Are you finding out the gender and why?

[Holiday16]

Hi, I have always wanted to keep gender a surprise until the day I give birth. I suppose I think it would be an extra surprise after all the hard work.

My partner already has a child and he kept the gender a surprise with his ex. Now it might just be my hormones but that really upset me - I suppose I just wanted it to be a first for us both I dunno, but now I'm in two minds what to do.

Did you find out the gender and what made you decide? Thanks x

See now I just tired in Oh as in "Oh damn I forgot to buy gin!" and haunted MN has assumed I meant other half.

I dressed my babies in babygros for a very long time as they're practical and comfortable. No need to feel sorry for them. Nowt to do with finding out the sex.

We found out and it was definitely the right decision in hindsight with dc1 but we couldn't have known. I had a very traumatic labour and delivery with a crash cs and I harboured a lot of guilt and anxiety over the gaps in my memory . I can't remember her birth. I was so upset that many people touched her before I did, cradled her, saw her features, heard her cry. Them knowing her sex before I did would have heaped anguish upon anxiety.

I found out the sex with both. For me it was helpful in thinking about names and connecting a little more with the bump - visualising a real little human!

I’m also terrible for surprises; always read the spoilers

@RhymingRabbit, not happening to me - and I use the site via safari on both iPad and phone. However, given the frequency that people post along what the acronyms mean, and the recent advent of an acronym section to explain this - it’s orobably based on that. No doubt you can ask for it to be made optional.

And, as the majority of private companies advertise them as gender scans, it really doesn’t matter at this point in our babies physical development!!

We didn’t find out the sex either time. I wanted to second time but my husband didn’t so we didn’t. I’m glad we waited now personally (and I can totally get why other people don’t feel the same and make a different choice) I do think it’s probably more exciting to have the surprise at birth. Each to their own though and I totally understand why people want to know sooner!! I thought most people found out these days mind you.

Found out with DC1, 2 and 4 but not with 3. Decided I wanted to try having a surprise with #3 as I thought she would be my last child.

I didn’t like not knowing personally. I had convinced myself she was a boy and had a boys name planned but no solid girls name so when she was born it was a shock. I called her baby for ages and couldn’t quite believe she was a girl.

Hi OP. You can't change what your partner did with his first child. You need to focus on your impending child together, and if you don't want to find out, then don't.

We didn't find out with either as just didn't see the point really. We weren't interested in stocking up with blue or pink clothing and i didn't feel like it helped me bond any less by not knowing. I quite enjoyed playing through the different scenarios to be honest.

Finding out at the birth was just fantastic and i vividly remember those silent moments from when the baby was born to my husband telling me we had a daughter. Very emotional and totally worth the wait.

I always thought I'd want to know until I actually got pregnant - and now we've both decided we don't want to find out.

I think for me it partly comes down to that moment of amazement when the midwife says "it's a..." etc.

It's also about the wonder leading up to the day, I like the idea of wondering what the baby will be/who they'll look like etc - I feel like the motivation of finding out might make labour a bit easier, personally - Haha.

It also comes down to baby stuff to though - I HATE that little girls only ever seem to have cute, pink fluffy outfits and boys options only ever seem to be blue with "cool dude" or similar on. The gender stereotyping even from day dot makes me mad. This way, if anyone buys us anything they have to get it in a gender neutral colour/style/slogan

I didn't find out with both of mine.
1st was a girl and I felt I knew all along she was a girl and was so exhausted after labour when they said she was a girl I was kind of like 'yeah I already knew that'

2nd I've just had and we didn't know again and this time I had literally no inkling to the sex. we had a boy and the moment my husband looked up at me after seeing him all teary eyed and said 'it's a boy' is one of my favourite moments ever.

We found out the sex at 11 weeks from NIPT test. DH really wanted to know, I was ambivalent about knowing but decided to find out for DH's sake.
Now I am really glad we know!

DH has a poor relationship with his father and he was worried that he'd be a poor father to a boy - he was much more relaxed about a girl. He felt he'd need time to get his head around being a father to a boy as there is so much unresolved baggage from his own childhood.
He didn't have the same anxiety about a girl.

Turns out we are having a girl and he has visibly relaxed since knowing this so I am really glad for his sake that we found out as he is much less anxious.

We found out the sex each time as there could be genetic issues that were possibly sex-linked.

Sex not gender.
But no, we didn't find out, exactly because once the childs sex is known it becomes all about gender, all the assumptions of how it will /won't conform to gendered stereotypes are heaped on it and it hasn't even been born yet.

I want to have a gender reveal party, so I will find out, but I'll wait a little longer so my family and I can all find out together and celebrate it together! I'm in my early days yet but I'm so excited to find out!

Don't people just dress babies in babygros because it's easier? Anyway, haven't found out – didn't want to develop preconceived notions of who this baby might be based on its sex/my internal prejudices. Managed to prepare anyway.

Main irritants have been commentary from the peanut gallery when I say it's a surprise: yesterday I had "Looks like an enormous surprise". Or the cashier in Asda who decided we were having boy/girl twins because we bought both blue and pink vests (equally irritating: the pink vests are strappy and frilly, why?!)

We asked. I didn't think I would, but with the first one I was just desperate for any information about who my baby might be. With the next 3, we found out because we were curious if we would get one of the opposite sex (we didn't - all 4 are the same).

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3539808-to-find-out-if-a-boy-or-girl-thoughts?msgid=85800398

Thread on this very topic from last week if you are interested in further responses.

I didn't. I loved the surprise. When my DD was born I wanted a boy but forgot that instantly when she arrived and couldn't even imagine wanting a boy and when my DS arrived I was equally delighted and pranced round the maternity ward feeling pity for all the women who had baby girls.
My friend had a baby and when it was born her DH said ' it's a boy' and they starts crying with joy then the midwife said ' erm noooooo' and they cried again as he didn't care.
My DH has an older child too. He's cried at every one of his children's births. It honestly makes no difference each one is magical. ( I didn't feel that with my first as terrible pNd but now she's nearly grown up I look at it fondly)

We are finding out the genders of the twins in 1.5 week. 😁 We're doing it to help us bond with them, so we know to get more boy clothes (because I've been shopping for girl clothes already 😳) and so that we can find names for them. We're super excited to find out.

I'm finding out.
Purely because it's just me and i don't plan on having anyone else in the room during delivery.
I've bought everything in neutral (second/third hand is amazing). I want to find out because i think it might help my crippling anxiety, and because i think it will make it seem more real.

Kobea what a strange thing to think when you see a baby in a babygro.

We didnt find out, I loved the surprise. We certainly managed to enjoy the newborn stage, I had bought lots in neutral colours and then we got a shed load of gifts so DS was happily kitted out. The nursery was done in a gender neutral way, we had names ready for either a girl or a boy.
If we have a 2nd we wont find out.

@Kobea
My baby is a girl but she will still be in babygrows all the time.
Outfits for very small babies are completely unnecessary!

What Megan said!

I mean it's not really a strange thing to say is it? Babygrows are pyjamas and for me I wouldn't want to take my kids out in pyjamas. And As for outfits being unnecessary, that's a strange thing to say isn't it? You shouldn't dress your baby before it turns 1 because some people think it's unnecessary outfits are lovely to pick up and dress baby in. It makes much more practical sense to take off a pair of leggings to change a nappy rather than undo and redo 30 poppers? If I'm honest if I see a parent out with a child in a babygrow I do think they were in a rush and haven't had time to get ready, and I do find it pretty lazy. It doesn't take more than a minute to put on an outfit to make your baby look decent for the day.

Oh you're joking! I see.

Babygrows aren't pyjamas- that's why they arent called pyjamas. Think you need a hobby if you've that much time on your hands to judge people for putting BABIES in BABYGROS.

We didn’t find out. In all honestly it never occurred to me that we would. I always imagined finding out when baby was born. It was actually my husband and not the midwife who told me we had a boy, and it was truly one of the most lovely, wonderful moments of my life.

We truly didn’t have a preference though, and are both pretty ‘go with the flow’ type people. I can totally understand why others who feel differently find out.