Who was there at the birth?

[mommysharkdodo]

So getting closer to my due date me and my partner have been making a plan of action of when I go into labour giving different scenarios for example time of day where we are etc..

I am having my partner and my mum as my birthing partners but think I'd like it to just be me and my partner at the beginning then my mum to come more for support later when I get a little further along (obviously depending on circumstances of how my labour is)

My partner has said he thinks his mum and dad will head straight to the hospital once I'm in labour to wait along with his younger siblings and possibly his nana so they can see the baby as soon as it's born.

Now I know they're gunna be excited but I also know what I'm like when I'm poorly hating people around me so it's made me a little worried of how I will feel straight after giving birth so many people coming in to see the baby and talking to me.

Just would like to know other people's stories of who was at the hospital, did you make people wait a certain time after the baby was born to come in? How did you feel after giving birth about seeing people?

I'm just getting a little worried of the unknown and it's awkward as I'm a very private person and my family know that whereas my partner and his family are the complete opposite.

Well it took 5 days in hospital for ds1 to arrive, so I am pretty sure no one would fancy waiting that long. Then a lot of medical professionals for the birth. Your baby won't necessarily arrive in the day time either, will they all be wanting to wait there at 3am? Tell your dp that it would be better to have them in when you have a baby instead. A few hours won't make much difference.

With DS he was born at 4am and we were home for lunch, before visiting hours even started. They're not going to let loads of people in at any time they please. My mother in law was waiting for us when we got back and it meant the world to her to see him when he was brand new. She left after half hour though and left us to rest get used to our new addition.

Having your mum for later is great idea. DC1 DH DM and sister all there and left at the same time after 18hours then forceps in theatre, PPH, catheter in, emotional wreck afterwards - would have needed one of them for then but definitely not in laws! Colleague messaged she was in hospital with her son she could pop around- I was only just moved to the ward. Didn't even reply to her text!

DH. Didn’t really want him there to he honest - but he wanted to! Cannot imagine any scenario when I’d have wanted my mum anywhere near! Just shows people are all different 😂

I'm the same!! Hubby wants his mum there, which I'm not keen on. My mum is disabled (fully blind) I'd love her there but if circumstances change or something happens someone would need to be able to guide her, I think I'd worry about her.

I think we're keeping it to just me and hubby, id rather not have people at the hospital until I'm feeling abit better and had the chance to sort myself out, I'm an anxious person and wouldn't like people seeing me in a state.

Just me, my husband and the midwife! I didn’t want anyone else there and I’m pretty sure the hospital would have had nowhere to put them. My parents and in laws visited the next day, that was quite enough for me.

I had my partner and didn't even consider anyone else as I went into labour in early hours of the morning. Labour and maternity wards are closed off to everyone apart from mothers and birthing partners so there very likely won't be anywhere for them to wait.
Also, my labour went on for 14 hours, I then had bad tears and had to wait in the delivery room until I could go into surgery and be stitched which wasn't until midnight so over 20 hours after it started and then visiting hours were over so no-one would have been allowed in. Pretty sure his family members wouldn't want to hang around that long!

You don't know what direction the birth will take and how you will feel so I would suggest your partner calls everyone after the arrival.

Consultant, anaethatist, student, 2 midwives, at least 5 other doctors/medical staff but not dh (crash c/section). I am sure I counted 11 people in the room before I went under.

Just me and DH when DS was born. I came home 5 hours later (born at 1am) and my parents came to visit at teatime. My DB and SIL came a couple of days later. Do what feels right for you and see how you feel at the time.

My step sister had approx 7 people waiting outside and her DP in with her whilst she laboured. Ive always thought it must have looked like some sort of scene from a sit com! Thankfully for those waiting she has had relatively simple and quick births!

For me, I had my DMum and DH. Everyone knew I was in labour which I hated. I was labouring in hospital for just over 2 days! It was handy having my DM and DH be able to do shifts and keep each other company. But this time round it will just be DH. My DM meant well but she was driving me insane with her constant wanting to know how I was doing to text the family etc, especually as she refused to have her phone on silent, I did tell her to "fuck off" in the end. I had people visit in the afternoon of the following day as I really did need rest after such a long labour that ended in an episiotomy and forceps; I was struggling physically and emotionally.

For DS1 it was just me and DH, we didn’t even tell anyone I was in labour. I didn’t plan that it just happened that way. My mum came up with my brother as soon as she found out which to be honest was still too soon for me (and I absolutely love my mum, I would have just liked the chance to shower and put some knickers on!). My dad and sister visited the next day and PIL the day after that (I think!). Other family (brothers and BIL etc) came over the next few weeks.
This time (due soon) it’ll still be just me and DH, people will have to know I’m in labour as I’ll need someone to look after DS, but I’m planning not to tell anyone baby has arrived until after I have showered and have knickers on, that way I can be ready if they just show up!

Just DH for both births. I would most definitely have not wanted anyone
Else waiting. When you're in labour you need to concentrate on you & not all the people in the waiting room & having to send DH out to give reports to them.
Whilst my second labour was very straightforward my first was difficult with me labouring at the hospital from 2am to 9pm so cant imagine anyone hanging about waiting. Afterwards I needed stitches & to breastfeed & sleep & was absolutely not in a position to have visitors.
For me personally visitors were only allowed once we were at home.

I had DH and my mum at the birth of DD. To be honest I wasn’t sure if I’d end up regretting having my mum there but actually it was lovely and DH found it was a support for him too. Immediately after she was born DD had to be whisked away and having my mum there meant DH could go with DD while my mum stayed with me. Once baby was sorted out my mum went for a walk and to grab a coffee to give us some time just the 3 of us. My dad came to the hospital later that day but mainly to pick my mum up and didn’t stay long. In laws came round for a quick visit the following day once we got home.

Only DH, wanted it that way as felt it was something special between us. Also if DM had been there I am sure I would have reverted to being ‘her little girl’.
My labour started at midnight, ended up in the delivery suite at 3am and DS appeared at 6am, I then had complications, so only ended up getting to the ward at 1pm. It was only then that DH let family know that DS had arrived. It certainly didn’t occur to us to phone family at either midnight or 3am to tell them labour had started, especially as none of them were local. Then it was all a blur after DS was born until we got to the ward.

I just had my partner there and my parents visited the next day. I had quite a difficult delivery (forceps/tear/PPH) and our son was admitted to SCBU with suspected sepsis, thankfully he was ok and came back to the ward later the same day. Between recovering from the birth and doing skin-to-skin, trying to get breastfeeding going, trying to get up and have a shower etc. I would not have wanted visitors that day.

I never understand why some relatives have this obsession with seeing the baby “as soon as it’s born”. Surely it’s better to let the new parents have some time to bond first? It’s not like the baby dramatically changes in the first couple of days.

My little one is 9 days old, born first thing in the morning and I just had DH there for the birth. My mum isn’t good with hospitals and she’d have just caused me more stress! She came during evening visiting, she wanted to come in the afternoon but I wasn’t ready, epidural hadn’t worn off so I couldn’t shower and I just felt icky and not ready to see anyone at that point. I had originally said I didn’t want anyone to come to the hospital, especially as I’d hoped to be out the same day but my mum was desperate to meet her and I was kept in overnight. We stopped at the in laws on the way home for them to meet her. Having the whole family there waiting would have been my worst nightmare, it just adds extra stress you don’t need. My favourite time was after I came out of theatre (forceps delivery) and there was just the three of us plus a midwife in recovery and it was so calm and peaceful before we got on to the craziness of the ward.

Just me and DH during labour. DS was born middayish and my parents and brother visited late evening (briefly). PILs visited the following day once we were home.

I had my mum and husband with me and they were a brilliant team.
If people had come to the hospital as soon as I went into labour they'd have been there for 3 days, I got sent home twice as things were progressing slowly. I would strongly advise waiting until baby is born before ringing anyone else to come and visit. My sister arrived a few hours after DS was born and my Dad came to hospital the following day but everyone else waited until we came home, which was much nicer.

DH and I currently TTC and have talked about this. I have said I just want him there with my SIL (married to DH's brother, we are very close) as a back up/additional support. My DM died 2 years ago so don't want anyone to "replace" her by my side during labour.

I have also spoken to DH and mentioned that it would be quite nice for my time in hospital (unless it ends up being a longer than expected stay) to just be me, him and baby. I don't know how I'll feel and don't want to be overwhelmed with family & friends.
DH doesn't like this idea as he is very close to his family, but his immediate family are 6 adults & 3 kids. So it's not like it's just 1 or 2 people. (I have no immediate family)
I have said I'm happy for them to visit once we are home and sorted, but while I'm in hospital it's a no. And once I am (hopefully) pregnant, I will continue to push this line of thinking even though I know his family will do their best to push back!

My local hospital doesn't have a waiting area. Policy is 1 birthing partner but partners/mums can swap round if they want. Visiting time on the wards is strict.
When my DS's were born Dh was the only other person there (theatre-planned sections), if for any reason he couldn't have been there I'd have gone on my own. My mum would have panicked, sisters not good with blood etc

So after talking to my partner it turns out this was just something he was assuming would happen and his family haven't even mentioned anything! All that worrying for nothing 🙈 I explained that he can let his family know when I go into labour but to make it clear that we will let them know when/if they can come to visit.

My partner is a very positive person and tries not to think about any negatives or things that can go wrong so him assuming his parents can come to the hospital ASAP is because he is assuming everything will go perfectly and it's what we will want (I really hope he is right)!! Although now I have told him he needs to be a bit more realistic!

I only had DH during labour. For DC2 and 3 my other children came to visit the next day in hospital.
DH went straight back to work each time too. No time off at all, so visitors were more than welcome when I got home as I needed the support.

Man brain! His mother is probably not that daft to want to sit around waiting on news.

However its certainly worth checking out your hospitals visiting policy.

DC1 DH & I went to hospital without telling anybody. Gave birth during the night. Waited until morning 7.30ish before calling. Both sets of GPs and auntie arrived at afternoon visit. Truthfully it was far too many people.

DC2, My parents had DC1 so were in the loop. Induction went a bit faster than I thought MW flew in the door to catch DS. DH came to hospital ASAP, my parents arrived with DC1 at Evening visiting. IL's had gone away for a few days.

I'd told ILs the hospital didn't want me to go over my date. FIL said "that's not true they let my friends daughter go over her date". What friends daughter had to do with my or my medical conditions I don't know. However I couldn't be assed to argue hence they went away.

We are currently discussing all sorts of things about the expectations people have for the arrival of DT’s later this year. Firstly we live more than 4 hours away from my family (siblings not parents as both no longer with us) and so I am in no doubt that, even if we were to tell them the date for my c. section, there’ll be no dashes down the motorway to the ‘first on the scene.’

DH’s family is a different matter as we live approximately 1/2 hour from DMiL, DSiL and DSS plus his partner and our DGCs. I’ve already got them trying to persuade me not to go to my/our choice of hospital (there is only 1 in the whole of our county and one over the border in the next county) as it’s not their first choice!! We’ve picked it because there’s a small possibility that, if we went ‘over the border’, we could be in hospital at the same time as DSS’s partner and I don’t want them seeing me at possibly my most vulnerable. I also don’t doubt that they would be lined up outside the operating theatre to get hold of my babies (probably with chocolate in hand ready to feed them it the minute they open their mouths - only partly lighthearted comment) before I do.

We have a good friend of mine lined up as ‘back up’for getting to the hospital as DH doesn’t drive so, if something happened and I needed to go in outside of “normal hours”, we don’t have to rely on taxi’s. She’s lovely and was happy to be asked and I’d be happy for her to be one of the first people to see the babies once they’re here safely as I also know she wouldn’t make a fuss if we asked her to wait!!

We’ve already written down that, apart from DH, no one whatsoever is coming to delivery suite with us and, afterward, only once I’m happy all is ok.

If you think his family won't listen just message them later. I was in active labour for 17 hours, but my waters had broken 20 hours before that! Messaging as soon as you go into labour might just have them messaging you every hour, you don't need that