Are you finding out the gender and why?

[Holiday16]

Hi, I have always wanted to keep gender a surprise until the day I give birth. I suppose I think it would be an extra surprise after all the hard work.

My partner already has a child and he kept the gender a surprise with his ex. Now it might just be my hormones but that really upset me - I suppose I just wanted it to be a first for us both I dunno, but now I'm in two minds what to do.

Did you find out the gender and what made you decide? Thanks x

I did as the pregnancy was complicated and I wanted to know
I didn't tell anyone though so yo everyone else it was a surprise. I think I just felt that everyone knew a lot in that my body felt exposed being pregnant, it was after 6 ivf so I wanted to know during pregnancy to get used to it in my head. If that makes sense. I needed time that it was just me knowing

Would do the same again.

I found out on both of mine and I will do on this one aswell. I really felt it helped me bond with them, knowing what they were and picking a name helped with feeling like they were real. Also when you have more than one it helped with the siblings knowing and understanding a baby boy or girl was coming and they could understand and be a part of it. Honestly, in both my labours It was so exhausting you could of placed a monkey on my chest and I would of accepted it. In my experience your not with it enough to care and the suprise is a bit of an anti climax as there is so much else going on. Finding out the gender gave us 2 surprises, the surprise in the sonography scan and then seeing what they looked like when they were born

I was going to wait but my husband is keen to know. My cousin found out what she's having and then I though oh actually I do want to know. I spoke to a friend who understood what I meant by having a surprise on the day but she said you are so overwhelmed with the birth that you don't give a damn!

I did because I am very nosey! Also it might sound weird but I was having trouble connecting with bump. For some reason I thought knowing if it was a he or a she would help me get to know them better, day dream about what they would look like when they were older, names etc. And oddly it did. Being able to say he instead of just baby made it more real.

We found out the sex.

We were unsure for a while because MIL and the sonographer at 12 weeks both stated how if we found out the sex we would a) show that we are selfish parents and b) those who wait for the surprise bond better with their baby.

Neither of these sat right with me so I went away and done some research, I read published journal articles into it all. What I actually found was that those who are likely to experience sex disappointment, i.e. they are wanting a boy, would be better finding out the sex before birth to come to terms if the sex wasn't the desired option. Then there were also studies which showed there tended to be another 2 types of people, those who enjoy planning and are of the sort to need to know things in advance and the other type who are more care free and able to handle surprises (FYI I am simplifying this massively). They found that the 1st type of people bonded better with their baby if they knew the sex beforehand and for the 2nd group it made no difference. I actually wrote this all up on my PC during lunch breaks as though it was an essay piece for uni! Then handed it into my MIL and sonographer when we were wanting to know the sex.

For us, knowing we were expecting a boy was lovely. We called him by his name as soon as we found out his sex and made him feel so much more real to us. We still insisted on gender neutral clothes and gifts though as we knew we would like more children and obviously we might end up with girls next!

It's fetal sex not gender.

Im a planner! Literally. :D

@Thelieswetelltoourselves

It's fetal sex not gender
Go away. That's been done before on another thread and it didn't go down well. In this regard it doesn't matter, we know what she meant.

I found out both times. I don’t get the whole ‘I want a surprise’ to be honest because it’s a surprise whether you find out at 20 weeks or the day the baby is born. You’re just getting your surprise at a different time.
I wanted to find out because I has high risk awful pregnancies both times and shortly after finding out the sex I felt like a was in a safer zone pregnancy wise. It was good that after all the stress of the first few months of pregnancy it was lovely to enjoy my pregnancy for once and go out and buy little girl / boy clothes and decorate the nursery etc.
I’m not going to lie I wasn’t unisex I loved buying little boy clothes and little girl clothes because like I say it was nice to finally have something to celebrate after not being sure I’d make it that far.

Even if I hadn’t had any issues I’d still find out because I guess I’m a planner.

We also found out the sex and will this time too. I figured I was growing this little person and was desperate for all the information I could lay my hands on. I would have found out hair and eye colour if I could, but sex was the only thing they could tell me.

Whether you find out during pregnancy or after labour, it's always a surprise

We found out with DS and I'm really pleased we did as we had the name etc. sorted. I'm pregnant now and we will find out at the 20w scan again hopefully - I really enjoyed knowing. However, if you want a surprise then that's fine too! I don't know anyone who regrets finding out or not finding out at the scan - there are pros and cons to both.

It's fetal sex not gender

Username checks out

OP we wanted to know the sex of our baby. FWIW I always thought boy children were more trouble (more risk of learning disabilities/behavioral problems), so preferred a girl. I wanted to work through that in my head in case it was a boy (DC is a boy!) before the birth.

As it turned out, he’s taught me a lot about my preconceived notions

We're not going to find out.

I'm not really sure of my reasoning. I just love the idea of the midwife saying "congratulations, it's a ..." after all the hard work of labour.

It's already annoyed my friends who are desperate for me to find out, which makes me stick my feet in further about not finding out!

I already know I’m having a boy. I chose to find out because it’s so much easier for choosing names, clothes etc. I try to aim for gender neutral colours but the shops clearly don’t feel the same way.

We wait til baby is born, currently 40 weeks and not knowing who this baby is is definitely helping keep me excited and less anxious. We have a name sorted for each.

First time, husband revealed we had a girl and seocnd time I looked and saw we had a son and it was such a wonderful moment after a looooooong active stage.

Pros and cons either way but for us it's nicer to wait.

Found out both times. No regrets. It's really a personal choice, people try to put some sort of moral meaning on it and there isn't one.

We a mixed heritage family and choosing names was really hard -- trying to find something that both sides could pronounce and didn't have some weird meaning in either language - so knowing it was a girl or boy in advance helped us with narrowing down the options.

I didn't find out with my first. I loved not knowing, really wanted my DH to be the one to tell me when baby was born and I found it helped to give me that extra bit of excitement for Labour instead of freaking out.
I'm now expecting again but this time it's twins. My DH asked if we could find out to help us prepare a bit better to which I've agreed. It's hard enough coming up with 1 name, let alone 4 for potentially 2 boys or 2 girls. I kept all the clothes etc from when my DS was a baby so if it's 2 girls then that stuff is no good to me.
If it had just been a single baby this time though, I would have kept it a surprise again.

We decided not to find out the sex of our baby.
It's just personal choice.

We found out. I didn’t really want to know but my DH did, and I didn’t feel strongly enough about not knowing to prevent him from knowing - if that makes sense. I’m glad we did find out now!

I didn't find out with my first. I thought the surprise at the end of labour would be wonderful... When it actually came to it I was so deliriously exhausted and starving (after 3 days of not being able to eat anything) that I was temporarily more interested in a cheese sandwich than DS, and couldn't have cared less whether he was a boy or a girl.
However my family all loved that it was a surprise and we didn't tell them our preferred names beforehand so I suppose that made the birth announcement more interesting for everyone.

I’ve already got a girl and a boy, so in a way I’m trying to tell myself “let’s have a surprise this time”, but I’m way too impatient for that I think!
Plus, I think it will be nicer for the DCs to know if they are getting a brother or a sister In a way it can prepare them a little more for what’s to come - especially DD. She’s already informed us that she will be most disappointed if she gets another brother at least if we find out the sex, she will have another 20ish weeks to get used to the idea of it is another boy

Yes so I could get properly prepared. Could not be arsed going to the shops for outfits and having to wash and dry them all with a newborn baby. Was much easier to get everything we needed before baby arrived so there was no rush and we could just relax and enjoy the newborn stage.

My HV told me she didn't find out the sex of her baby and she ended up in White babygrows for the first six months, so now when I see children out in babygrows I just think they were not prepared at all and feel sorry for the baby having to go out in pyjamas

DH and I discussed this before we had our viability scan at 6+6 (IVF pregnancy) and decided that, if it was a singleton, we wouldn’t find out but, if it was twins - which it is, we would find out as there is so much more planning to do. We will probably have a private scan in about 5 weeks time to tell us but we also plan to keep the information to ourselves except for a couple of close friends who are keen with their knitting/sewing needles and want to make some individualised gifts!!

Why are everyone's abbreviations being explained in brackets. It's freaking me out!!!! It's like someone's patronising friend is explaining everything to me.... Make it stop.

Oh and it does matter that it's sex not gender.