Terrified to give birth

[sav93]

I'm terrified to give birth and to go through the pain , this is my first baby I'm 6 months and it just started to hit me that pretty soon that day is gonna come an I'm super scared , is it as bad as they say it is

It isn't. I'd suggest going to pregnancy yoga just to feel more relaxed and to help get the baby into position, and learn breathing techniques. The more relaxed you are, the better you will feel. I did this with my first and had a relatively straightforward birth. Also visit the hospital/maternity ward and discuss your options. It's easy to hear the horror stories but focus on positive ones. It doesn't happen like what you see in the movies at all. Good luck :)

Have a look at hypnobirthing. The Positive Birth Company digital pack is accessible at £35, and explains the science behind labour as well as giving loads of techniques to use on the big day. Good luck, I you won't remember the birth once your LO is in your arms anyway!

This is what your body is designed to do. Have faith that you will be able to do it.

Try to stay active, don't lie down until you really want to. Don't have an epidural or other strong drugs they'll just slow everything down and you'll get a cascading set of interventions.

Try a tens machine. That should get you comfortably in to labour quite far. Also second hypnobirthing.

It's a very powerful experience. It is painful but in a sort of deep way that's not like other pain. Your body sort of rises to it when it happens. You'll be ok. Just remember all mums go through it.

Thank you

I was the same OP and to the extent I put off conceiving for years.
I opted for an elective CS because for me it took away the worry of the unknown. 2nd pregnancy, I though I could try naturally but u turned when the baby was breach and had another CS.

You definitely need Hypnobirthing. It will change your whole attitude to childbirth.

It's honestly fine. Your body is designed to give birth. Part of the fear is just the unknown so buy yourself the Katharine Graves hypnobirthing book and do some research. If you want pain relief, it is available but I didn't have any pain relief at all and it was ok. Not pain free, but manageable. Remember that many, many women (including me) choose to do it more than once!

@madroid is spot on

It wasn't until I had my third that I now truly understand how much you need to relax and breath the pain out. I've not done hypnobirthing but I can imagine that it's a huge help.

Like OP recommended - The Positive Birth Company digital pack is fantastic! I think it’ll help you lots defo worth the investment.

I loved my labour & birth experience back in March. First time for me Your body is stronger than you think & our body is created to handle birth

Like OP recommended - yoga will help lots too if you’re into it and breathing techniques. The digital pack covers breathing techniques too.

Good luck OP you have nothing to worry about

I would highly recommend The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill.it talks through aspects of labour and pregnancy and demystifies everything. I also found that it gave me confidence to say no to aspects of birth that I deemed unnecessary. I had a baby 2 weeks ago and the labour was absolutely fine...I feel like i had a positive experience overall and would be happy to do it again :)

I also recommend hypnobirthing and the Katherine Graves book and CD.

I'm not going to say it doesn't hurt because of course it does but it's manageable and if you can stay calm and in control, it's pretty easy to cope with.

I had severe anxiety about giving birth and had therapy to help me deal with it. I did hypnobirthing and when it came down to it, the birth went so well and it was a really positive experience.
I managed to stay really chilled out during the whole thing and was even playing a game on my phone while pushing lol it was a really good distraction.

You'll do great! Good luck x

OP is worried about pain and PPs are advising her on yoga and hypnobirthing Modern medicine is your solution, not hippy nonsense. Write "epidural" in large letters on your birth plan. Clearly tell your midwife when you arrive that you want an epidural as soon as possible. Ask your birth partner to remind the midwife of your request at intervals until you get one. Do not leave it too late to request one or you won't get it.

Also a third of babies are born by Caesarian - I had one and it was a breeze. May be worth asking your midwife if you quality for an elective one?

It is painful and beautiful. As cliche as it sounds, think of what you're getting at the end of it. Your body will know what to do and you'll be supported by the right people to help you through.

If it helps, research as much as you can and have a fair idea of what sort of birth that you'd like but don't make it concrete as sometimes things can change.

It's honestly beautiful to hold and see your baby after all that time of imagining what they look like 🥰

My labours have been amazing experiences and I'd do them again any time, pain and all. In fact I'd rather have the one without any pain relief than the one where I had the epidural.

If you want pain relief you can have it, but it can be a very powerful and valuable experience even without.

It’s really not as bad as you think. I’ve just had my first and was worried about how painful it would be. I had a natural birth with no pain relief. I can only speak from my own experience but for me it was like strong period pain when labour starts, then your body just takes over and the rest is more tiring than painful! Yes it’s exhausting and contractions can be painful but they last less than a minute, you will be amazed how you just deal with it at the time! Midwives are amazing and will help you through the whole thing!

@Littlekitty

Why dismiss my experience down to "hippy nonsense" when it actually worked for me? You've clearly not tried it, do don't knock it until you have!

I'm as far from a hippy as you can get and breathing techniques/yoga meant I didn't need interventions or an epidural as they are known to lead to further interventions....which is known to cause traumatic births. Best thing to do is try your best to get the baby in the best position possible.

OP by all means have an epidural, but don't assume a stress-free birth of you have one. Weigh up your options but keep an open mind. As long as you and the baby are fine, it doesn't matter how it gets out.

I am scared too and it's baby number 4. I can deal with labour pains. But once they get the strongest when fully dulisted they feel like hell

Hi op, it really is a different birth experience for everyone. I don't think it's fair for everybody to tell you that it's not as bad as you think, as unfortunately that's not the experience for everyone,and me included, the pain was much much worse and I had alot of complications following it, which made my birth experience very traumatic, so much so that dh and i come to decision not to have any more.
I don't want to scare you, as in most cases people's experiences are great, and I'm sure yours will be too. I'd just advise you to go into it with an open mind, it may not go to plan, you may need all the pain relief you can get, that's absolutely OK, nothing to be ashamed of there! The most important thing is baby comes along safely and your OK too! Epidural is your friend if your struggling, it was a god send to me, I couldn't have coped with out it, and I'm usually very good with pain.
Once baby is in your arms though, it will all have been worth it!

Hypnobirthing isn't hippy bullshit, or woo. There's evidence it works, in addition to much anecdote. And the relationship between stress, emotions and pain is well known. However, if you can afford it, I'd recommend taking a class rather than just rely on downloads and books.

Epidurals are also great, but if you plan to rely on this as an option, check out how well staffed your hospital is with anaesthetists, i.e. how quickly would you get an epidural after asking for it? Also, if you need to be induced, you can insist this is not started until an epidural is in place.

I had an epidural/spinal block with my first dd after waters broke but before my first contraction as it was possible I may have needed emergency c-section. Well I didn’t feel one contraction despite them being every 2 mins according to my midwife. I could have been on a beach in the Bahamas for all the discomfort I was in. I was advised to get some sleep (was being monitored on CTG with midwife by side) but I said I couldn’t do that as I was in labour!
I had epidurals with other two babies as well and again once I had them I was pain free.

It’s not as bad as it’s hyped up to be. I’m not good with pain and spent my first pregnancy worried and by the end having literal nightmares about it BUT on the day (both times!) it was alright. It’s painful, but it’s just one day and you get something lovely at the end of it. I didn’t even end up having any painkillers beyond gas and air, and like I say, I’m a well known wimp. Having an abscess on my tooth was worse.

I agree with Tolleshunt re making sure epidural inn place first if you need to be induced. I made the mistake of trying without this after oxytocin drip started and the contraction came on rapidly and were extremely powerful, much more so than if labouring naturally.

At this stage, with the first pregnancy, I really don't see the point of giving traumatic birth stories because then you could go in thinking that is what it will be like. It might not.

A birth may end up traumatic but worrying is far more counterproductive.

Elsteacher, op asked if it was as bad as people make out, I get that she doesn't need to be worrying over things unnecessarily, and I didn't want to scare her at all, but at the same time it's hardly fair for us all to say no it's not as bad, because unfortunately it's not straight forward for everybody.
I think it's good to go in hoping for the best of course, and the chances are high that for op the experience will be fantastic! But I think it's good to go in with an open mind, to get advise on pain relief if it should be needed.

I feel the same, so I am opting for a c-section. I feel more of a sense of control and knowing what to expect. I have it all planned out how I want - with the language I want, the music, lighting etc. It won't be a breeze and the recovery is hardly fun, but I feel really excited for it, rather than dreading it. As long as you know the risks, they will give you one if you are firm that that's what you want. Mine is elective on the NHS. However, if we had had any issues with getting one, I would have paid for one privately. There was just no way I was having a vaginal delivery!