The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

@InDreamland @KnitKitty @mistymeow thanks all, the booking appointment went well, midwife seemed supportive but positive which is what I think I needed after a few days of feeling more anxious. Been referred for consultant led care due to recurrent miscarriage and hypothyroidism which might involve extra scans. Next scan Monday, just need to get through work today as I'm feeling knackered!

@ReeReeR I can't imagine going through what you have been through. You are such a strong woman. Thank you for sharing your story.

@hayleyfx beautiful bump and scan! Glad to hear you are getting along well.

@rubyroot Didn’t mean to make you feel sad!

@Avocuddles I know, it’s just not something you’d normally tell a pregnant woman. I suppose it’s slightly different on her as we have all suffered losses but I don’t want to make anyone more nervous. Knowledge is power though. Hope you are ok. Trip to A&E doesn’t sound fun but main thing is it’s nothing serious

Thank you all. I have my down days but I’m doing ok.

@hayleyfx lovely to hear from you and that everything is progressing well. Nice photos!
@rubyroot thanks for the positivity. GPs tend not to be very up to date with fertility advances. That is true that women’s eggs decline with age but it’s now also understood that faulty sperm can fertilise an egg and cause miscarriage. Our GP is very honest and says this is specialist stuff that he can’t interpret but will refer us on to the suggested specialist. My DH has similar morphology but he has a genetic condition which causes infertility. A nurse once tried to take me for a scan only for the ivf consultant to say “she doesn’t need one, there’s nothing wrong with her. It’s him”. It was quite funny actually because usually it’s the woman considered to have the issues. We try to keep things light hearted otherwise it gets so depressing. Hope you’re doing ok x
@KnitKitty thanks buddy, you always know exactly what to say. When is your next scan?
@Avocuddles how is your finger? Did they find out what caused it?
@Frillyfarmer how are you feeling since the bad potato? I curse that potato on your behalf :D

Sorry for missing people, the pregnancy fatigue is really kicking in now. It’s good that the thread is hard to keep up with because it means so many of us are falling pregnant after loss/losses.

@Mistymeow I keep blaming my shrivelled up eggs, but it does make me wonder. The consultant who did my cvs seemed very sure the t21 diagnosis would be due to my eggs, but a study I saw with ivf did find a link with mens age and t21. She was lovely though, at that point I felt like never allowing sperm near me again, she said I hope you try again.

Hi everyone. Lots of updates and messages, I'm having trouble keeping up! But that's good :)

I have a sex question... We've not dtd since we found out, I'm a bit scared to. Last pregnancy I did notice cramping after an orgasm. Luckily dh understands why I'm cautious. But last night we were moving towards dtd and I felt OK with it. Dh hadnt touched me but I started feeling cramps, not painful but enough to make me not relax so we didn't do it. Now I don't know if it was increased blood flow or just psychosomatic. Has anyone else experienced similar? I don't want it to become a thing. I'm hoping if next week's scan is OK normal service can resume.

I told my boss yesterday, she'd given me the day off for the hysteroscopy as a medical appointment, so I wanted to swap it for annual leave, but she said I didn't need to. I told a white lie saying we'd found out just before I went in. It also helps that she knows I'll need a scan next week. I just don't feel comfortable lying about why I need time off.

Hope you're all OK xx

I've only just seen that there's a new thread 🙈

We have a gender scan on Tuesday, mainly to close the gap between the dating and anatomy scan. 16+2 today and still waiting for first movements. I thought I'd feel them a bit earlier as I had them with DD around now so now I'm convincing myself that there's something wrong. It's probably not, there's just nothing that's been certain to say that I can feel them I guess. Maybe I'm just paranoid 💁

@Mistymeow finger is fine, thanks for asking! No idea what caused it - fortunately it was a cheap ring that I'd only had for a couple of weeks, could maybe have been a reaction to that?

@VenusStarr I definitely felt crampy after DTD first time round, the hospital told me it was perfect normal. I would like to jump my DH () but as my first spotting occurred after DTD in pregnancy number one I'm scared to for the timing being. Maybe if I make it to the second trimester I'll feel more confident.

Has anyone experienced back ache and light cramps in early pregnancy? We had a long drive (5 hours in the car) yesterday and by the end of the trip my lower back / coccyx were really achy - is this normal?

@avocuddles sounds perfectly normal to me

@Mistymeow awful - I think that is me and jackets done forever. I was too grossed out yesterday but basically I cut into part that had a grub/slug in it 🤢 I'm fine in terms of physically - I tracked back where the slug entered the potato (😂😂) and I hadn't eaten anywhere near there so that's good. But I can't ever unsee the slug hiding in my jacket potato and I don't think I could chow down happily on another ever again. It obviously set me off retching at work and because the potato also had tuna on, that appears to be off limits too now. Honestly, the drama level was unreal!

@ReeReeR I hope you manage to enjoy your last few days of mat leave and I hope work brings a welcome distraction for you.

Hope everyone else is doing well, lovely to see some more healthy scans on here. I have my NHS dating scan this Wednesday when I'll be 12+4, feeling quite a bit happier since my positive 11 week scan on Saturday, baby steps but we seem to be going in the same direction.

Have any of you joined your month buses on here and FB? I'm sort of struggling with it to be honest, after the losses I don't know whether it takes the shine off of things? I find it a lot "safer" and easier to be myself in here. Sometimes I feel like I'm a bit of a negative nancy of those groups!

@Frillyfarmer think you've put me off my regular jacket potatoes for a while!!!!!!

I'm silently watching the April month thread, but not planning on joining until 12 week scan, should I get that far. This feels a far better place to share worries and concerns for now.

Spoke to doctors this morning and have booked first midwife appointment for 5th September, and have my first obstetrician appointment re my clotting on august 30th. I enquired into whether I can have an early scan on the nhs given my high levels of anxiety - the doctor didn't think I'd be eligible but said he'd speak to them and see if I could be treated as a special case. If it turns out to be a no I'll get a private one booked. What do you think is the ideal timing to definitely see a heartbeat (if lucky)? I don't want to go too early and be left with doubt - I'd rather wait until I know for sure what a negative outcome means, if that is the case...

Thanks @Avocuddles, glad I'm not the only one. I'm also lurking on the April thread but don't want to jinx anything.

@frillyfarmer omg 🤢 that's really grim. Glad you spotted it!!

I've had a lovely nap today. Feeling a tiny bit more confident, the symptoms are reassuring me, hope it's false reassurance but every day is a step closer.

@Catconfusion I think I'm a but more further along than you. I'm fine in the morning. But by about 4.30 I get a bit of a sore throat when I swallow and just feel generally a bit off. I guess that's because there's an infection in the tooth. I'm waiting it out for now as it seems to get better over night. I'll ring the dentist when I feel I really need to. I read that by about ten weeks if medications have an effect on fetus it is only minor so if I can get that far I'll be happier.. 11 more days

Hi everyone. I am about 6-7 weeks pregnant. I feel sick and tired, but keep thinking but am I sick ENOUGH or tired ENOUGH for this pregnancy to work out ok.

Any tips for staying positive about this? Xxxx

@sadtoday21 I hope you've been successfully distracting yourself today x

@strawberrye I'm glad the appointment went well and that you'll be under consultant care; mine is fantastic and the extra reassurance is nice. Hope you got through today without falling asleep at work. Good luck for Monday.

@Mistymeow My next scan is the 4th Sept to check my womb and cervix again. Then I have my 20 week scan on the 12th. Hopefully we'll find out if the consultant's inkling that it's a girl is right or not. (We don't mind either way, but we're looking forward to knowing for sure).

@VenusStarr We haven't been DTD since we found out. I just don't personally feel comfortable about it so am going with my gut feeling. We have been intermediate, but no penetration and I've found it really hard to get/stay turned on whenever we've done anything. I have had a couple of sex dreams in which I've orgasmed though! lol
Having sex is perfectly fine during pregnancy for most people; and is usually deemed completely safe unless you're told otherwise by a doctor.
I think in these situations you have to just listen to what your body is telling you and do what's right for you.
The cramping might have been a combination of psychological triggers and the increased blood-flow.
Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor or midwife about it.
I had to tell work really early on about my pregnancy too because of all the extra EPU appointments. I think it's good that they know what's going on so can be supportive and make life a little easier for you.

@UnicornsandRainbows1 Hi due-date twin! Nice to hear from you. I hope your scan goes well on Tuesday. It's possible you have an anterior placenta getting in the way of feeling the movements? I know they say you often feel movements earlier with subsequent pregnancies; but I don't think it's a stead-fast rule (just one of those common things people say which we then worry about...) and remember, 16 weeks is generally considered the earliest you might feel movements, so it's still really early days!! You'll probably start feeling them soon and feel really relieved. Try not to worry about it in the mean-time, and try not to watch for it too much so you don't drive yourself mad.

@Frillyfarmer your potato story sounds really grim! Yuck!
Good luck with the scan next week!
I haven't joined any buses... Just sticking to this thread I think. I find I get overwhelmed by the blind optimism you see on those threads (although optimism is great; just, with a side of caution) and I just can't handle people taking things for granted.

@Avocuddles It sucks that you can't get an NHS scan, but well done for trying, and well done for getting those appointments booked in. I found that really nerve-wracking.
It's possible to see a heartbeat just before 6 weeks, but I think NHS advice is to wait until 7 weeks to have a definite chance of seeing one. I was seen by EPU for my earliest scan at 7 weeks; they wouldn't see me before that for that very reason.

Hi @ChikiTIKI. I found the early stages was the worst time for my anxiety and over-thinking things. I didn't get any morning sickness until close to 7 weeks (and it was mild/barely there to begin with). I had spent the time up until then worrying that I didn't have any symptoms because other ladies seem to get sick as soon as they miss a period (or even before), and with previous pregnancies I had a lot more fatigue and symptoms like vivid dreams from really early on. With this pregnancy I had nothing.
Also, once the morning sickness got going there were a couple of times when the nausea just disappeared for 2 to 4 days at a time and that REALLY freaked me out because I thought if all the symptoms had disappeared it must mean the pregnancy was failing. But I've made it to 16 weeks now and everything is looking healthy so far!
All I can advise is;
Create lots of distractions for yourself so that the pregnancy isn't your sole focus on life at the moment.
Every time a worry comes into your mind talk to yourself as though you are a friend reassuring yourself; it allows more positive thoughts to slowly replace the anxiety.
Don't compare your pregnancy to either other ladies pregnancies OR to your previous ones. It really is true that every pregnancy is different. Just try to interestedly observe what your body is doing with this one.
Don't listen too much to statistics and the 'lots of women' or 'most women' comments you see plastered all over the internet and pregnancy books.... It just makes you worry about if you/your pregnancy is normal if things aren't happening at the text-book time; or not happening at all... and the thing is, most women is not all women, so really it's irrelevant. (I remember being shocked at reading the actual stats around how many women throw up during pregnancy... it's actually not a massively high percentage, but you hear about it so much you would think that it's everyone!)
And just be patient with yourself.

@KnitKitty I think I'm turning a bit crazy, I'm lying in bed moving my tummy in the hope they might react to it 🙈😂 Maybe if I squish you you'll do something right? What a knob 😁

I think because that's what's been said by mw and people in general, and because I first felt DD at 16 weeks I suppose I just assumed it'd be the same. Oh I'm not sure, I've not had it mentioned but you never know. It wasn't mentioned at my dating scan but tbf I guess where my placenta is is probably not on their list of priorities of things to check out

@Avocuddles I had back pain fairly early on and definitely sore coccyx at around 13 weeks and get it intermittently now at 15+1

I have been absent for about a week or so as been crazy busy at work. I'm paranoid that I'm not feeling movements yet but I'm definitely looking pregnant. Anyone else with second successful pregnancy showing as early as 15 weeks? I have a scan on 22nd - seems like ages since my 12 week scan so the fear is definitely back about potential bad news but trying to push it aside.

I hope you are all doing ok?

Thank you @KnitKitty

I wasn't sure whether to ask for an early scan or to just wait until the 12 week one.
I really don't want to sit through a 2-hour booking appointment without having a scan first though. Not saying I need an extra scan but might suggest doing the appointments in a different order. Does that seem silly?!

I am hosting two lovely friends and my toddler for tea and cake this afternoon so that is my nice distraction for today :)

@Newbie21 yes I was definitely showing by 15 weeks in my second pregnancy, this one was even earlier.

@chikiTIKI if you can afford it book a private scan soon. At your gestation you should see a heartbeat and then you may feel happier about a booking appt. You need a booking spot to book in the 12 week scan.
As for booking appt goes fir me I've booked one for just over 10 weeks but I may postpone it until after my nipt results. That's my own personal milestone though.

@rubyroot does the NIPT have to be done before a certain gestation? I am thinking of getting it if the 12 week scan goes ok

@Newbie21 I'm 12 weeks and I am starting to show already this time round! 😱

@chikiTIKI think any time after ten weeks, but I'm having it done as early as poss and the one I have chosen has a turn around of four days.

Been away for a week with no internet (or electricity!) so apologies for not keeping up - I have no chance of being able to reply to everyone!

Nausea has well and truly kicked in here, I'd forgotten how all consuming it is. With DS I lost 1.5 stone in the first trimester, have since put it all on again so perhaps this will be a good thing to get my weight down again?! Eating definitely doesn't help and I ended up with so many aversions last time we were down to about 4 meals I could stomach. Lasted till 16 weeks as well. However I am trying to embrace it because I feel guilty if I complain because this is what I wanted.

Next scan is on thurs, getting anxious about it already. Just want to see a heartbeat.

Hope everyone is doing ok!

@Newbie21 Definitely! Second longest pregnancy at 16 weeks and this is today. Casual selfie in a lift like you do Crazy how fast I'm growing this time round. I showed with my daughter during this time but I'm sure it wasn't this much!

Hoping to join! Due date is 23 April but have had two early miscarriages in the last twelve months so not feeling optimistic. Already have one DD who is 5 and I am 35.