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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Those who waited to find out sex at birth... are you glad you did?

143 replies

Leleophants · 25/04/2019 20:24

Desperately want to know but also want to protect it in a way and not having anything judging it. I want everything to be as non-stereotypical as possible!

For those who waited.. were you tempted and was it worth it? :D also did you secretly think you knew?

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Cannyhandleit · 26/04/2019 11:35

Oh also I 'knew' both my baby's were girls..... they were both boys!

GrumbleBumble · 26/04/2019 11:36

@SnakesBarmitzvah not knowing (well until my surprise was blown at 36 weeks) didn't stop me bonding pre birth but we are all individuals and if some women feel that knowing whether it's a boy or girl they are carrying or choosing a name or buying certain clothes help them bond then their feelings are no less valid than mine.

NewAccount270219 · 26/04/2019 11:39

It was my 2 favourite moments of my life when the surgeon held them up for me to see!

Yeah, whereas when they put DS on me I was all like 'look, I already know this is a boy so can you just put him over there and I'll get round to looking at him later? It's all pretty old news to be honest'

Seeing your child for the first time is pretty amazing without needing a 'surprise' to make it so.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/04/2019 11:39

"I will never understand why some people get so superior over this. Waiting until birth to find out the sex of your child doesn't make you a superior person."

I don't think anyone has expressed the idea that they feel superior because they waited. Have they? Why did you say that?

NewAccount270219 · 26/04/2019 11:40

Because the thread is absolutely full of people going on about how finding it gives you a less special moment, ruins the surprise for you and means you must be wedded to gender stereotypes?

NewAccount270219 · 26/04/2019 11:43

Oh, and apparently no one else will care about the birth of your baby if they already know what genitals it has.

That is pretty clearly a superior attitude.

escapade1234 · 26/04/2019 11:47

I’ve never understood why it’s more special to find out at 40 weeks than 20.

I found out each time but we didn’t tell anyone until the baby was born. I loved being the only one who knew. I just told people we didn’t know yet. Trust me, it was special.

Birth is a pretty momentous occasion without needing the big gender reveal afterwards to make it memorable.

Whisky2014 · 26/04/2019 12:01

@SnakesBarmitzvah well, I don't know authors difficult to understand. You know you're pregnant but don't have a clue what you're having. I had a boys name and a girls name picked ready. I found out I'm having a boy and so I can start thinking of the baby as "him" along with his name. Me and my partner can now reference the baby's name in conversation between us. I can now envisage my boy, i don't have to think of a girl because I know im not having one!
I can now just focus solely on the boy i know I am having and i love it! Rsther than a "what if" if you know what i mean?

Whisky2014 · 26/04/2019 12:05

I agree with you @NewAccount270219 there is some kind of judgement to the people who did want to find out.
There shouldn't be, it's just a preference! No one is right or wrong in what they chose to do.
Things said from posters like @jellyslice such as Not knowing the sex is a wonderful luxury Honestly. What? Hmm

HalfBloodPrincess · 26/04/2019 12:09

I have noticed that finding out the sex is looked at on here in the same vein as baby showers or ‘gender reveals’, pink vs blue etc Like it’s a tacky way to do things, or a ‘class’ thing.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 26/04/2019 12:33

I found out both times- I was busting to find out, despite not having a preference for either sex and really hating very gendered clothing. I just wanted to know who was in there!

With DC1 I’d had a long labour and was whacked out on pethidine, so when she was born I was just glad it was over and that she was ok- I would never have felt the benefit of the surprise.

DC2’s labour was much easier, the type of birth where waiting until baby was here would have been a true surprise.

If we go for DC3 I think I’ll wait, but only so I can experience it both ways!

Cannyhandleit · 26/04/2019 12:56

@NewAccount270219 I never said it would be a less special moment what I said that made that moment all the more special for me! I genuinely don't care if people find out what the sex of their baby is it's all personal preference, I preferred not to and was irritated by people telling me I wouldn't be prepared!

Justus22 · 26/04/2019 13:00

Curious to know how people who have never found out baby's sex at 20 weeks know it takes away from the moment you meet your child? I am not judging anyone who likes to wait, its an amazing and memorable moment whenever you find out though. Everyone is different, each to their own. To those who make out it's something you should not need to know/is tacky/attention seeking but in the next breath claim no one is interested at birth if they already know the sex.... I don't follow the logic at all?

Countryslices · 26/04/2019 13:01

I didn't find out and was the
Most incredible moment to have a surprise after a 4 day labour. And I say surprise because my gut instinct (which I was adamant on) was wrong!!

Cannyhandleit · 26/04/2019 13:06

Because it's Mumsnet @Justus22 and no one is allowed to answer a question without someone else telling them they are wrong and other people's opinions more valid!

Steeve · 26/04/2019 13:10

We did it with DD and the suspense was unbelievable, emotions all over the place. What's strange is that we both "knew", in our hearts, the child was gonna be a girl.

Steeve · 26/04/2019 13:12

Yeah JustUs, knew DS was a boy, made no difference.

Biancadelrioisback · 26/04/2019 13:13

I knew I was having a boy since the moment I fell pregnant. Absolutely knew. I never even questioned it. So I never officially found out because in my head I already knew. And he was a boy :)

Tunnockswafer · 26/04/2019 13:16

Yeah I’d take those odds Grin

calilark · 26/04/2019 13:19

Absolutely. It was so hard, but I am glad I did. My husband was the one who looked first and told me, and it was a lovely moment.

wonkylegs · 26/04/2019 13:21

We kept it as a surprise with both of ours and we loved the surprise, it gave us something to look forward to through two difficult pregnancies. Even though I was shattered after DS1 it was still lovely.
DH was sure he'd glimpsed that DS2 was a boy in one of of final scans the week before he was born (DH is a dr who works with ultrasound so is very good at reading them) but he kept it to himself. We did ask not to find out in any of our scans which was quite tricky as we had lots and lots of them due to me being high risk.
I was the only person I know in real life who did this though everybody I know found out

If I were ever to have another one (I'm not) I would keep it a surprise too.

PorpentinaScamander · 26/04/2019 13:22

I'm glad I waited until the birth.
I was convinced both times it was a boy. And they both were so I 'knew' somehow

SnakesBarmitzvah · 26/04/2019 13:24

@Whisky2014 I do see what you mean. I just feel like I'm bonding with my without knowing - feeling the kicks, seeing it grow (on apps, scans etc). The sex really is the least important thing to me, just knowing baby is healthy is all I am concerned with.

I also feel its a bit more primal and natural not knowing.

Above anything I just love the anticipation of it. I was convinced it was a boy then I started dreaming it was a girl and its lovely to be wondering again.

We had our anomoly scan last week and I cant help but feel being told then and there would have been a bit of an anticlimax.. if I ever were to find out (possible with future babies, just to experience both knowing and not knowing) I would ask the sonographer to write it down then I would do a gender reveal party (generally abhorred on MN) with close friends and family. That, to me, would be more of a special moment than just being told by the sonographer who we don't know.

Strokethefurrywall · 26/04/2019 13:25

Didn't find out with DS1 and I still remember the look on DHs face when he said "oh my god it's a boy! We've got a son!" is still one of my favorite memories.

We did find out with DS2 and I wish if held out for the moment he was born. It was a bit of an anticlimax in and OBGYNS office rather than when you get to meet them.

If I had another I'd not find out. Good luck!

ThanksItHasPockets · 26/04/2019 13:31

I don't think anyone has expressed the idea that they feel superior because they waited. Have they? Why did you say that?

When friends have found out, and told me what they were expecting, it took a huge buzz out of the actual birth. It was a "what did you ha.....oh yeah, I know, a boy, right yeah, so, congratulations" type anti climax almost.

I honestly don’t understand why people want to know, and I hate it when a baby is named and everyone knows it’s name months before - it’s such an anticlimax!

I do feel there's not as much excitement over the details except for the weight of the baby etc

My friend had a baby at the same time as me but we knew from 16 weeks that it was a girl, what she'd be named and what day she was going to be delivered so the only vaguely interesting bit on the birth announcement was the weight.

Agree with prev posters who say that when you know the sex, the name etc. of friends children the births are less 'exciting' It's obviously still lovely news but not really news if that makes sense?

I found out the sex of my babies both times. I regarded the sex as a piece of information available to me along with their femur length and head circumference. They both slept in the same yellow and white nursery and were pushed around in the same navy pram.

I clicked on this thread as although I’m clearly not one of the people OP addresses in her title I am genuinely interested in people’s reasoning when they’ve made choices that are different to mine. It’s lovely to read about the special moments at birth which many PP have described. It is a real shame, however, that other PP have felt the need to make digs at those who have made a different choice to them. If you need to justify your own decisions to yourself by criticising others’ then you need to catch yourself on, frankly.