamland how come you got two scans? I think there's only one scan with the nipt I'm getting. Just one at ten weeks

@Frillyfarmer it was so disappointing. I was so looking forward to a nice yummy oven baked spud with crispy skin ......given DH had made dinner I felt guilty so told him to have the other one that wasn't rotten. Love a good baked spud. Usually with tuna sweetcorn mayo but trying to have less tuna because of the mercury so was chicken sweetcorn mayo instead. I definitely don't think I can hold out until 20w scan so will try book one in for end of next week/weekend. Otherwise I'll be anxious my entire holiday. Ok so even without holiday I'd be booking in another scan. Can they see sex at 16w just from a scan? Paddling pool sounds good!

@rubyroot it was a package they do at the fetal medicine centre. So was great to have reassurance scan before the 12w one and then another after my NHS 12w one when we got the Harmony results.

@InDreamland, they've done swabs for me with odorless discharge so I don't see why they wouldn't for you.

@InDreamland yes the child was just being an innocent child but it would have been nice if the parent could hear her and distract her. DD now knows, when DH got in she said where's the baby so we sat down and told her, she asked if it was DD2's name so we have explained it's a different baby.

Thanks @rubyroot - I work just round the corner from there so that would be perfect.

@Bluebelltulip sorry that you didn't get to tell DD on your own terms. It sounds like you managed an awkward situation really well, can't believe the child came out with that! Hope you have a relaxing evening ahead of you x