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Original poster

We've been trying for a baby but now I'm pregnant DP is freaking out!

94 replies

Hopelessandworried · 18/03/2019 08:56

Hi all,
My DP and I have been trying for a baby for about a year now.

I found out this morning I'm pregnant! I was so elated I ran straight to our bedroom to tell him and his first response was "Oh shit was will my parents say?!"

We are both in our late 20s and have been living together for 2 years.

He's now running around our flat like a headless chicken trying to work out how he's gonna tell his mum and dad and that they're gonna be so disappointed etc.

I feel like I've been stabbed in the chest.

It was his idea to start for a baby, I agreed with him but he suggested it. Now he's making it seem like we're a couple of 16 year olds who made a mistake.

Any advice on what I should do?

OP posts:
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Babdoc · 18/03/2019 09:00

Are you married, OP? Do his parents know he is in a relationship with you?
Why would they not be thrilled to be grandparents?
Why did he deliberately conceive a child with you if he now apparently can’t handle the consequences?

KatnissMellark · 18/03/2019 09:02

First of all stop being so dramatic. He's being silly of course but you overreacting (stabbed in the chest?!? Confused) isn't going to help. Give him a little bit of time to settle down then have a sensible rational conversation where you point out what you've said in your post-he should be supporting you- this is planned, wanted and there's no need for parents to be disappointed, and if they are, well it's too bloody late for that so they'll have to lump it.

Original poster
Hopelessandworried · 18/03/2019 09:05

We aren't married but have been together for 6 years and yes out families have met, we go to his parents for Sunday dinner every week.

I don't think I'm being dramatic I feel like I have a horrible pain in my chest because of how he's reacted to something I thought he'd be thrilled about. I'm just describing how I feel.

Its come as such a shock I don't understand how or why he's reacting in this way when it's something we've been trying for for a year.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hopelessandworried · 18/03/2019 09:06

I also haven't said anything to him yet. I'm waiting until he calms down before I do but was hoping for some advice, not to be told I'm being too dramatic.

OP posts:
MumUndone · 18/03/2019 09:10

Yeah, strange reaction from him - no wonder you feel upset. Any idea why he's reacted like that? Are his parents very old fashioned?

CaseofEllen · 18/03/2019 09:10

@Hopelessandworried try and relax. See how he is a a few hours time. When I told my DP he didn't say anything, grabbed a beer and a cigarette (hadn't smoked in a year) and went into the garden 😂 couple of hours later he was fine, hasn't smoked since!

Even if you're trying it's a huge shock. Hopefully his immediate reaction will change fairly quickly. Give him a little bit of time. X

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 18/03/2019 09:10

It’s a shock to him as it’s all real now and a very normal reaction. However to be worried about what his parents will say at his age is not normal, but he probably thinks they will sooner you be married, I know some parents would. Just relax, give him a bit of time to get used to it and go tell his parents together, soon. He will be fine and do will you. Congratulations btw.

NotSoThinLizzy · 18/03/2019 09:10

He's just having a little freak out he'll calm down soon. It's a big thing having a baby. Is he stressed about money or space? My OH freaked out a bit with each pregnacy think it's just something they do. some just hide it well.

HalfBloodPrincess · 18/03/2019 09:14

We planned and tried for all 4 babies. I still panicked when I got a positive each time!

Original poster
Hopelessandworried · 18/03/2019 09:24

Thanks for the advice.

His parents are a bit old fashioned but I don't expect they'll want us to be married first or anything.

We are comfortable financially and everything else which is why we started trying.

He just left, said he needed a couple of hours so hopefully he'll calm down and realise it's a good thing not the end of the world.

It's just quite hurtful.

OP posts:
Weepingwillows12 · 18/03/2019 09:28

I know it must be disappointing for you as you wanted to celebrate it together but be patient. I remember feeling ecstatic when I got a positive and then a couple of hours later thinking "oh shit, we've made a huge mistake". Couple of hours later back to happy. It takes a bit of getting used to for some people. See what he's like later.

TheGirlWhoLived · 18/03/2019 09:29

My dp hopped on a train and ended up in his university city 4 hours away when I told him Like you we had been trying for a year!
I think men struggle to mentally process, and I fully expect your dp to calm down fairly quickly. Please don’t catastrophise just yet- men can take longer to mature than women in a lot of cases so he is just being immature

DustyDoorframes · 18/03/2019 09:35

OP if you can possibly manage I'd try and find it funny- he WILL come round, he's just having a panic (me and DP were the opposite way round when we got the positive for DC3...). Imagine yourself telling his mates about his panic in a funny sort of way. If you are lucky he will do something bizarre when he's out to make a better punchline (like the PP's chap who took himself back to uni...).
You may feel like a panic later on yourself - that's allowed too!

Doyoumind · 18/03/2019 09:40

We planned too and when I got pregnant my ex's reaction was terrible. He didn't improve during the pregnancy or when the baby was born, hence why he is my ex.

lablablab · 18/03/2019 09:48

I'd be really hurt too. And angry he's ruined this precious moment.

Aside from his disappointing reaction, it's is all about him and he hasn't even considered your feelings in all this. Very selfish and very hurtful.

Like others said, some men struggle with the shock of the news. And hopefully he'll clear his head and realise he's been idiot, do some serious grovelling and you can look back at this moment and laugh...

Fingers crossed for you OP.

And congratulations! Thanks

Albamahanna · 18/03/2019 09:56

This sounds very hurtful but give him time. When I fell pregnant with DC2 I felt like I had made the biggest mistake of my life despite her being very much planned. It took me a week or so to get my head round it, before I became happy. It sounds quite selfish that he's acting like this but emotions are weird things and maybe he just needs time and space.
Congratulations

PBobs · 18/03/2019 10:31

Oh God. I know how he feels. I felt like we'd made a terrible mistake too. My DH said nothing for over 12 hours. Then asked me to do a second test so he could reprocess the result. Took us both a while - we'd been sort of trying. For 3 weeks. I agree you need to keep perspective. It does seem that you are taking his reaction too much to heart rather than just accepting that not everyone reacts in the same way to really big news. Hope he can give you the positive feedback you're looking for afterwards.

ijustdontunderstandher · 18/03/2019 10:39

Try not to take it to heart OP, my first 2 pregnancy’s (twins) were unplanned but we tried for our fourth for ages and when I finally fell pregnant I crapped myself. It felt like a huge mistake. But it’s just huge news and he’s processing it differently, give him some time and he’ll come around

outpinked · 18/03/2019 11:24

All but one of my children was planned, I still panicked to begin with. It’s a normal reaction to what is a huge life changing event. He will calm down in time, he’s just in shock.

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 18/03/2019 12:02

When I found out I was pregnant with a planned baby, it was me who had a major freak out! I remember thinking what the fuck have I done. I came round to it after a few days but sadly I went on to have a miscarriage. I remember thinking (in the dark moments) that maybe the baby knew I had freaked out and thought I didn’t really want it 😔

I fell pregnant a couple of months later with DS and still freaked out a bit then too!

I’m sure your DH will be thrilled soon, just give him a bit of time

Triskaidekaphilia · 18/03/2019 12:56

DH's reaction when I got the positive was lovely, but he since admits that even though we'd been trying a very long time and both wanted a child, he is also pretty terrified. He's been incredibly supportive and excited and I never would have guessed, but I guess he's just good at hiding it! I'm sure once your DP has a chance to calm down he will be ok.

Original poster
Hopelessandworried · 18/03/2019 13:08

Thanks for all your lovely messages.

He just sent a text saying "Told my mum and dad. She's not happy and argued with my dad. We can talk when I get home."

I have no idea what's going on but he won't answer my calls.
This really isn't what I expected to happen.

OP posts:
BendydickCuminsnatch · 18/03/2019 13:16

Wow, for a grown up he seems to care way too much about what his parents think! Sorry OP! Congratulations Flowers

BendydickCuminsnatch · 18/03/2019 13:18

Also if it comes to it you need to make it crystal clear to your in laws that you were trying, the baby is much much wanted and it was HIS idea in the first place.

ATailofTwoKitties · 18/03/2019 13:19

I think frankly that message calls for a reply of
'You utter dick. What about whether I'm happy or not, rather than your bloody mother?'

And I'm normally quite polite.

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