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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Those who waited to find out sex at birth... are you glad you did?

143 replies

Leleophants · 25/04/2019 20:24

Desperately want to know but also want to protect it in a way and not having anything judging it. I want everything to be as non-stereotypical as possible!

For those who waited.. were you tempted and was it worth it? :D also did you secretly think you knew?

OP posts:

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Whoops75 · 25/04/2019 23:44

I didn’t on my first and did on the others.
It’s lovely to know and the moment you see them is fantastic either way.
I was far happier knowing x

CassandraAttheWedding · 25/04/2019 23:55

Also mistakes are supposed to be very rare nowadays but I still meet someone every year who was told wrong 😐 and that's very rarely a nice surprise at birth!

HalfBloodPrincess · 26/04/2019 00:05

I found out with my first 3. Wasnjust too impatient to wait.

This time around I haven’t found out as I knew it would be my last so thought I’d do it a bit differently, and it’s torture! I feel so unprepared! I’m 36 weeks and I’ve a presentation scan next week and am so tempted to ask if they can tell me. I don’t think I’ll decide if I want to know until the day though.

I don’t think there’s any right or wrong way to do it - you either want to know early or not. Doesn’t make much difference to anything or anyone else.

JellySlice · 26/04/2019 00:08

Oh, it's the best! Holding the little person who is so new and so unknown that nobody can introduce you to them. Taking your time, looking deeply into their eyes, discovering them at your own pace. Nothing comes close to it.

With dc1 I had lots of scans, we already knew that every single finger and toe was in the right place. The only thing left for dh and me to discover was their sex and their hair colour!

Not knowing the sex is a wonderful luxury.

SarahBeeney · 26/04/2019 00:14

I found out the first time,it was a surprise pregnancy so I felt like I needed to find out...one less shock!
My 2nd and planned pregnancy we waited til the birth and it was amazing. I highly recommend not finding out!

GrumbleBumble · 26/04/2019 09:55

However, I’d love someone to explain to me how not finding out the sex before the birth helps to avoid gender stereotyping, as if it confers some sort of magical lifelong protection. @ThanksItHasPockets it doesn't give life long protection but it does stop the stereo typing starting before birth. One of.the main reasons I hear for finding out is "I want to be organised/I needed to prepare". Surely that means I can't buy stuff until I know the sex of the baby because I will buy different stuff for a boy than I will for a girl.
I didn't know, I've never felt the need to know but I get that some people do - it's person choice. I'm not a fan of pink/baby blue - I like babies in bright colours. We had decorated the nursery and brought every stitch of newborn, 0-3 & 3-6 clothing (and some bits up to 2 years) and all the toys and equipment without knowing what we were having. So it's possible to be organised without knowing.
It took me 8 years and several rounds of IVF to get and stay pregnant. I know that it was likely to be my only baby (which it was) and I really wanted a surprise. I didn't care what I was having and wanted the surprise to help me through labour. I had a 36 week scan and told the sonographer that we were keeping the sex a surprise. She was really short with us and said it hard to avoid telling at this stage. My DH and I didn't look at the screen to prevent finding out but the sonographer repeatedly referred to "he". Great, my much longed for surprise ruined. Its almost a decade ago now and I'm still gutted that she took the opportunity to find out for myself away from me.

HalfBloodPrincess · 26/04/2019 10:10

grumblebumble I have to disagree with your first point. My dc have all worn bright colours and I love black and white. I have a girl then 2 boys, my eldest was born in 2003 and I’m reused loads of her stuff for all the dc and will for this one regardless if it’s a boy or girl.
My ‘unpreparedness’ if that’s even the right word for what I’m feeling, stems from not knowing everything about my pregnancy this time around as I always found out the sex before. It feels a bit like going into a really important exam that you haven’t revised for, that kind of panicky feeling iyswim. I hate saying ‘it’ when referring to the baby but I hate all the cutesy bump names like flump, or bean that people give their unborn child.
For me it just feels like there’s something ‘wrong’ this time around.

SnakesBarmitzvah · 26/04/2019 10:50

@Twixes True, but its comparable to sneaking a look at your Christmas presents early, don't you think?

We're waiting for the surprise and everyone looks at us like we're crazy, but we just love the idea of finding out when he/she arrives into the world for us to meet in person.

SnakesBarmitzvah · 26/04/2019 10:57

I honestly don’t understand why people want to know, and I hate it when a baby is named and everyone knows it’s name months before - it’s such an anticlimax!

THIS!

GrumbleBumble · 26/04/2019 10:59

Half-blood like I say it's totally a personal choice. We used a bump name rather than say it (not a cutesy one though). I would say your feeling of "needing to know" isn't the same as the "I have to be prepared" people who in my experience of friends and family that have given give as a reason for finding out have always meant "I want to go shopping and want to know if I should buy pink/blue, dresses/dungarees, fairies/dinosaurs". Not only was I totally prepared for baby no 1 but if I'd managed to have another one I'd have been prepared for that too. Of course it's possible to know the sex and not go blue/pink crazy or to dress a girl in blue/boy in pink or to not find out until birth but only buy a 5 pack of vests, 3 sleepsuits and a packet nappies in advance then purchase a bucket load of pink frills or blue cars/rockets once the baby arrives. If you are a pink /blue, princess /trucks person then you will go that way whenever you find out and likewise if your taste is black/white /grey or lemon and white or rainbow brights that's what you'll buy if you find out at 15 weeks or at birth. But in my experience those who prefer neutrals are less likely to want to know early because not knowing doesn't stop them shopping.

NabooThatsWho · 26/04/2019 11:01

I loved waiting both times. That moment you get to see is amazing and I will never forget it.
I’m not having anymore, but if I did I would wait again.

MsMarvellous · 26/04/2019 11:05

I waited both times. I didn't feel especially strongly either way but DH had a strong preference to wait. I must admit though, given my eldest was at the birth of youngest, it was lovely to all find out together as a family when number 2 was born. But then, it wouldn't have been less special If we'd known.

Whisky2014 · 26/04/2019 11:08

This kind if question is difficult to answer since everyone will be biased towards their own choice.

Yes, you found it amazing holding a little person, I doubt you'd have thought it any less amazing had you known the sex previously. And conversely, the people who did find out will be happy because it makes it easier to choose names, prepare and most importantly...bond.

No answer is the correct answer, just do what you want to do!

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 26/04/2019 11:13

I didn't find out until the birth but unfortunately I ended up with an emergency section under GA and I don't really remember being told if had a boy when I eventually woke up, it's all a bit of a blur. I felt pretty convinced I was having a girl throughout my pregnancy!

Anothertempusername · 26/04/2019 11:19

I was so glad I didn't find out!! It was the best moment finding out I had a baby boy :-)

SnakesBarmitzvah · 26/04/2019 11:20

My MIL alwaus makes digs at us "oh its so hard to buy you anything because we don't know the sex.."

Ironically when my B+SIL found out with theirs she moaned it was a shame they wouldn't wait for the surprise!

Tunnockswafer · 26/04/2019 11:22

I waited both times but I was never tempted to find out either. I fell in love with the baby and its sex simultaneously, if you see what I mean - although it would be nice to have had one of each when I realised dc2 was a boy was the same moment I saw his beautiful little face so I didn’t experience any disappointment as he was so perfect in himself.

MumUnderTheMoon · 26/04/2019 11:25

I'd have liked to have known but I didn't want the "big scan" so I couldn't find out. It was fine tbh after a long labour and everything else I was just glad she was out I really didn't have much of a response to her sex because I really didn't care. It only affected her name.

SnakesBarmitzvah · 26/04/2019 11:27

Is it just me that doesnt really buy the "finding out helps you to bond" thing??

Just my opinion.

Turquoisesea · 26/04/2019 11:27

I didn’t find out with either of mine. For my fist pregnancy I was convinced I was have a boy & I did. My 2nd pregnancy was identical & I just assumed I would have another boy & hadn’t even thought about girls names! When I gave birth and they said I had had a girl I was over the moon and it was a lovely surprise, although I really didn’t have a preference either way.

rangermag · 26/04/2019 11:30

Going to go against most of the responses here but I didn’t find out for dc2 (having found out for dc1 and having loads of people saying it was more special to wait, what an amazing moment it was at birth etc) and it was no more special at all. If anything it was a bit of an anti climax because I had built it up into this amazing reveal and it wasn’t. I found out for dc3 and 4 and I genuinely don’t think already knowing the sex makes the birth of this tiny little human you have created any less of an amazing moment. Meeting your baby for the first time is mind blowing whether you know the sex or not. Finding out at a scan or from a chromosome test is also just as exciting for me as finding out at birth was.

I hated dp telling everyone else the sex and what our thoughts on names were before they were born though.

NewAccount270219 · 26/04/2019 11:31

I will never understand why some people get so superior over this. Waiting until birth to find out the sex of your child doesn't make you a superior person. I also think that deliberately turning down information so that the birth can be all about a big reveal is actually making a much bigger deal of sex and how important it is than just finding out when they offer to tell you.

ThanksItHasPockets · 26/04/2019 11:31

@GrumbleBumble thanks for responding. I’m sorry that your preference to find out at the birth was ruined for you.

I maintain that if you are the kind of person to subscribe heavily to gender stereotyping then it will make minimal difference whether you find out the sex before or after the birth.

SpunBodgeSquarepants · 26/04/2019 11:34

I didn't find out, but I 'knew' all along he was a boy. I know people will say that's impossible, but I'm sure I just instinctively knew, maybe something to do with the hormones? It never even occurred to me it might be a girl. Didn't even have any girls names! I even think if he had turned out to be a girl I wouldn't have bonded nearly so well, it would have been a shock!

Cannyhandleit · 26/04/2019 11:34

I waited both times and would 100% wait again if I had another one! It was my 2 favourite moments of my life when the surgeon held them up for me to see! Really irritates me when people say you need to know to be organised or to bond, o was just as prepared and bonded just fine with both my boys!

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