The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

@strawberrye thanks for posting that. It's helped calm me abit.
I'm going to try a muscle soak in my bath tonight and I'm getting mixed messages if it's safe or not. It's just a Tesco muscle soak bath foam but people have said to check there is not Clary sage or something in it. Anyone heard of this before?

@tinatsarina I saw something the other day re bubble baths which referenced this link - fullfact.org/online/clary-sage-radox-isnt-dangerous-pregnant-women/ - essentially it says that even if a bubble bath does contain it the office for product safety states that there is no risk. A muscle soaking bath sounds like a great plan, hope you manage to relax xx

@strawberrye good luck for tomorrow, everything crossed for you. I think I'm 7 weeks today, although still in denial so not really thinking about it! Hopefully if we see a hb on Thursday I can start to think a bit more about it all.

@janey15 welcome, sorry you're having some stressful symptoms. I had some cramping like you describe early on with a bit of spotting and got referred to my epu - ours will scan for bad cramping so make sure you emphasise how bad they are. Hope you get seen. I had a scan at 5+4 which couldn't see a hb but could see sac and yolk which is what they expected.

@Pegase I know what you mean about most peoples excitement at a bfp - immediately saying oh I'm having a baby! Ugh, I mean I don't want people to go through what we all have but be realistic please.

@tinatsarina good idea having a lovely bath, might try and remember to have one tomorrow! Hope it is relaxing.

@Navy123 I like your 'be realistic please' comment! I'm silently watching the April 2020 to follow the ladies who would be due similar time to me (if this one sticks), and I have to bite my tongue each time some excited first timer posts a picture of a pregnancy test alongside a baby gro or starts talking about anything from pregnancy announcements to what life will be like when the little one arrives. I don't want to begrudge anyone their happiness and optimism, but the statistics speak for themselves and BFP categorically doesn't equal bouncing baby as everyone here knows. I do feel jealous of them though for being able to have such a positive outlook....

It's nice they can be positive and I really hope it works out for them.

I got cheesed off on one board where people were discussing first trimester anxieties and someone said that if you're healthy and lead the right lifestyle, you're unlikely to miscarry. Well I'm sorry to say, I bit and explained that's not the case and that many healthy women can miscarry. I upset the poster who then felt I had created unnecessary anxiety. I know I shouldn't have commented, but I felt it was such an ignorant comment.

@Avocuddles @Pegase it is great that they can be so positive. I wonder, perhaps they don't know anyone who has had a loss, or at least they haven't talked about it. My very first pregnancy which ended in missed miscarriage, I was permanently on knicker watch from day one. Needless to say, I was still shocked when I miscarried.

Aw thank you for all the welcomes  I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to not feel alone, although I wish this group was not necessary for any of us!

Thank you for those words @strawberrye In 'real life' I'm not really one for that kind of thing but in the world of early pregnancy I'll take whatever help I can get! I've saved it to look at when I'm panicking.

I've never had a positive experience surrounding Ttc or actually getting a bfp. My endo diagnosis meant I was anxious from day 1 unfortunately. Usually I worry about everything but nothing is as bad as I expect it to be...except when trying to have a family of my own where every fear has come true so far...

How do you guys respond to so many people at a time? I think I'm going to have to take notes!

Thank you again for making today so much more bearable xxx

Don’t feel bad. I wish my bubble had been burst. I wish that I knew that a miscarriage wasn’t just a “bad period”, and that it was “common”. I’d rather have heard it before than after (or during) my miscarriage. I mean being told that probably amongst the top 10 worst things that’s ever happened to you is “common” is terrible. Where is the NHS saying, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage so don’t get too excited...

Hi ladies,

I'm still loving reading all of your stories and hoping I'll be joining you all again soon 🌈

I just wanted to check - after my first mc a woman had recommended I take low dose aspirin as it is the only thing that helped her get her 2 DC. I didn't take any aspirin during my 1st or 2nd pregnancy and I'm currently in the TWW now wondering should I take it if I get pregnant this cycle? Or just wait and hope for the best. My GP advised me not to take it and said hopefully I'll not have another mc but if I do then they will run tests.
Any advice will be helpful! thanks and I hope you are all keeping well xxx

Hi @janey15 I'm pleased you've come over, told you everyone is lovely 😊

@FirstTimeMama91 glad you had a good break. I'd be cautious about using aspirin, I read up on it and it can be contraindicated for some people, so personally I'd only use it if it had been prescribed or recommended by a doctor.

I've been reading, loving the bump pics. Have been struggling with anxiety. Part of me feels like things will be OK but the other part of me won't allow myself to think that. I'm 6 weeks today, finally can call the epu again and hopefully get a scan this week.

Sorry to not tag everyone, hope you're all well xx

Can anyone help me work out how far along I was when I had my last mc? For some reason I though it was 6 weeks exactly but now it seems wrong. I'm not sure why but I keep getting different answers when I try to work it out and I can't remember what the epu nurse said because I was too busy crying!
I had iui on 7th Dec so I think you calculate it like ivf by adding 14 days? My due date was calculated as 30th August

Not sure why it matters but I want to know when I've got past it if you see what I mean!

Xxx

@strawberrye good luck for your scan today! How many weeks are you now? Judging from your comment about the dating scan, I think we must be almost the same (I am 10+2)! Really hoping that all goes well for you today, let us know! Oh, and I love your mantra! I came up with one myself when I got pregnant again after the mmc to try to help deal with all the anxiety. Thinking of you xxx.

@fnej01 best of luck for Wednesday and I totally related to what you said. I don't have nausea or really strong symptoms, and my breasts do feel less sore lately since I've hit 10 weeks. I don't know what's going on in there and I'm constantly freaking out! The days are dragging by until my next scan a week from Friday :(.

@rubyroot you go girl! I really liked what you said to that poster, this is why I can't join the other pregnancy boards. I would have liked to be on with everyone who is due in March and going through the same stages as me, but I cannot stand ladies who think pregnancy is all sunshine and rainbows and if something goes wrong it must be your fault. Absolutely wrong and heartbreaking and insulting. I was perfectly healthy when I had my mmc at 12 weeks and I did everything right to care for my baby (I was way overly cautious in fact, since it was my first pregnancy). Sorry, didn't mean to rant, but it really bothers me. I cannot talk about pregnancy to people who don't understand what I've been through, what we have all been through on here. How's the tooth feeling now?

@VenusStarr thanks for the advice missus. I'll just not take it and hope for the best 🙏🏻 talk soon xx

Hi ladies. Wow, this thread has moved fast. Sorry I've not been on for a few days, been so busy and also absolutely knackered. Managed to read through what I've missed.

@rubyroot how's your tooth? Hope it's not giving you too much pain now.

@VenusStarr totally understand any hesitation around DTD now. We've not since BFP and I feel so bad for DH but I'm petrified of possibly causing something to go wrong.

@Frillyfarmer that jacket spud gross!!!!!

@UnicornsandRainbows1 @KnitKitty loving the bump pics.

@ReeReeR how are you today? I wouldn't worry about sharing your very sad story here. Many of us I think are very aware that it is possible, rare but possible and all know too well 2 lines doesn't equal baby to bring home. Being honest here helps and we all appreciate advice and also support for anxieties.

Welcome to all the new joiners! Congratulations on your BFPs. Wishing you all a happy and healthy 40w.

Good luck to all those having scans this week!

Sorry to not mention everyone, I've missed so much.

So amongst being silly busy and tired I managed to get to my local Jojo shop on Saturday on the advice of you lovely ladies here and bought a few bits, leggings, tights and a top. Then went for dinner with DH Saturday evening and had loads of those uncomfortable pulling sensations and a little lower back ache which has proper freaked me out. I had it earlier on in this pregnancy too and just hoping it's round ligament pain but I admit it's unnerved me and thought buying some maternity clothes had jinxed it. I think I'm at that awkward inbetween stage where tights are a little loose around the bum and tum bump area so gone back to my regular ones and now regretting it. Maybe I need to just not wear tights at all.

Thanks everyone for your good luck wishes. I'm relieved to say the scan went well, measuring 10+6 which is a couple of days ahead, saw a lovely heartbeat and baby even gave us a little wave! I think I'm going to try and just hold out now for the dating scan in 2.5 weeks.

@sadtoday21 by LMP I'm 10+4 but today's scan measured 10+6. Which means dating scan will be around 13 weeks or just over. Just wanted to let you know that I felt my symptoms were improving a bit around 9.5-10 weeks, certainly the nausea is improving but tiredness maybe a bit worse. I think it can be normal at this stage keeping my fingers crossed for you too xx

I think I'm going to give up on the emoticons in the mumsnet app, that was meant to be a smiley face not sad! Doh!

I think I'm going to give up on the emoticons in the mumsnet app, that was meant to be a smiley face not sad! Doh!

Has anyone had a scan at 5+ weeks? If so what did you see?
I've been booked in at the epu on Wednesday but the nurse said to be prepared not to see anything as I'll only be 5+6 weeks. I thought there should be something there by then? Or was she preparing me for the worst?
I've been obsessively comparing this time to last time as I've got too much time on my hands and feeling really terrified of going back to that scan room.

Apologies for filling up the thread with my worries!

@strawberrye I can see a smiley face not a sad face in your post xx

@janey15 I had a scan at 4 weeks and the gestational sac was seen but nothing else. I think by 5 weeks there should be a fatal pole and yolk sac but it might be too early for a heartbeat. Heartbeat should be there at 5 and a half to 6 and a half weeks. I'm so sorry you're anxious though completely understandable. I hope the scan goes well and gives you some reassurance. xx

@janey15 how odd it's showing as a sad face on mine!

I had my first scan on this pregnancy at 6+1. I was measuring between 5-6 weeks and saw a heartbeat. Hope that helps - just remember that early things are so tiny that measurements can be out of sync with your dates and that's not necessarily a bad sign.

My anxiety has peaked... Scan on Thursday at 8.45, please send as many positive thoughts and vibes. I'll be 6+3 by my dates, actually the same day I started bleeding last time, praying its not an omen xxx

@strawberrye so pleased for you, lovely that baby was waving to you :)

@janey15 when I had my scan last time the nurse sat is down and told us what they hoped to see, which was a foetal pole and yolk sac and possibly a heartbeat but not to focus too much on that. Really pleased you have a scan booked 🤞

@InDreamland I had a lot of cramping over the weekend, not sure I'm ready yet, or when I will be! Dh is being understanding though.

Feeling a bit emotional today 😢

Thanks @strawberrye, I am really glad your scan went well!! That is the such a relief at this stage and it sounds like you are in a really good place for your dating scan in 2.5 weeks (mine's in 2 weeks! Isn't it impossible to wait?). I last saw mine at 9+5 and she was moving about, kicking a little even, but I haven't seen her wave yet! That must have been so special. I'm 10+2 today, so we are really close - assuming you are due in mid-March too? Thanks also for letting me know that your symptoms were improving around 9.5-10 weeks, I've been really worried about that as I felt slightly better around this point too. I'm still tired and very hungry, but boobs seem to be hurting a bit less. It's hard to say though, as my symptoms were pretty mild to begin with. Really hope that this will our rainbow babies for both of us! Here if you need anyone to distract you during the 2.5 wait week until the next scan Xxx.

@janey15 welcome and congrats! I had my first scan at 7 weeks and I think any earlier you won't see too much beyond maybe yolk sac and fetal pole. I choose 7 weeks because you should see a hb by then. Fx all goes well for you!

@VenusStarr my thoughts are definitely with you. I'm expecting to have one early next week. We can do this! It's so hard but our chances are much better for a positive outcome. I'll be thinking of you on Thursday. You've got this! xx

Glad you had a good scan @strawberrye, it shows as a sad face on my app.

@VenusStarr positive thoughts to you.

@janey15 I had a scan at about 6 weeks, measured 5+5 and we did see a flicker of a heartbeat but the sonographer did say we were lucky to at those dates as not always the case.

@strawberrye congrats on the positive scan.

Ladies I just need a little vent/panic. Have a horrible cold in bed sick. Am convinced it's all gone wrong as don't really feel nauseous, boobs less tender. I am hoping it is just too much time to think but I am freaking out. I have a scan weds but am convinced it will be an MMC. Was feeling really positive until about 48 hours ago! My first MMC we found out at a scan at 10+6 when sac measured 6+5. So this scan is likely to be the one we get bad news!!! Why is this so hard? Sorry just whinging!

Hope you are all ok x

@fnej01 sending you a virtual handhold! I'm feeling the exact same way tbh - boobs less tender, not feeling really nauseous. Also fearing the worst - it's so difficult after mmc! Especially when you hit those milestones when baby passed or when you found out. Mine's coming up too at 12 week scan and I'm also terrified. Sorry I have no advice, but just wanted to send you a hug!