Terrified to give birth

[sav93]

I'm terrified to give birth and to go through the pain , this is my first baby I'm 6 months and it just started to hit me that pretty soon that day is gonna come an I'm super scared , is it as bad as they say it is

@sav93 I did hypnobirthing for my youngest dd. If made everything so much easier and less painful.

Also, have you considered trying a home birth?

I really don't think people should be telling the op about traumatic birth stories.

I had a horrible labour with my first baby but that was almost completely because I was young, inexperienced and I thought I just needed to go to hospital and they would take care of everything.

The reality is that there is a lot that is within your control - much more than you think. I read childbirth without fear after my first baby.

It's really not that bad, it's not acute pain, more pressure. Look at hypo birthing and breathing techniques, tens is good for many. I had gas for my first, no pain relief for my second and it was fine. Avoid reading/watching scary birth stories, they are the exception

@nicecupofcoco

Completely get that and I agree. Having an open mind is the best way to go.

I guess I'm thinking back to when I was having my first and everyone I met seemed to have a traumatic birth story to tell, yet people are less likely to talk about straight forward ones possibly because you'll be classed as a "hippy" or smug or something.

Some women - myself included - have a morbid fear of childbirth. I'm talking full-on terror at the thought of it.

The only way for me was to have elective c-sections. You CAN insist on this. The NHS don't encourage it, but it is your CHOICE and they cannot refuse. A morbid fear of childbirth is real, even if some doctors and midwives are unsympathetic and think we're just being "silly" (as I was told). And by the way - I'm tiny.

So, OP, I totally understand your fear. Do not be bullied. Your reasons are valid. If you cannot face the prospect of a vaginal birth, then you have every right to make arrangements for a c-section.

I ended up having to pay for the first one, which was fucking outrageous, but this was 30 years ago and women were told to STFU even more in those days.

It’s absolutely natural to be scared. I’d recommend trying hypobirthing and birthing techniques as well but please remember there is always an epidural.

Firstly, congratulations and try not to worry too much about this small part of pregnancy/parenthood. Getting prepared and feeling in control of labour was how I personally approached it, rather than looking at how painful it supposedly is.

I stayed fit which is apparently a good thing as labour uses muscles, so if you can keep walking or swimming then it can really help. Also mentally, as I knew I was going to be as physically able as I could be. For me, this meant I was walking between 3-5 miles most days (with Granny Dog) up to week 38. I stayed relatively mobile all the way through, and was only slightly waddling into hospital at 40 weeks.

I also binge watched the tv series, one born every minute, which sometimes scared me but equally showed relaxed hypno style births - leading me to decide I wanted a water birth and to do the controlled breathing. Also seeing some ladies scream or grunt or breathe really helped me conclude that it’s different to everyone, and my own (deluded) belief that everyone screamed was incorrect.

So if are really anxious then please discuss it with your midwife, they can advise you of all the pain relief options available and help you plan.

But do be aware that plans can change, I didn’t get my water birth experience as I ended up with preeclampsia and had to be fully monitored. I apparently don’t show pain (even Husband was shocked how calm I looked), so the midwives couldn’t gauge my need well, and assumptions that FTM labour takes around 8 hours usually (build up in contractions). My labour was unusual apparently, lasted 3 hours from waters breaking to birth, contractions didn’t build for me and just began at labour intensity. For me, the fear of the pain getting worse like I’d been told it would rather than unmanageable pain. The midwives didn’t offer reassurance or the appropriate level of pain relief, as they didn’t realise I was fully in labour until past crowning. But once they realised I was given various pain relief, and actually I’d already done the hardest part without anything. I was relieved that I was being listened to and mentally was able to calm down.

My ramblings are hopefully reassuring, there was pain in labour for me but I quickly forgot it. The stitches and general uncomfortableness afterwards are more what I remember, and the shock of having to also “birth” the placenta when I thought it was all over. So maybe do better research than me.

So good luck and please try not to worry about labour

@sav93

Have a look at this post :)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/3576448-Has-anyone-had-a-labour-that-wasnt-horrific

Hey im on my 7th baby & it isnt that bad just have gas & air it helps alot.ive gave birth at home before with nothing & it wasnt too bad.
Dont be scared,you will do amazing.when i was pregnant with my first i couldnt wait to give birth to see what its like.
I have had scary births due to having prem babies but over all ive managed fine.
Dont read horror stories on giving birth it will make u worry.
Good luck xx

@LittleKitty1985 that 'hippy nonsense' gave me two lovely drug-free births. It may not be for everyone but hypnobirthing focuses on education on the process of birthing and empowering women to trust their bodies. Nowhere does it say you shouldn't opt for drugs if you feel you need them. It's about encouraging women and their partners to speak up, ask questions, and realise that they have choices and should be listened to by medical staff. It's about building confidence so women can go into labour relaxed and believing in their ability to safely birth their baby, whatever form that takes. All in all, I'd say that's EXACTLY what the OP needs.

Your ignorance is clear from your post. You don't know the first thing about hypnobirthing so your uninformed opinion on the subject really isn't worth very much.

i was petrified with my first last year begging for an epidural... then i came out of hospital really pissed off that people made it out to be a nightmare when really i didnt feel a thing and was really just an okay experience. i was on morphine for the pain.

It's natural and normal to be scared. As frightening as it may seem, do plenty of reading and research around giving birth so you're armed with as much information as possible about what's available to help you. Be prepared for every eventually. I refused to read any information about c-sections because I wasn't having one. Ever. I ended up having two and honestly wish I had been more prepared for my first.

@QuilliamCakespeare My opinion is informed by objective evidence, unlike yours which is clearly only based on your own biased subjective experience.

obgyn.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/1471-0528.12320
This study found that "Antenatal group hypnosis using the Hypnosis Antenatal Training for Childbirth (HATCh) intervention in late pregnancy does not reduce the use of pharmacological analgesia during labour and childbirth."

obgyn.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/aogs.12141
This one found "Learning self‐hypnosis to ease childbirth taught as a brief course failed to show any effects on duration of childbirth and other birth outcomes."

The danger of promoting hypnobirthing is that it encourages delaying proper effective pain relief. At many hospitals anaesthetists are in short supply and if a woman only decides she wants an epidural half way through labour then it may be too late and she'll be forced to suffer through without. The OP is concerned about pain, so it is irresponsible to give her advice that is likely to cause her to suffer unnecessarily.

Whilst hypnobirthing obviously works for some people, I think it really does depend on how the labour progresses. I had every intention of breathing the baby out but by day three of an induction I was desperate. OP - if I was to give anyone any advice on labour it would be that there are drugs there to make it bearable - USE THEM!! I waited a stupid amount of time for my epidural (still convinced there was no need for it) , it failed twice but on that third attempt it was actual heaven! However scared you are, there are drugs to make the pain go away. I went in to my labour incredibly naive after only listening to positive birth stories and I wish I had had a better idea of what it can be like as I remember wondering WTF was going on when mine lasted for days 🤣

It really is true too that the second your baby arrives you forget all about it and it’s 100% worth it. You will be absolutely fine, it’s what your body was made for but it doesn’t hurt to know that there’s help there if you need it. Good luck Xx

It doesn’t need to be terrifying. I can also highly recommend the digital pack from ‘The Positive Birth Company’ as they provide a lot of information about the biology around childbirth, what is happening when the uterus is contracting, and the link between fear and increased pain and protracted labour.

You may find it useful to know more about the process labour to help you understand more about your fear and whether it is fear of the unknown with a side helping of horror stories or if there is a more deep rooted cause.

Oh fuck that, take all the drugs!!

If it hurts take the drugs, if you're coping then don't.

You don't get a medal for doing it the hardest way.

My first was really painful, I took everything they threw at me. My second, I would do again if I could, I honestly loved it, didn't need anything at all.

Good luck

@angelinthenight you are a superstar!

OP I really didn't want to read and run. Please don't be terrified. Try not to think too much about it. I had my first three months ago. Believe me when I say the following:

• your body knows exactly what to do. Let it do it. Best thing to do is get through the pain. Try hypnobirthing to help with breathing techniques.
• I comforted myself by saying to myself how women do this all the time. We are so lucky to be in a developed country. You're in the best place if you need any help etc. They have pain relief to help you if you need it and they can intervene and get baby out if they need to.
• For me, all I wanted during labour was to get through it and I didn't think of anything else. It was hard and painful but once I got used to the contractions I just took it from there and let my body do the work.

Try not to worry about it. Focus on after. I've never felt relief like when I gave birth. The relief was the best bit for me. I still think about it sometimes.

@audacityofhope why are you so scathing about women who don’t want to take drugs during labour? It’s of no consequence to you if someone decides not have an epidural.

The use of pain relief in labour is not without risk and it’s important that wome understand these and make informed decisions. To assume that women are rejecting drugs due to bravado is very ill informed.

OP I would also add that when birth planning don’t be too rigid in your thinking, instead think through what you might do in different situations, and be ok with changing your mind once you are in the moment. Birth can be quite unpredictable for each individual so your ideal birth may not happen, but there aren’t so many different scenarios by population that mean a bit of forward planning for these isn’t possible.

My birth plan has variations depending on whether I go into labour naturally or if I’m induced and for what options I want to consider for how each of those progresses. There are a couple of things that I am very clear on not wanting to happen but only because this is my 3rd birth.

If you had read my post you'd see I didn't take drugs in my second labour so you're way off.

What I'm saying is take the fucking drugs if it hurts! It's all very well breathing the baby out but it isn't like that for everyone, especially first time round, and it is ok to take all the help you can get.

If you look at it a different way, it's a different type of pain...Usually pain (like the horrendous pregnancy piles I have at the moment) have no end result and you don't know when it will end. That's horrific.

There is a purpose to labour and you get your lovely baby out of it. Plus labour can only last so long before intervention.

You also made a big leap with that bravado thing as I didn't mention it at all

To give another perspective, having an epidural actually made my first labour way more traumatic than it needed to be. Which is why I opted for a different approach the next time.

It does, of course completely depend on your individual pregnancy etc.

‘You don’t get a medal for doing it the hardest way’ was where I got the implication of bravado from you.

@LittleKitty1985 Ah I see, you are thinking hypnosis which is entirely different to hypnobirthing. No hypnosis involved, and of course it doesn't work for everyone, but the science behind it looks at increasing oxytocin levels.

I’m with @Eslteacher06

Hypnobirthing & yoga isn’t hippy at all - it’s actually tools to enable birth to be less painful & less intervention. It works & that’s for sure.