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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Terrified to give birth

76 replies

sav93 · 07/05/2019 03:14

I'm terrified to give birth and to go through the pain , this is my first baby I'm 6 months and it just started to hit me that pretty soon that day is gonna come an I'm super scared , is it as bad as they say it is

OP posts:
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Celebelly · 08/05/2019 04:41

I did hypnobirthing and my labour was still shit. HOWEVER, it was only a few hours of my life and I felt pretty out of it for most of them (not due to drugs, the whole thing just was hazy and when I look back on it I can barely remember it, even though it was only three months ago) so although it was horribly painful and ended in an emergency section, I would do it again if I had to. Doing pregnancy again is another matter entirely.

It might be magical, it might be shit, but it doesn't last forever. Take the medication you need, speak up for yourself, and focus on the end result. Labour for me was a means to an end. It turns out I didn't really give a crap about the 'birth experience' once I was in labour, I just wanted to get through it with bits intact and a healthy baby, which I did so mission accomplished.

Passthecherrycoke · 08/05/2019 05:00

I loved hypo birthing but I feel the need to make OP aware that this isn’t true:

“I'm as far from a hippy as you can get and breathing techniques/yoga meant I didn't need interventions or an epidural“

It was luck that meant you didn’t need interventions. Bear in mind OP mother Is only in part control of birth. We don’t know much about what your baby is up to Grin

You’ll be brilliant though. It’s not as bad or as hard as people say

ElektraLOL · 08/05/2019 06:48

I don't think it is all luck @Passthecherrycoke

I remember when I had my first baby (18 years ago so things have moved on now) the staff got me lying on a bed as soon as I reached the hospital. Labouring is much easier if you can keep upright because gravity helps you dilate via pressure from babies head. When you come to deliver, if you're lying on your back you then have to push the baby out against gravity which makes it much more difficult.

If I had tried to keep moving around I think probably I wouldn't have needed the cascade of intervention that I had in the end.

ElektraLOL · 08/05/2019 06:51

With all that said, I certainly would still ask for an epidural if I needed one. But I think you have to bear in mind that it can stop your natural contractions (which is what happened to me) so I then need dreaded drip which was fine until the very end when they refused to top up my epidural any more 😬

Eslteacher06 · 08/05/2019 08:01

@passthecherrycoke

It was true for me and it wasn't all down to luck. IMO I really feel the minute you have an intervention, it leads to further interventions, which means you are less and less in control, which can cause the mother to feel the birth was horrendous.

It may not happen again. I may have a horrific labour this time. However, last time, I did everything I could to prepare for labour and had an open mind. I was as informed as I could be (whether that means an epidural or 'hippy nonsense' or something in between), and that's what I am suggesting to OP, to reduce her anxiety.

Passthecherrycoke · 08/05/2019 08:11

No offence but it wasn’t down to you. Your breathing didn’t stop the baby getting stuck, shoulder dystocia, the cord wrapped round it’s neck, etc. You can’t control any of these things.

windysowindy · 08/05/2019 08:21

Look into hiring a birth doula if you can afford it. I didn't for my first but already booked for this pregnancy

AudacityOfHope · 08/05/2019 08:21

Yeah but you actually don't get a medal.

The day after you give birth it doesn't matter how it all panned out (barring after effects of course). There is no scoring system in life for doing it without pain relief, and if someone isn't coping then she should absolutely feel free to get off her face and hunker down till it's over.

Babdoc · 08/05/2019 08:26

OP, if you already have extreme anxiety about labour, hypnobirthing is unlikely to be successful for you.
It can be ok, if the baby is presenting in a favourable position, the mother’s pelvis is roomy and all is going well, but if the baby is lying occipito-posterior causing horrendous back pain, or if there is a degree of disproportion, or you need forceps assistance or a caesarean, then no it won’t, and you would need more effective analgesia such as an epidural.
Make an appointment to discuss pain relief in advance.
If you are booked to deliver in a stand alone midwife unit, they have no anaesthetists and epidurals are not available, so this may affect your choice of delivery venue.
If avoiding pain is your overriding priority, then nothing beats an epidural. Once it is inserted and running, you have the option for self administered top ups via the pump, which can be very reassuring to feel that you have some control yourself.
There’s little point in listening to anecdotes from mothers on MN - every patient’s pain threshold and priorities are different, and labours vary hugely in how much intervention is needed. Nobody here has a crystal ball to predict how yours will be.
There is no substitute for discussing your options with the obstetric and/or anaesthetic staff in advance and having contingency plans, so you feel happy that you’ve covered all the bases.
Best wishes for a safe and pain free delivery, from this retired anaesthetist!

foreverhanging · 08/05/2019 08:31

Hi op I had a wonderful birth. It was at home and I did hypnobirthing and it wasn't hippy bullshit in the slightest Wink I had a couple of paracetamol and that was all.

I kept chanting to myself 'you are made to do this, you are made to do this' and it made me feel stronger.

QuilliamCakespeare · 08/05/2019 08:37

@LittleKitty1985 I'm not printing anything. I'm suggesting something which worked for me as an option. If y

QuilliamCakespeare · 08/05/2019 08:40

@LittleKitty1985 ...if you actually read my post you'll notice the focus on empowerment and choice. You seem to be interring an anti-drug subtext which isn't there. It sounds to me like the OP needs to build her confidence and reduce her anxiety about birth. Hypnobirthing did both these things for me. You can quote all the articles you like but your initial description of it as 'hippy nonsense' says it all about the objectivity (or lack thereof) of your opinion.

Flamingosnbears · 08/05/2019 08:42

The best thing you can do is speak to your midwife about your anxiety they will be able to help you.

WhiskersPete · 08/05/2019 08:46

I’ve had one baby and for my next I would chose an epidural over hypnobirthing. As PP said, modern medicine is your friend.

rodentattack · 08/05/2019 09:03

I have given birth twice and neither time was as unpleasant as having a serious hangover (disclaimer: I had uncomplicated births).

If you end up overdue, you will switch to worrying about never giving birth!

Good luck x

Eslteacher06 · 08/05/2019 09:04

@passthecherrycoke

It wasn't down to me? Hmm Basically trying to invalidate my experience. Ok.....you go with that Biscuit

jackstini · 08/05/2019 09:08

Can recommend this book but also look up her podcast for fear free childbirth

A really sensible approach to birth, intervention free if possible but always keep an open mind

Best birth plan ever - have this baby - however the birth turns out

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Books-Alexia-Leachman/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3AAlexia+Leachman

Congratulations on your pregnancy Thanks

Passthecherrycoke · 08/05/2019 09:32

Of course it wasn’t down to you. Are you seriously claiming hypnobirthing was the reason your baby didn’t have ie a cord compression?

I couldn’t agree more with babadoc. Let’s not do the OP a disservice here

Eslteacher06 · 08/05/2019 10:23

Urm...I think I had SOMETHING to do with the birth... possibly? My daughter came out of my vagina for a start!!

And I didn't use hypno-birthing?! I'm also not saying it's an all or nothing approach. I also didn't say complications won't happen.

Why am I justifying myself to a complete stranger who hasn't actually read and understood my posts?! And yet we speak the same language?

Passthecherrycoke · 08/05/2019 10:39

I don’t know why you’re justifying yourself to a complete stranger. Maybe you could help the OP rather than making it all about you?

MustardYellowJumper · 08/05/2019 11:40

For what it's worth, I've read a hypnobirthing book and watched some videos, and it doesn't seem to have any kind of anti-drugs stance to me. It all seems to be about understanding what's happening in your body, and simple methods for relaxing and feeling in control, rather than panicking. Their birth stories include people will gas and air, epidurals, instrumental deliveries, CS, all sorts. I can see why people are recommending it to the OP.

My mum says it sounds exactly like the coping techniques she was taught by the NCT in the 80s - but with the key difference that the hypobirthing book is a lot more frank about the difficulties that can occur and how to make decisions/change your mind during the birth, while the NCT (she felt) skated over that a bit too much by just reassuring everyone they would be fine. I've not done my NCT course yet, so I can't compare.

Tolleshunt · 08/05/2019 12:44

OP, if you already have extreme anxiety about labour, hypnobirthing is unlikely to be successful for you.

This is both correct and incorrect.

It is correct in that beyond a certain level of anxiety, you are unlikely to be able to sufficiently engage with the process to benefit significantly, if you are only teaching yourself from a book, or downloads.

It is incorrect, however, in that one to one sessions with a qualified hypnotherapist/psychotherapist (not somebody who is only qualified in hypnobirthing but has no other therapy qualifications), are likely to be very effective at resolving your anxiety, and putting you in a position where you can effectively utilise the techniques in labour.

Hypnobirthing cannot fix problems that are purely mechanical, but it can significantly reduce pain and anxiety (which are, of course, linked), the need for pain relief, and also the need for intervention. It also helps women accept and go flexibly with the flow if the unexpected arises (which is not to be sniffed at).

That said, if you would nevertheless prefer to go the epidural or ELCS route, then you should have the choice to opt for that, and the NICE guidelines allow for that. The risks for ELCS vs VB are pretty similar in magnitude, though different.

Eslteacher06 · 08/05/2019 12:47

@passthecherrycoke

Your latest post is evidence you haven't actually read what I have wrote in previous posts. But hey ho, you stick to your fixed opinion. God help anyone who has a different one!

I'm not responding to any other derogatory and false comments you make now. So work away! Flowers

Drogosnextwife · 08/05/2019 12:49

OP I'm going to be honest, yes it does hurt as much as everyone tells you. It's awful, but its is a pain you will cope with because you will get a beautiful little baby at the end and you won't care how much it hurt after that. Also millions of woman do it every day and then quite a lot of the time do it at least once more so it's definitely something you get over.

Darkstar4855 · 08/05/2019 13:42

I had a painful labour because my son was back to back but I was fine in the pool with gas and air. It’s really not that bad because you know it will end in a matter of hours and you’ll get meet your baby.

I ended up with an epidural just because I had to have forceps and I didn’t feel a thing during the actual delivery or the hour they spent stitching me up afterwards. So just remember if the pain is too much you don’t have to put up with it, you can ask for an epidural!

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