Who was there at the birth?

[mommysharkdodo]

So getting closer to my due date me and my partner have been making a plan of action of when I go into labour giving different scenarios for example time of day where we are etc..

I am having my partner and my mum as my birthing partners but think I'd like it to just be me and my partner at the beginning then my mum to come more for support later when I get a little further along (obviously depending on circumstances of how my labour is)

My partner has said he thinks his mum and dad will head straight to the hospital once I'm in labour to wait along with his younger siblings and possibly his nana so they can see the baby as soon as it's born.

Now I know they're gunna be excited but I also know what I'm like when I'm poorly hating people around me so it's made me a little worried of how I will feel straight after giving birth so many people coming in to see the baby and talking to me.

Just would like to know other people's stories of who was at the hospital, did you make people wait a certain time after the baby was born to come in? How did you feel after giving birth about seeing people?

I'm just getting a little worried of the unknown and it's awkward as I'm a very private person and my family know that whereas my partner and his family are the complete opposite.

With DS1 o has his dad and my best friend in the room. No one at the hospital wait they all came to visit the next day but I was in labour all night / had him in the early hours.

DS2 just husband with me. My mum brought my DS1 to meet his brother. It was very important to me he got to meet him first. Then my mum and mil came in for a quick visit. Rest of family waited until we were home

You might want to check your hospital’s visiting policy as they will almost certainly limit numbers and have set times when people can visit.

Only Dh in with me. My Mum would have been great, she is good in a crisis but she would have unintentionally taken over.

I wanted it to just be me and Dh with our baby. And it was. But I was rushed for an EMCS at the end. I looked like absolute shit and I wouldn't have wanted a waiting room full of people.

My Mum and Dad met my baby about 7 hours after he was born, then PIL. No-one else. Friends came 2 days later. My sisters live relatively far from me so they came 1 week later.

I had a drip in my hand, a catheter in and a bag of my wee next to the bed. I couldn't move much and I felt incredibly vulnerable. I was also in labour for over 24 hours.

Why do they have to wait in the waiting room? Why can't they wait at home? My friend was in labour for 3 days!

What do you want? This is about you, not them.

I forgot to say after DS1 I was fairly anxious but that’s because he was ill and it was all rather scary so didn’t want huge amounts of visitors while in ten hospital (it’s not a great environment and obviously you share a ward so trying to be respectful of others)

With DS2 I felt great! Up and showered less than an hour after giving birth but again we were in for 24 hrs as I was Strep B and it was a blinking heatwave so didn’t want a huge amount of visitors in the hospitals

My DS2 has quite bad jaundice too so the first few days were full of hospital visits for the billy flash test so we put visitors off at first. You may just want to play it by ear because you really have no idea how borth and aftermath will go so you may be fine for visitors or you may not. They should understand

Just my husband.
We didn’t tell anyone when I was in labour with any of our DC. There is no need for a waiting room full of people and I would have felt a huge amount of pressure knowing people were expecting me to perform.

Remind your partner labour is never just a half hour event.
Tell him he can say you have gone into labour, but there is no point in everyone spending the night in a hospital chair, when he can invite them to see the baby within the day if the birth or next morning.
Also that numbers will be limited, and may mean only a few mins for a visit.
Please I know your the new mum, but he will be a new dad and must want his side to see the new baby .
Have a signal that he knows which means your finding it too much, so he knows to call the visit to an end, best way is for him to day he will walk to the car with visitors then lead the way.

I'm due soon too and I'm having my DP and my mum with me. I'll only tell my dad and sister, DPs family live 4 hours away. My dad and sister won't be at the hospital until after baby is born and I've had a bath/shower. Won't have any other visitors until we are home from hospital.

It all depends on what you want but I wouldn't be happy with anyone seeing me immediately after birth apart from my birthing partners. I think you should be honest with DP if you're not happy with his family being there. I think you'll regret it in months/years if you just let it happen.

Also, good point by a PP. Find out your hospitals policy on visitors waiting etc as this might mean you can blame it on policy rather than say you don't want them there!

If you feel uncomfortable with half his family being in the waiting room, stand up for yourself and tell him!
You might be in labour for days. Much better to tell them once baby is here and you've had a chance to bond, feed, maybe get stitched up, take a shower, eat and rest. The baby will be just as new and cute a few hours or a few days after delivery!

They'll only be in the waiting room if he calls or messages them to tell them to get there.
Just tell him you'd prefer to wait until the baby is born before telling anyone and that way you will know if you're up to visitors or not.
I'm only having my husband with me. It's a special time for the two of us, becoming a family.

I would absolutely not be telling anyone I was in labour if they planned to turn up like you're an animal in a zoo.
We let people know when baby had arrived, and told parents they could visit the next day. Everyone else waited until we were home and were invited.

I'd be getting your partner to tell your parents right now that you have no idea how you'll feel or when you and baby will be ready for visitors. The last thing you want when you're starting to bond/establish breastfeeding is in-laws and other random family members gawping at you and trying to get a cuddle with the baby.

*his parents

Loads of people, medical staff and DH as DD was born by EMCS.

Most hospitals won’t have waiting areas and will limit the number of visitors to immediate family and only 2 at a time at boating time. Our hospital has banned all visitors to maternity durring the flu/norovirus season.

You and more importantly your DH needs to read up about the realities of labour and the role of oxytocin so he knows how to best support you to have the best birth you can. You need to speak up about what you want and don’t want.

If they do turn up then tell the midwives that you won’t be having any visitors. You are the patient, not your baby or DH.

@mommysharkdodo I think you need to let your partner know that unless your giving birth at a private hospital they WILL NOT be allowed on to the delivery ward (Hence only allowed 2 birthing partners) and when you do go onto the ward most hospitals have a 3 to a bed rule, no kids other than siblings and visiting times only.

After I gave birth, My bottom half was out for up to an hour afterwards as I was stitched and then cleaned by a HCA, then I had to stay in bed for hours covered in blood because i had a PPH!!

Tell your partner YOU will decide when your ready for visitors after YOU are finished giving birth!!

My MIL fell out with us when she found out we only told her AFTER I had DD, she didn't give 2 shits that I almost died 😔

Hi OP
I had my husband and my mum and was really pleased I had them both there for my first labour.
I would highly highly recommend not telling any other family members that you're in labour. Or being very clear they're not to turn up until you're ready for them. We had relatives turn up who were uninvited and they started arguments about coming in to see our baby when I was still being stitched up!!! You will be very vulnerable and it's such a special and emotional time. It really is all about you and the baby so you need to be very clear with others about what you want.
Xx

And when I say relatives I mean my mother in law 😂

There's no way they should all be turning up when you go to hospital. It could be literally days before the baby arrives. Are they all going to sit there for hours, over night etc?

You are in control of who can visit. You're the patient, so let the midwives know what you want and ask them to only allow visitors when you're ready.

Has your partner thought about what might happen if you or the baby need some extra help and are in SCBH/high dependency?

I would ask them not to come to the hospital, you could be labour for ages and tbh as soon as the baby is born you could shortly message people when you're both ready for visitors, having your mum and your partner as birthing partners is a lovely idea! For my daughters birth I had just the father there but his family ignored our requests and pushed there way in the door when I'd just given birth and fallen asleep (having been in labour for daaaaaays) I was PISSED OFF, talk about selfish lol they could have waited until I was awake and able to say yes ok come in haha didn't even have a bra on or anything and they brought family members and there girlfriends in like come on 😂 sorry rambling, just be firm it's your special moment don't agree to anything you're not comfortable with

Thank you all so much for your replies! I sometimes don't know if I'm being too sensitive about things but after reading all your comments I'm definitely going to talk to my partner about my feelings towards the situation!

My local hospital doesn’t even have a waiting room in the maternity section. You would have to wait in a visitors lounge on another floor. IMO it’s a brilliant idea to discourage unnecessary gawkers.

Good luck OP.

Good luck OP. I kept my labour private and told people the next day. I’d have hated people waiting too. Many hospitals will only allow small numbers in at set times anyway. Hope it goes well

We have decided that's it's just me and dh, we will call the family to let them know when we go in and that we will contact them with news and when they can come in, as the last thing I want is to be bombarded straight afterwards or knowing that people are waiting out side!! You do what you want to do op, xx

Partner + doula = best combo for me! Mum came straight after I gave birth, that was my best scenario

I only wanted DH with me. Both of mine were born in the morning so I had my parents and pil take turns to visit at visiting time (the hospital limited numbers of visitors) I loved having the few hours between giving birth and seeing everyone but it was great to show them off when everyone visited (also they couldn't over stay their welcome as visiting was only 2hours! )