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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Did you take your partner to your booking in appt?

105 replies

VapeVamp12 · 26/04/2019 09:51

I have my booking in appointment with the midwife on Monday morning, she didn't mention bringing my partner but I wondered what others had done?

OP posts:

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Mintypea5 · 27/04/2019 15:07

Yes uk and yes midwife insisted DH attend too. His work gave him the time off but he's lucky and works for a small company who are very generous.

He's not coming this time as out the country and midwife said that she's prefer him there again but as my appointment already got rearranged by them it's too "late" to make it so DH can come as I'll almost be 13 weeks

Whisky2014 · 27/04/2019 15:36

By "insist" do you actually mean "encourage"?

Mintypea5 · 27/04/2019 15:39

No i asked when she booked it and she said your DH should be with you if he can't we'll rearrange (that was last years booking in) and she said it will be a 3 hr appointment so you'll need a morning off.

This time I made my appointment again and she said of course you'll remember DH will need to attend with you. Then she moved my appointment back by 2 weeks and was rather huffy DH was out the country but accepted that I'll be too fat to rearrange again.

Sagradafamiliar · 27/04/2019 16:28

What do single mothers do then according to your midwife?
I heard from one that men accompanying women to every medical appointment was a red flag anyway. Their training must be quite inconsistent from area to area.

Jen306 · 27/04/2019 16:37

Just out of interest what questions do they ask about DH medical history?

PBobs · 27/04/2019 16:52

My husband comes to all my appointments to be honest he usually books them. He asks lots of questions (he's a bigger worrier than I am) and likes to see the scans, hear the updates, etc. He's missed one and that was a non-stress test I chose to go and have with a growth check. He just couldn't make it as it was a spur of the moment thing for me as reassurance and he had a work meeting. No red flags here for abuse. I'd die laughing if someone suggested that to me. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

Kennehora · 27/04/2019 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PBobs · 27/04/2019 17:15

Sorry to hear you'd think that @kennehora. I find mine to just be curious and interested. I on the other hand am more blase and take it as it comes with my health and pregnancy so rarely have any questions. If anything I'd say my approach is far more arrogant. It's just the way I am. I can assure you, there isn't an ounce of arrogance in his body. It's usually stuff we've discussed at home and I've said I wasn't sure and he should ask the doctor next time we see her. So he does. Hmmm. Maybe I should LTB.

PBobs · 27/04/2019 17:17

Also just to add our appointments aren't time bound. We get pretty much as long as we want/need every time so that's not an issue.

redstapler · 27/04/2019 17:21

@Pbobs you're the only person booked in that clinic are you?

Of course your appts are time bound, what a daft thing to say!

FraggleRocking · 27/04/2019 17:22

That’s probably one of the worst things I’ve read. I’m actually so annoyed I can barely type.
How do you know the questions are irrelevant?!
It’s good to ask questions, it’s showing an interest, learning, being involved.
Dammit I’m too angry.

Sagradafamiliar · 27/04/2019 17:26

The midwives in my area have no time for partners asking questions, there is hardly any time for the patient to ask any. My last three booking-in apps were over and done within 15 mins with a grand total of three antenatal midwife appointments in all which were equally as rushed. I'm talking about the NHS btw not private.

FraggleRocking · 27/04/2019 17:34

Well, that’s another issue that’s been highlighted on MN before. Discrepancy in care in areas. MW not having time etc. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for you or your partner to ask a question. And questions should not be dismissed as irrelevant. If I hadn’t asked about the FW8 form my MW wouldn’t have brought it up as it was missed at my booking in and isn’t routine at 16 weeks.

PBobs · 27/04/2019 17:36

@redstapler I don't live in the UK and have private healthcare. We always visit the doctor as last appointment because of my work hours so we usually stay and chat about all sorts of non-pregnancy stuff too. My husband works fewer hours than I do so he books the appointments. There's some real MN knickers in a twist on here because some couples just have a different approach to things. I don't feel the baby is "just mine" and nor do I want to feel that way thanks. Husband and I just have a very strong sense of partnership.

redstapler · 27/04/2019 17:38

@Pbobs I'm sure your dr is thrilled to stay and chat to you instead of going home after a long day..... 🤔

Ohhellothereladyface · 27/04/2019 17:38

No I didn’t. It was pretty much just taking bloods, checking blood pressure, general medical questions so I don’t think there’s much need to take OH with you unless of course either of you feel strongly about it.

PBobs · 27/04/2019 17:40

Thanks @Fragglerocking. Glad it's not just me who was pissed off by that comment. Unless everyone's been at the turkey basters (absolutely fine with me) or intends to raise their baby solo why shouldn't the father ask questions if there's time and opportunity? I don't get it. To be honest I work so hard and such long hours in a very stressful job I can sometimes not even remember what day it is. Husband has more brain space for baby stuff. Husband asks more questions. Seems reasonable to me. He's an intelligent man with a relevant academic background so does a lot of reading and research into stuff.

PBobs · 27/04/2019 17:42

Hahaha @redstapler could you be any more miserable?! You have no idea where I live, what the circumstances are, who my doctor is in relation to me or anything. Just one big fat bitchy load of assumptions.

ChikiTIKI · 27/04/2019 17:44

Where I live in the uk they ask people not to bring their partner to the first appointment so they can ask you if you are in an abusive relationship. They never actually asked me this though. But they did ask at the first appointment if I have family nearby and a support network.

My husband worked from home while I was pregnant too so he came to all the other ones :)

Congratulations and hope the appointment goes well!!

Aimily · 27/04/2019 17:44

Yup, he's come to all of my appointments so far and I think he plans on coming to the remaining. I think it's a nosey or support thing in his mind as I have asked if he wants to be there and his reply is always he finds it interesting and finds our midwife a laugh. Which is fair I guess?

At my booking in he was sent out to get some paperwork stamped at reception while I was asked about domestic violence and if I felt safe in the home, wanted the baby etc.

Kennehora · 27/04/2019 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FraggleRocking · 27/04/2019 17:47

@Pbobs Totally agree. Probably a bit to do with hormones but that comment really gave me the rage.
I get everyone is different and likes to do their own thing but to put down someone for asking questions (which was actively encouraged at our booking in app btw) seems absurd.

Sagradafamiliar · 27/04/2019 17:53

Ah you're not in the UK nor use the NHS, that makes a lot more sense. Here the appointments are geared towards the patient, they are in a medical setting with time constraints and are treated as such as opposed to family meetings/academic discussions for the father to flex his research.

FraggleRocking · 27/04/2019 17:56

@Kennehora Maybe yours was. As per my previous post, there is clearly a discrepancy in care in areas. Our MW encouraged questions and had plenty of time for us. Unfortunately, she missed a couple of key items (FW8 being one) but that was easily sorted at 16 weeks.
I think what you wrote is awful because it’s so depressing. You feel that if your OH attended an appointment you wouldn’t be equals and he would take over. That’s really sad.

PBobs · 27/04/2019 17:59

@Kennehora this is getting boring now but I'll humour you in case other women reading have genuinely abusive husbands or are worried about me. I'm more academically intelligent and professionally driven than my husband and also senior to him at work. I am also significantly more confident and arrogant. Is that what you want to hear? It's true but it doesn't seem relevant or kind to say on here. My academic background includes several published peer reviewed papers in public health and education. His background is also scientific but involves drugs, vaccinations, etc. So he asks good questions about those based on NHS recommendations to make sure our baby gets a good start in life. Recommendations where I live are US based and neither of us are fans of some of their healthcare interventions. My career has been, until now (just stopped work for 18 months) more important to me than a family or anything else. He is definitely the more maternal of the two of us. I care about our unborn child and have done everything I could for this pregnancy to be a success. As has he. It's just he is interested in vaccination details and I just want to know what frickin type of cheese I can eat.

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