The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

Thanks @sadtoday21 right back at you! So grateful for this threads support x

@fnej01 I hope your cold is better soon, it could be masking your symptoms and giving you more time to think, also remember symptoms can come and go and don't mean there is anything wrong.

@fnej01 and @VenusStarr sorry you're both feeling so worried. It's so horrible. I know realistically that our symptoms/lack of symptoms aren't reliable predictors of the outcome at all and worrying will make no difference but it doesn't help! I'm still terrified and dreading Wednesday
Hope you both feel happier soon and get some reassurance from your scans xxx

@strawberrye great news re the scan! Glad all is looking good.

@fnej01 It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do, I'm sure most of us here have the same panics so you're definitely not alone. There is no reason at all to think that this won't be your rainbow. We will all be crossing our fingers for you on Wednesday but hopefully you have nothing at all to worry about.

Minimal symptoms for me at the moment other than general tiredness, the odd twitch and ache and obsessive knicker watching!I'm kind of hoping to wake up feeling terribly nauseous at some point; at the moment this pregnancy seems pretty much the same as the previous one which is nerve wracking. One day at a time....as far I'm aware I'm pregnant today, so I'm going to try to count that as a blessing (albeit a slightly scary one!) xx

@janey15 will be thinking of you on Wednesday too x

@sadtoday21 @Avocuddles @Bluebelltulip @janey15 thanks for the kind words. I am sure you are right with it is the cold masking symptoms. Anyone got any good cold tips? I am on the honey & lemon.

@VenusStarr glad you got your scan booked. Sending you hugs for the scanxiety x

Barely slept last night but appointment at GP went well today.
He said previous miscarriage at 8 weeks is quite late? Which I didn't realise.... So he is getting the receptionists to call the hospital and ask for an early scan. I didn't argue with him, thought they may as well ask. I am not convinced the hospital will want to scan me though. I don't really mind to be honest.

I was sick the first time this morning. It had blood in it but apparently it's nothing to worry about. I probably just burst a blood vessel.

@fnej01 and @VenusStarr sorry you are both feeling so anxious. Remember it's ok to not be ok, we all have good days and bad days, just try to hang on in there until you feel a bit more hopeful again. Will be keeping everything crossed for your scans, and for anyone else with scans coming up

@fnej01 perhaps you are having this horrible cold because you are more susceptible being pregnant? Also pregnancy rhinitis can make the nasal symptoms worse. Have you tried Vicks vaporub? I think that's safe in pregnancy and it always helps me feel less congested if I rub some on my chest, neck and sometimes a tiny bit below my nose. Thinking of you x

@strawberrye yes I think my immunity is down with the steroids as well so it is a double win. When I looked up Vicks on dr Google there seemed to be some debate about whether it is ok in pregnancy so I have only used a little bit on my feet at night (reflexology). I did accidentally have a berocca yesterday before reading they also weren't recommended. Other than that I have been on honey and lemon and a dose of paracetamol at night. I am normally pretty resilient with colds so clearly something is impacting. I feel like someone has literally taken my batteries out

I think it's really nice to be reminded it's ok not to be ok. I spend a lot of time being ok... through all of the miscarriages I have been ok... so maybe I've just run out x

Hi all! Back from holiday and haven't had time to keep up with all the posts. Had my anomaly scan today (I'm 20+2). They said all looks fine and within normal range, but baby is measuring the bigger end! They couldn't get all the views they needed of the heart as baby wouldn't move into the right position so I have to go back in a week. They were very reassuring and said they could see it beating and all looked ok, they just couldn't get a clear view of the valves, but obviously I will now worry and also can't help feeling a bit disappointed. But trying to see the positive in that I get ANOTHER scan! No bad thing! Also feeling lots of movement now and some kicks make my tummy shake which is lovely. Just going to have an anxious week until they can confirm all is ok with the heart.

Hope everyone is ok @InDreamland @Bluebelltulip @moonpeace @KnitKitty @Newbie21 @Beaglemum93 @Frillyfarmer @Laney79 @rubyroot @Squiff70 and anyone I've missed!! xxxx

Think I'm out already. Typical after I go to the effort of registering with the hospital

Started spotting last night. I know it can work out (had spotting with my successful pg for weeks) but my cervix is also low and pg test has fainter line than before.

Sorry to hear that @Pegase. Am hoping that this is not what you think it is, but please look after yourself and take it easy xx

I'm sorry to hear that @Pegase 💜 how far along are you? Hopefully it's not what you think and it's your baby getting comfy xx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue halfway! 😊 Hope when you go back they can check everything out and it's good news xx

@ChikiTIKI glad your GP appointment went well, sorry about the sickness though

Thank you all for your kind messages @InDreamland @Bluebelltulip @strawberrye @janey15 @fnej01 @Catconfusion - hope I've not missed anyone!
Been feeling off today but have a cold (thanks dh 🙄) and got more cramps but no bleeding. My boobs are still tender and I'm feeling a bit nauseous, so just trying to keep calm. I did get my hair cut and bought myself some new dresses (optimism?), but just got some shapeless basics so it can hide the Bloat! Have actually only got a day and a half at work because it's my counselling on Wednesday afternoon - good timing before my scan.

Xx

My heart really does go out to you all. @Pegase I wish I could give you a hug.
I’ve so much sympathy with everyone on here. I actually spent a fair chunk of the afternoon in tears. I’m so scared. I think all the horribleness of my miscarriage is coming back. The shock of the scan without a heartbeat, despite having very strong pregnancy symptoms. The horrible woman in the EPU who abstractedly said “yup, yup definitely dead” & then told me to keep my chin up. The fact that the whole thing went on for nearly 2 months. It took me quite a while to get over it and I still cry about it sometimes. I’m so happy about being pregnant but I’m just so so scared of any of the above happening again. I’ve also half convinced myself that I Will miscarry again. I’m being ridiculous and should pull myself together, especially as so many people have had much more horrible experiences than mine. I apologise for this selfish post but I need to articulate myself. Thank you so much for listening.

Do not apologise and you are not being ridiculous @Flyfisherlady 💜 what I've learnt is that grief following miscarriage is not linear, it can hit you at random times. Be kind to yourself xx

@Flyfisherlady I can't believe she said that to you. How awful! Did you complain? How far along are you?
@Pegase I'm hoping it's not bad news especially if you had spotting with your successful pregnancy.

@Pegase thinking of you. Hoping it is just some spotting. 💕

@Flyfisherlady so sorry that you had such an awful experience. I had something similar but not quite as brutal with my MMC at the fetal medicine centre in London. It was brutal, and still hits me badly now. It's good that you are managing to release the grief, I hope it will help you work through it. X

Only 4+5 so very early really. @Flyfisherlady that is absolutely appalling. Sadly I have to say I have found a lot of the EPU staff to be quite unsympathetic. I know they see it everyday but we don't feel it everyday! Did you say anything back or were you just numb?

@Pegase I'm so sorry you think it's happening again. I wish we could all know our outcomes so that we could know what the hell is going on. The uncertainty is so hard.

@Flyfisherlady that is so awful, especially those comments. We find one of the fertility nurses at our clinic a bit like that. She seems to have the attitude of 'oh well, never mind' which can grate when you're dealing with the heartbreak and desperation of years and years of infertility.

No more low tummy cramping today so far but quite painful at times on mainly the left side. I'm really bloated again this evening and I appear to be constipated again - great. I've also had a couple of episodes of feeling like I'm about to be sick but it's passed after 20 minutes or so.

oh no @Flyfisherlady im so sorry youre feeling like this. you have been through a very traumatic miscarriage and it will take time to heal. please be kind to yourself and don't rush yourself to feel better.

i got severe PTSD from my daughter's birth due to the way i was treated by the staff and what they did to me. i have recovered to the point that i can go about daily life now but it still really knocks me sometimes. like last night i was worrying about my GP appointment and couldnt sleep. when i did i had nightmares about my time in the hospital and when i woke i worried what will happen this time. but then i feel guilty for worrying about me when i am so worried about the baby and should be focusing 100% on whether the baby is ok.

i dont know if i am saying anything helpful here but just want to let you know i totally get it. i know what its like to be terrified/traumatised/haunted by past experiences and they change you forever. sending love and hugs and "you can get through this" vibes xxxx

Thank you everyone. At the time I was just so hurt and was trying to keep it together, however, I was sent “in the other room” to cry while she sorted out my next appointment. I personally didn’t complain but a friend of mine who runs the Hello My name is campaign did it for me, publicly and on twitter. (I was angry & out for revenge!) they were apologetic & booked him in.
Thank you for being reassuring. I worry I’m making such a fuss. I’m going to get a scan at 7 weeks (all going well & not in that hospital) I want to give you all such hugs.

@strawberrye excellent news on the scan. Hope you can keep yourself distracted for 2 1/2 weeks
@janey15 I had a scan supposedly 5 weeks 4 and heartbeat seen, but I actually think that I was 6 weeks 2 and recent 8 week scan puts me closer to my dates. Is there anyway you can ask for a few days later. I'm just thinking if no heartbeat is seen and then you may be worrying unnecessarily until your next scan, which will either be a week or two weeks later.
@VenusStarr se ding good vibes for Thursday
@fnej01 I've thought it was over so many times, my boobs keep deflating/inflating. Pain goes and reappears. What little nausea I have comes and goes. I only have very vague nausea anyway as I don't really suffer with it during pregnancy. This pregnancy I have it more than my one successful pregnancy.
It's just so hard to tell isn't it, but I think many others on here have had fluctuating symptoms and no symptoms. The other night I only got up to wee once in the night and I thought it was game over. Last night tho I was up 3 times!

@sadtoday21 but if I remember rightly you have not really had nausea the whole pregnancy and scans have been okay. So...
Also you are now at the time where the placenta will take over and so those pesky hormones are no longer needed and will no longer have an effect. I remember around 11 weeks my firat pregnancy my boobs suddey went down to pre pregnancy and never got bigger until later in second trimester.

@rubyroot I understand what you are saying. They just booked me in for a scan because of the cramping & pain. I'm hoping they will at least see if it's in the right place? Last time they said the anembryonic sac was very small and near my cervix so ready to come out at 6+3 and my hcg was already very low. I know I'll be disappointed if I don't see a heartbeat but I'm hoping I'll be reassured if it doesn't look like like I'm losing at again? I don't know if I'm making any sense!

@Avocuddles I haven't dared venture on to that thread yet - some have bought baby gros?! I remember buying some blue ones after our 20 week scan when we were going to tell people he was a boy, and as soon as we paid I felt sick and thought well that's it, jinxed. Won't be buying anything this time!! Also enjoy the lack of nausea while it lasts (although I know it is reassuring!) - I was desperate for mine to start and it is awful.

@rubyroot I do see your point that it's good they can be positive I suppose - I think I'm a bit bitter for that attitude 😂 glad you called out that poster though, people don't cause miscarriage.

@janey15 I open and close my reply as I scroll through - no way I could keep up otherwise! I had a scan at 5+4 and saw a sac and yolk, no hb yet but wasn't expecting one.

@FirstTimeMama91 I was told by my gp to take it if I got pg while waiting for gynae referral - I've noticed on here how everyone seems to get different advice. Did yours give a reason for not taking it? I would take their advice if they've specifically told you not to take it.

@VenusStarr glad you have been given a scan, I really hope it brings good news.

@InDreamland glad you've got some mat clothes, well done that's a positive step! Hope the crampy feelings have died down.

@strawberrye congratulations on the scan! Hope it brings you some peace of mind.

@fnej01 sorry you're having such a panic. Hopefully your cold symptoms are just masking any other symptoms?! Just remember this is a whole new pregnancy, there is nothing to say the exact same thing will happen again.

@Pegase so sorry to hear that, I hope it's not what you think. Take care of yourself.

There's a lot of people in here, sorry if I've missed anything important!!

Nausea has fully kicked in now - good I know but also not! Things that have made it worse today - the fridge (even thinking about it, let alone opening it), the smell of our washing powder, and the feel of wearing trousers. Changing DS's nappy was awful and I only had to do one, DH did the rest. He's away all day tomorrow, send help!