Who was there at the birth?

[mommysharkdodo]

So getting closer to my due date me and my partner have been making a plan of action of when I go into labour giving different scenarios for example time of day where we are etc..

I am having my partner and my mum as my birthing partners but think I'd like it to just be me and my partner at the beginning then my mum to come more for support later when I get a little further along (obviously depending on circumstances of how my labour is)

My partner has said he thinks his mum and dad will head straight to the hospital once I'm in labour to wait along with his younger siblings and possibly his nana so they can see the baby as soon as it's born.

Now I know they're gunna be excited but I also know what I'm like when I'm poorly hating people around me so it's made me a little worried of how I will feel straight after giving birth so many people coming in to see the baby and talking to me.

Just would like to know other people's stories of who was at the hospital, did you make people wait a certain time after the baby was born to come in? How did you feel after giving birth about seeing people?

I'm just getting a little worried of the unknown and it's awkward as I'm a very private person and my family know that whereas my partner and his family are the complete opposite.

Ha, at “labour is never a half hour event”

It can absolutely be a half hour event.

But OP you get to choose, just you. No one else. And if you change your mind, at any point, that’s your prerogative. I had no one with me as was my preference.

Definitely check visiting hours. Even my husband was kicked out within minutes of me giving birth because it was the early hours and he had to come back after 9.

I had my mum there and my husband. I just wanted it to be dh and me but he was just on his phone the whole time and I needed my mum 😂

It depends on when you give birth! I had my LG at 4.22pm and you weren't allowed visiters in the labour ward, but we didn't get moved to the ward until after visiting hours so no one could physically visit us until the next day!

Definitely don’t have people turn up at the hospital waiting! God what terrible pressure to put on a labouring woman.

I just had DH. I gave birth just after midnight, then we had precious skin to skin for an hour and midwives did all checks etc.
We were finally left alone around 3.30am, there is zero chance I wanted visitors. I just wanted to shower and stare at my beautiful boy.

We had visitors the next morning when we invited them.

We were an aeroplane ride away from family which was perfect-both sets of grandparents didn’t even book to visit until we were home from hospital with Dd1. It was a 36hr labour with last 14hrs in hospital. I’m very glad no one other than dp (and midwives) was around, it was a proper marathon and I needed a good rest afterwards.

With DD2 thankfully dm happened to be visiting when I went into labour. 36 minutes from proper contractions to baby. So dm, dp and a paramedic were there. Thankfully all was fine. Tbh I wouldn’t have planned for dm to actually be there but she did a fab job of getting towels, directing ambulances and clearing up afterwards, and of course looking after Dd1 (asleep throughout but we knew she was cared for if she has woken).

We saw in-laws 8 hours after I delivered, right after or them waiting while I was in labour would have been a big fat NO. My family's in another country.

We didn't tell anyone I was in labour until after he was born. To be fair though, I thought i wasn't that far along and might get sent home...he was born at 5am, just an hour after we got to hospital😂

I was then passing out due to low blood pressure and needed stitches so phoned our parents at around 7am.

I'm pregnant again and my Parents will be having DS. They'll know at the first twinge to get over here (and DP home if he's in work) as my labour was so fast the first time. I'd only be having DP at the birth though. If he couldn't be there, I wouldn't want anyone else, not including midwives obviously!

You’ll have to check your hospitals policy on when you can have visitors. Ours was after mum had tea and toast, then an hour later. Then think it was 2 to a bed, plus dh
I had about 4 sets of visitors an hour after my baby was born, over 30mins. Then managed to keep them away for a few days after so was well worth them visiting straight away

Oh fuck no, you definitley wouldn't want a load of people at hospital when you're in Labour, that would be a horrible pressure to be under.
I only had DH for labour/birth then our parents came to visit 4/5 hours after DD was born and everyone else when we got home the next day.
It's the most amazing and precious time for you and your husband when your baby is born and i just didn't really want anyone else sharing that with us. Also after you've just given birth you most likey will be knackered and looking like shit lol and all you will care about is your baby. The last thing I could of been bothered with at that point was my in laws gawping at me. Also if you're having skin to skin and/or are breastfeeding you'll be lying half naked for ages after the baby is born and that's such an important time, you don't want to feel like you're rushing it because granny is standing outside the door waiting to get in.

@Orangedaisy snap! Except thankfully I was still on the books with the homebirth team despite being banned from having one, so they were there rather than paramedics and then transferred me to hospital after the fact. Definitely hadn't planned to give birth in front of my mum!

I wouldn’t make any official plan!

(First baby)

I had my DH and mum down as birthing partners, but ended up with an EMCS and only my husband present for the birth.
Mum came into recovery about an hour after my baby was born and stayed for just half an hour. Thought I’d be desperate for her support, but just wanted to bond with my baby and DH (her support kicked in big time later on, though!).

My sister and best friend came the day after. Other close relatives came to visit the second day.

I only had my husband there. My mum said there was no way she was going to be there as it was such a private event. As it was, I was so ill afterwards thst the pressure of in-laws would have been too much to bear.

You don’t know until after you have given birth how it went and how you feel. Every person is different and every birth is different. My birth plan? Out of the window. Why do they make us write these things?

After my first baby my parents and in laws arrived within half an hour of giving birth and I felt really unhappy about it inside as I had been in labour for days and just felt awful. I didn't mind my parents being there as I didn't feel so bothered about being tired and needing a shower in front of them but I'd never have allowed them in and not my husbands family so I just went with it. I didn't let on I didn't want them there but had I thought about it before I'd have made sure people knew we'd invite when ready. I did that the next time. I had just my husband at the birth each time, I love our mums but to me it's my husband and I that should meet our child first and he felt the same.x

I'm planning on having DH and the midwife. My parents will know I'm in labour as they're going to come and pick up our dog to look after her. They said they're relaxed though and to just give them a buzz when we're all ready to see them. I was impressed as this is their one and only grandchild but they were fiercely independent when they had me so it makes sense. My hospital does a 3 night stay so they'll visit at some point in that time I'm sure. MIL etc are in a different country. We are LC so will see how that goes. DH is still deciding when he wants to tell them. They could easily come and see us but I don't know if they will.

I would check with your hospital - most of not have proper waiting rooms in the delivery suite area and discourage people waiting as it can be so long. Can't they just come the next day once you have been discharged home? It only stayed in 12 hours or so with mine.

Just my husband both times and no visitors at all to the hospital either. I couldn't think of anything worse. We didn't tell anyone about the birth for a few hours either, I absolutely loved that time just bonding as a couple with our new baby. With my first child no one even knew I was in labour, second child only my parent's who were babysitting for us.

I couldn't imagine inviting people into the room as soon as I'd given birth, that time should be about you, your baby and your partner. The maternity bit of our hospital doesn't have a waiting room, you have to be buzzed in through a door when in labour. The only waiting area is 2 floors away. Great idea whoever designed it!

I think you are imagining an American film where extended friends and family are sat in the waiting room waiting for the dad to emerge to announce the birth (I'm thinking knocked up) then all 10 people flooding in the room to meet the baby 5 seconds old. It's nothing like that!!! You aren't usually allowed to visit the delivery suite and the ward allowed 2 people per patient at our hospital.

Just my DH, and all the student midwives, and 3 teams of medical staff for my DTs elcs.

My family unbeknownst to me were waiting outside and came to see us when we were taken to the ward - they got to see my dd before I did in scbu.

Just DH and midwives or for DC4's birth DH and three paramedics!

Honestly I don't think I could have laboured effectively with anyone else present.

I wouldn’t have wanted the pressure of all those people waiting, no way!

Only had dh with me for all. I can't even fathom having others there! Also for each they didn't have visitors at the hospital because of different outbreaks. Sounds awful but it was great, full one on one time. I know they're excited but all of this is up to you. Don t have people crowding in if y on don't want them there, you can make excuses about visitors

I just had DH and the midwife. With DS1, nobody knew I was in labour. We had a homebirth, but I had a serious tear and had to go to hospital. The few hours after birth were awful. I lost a lot of blood and had to go to theatre for stitching. I felt horrendous and was apart from DS. We only called parents once we were on the ward and we asked them not to visit until the next day.

With DS2, my mum looked after DS1 so she knew. Labour was much shorter and I felt very well afterwards. DS2 was born in hospital, but we were home six hours later and everyone knew he had been born and were welcome to visit.

Went into labour at 4am and didn't tell anyone except husband, baby was born at 7am, visiting was at 6-8pm, my parents drove two hours so were seeing us the first hour then husband's parents the second hour as they lived close. Looking back am so glad was in hospital for a week as visiting times really controlled how many visitors we had! (Depressing that everyone oversteps so much with a new baby that I was happy in hospital! )

Just DH - I'm 40 weeks today and it will be just me and DH again. It's just such a personal moment - I wouldn't have wanted anyone else there!! Mum, MIL and SIL visited when we were ready

I had DH only.

The LAST THING I wanted was half the family with their ear pressed up against the door hearing me, or trying to get in

Unfortunately during my labour the door opened and random strangers came in, thankfully there's a curtain around the door too at my hospital, but that was just awful. Midwife tore a strip off this family just strolling straight into a birthing room - apparently they got the wrong room 👀

Stick to your guns, you're in control here and no is a
Complete sentence - no you can't come and watch, no you cant come and wait, no DM will call you when I want you

Good luck

With my 1st I had mum & sister with me. Gave birth near 8pm so once I was on the post natal ward they went home. I was only 18, couldn't believe people were leaving me on my own to look after this little baby, like I knew what to do lol.
With my 2nd (13 years later) I had mum & baby's dad in the room. The room was massive and partner just sat in the corner doing flop all! My sis was furious after as she'd wanted to be a birthing partner but couldn't go in room as hospital had 2 only policy on labour ward, and rightly so. I wish she'd been in there instead if my useless partner lol. Had my dad, sister and then 13 year DD waiting outside. They become the least of your concerns while you're in labour, trust me! Every bow and again my now 26 year ild DD tells me how boring it was waiting for 6 hours outside. I can joke now about sorry I am that she had to wait while I was busy in a life or death situation (shoulder dystocia birth, about 10 docs in the room)!
My 3rd was an elective cs for polyhydramnious so just partner in operating room. I was stoned out of my head afterwards on a variety of drugs, was shaking from the spinal & looked like absolute shit. I have the photos to prove it.

It is a very undignified time after giving birth. Depending in what sort if birth you have, you may have a catheter, I was lay in my own blood after 2 of the births, getting in and out of bed is either akin to climbing Kilimanjaro or you just can't move anyway, there may be stitches, pain, soreness, you just don't know. You'll have staff coming in to check baby, stitches, bits, allsorts!

You may be one of the lucky ones who pops her jeans back on and skips out if the maternity ward, who knows.

What I'm trying to say is - you jus can't plan these things! You can't know in advance how you're going to feel afterwards. But definitely plan to not have relatives waiting! Then, if you do feel ok afterwards, you'll let relatives know and the can visit at the SET visiting times.

Good luck with everything. It is the most exciting time in your life and everyone wants to share in the joy a new life brings into the world! But you're the boss of what happens afterwards x