The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #3 🐧🐧The Penguin Huddle 🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

New thread as the last one is nearing the max number of posts.

This is a supportive and safe space for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread though and have suffered a loss and are anxious about your new pregnancy please feel free to join the huddle 🐧

So ladies, I hope you are all here for the long haul until our 🌈 are delivered (and beyond if you fancy sticking around).

Let's pull on our positive pants and nerves of steel.

I'll start the roll call of EDD from the last thread:
@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty- 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland- 39 - EDD 18/02/20
@Tinatsarina - 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer - 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

Also tagging: @rubyroot @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @boboelephant @Yukka @Russkispy @VenusStarr @Beaglemum93 @Squiff70 @Navy123 @Bellasblankexpression

So sorry if I've missed anyone. I've tried to include as many as I could.

Oh no @rubyroot I didn’t realise it was today. How are you feeling? It does feel like a ticking time bomb. Could you go when you’re further along? Xx

I totally agree with you 100% @Catconfusion, I just wanted data and real answers, not false hope. I would have preferred to go in with my eyes wide open about the mc/mmc and what it entails. I hated the way my first booking appointment was all sunshiny and rainbows and the baby had already passed at that point. The second booking appointment was a bit better, the midwife knew my history and was very understanding, but the system still could be better when it comes to mc.

Thanks @InDreamland for asking after me! I agree with you that 7 weeks is too long to wait, right now I feel like I need to go every two weeks or I lose my mind. I am thinking about calling the EPAU and seeing if they will see me early next week at 10+4 roughly. It's actually only been a week since my last scan, but the anxiety is really getting to me right now!

@VenusStarr I really hope you have a good scan next week and that everything is progressing as it should. I am going to call EPAU on Monday and ask for the same thing. How many weeks are you now?
Sorry to hear that you are feeling sick, you probably know all the tricks already (crackers in the morning, ginger, lots of water), but I haven't had sickness myself so I can't really relate unfortunately. I actually wish I had more sickness, just so I know something is going on in there! But most likely how you are feeling is a good sign of a healthy pregnancy and hopefully it will be manageable for you until you get a little further along. Xxx

Has anyone heard of at home ultrasounds that you can rent and whether they are safe/a good thing to do? I'm just curious, as private scans can be quite expensive.

Thanks @InDreamland You know you were one of my favourites. Lilimum is quiet over there too but maybe because it is all new people. I haven’t been on there long either I know.

@rubyroot I came her quickly too and then wondered if it was too soon when I started bleeding but we can never know what is going to happen and hopefully this is it for you🤞

Hope you don’t mind me chiming in here but “low risk” etc annoys me. I was low risk in my first pregnancy and my baby died the day before she was due. Nothing wrong with her just a cord accident that is very rare but could happen to anyone. By that point when baby was due I thought everything was ok. Now if I get pregnant again I would be “high” risk as my baby died and I would be induced early etc. Only after what happened to me did I read that risk of stillbirth increases at around 40 weeks. If that’s the case then why don’t they offer early induction to everyone? If they had given me the same care in my first pregnancy that they’re offering to give me in the future then my baby would most likely have been born healthy at 38 weeks or so.

@rubyroot thanks yes that was my understanding too. It was also a widely held belief in the medical community which is why they focused on the woman when investigating recurrent miscarriage. But the evidence now is that sperm with dna fragmentation can fertilise the egg, but miscarries. It looks like this is the case here. I hope you feel better today and don’t have any further dizzy spells.
@strawberrye I don’t fully understand it myself but from what I can gather the results show that most of his sperm has varying degrees of fragmentation, with very few normal sperm, and 54% damage is an average of these scores. Hope your booking appointment went well- how did it go?
@InDreamland that must have felt so wonderful to pass that milestone. I have heard that with the dna fragmentation it’s more associated with infertility and early miscarriage, so it’s looking really promising for you. I have a scan in 2 weeks when I’ll be 8 weeks so I think we should get a good indication of viability.

GP was lovely. He will pass the test results onto the urologist he’s being referred to but won’t arrange an appointment until we know more about this pregnancy. So I’ll just have to wait and see. It looks like there are treatments available to improve things so even if I do miscarry, there is hope.

I did cancel the baby shower. Too much going on in my head. Hope everyone else is feeling ok, I feel much better. Thanks everyone x

Sorry I probably shouldn’t post things like that on a thread of already anxious pregnant women 🙈 Like I said what happened to me is very rare but it’s just annoying that I have had to lose a baby in order to get close care next time, if there is a next time.

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while! I’m 17+2, had my target scan today and baby is looking good 😁 little wriggler too! Added a photo of the scan. We saw quite a clear photo of baby’s face and I’m so in love 🥰 umbilical cord was in the way and my bladder wasn’t quite full enough so couldn’t tell the sex of the baby! Will be delighted either way but not buying anything until I know. Sickness has pretty much gone! In the past couple weeks only vomited a few times. Now I have round ligament pain, backache, stuffy nose and these kind of symptoms.

I hope everyone is getting on well! I’ve been thinking about you all. It will be nice to hear from everyone again x

Oh lovely pics @hayleyfx Glad you are doing well. (I have NC by the way but know you from the Feb 2019 baby and the TTC threads)

How are you doing @ReeReeR ?

@rubyroot Sorry you've cancelled. I had dentist just before my second MC - the dentist assured me that everything was fine but I think I'm just neurotic now.

I've just eaten a bad jacket potato and it's made me feel so ill. In the office today still feeling fairly snotty and rubbish and willing the rest of the day away. I'm 11+5 now and I can't decide whether I'm bloated or starting to show already?! I did read that you show early with subsequent babes and I carried my DS all up in front so my stomach muscles are well stretched 😂

Morning to everyone - so many of us here now 😊

I’m ok thanks @Frillyfarmer Just trying to enjoy my last week of mat leave and I’ve decided I’m having another easy Netflix day 😬 I have read too that you show earlier in subsequent pregnancies so you probably are

@FrillyFarmer I have shown earlier in each pregnancy.

@ReeReeR absolutely no worries I'm glad you've said. I didn't know what had happened to you and didn't really want to ask. And it really is so bloody awful.

I know people say a loss is a loss, and I found it very diffult having to tfmr at 13.5. However, I can't imagine going through what you have, my heart really goes out to you. It must have been (and is) so traumatic.
I read a lot during my second pregnancy, first mmc and I actually requested a scan to check for blood flow from placenta. Baby was hiccup ping constantly and I'd read this was a sign cord was wrapped around neck. So don't worry about your experience worrying us, I think we do that ourselves. I asked for an induction and was given one, but I was already late by that point. Baby came two weeks late by c section, the obstetrician carrying out the c section remarked at how sticky and calcified the placenta was so I'm glad I insisted on earliest possible induction when I did.

@Mistymeow we never had the dna frag checked but had just had sperm morphology checked before my second and only successful pregnancy and it was 2% normal morph which is extremely low. Then little one came along so we werent checked any further.

When I went to gp after my Chem to ask if there could be somethin g with the man's sperm, rather than my eggs (as I've read academic studies online which shows that the older the men the more chromosomal abnormalities they were) she pretty much said it would definitely be my eggs!
The study did involve eggs fertilised with old man's sperm via ivf though so I took it that there was no natural selection going on.

Anyhow 50 percent of his sperm are fine and I still reckon the healthy ones more likely to catch your egg so odds still in your favour x

@Frillyfarmer I also had local near my mmc and so I'm ultra paranoid too. When the sac stopped growing was round about when I had my local, a strange coincidence most likely. But..

Sorry @Catconfusion only just seen your question. I've been really lucky - but I have a great GP and early pregnancy nurse. I was put on the high risk pathway anyway because of my anxiety and phobia. My gp calls every now and then to check on me, my nurse from early pregnancy is keeping in touch via email for support...in terms of differences because of turning 40...only thing really is that I'll be getting extra scans to check baby's growth from 28 weeks. But otherwise I think my care has stayed the same. I am on baby aspirin. And lots of vitamins recommended by the fertility dr we saw before falling pregnant xxx

@rubyroot I had never read or heard that about hiccuping. My baby had hiccups a lot. But again no one tells you or asks you about that and when it’s your first baby you don’t know. I read a lot too. A night a few days before she died she was moving A LOT. I now think that might be when she got caught in her cord. But it wasn’t clear to me that I should be aware of baby moving more. I really thought “baby is moving a lot - great!” I think women are not properly informed of the risks.

The day my baby before she was due she wasn’t moving much but this wasn’t unusual. She had quiet days. In the evening I lay down and tried to get her to move but she wasn’t moving at all. I went to the hospital (still not thinking the worst) and they couldn’t find heartbeat with Doppler and so scanned and I was told she had died. The chances of that happening are really low but I would just say don’t be afraid or feel silly to get checked if you are worried about movements. I do wonder what could have been but we’ll never know. When she was born she was wrapped in her cord. Maybe if she was born a week earlier she’d have died during the birth due to wrapped in it and maybe that would have been harder.

I think a loss is a loss, to some degree. I know people who lost babies during birth or at a few days old and think that must be so tough but then I know what happened to us is crap too. No one should have to go through TFMR either. Life is cruel sometimes.

That probably is a coincidence with the LA but I had something similar. I was prescribed an antibiotic spray for an ear infection and refused to use it following research on google. Then later in my pregnancy I was prescribed it again and dr assured me it was fine especially so late on (39-40 weeks). I used it once, I think the day before my daughter died. I don’t think it has anything to do with it as she was wrapped in her cord but it is strange that I had started using it that day.

Right, I’ll make sure my next post is about something positive!

@ReeReeR that's is so sad, it's made me so sad. There really is nothing you could have done though. It must be so hard thinking what if. Hugs to you x

Thanks @Laney79 and I’m really glad to hear you’re getting extra support. My gp is amazing too. I’m hoping I get some extra support after I have my 7 week scan from EPAU. I’m anticipating the anxiety will grow. For now I’m feeling calm but then I’ve not hit any big milestones yet so we’ll see. Xx

@ReeReeR you should never feel the need to apologise for talking about your daughter and your devastating experience. You are no doubt helping others through sharing your story, and your strength is an inspiration to us all.

@Catconfusion @Laney79 I'm glad your GPs are good. I've got a telephone appointment with mine tomorrow morning, it's crazy how much things have changed in a matter of days as only last Friday I was sobbing in her office whilst she sent off my fertility clinic referral (again...). Planning on asking her if I can have a referral to the EPU for an early scan but not sure if that's allowed in my area or not. If an NHS scan isn't a possibility we'll go private (though @rubyroot your awful experience is off putting!) but thought it was worth asking.

Had a weird unexpected trip to A and E this morning - for unknown reasons one of my fingers started swelling and a ring got stuck! Despite our best efforts at work to get it off it wouldn't budge so I ended up in the minor injuries clinic having it sawn off.... thankfully it was only cheap but could have done without the drama. On another medical note I had a call from my consultant obstetrician today and have been told to resume enoxaparin injections immediately; I was invited in for an appointment tomorrow but as we're away for the weekend I'll be going in a fortnight instead (assuming that everything is still ok). I'm having a fair few aches and twinges, crossing my fingers that everything is normal but still very early days yet....

@Catconfusion I think the difference for me was the continuity of my early pregnancy nurse. I've seen her through both my losses and this pregnancy so we've got trust built up, and she understands what I need in terms of my anxiety.

She's arranged extra scans for me (I've had 6 scans total-the 12 week and the "20" week anomaly scan that everyone has-but I had two before my 12 week and one at 14 and 16 weeks) and just been there to ask questions of and to help with other bits and bobs. Could you ask your unit if you can do the same? Continuity really helps for me.

@ReeReeR my heart breaks for you. I can't imagine what you've been though. Incredibly strong woman xxx

Evening all

@ReeReeR I thought it was Alice but I didn't want to assume. Lovely to see you.

@DuvetCatterpillar Great news on having a bog-standard pregnancy. Hopefully that will ease any anxiety. x

@InDreamland I went to France about a month ago and then yesterday was my first day back at work after a week off dossing at home. We had a couple of days out, but mostly relaxed, which was nice and much needed.
BTW, I got maternity wear around 9 weeks because I was so big and uncomfortable from the bloating etc. I was also terrified that I was jinxing myself, but I was determined to a) enjoy the pregnancy and b) feel comfortable. I'm really glad I got the clothes and it clearly didn't jinx anything... I say be brave and bite the bullet!

@Avocuddles I hope your asthma doesn't get worse. From what I've read, 1/3 stays the same as normal, 1/3 gets worse and 1/3 improves during pregnancy. Hopefully you'll be the last one. My first trimester made me think I was, but never mind. So long as me and baby are getting enough oxygen, that's the main thing.
Oh that doesn't sound fun with having the ring sawn off... I think I would have been majorly freaking out. Did you manage to stay calm?

Good to know I'm not the only one struggling with asthma, it's comforting. Thanks @Bluebelltulip, @Frillyfarmer. It sucks that you're allergic to your horses Frilly.

@moonpeace I'm glad your appointment went well. Maybe you were told to wean off before because the placenta wasn't quite as developed so your body would need some adjusting time, but now that it's in full-swing it doesn't matter? Or maybe there are just different schools of thought? I'm sure you could do your own weaning if it makes you feel better. I'm also currently on 400mg once a day. I was told I can drop down to 200mg once a day which is the lowest dose.

@TinyPaws I'm really glad she found another job. I was certain things would work out okay but I know it was really stressful for you at the time.

@Mistymeow I'm sorry about the results and that it's made you feel wobbly (understandably). Stats are such a strange thing because they actually tell you nothing about your personal circumstances. There's still a good chance that everything will be fine, but I get that it might feel harder to stay positive and optimistic now. The waiting game is just so hard. Hugs xxx

@sadtoday21 It's completely understandable to have a wobble around the time of your personal mile-stone. I suggest distracting yourself from the pregnancy as much as you can. Watch some nice films/TV shows, do a hobby if you have any, or even launch into a boring project... I started a spreadsheet to keep track of my finances and that was time consuming. Haha!
I hope you feel better soon. xxx

@VenusStar I'm glad you didn't have to go to work today. The nausea is horrible, but I found it reassuring too. Hopefully it's a sign that this pregnancy is doing exactly what it should be.

@Catconfusion I'm curious about your pessary applicator... I just use my finger to shove it up as far as I can. I only have to take mine once a day, so I put it in when I go to bed and lie down. How does the applicator work?

@strawberrye How did your booking appointment go?

@hayleyfx Lovely to hear from you. What a wonderful scan photo! I'm really pleased your sickness has pretty much gone, I know you were really suffering with it! What a relief!
You've got a lovely bump going on!

@ReeReeR thank you for sharing your story with us. You are an incredibly strong woman to have lived through that and an inspiration to us all. I've learned a lot about mc/mmc/stillbirth since my mmc at 12 weeks and I completely agree with you that midwives and GPs don't give us all the information and you just don't know what to ask in your first pregnancy. What you went through is one of the most heartbreaking things I can imagine and it's really shocking how easily it can happen to anyone at anytime. And, while a loss is a loss, there is no doubt in my mind that later losses are more difficult than earlier ones. That's not to minimise anyone's loss, I just personally feel that what you went through it much more difficult than what I experienced and I really, truly feel for you. Your post taught me something important about advocating for induction if you think something is wrong and I'm really grateful to you for sharing that. I sincerely hope that you get the rainbow baby you deeply deserve and I hope that it will happen quickly for you Xxx.

Thanks @KnitKitty for your advice, I really appreciate it! Love that you distracted yourself with a spreadsheet! I'm going to try to take your advice and do a bit of work tonight and then chill out with some mindless Netflix and some snacks. It's too bad there is no healthy pregnancy alternative to a glass of wine at the end of a long day to help take the edge off! How are you doing?

@Rubyroot I hope you are managing the tooth pain alright and you work up the courage to see the dentist soon! I know it must be a tough decision to make.

@hayleyfx beautiful scan photo and nice bump!

@ReeReeR I just want to give you a big hug xxx

Thanks @Laney79 there is a lovely nurse who I hope to see when we have our scan. I’ll discuss my concerns with her and see if there is any extra support. Xx

@ReeReeR you are incredibly strong and it’s so helpful to hear how you felt in the run up. Thank you for sharing. I don’t know much about movements so it’s interesting to hear. I’m just so sorry this happened to you. There was nothing you could do. It’s such a tragedy! Xx

@KnitKitty it’s like a long plastic stick with a holder on the end. You load the pessary and pull a trigger. This pushes it into position so it’s high up. I might start using my finger as it sometimes doesn’t work. Xx

@sadtoday21 I agree with everything you said regarding ReeReeR's loss. Group hug all round 😁
I don't think I can do it regarding the tooth. I'm doing salt water washes and getting some garlic supplements which are a natural antibiotic. I'm going to go to the dentist as an emergency if necessary. I just can't, I'm so pathetic!
My next milestone is ten week scan in 12 days so that's how long I'm going to give it with my teeth and then I'm going to have a word with the consultant. There jsyt doesn't seem to be anyone who can give me some proper advice.

I'm thinking the infection is pretty minor and haven't read any thing that says it can harm the baby. Anyhow, anyone who needs a root canal will have an infection, they may not always know. As I said I'm not really in pain. Tooth is sore if I probe it and touch it etc and I get a slight sore throat every now and then but that's it. No real swelling, toothache etc. So ill ring the dentist if I think it becomes more urgent.

It sounds very much like mine @rubyroot just sore if I probe it. I think you have a good plan in place. I’m going to wait until 12 weeks and maybe get it done. I’m sure there’d be more symptoms if it was severely infected. My dentist has said to come in as an emergency if it becomes painful without touch. Hopefully we can both get it sorted. Xx