Are you finding out the gender and why?

[Holiday16]

Hi, I have always wanted to keep gender a surprise until the day I give birth. I suppose I think it would be an extra surprise after all the hard work.

My partner already has a child and he kept the gender a surprise with his ex. Now it might just be my hormones but that really upset me - I suppose I just wanted it to be a first for us both I dunno, but now I'm in two minds what to do.

Did you find out the gender and what made you decide? Thanks x

I found out with both, but I'm an anxious and organised person. After both scans I was in shock for a week after (not because I cared which it would be, I guess it all just became real). Would definitely not cope well if I also had to deal with sleeplessness and a newborn on top of the shock.

I don’t intend to find out, and it is because I am not hankering after either sex. This is my first and will be my only baby, so a boy or a girl...I’ll be delighted either way.

OH has two kids (DS and DD) with another person. He was told the sex during both pregnancies but wanted surprises. So we’re both on the same page.

I found out, but it was absolutely nothing to do with giving one shiny shit which it was. It's annoying for everyone who didn't find out to imply that if you find out, you somehow had a preference either way. So annoying.

We found out and I am glad we did, I had a crash c section with bds1 so would have missed out on that it’s a boy moment, tbh I barely knew I had a baby until the next day and with ds3 I had another traumatic c section and he was taken away to special care right away so again I wouldn’t have had that moment.

I'm 23 weeks and we found out 2 weeks ago and it's the best thing ever! I feel more connected and it all seems more real.

@Nowthenforever2019 There’s no right or wrong. It’s a personal choice. It’s rather petulant to get annoyed by anyone else’s reasons for choosing to find out or not find out. There are a loooooooot of other things to get all ‘so annoying’ about, don’t you think!? No one can explain their reasoning for their choice without someone taking it in a way it was never intended. Kind of want to say get over yourself...! 😝

I'm finding out, I'm just too excited! I think it'll make everything seem more real. Plus DH can't wait to find out 😂

Yes i did last week and done twice previously so i could be prepared and buy colours etc. So glad i did as i feel so organised and like having everything ready before little ones arrival x

I did and loved it. Finding out together what we would have was the highlight of my pregnancy. Made the second half that much more bearable.

I didn't think I would, then had major complications and baby wasn't expected to survive - I found out because I didn't know how much time we had together.
(She defied the odds and the story has a happy ending )

Both pregnancies and we didn't. We love not knowing

Sessy, clearly you didn't read my post. I don't give a crap if people don't or do find out. I get annoyed at people who don't find out implying that because I did, is because I cared either way what the sex is. Understand now? People can do what they want, but don't tell me I found out because it bothered me what sex child I had.

hth

Did with both of mine. I hate surprises. With my second I wanted to know as we only had girls stuff so if it was a boy we would have needed to re-purchase everything!

Luckily we have two beautiful daughters

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP.

You are being a bit OTT (well, more than a bit, but you’re allowed) to be upset that your DH didn’t know last time he had a child. You know that a baby per se isn’t a ’first’ For him, and ‘first time not finding out the sex’ is hardly a big ‘first’.

A generation or two ago no one knew the sex because scanning wasn’t invented.

I deliberately didn’t find out the sex because I didn’t want people (including me) projecting about what they would be like before they wrrr even born. Had I found out I certainly wouldn’t have told anyone, and partly to avoid the gendered crap you get. “Oh, a boy, you”ll have your hands full” “a daughter, how sweet...”.

The important thing is you’re havjng a baby, a new little human being. It won’t be THAT much of a surprise ad it will be one only two choices.

And it doesn’t matter what happened with any of your DH’s circumstances. Everything about this baby will be a first for this baby.

“we would have needed to re-purchase everything!”

What do newborn baby girls need that is different from baby boys?

HotpotLawyer if the first child was a girl as mentioned and had a load of dresses, headbands, and pink outfits, then it's pretty reasonable that she wouldn't have wanted to put a boy in that type of clothing.

I understand your wish not to have gendered stereotypes placed on your baby but once they're born it happens anyway. I also noticed personally when I was pregnant around other expecting mums, the ones who didn't know spouted loads of sexist bollocks like "I'm sure I'm having a boy because my skin is clear and women carrying girls get spots" and other old wives tales.

It’s a very individualistic thing; there’s no right or wrong choice and as long as you and DH/DP agree to know/not know it’s all that matters.

I’m a planner, and impatient as well as a nosey so and so and I needed to know, and loved the extra layer of bond I felt being able to say “oh hes kicking away again”.

But the next pregnancy I have will be in Scotland where my trust has a policy of not divulging the sex of the baby. I can see me forking out for a private scan to find out.

There is NO right or wrong and focus on your baby and not your OH’s previous, else you will be starting down a path of perpetual comparison that will really mar your experience of this pregnancy for no good reason.

if it was a boy we would have needed to re-purchase everything!

Wow corporate’s gonna love this one!

I didn’t find out with DS (1 year) but did with DD (14) I much preferred not knowing it just added to excitement for me personally.

i have a feeling this is a girl though purely because I have had the worst nausea which I did with DD but not DS.

“if the first child was a girl as mentioned and had a load of dresses, headbands, and pink outfits, then it's pretty reasonable that she wouldn't have wanted to put a boy in that type of clothing. “

LOL, like I said, gendered crap.

But plenty of people seem to love it so...

We didn’t find out with our first and I’m glad because it meant that when we bought all the “big” stuff like pram, nursery furniture etc we stuck to neutral, it also meant that I didn’t go overboard buying clothes before baby arrived! I was, however, so convinced I was having a boy that when he popped out I didn’t even think to check until the midwife asked!

I am now pregnant with number 2 and we will be finding out this time mainly for practical reasons. We have bags upon bags of clothes from DS in our loft which will either be kept if another boy or sorted through to pick out the bits suitable if a girl (sorry pink/blue police there are just some things I wouldn’t put a girl in!).

Also I think it will be good for DS (2.3) to find out with us to avoid any potential meltdowns if he doesn’t get what he wants... I’ve already banned everyone from asking him if he’d prefer a brother or sister!

I was given a tonne of gendered crap for my first and I was fully geared up to donate it all to charity if my second had been the opposite sex.

And what also happened is that I have girls and the older one loves pink and girly crap so the younger one will have to wear it as well because I'm not buying gender neutral clothing for her just to make a point.

I feel like you are just arguing for the sake of arguing. I see very few babies in gender neutral clothing over 4-6 months old no matter how "woke" the parents are.

We found out we were having twins but didn’t find out. The planning was no different for not finding out and when the midwife announced you have a son and a daughter, it was the best way to find out.

We bought and were given a variety of clothes before they were born and worn whatever we picked up first.

I didn’t find out the sex for any of our children. When I had DC1 they wouldn’t even tell you the sex as we lived somewhere where people aborted female fetuses.

I found out because I'm very impatient and I have to know everything. I hate surprises. Plus it's going to be one or the other, so not much of a surprise really, no matter when you find out.