We've been trying for a baby but now I'm pregnant DP is freaking out!

[Hopelessandworried]

Hi all,
My DP and I have been trying for a baby for about a year now.

I found out this morning I'm pregnant! I was so elated I ran straight to our bedroom to tell him and his first response was "Oh shit was will my parents say?!"

We are both in our late 20s and have been living together for 2 years.

He's now running around our flat like a headless chicken trying to work out how he's gonna tell his mum and dad and that they're gonna be so disappointed etc.

I feel like I've been stabbed in the chest.

It was his idea to start for a baby, I agreed with him but he suggested it. Now he's making it seem like we're a couple of 16 year olds who made a mistake.

Any advice on what I should do?

What a numpty!! His mum sounds like a bit of a crank, too!
Congratulations OP. Men can have a tendency to be like rabbits in the headlights with this sort of thing(especially the mama’s boys! I know, I live with one!) but, chances are, he’ll come around to the idea once that initial panic and shock wears off. Dear me, why is his mother so arsey about this?!

Hmmm. Much less funny with the mother caveat. It sounds like a total headache OP!
Whatever happens next, he clearly has some untangling to do about how much he lets his mother's feelings bother him, and quite what her angle is. If she's throwing a strop that does put him in a difficult position- obviously she's always going to be an important person in his life- but he needs to be able to live his life, with you, sanely. As, very emphatically, do you!!

So has he spoken to you?

Did he come back op?

"She convinced him not to propose to me because "it's not the right time, you hardly know eachother" (we'd just come back from holiday to celebrate us being together for 2 years) and he usually sides with her not me."

Why on earth did you TTC with this man-child?! I would have been reconsidering the relationship, not coming off the pill

You really should have addressed his mummy issues before TTC, then you could have walked away if it didn't work. You can still walk away now, of course, but it will be harder.

That doesn't really help the OP now does it?

Parents don't always react favourably to their adult offspring getting pregnant. My mum was a total dick about it when I rang her! This after getting married and buying a house etc. In my 30s. Still all she could say was "you're not serious" and then "oh".

I think he's being an absolute dick! Not a normal reaction to a planned pregnancy.

As for his mother's comments - I would have hung up on her and your partner sounds like a child himself.

All in all, not a good situation!

Congratulations OP.

Regardless of what his mother thinks and how he is behaving, you don't have to put up with this. Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you can't walk away from this either.
I hope he calmed down and apologised profusely but to be honest, nobody would blame you for walking away from all of this. His mother sounds like an absolute cowbag.

They obviously have some sort of problem with you and he is not being supportive when he should be.

You need to focus on you baby and if he's going to be like that then tell him you won't put up with it.

I usually try to play devil's advocate and reason this might not be so bad but he's being inexcusable and spineless and the mother, well... I'd be furious and I can take a lot before I lose it. You are not over-reacting I knew what you meant about feeling physical pain, some sad individuals like to pick you apart on here (they look for things they can dig you out over) so just ignore that. Re him, he's been totally out of order and you're owed a major apology but give him a chance to think it through and come to you if you really love him, please don't however put up with this kind of behaviour from him or his family going forward. I know its scary but your baby will be worth it. Take good care. X

@preggosaurus9 you make a very good point. When we told my parents I was pregnant I was 31, engaged, living with my fiancé, together for 5 years and my mother, my darling mother said “oh, I thought you were the sensible one” parents can be total dicks about that stuff.
Op I hope you’ve spoken to him and that things work out for you

What a horrible situation, OP! What did he think would happen? Sex = babies 🤦‍♀️ Any further development?

Congratulations!!!

Fingers crossed it was just the shock talking this morning, and when he gets home his reaction will ave become what it should have been this morning. I'm also crossing my fingers that he tells his miserable battle axe of a mother to shove it.

Keeps us updated OP x wishing the very best for you 😘

Oh god. This man doesn’t put you first at all, why are you having a baby with him?!

Also someone who could be convinced not to propose never really wanted to in the first place.

"They obviously have some sort of problem with you"

I very much doubt that it's about the OP herself. Toxic parents like this will find fault with any partner. They might find specific things to criticise (my MIL certainly has done with me!) but that's just because they want to justify their unacceptable behaviour. What they are usually objecting to is losing "ownership" and control over their child, they can't stand the thought of their child flying the nest (even if they've already moved out physically, many are still emotionally enmeshed with toxic parents) and prioritising their new partner and family over their family of origin.

Oh dear this isn’t sounding good. If his mum is already a problem I foresee it onky getting worse. He shouldn’t care what she thinks about anything and the fact he let her tell him not to propose is awful. I’d have left him then he’s never going to have your back. She sounds toxic.