can we please talk about the lady area after birth?

[Springmummy19]

FTM here and everytime the conversation about labour comes up I get a lot of 'ohh it's going to be ruined. it will never be the same again. it's going to change down there. he's going to be able to tell its all changed and it can put men off'

tbh I know this sounds odd but I'm not scared of giving birth/tearing or anything( not yet anyways). i find it hard to fear something I've never been through even though people never fail to remind me of the pain to come.

I know every situation is different but those of you who have already been through is your fufu very different now compared to prior pregnancy. once everything healed did it look/feel different? of you had a C-section did you notice changes too?

Following with interest! I had a csection for first baby and nothing down there changed at all for me - but t was elective due to breech so I never dilated at all. Hoping for a Vbac this time so am interested in the answers!

Honestly it's going to be different for everyone. For me personally I had an episiotomy which gave me a second degree cut - apparently a tear heals better/quicker - not sure why but I'm sure someone can confirm.
For me I made sure I did (and still do) pelvic floor exercises regularly (pretty much everyday unless I forget) and I had to say that although the first few times were sore now neither me nor my DH can feel any difference down there to before we had our daughter.

My best advice would be to try and ignore the people telling you horror stories but more importantly give your body the time it needs to heal afterwards and don't rush into anything.

Best of luck.

Mine was VERY different for a while afterwards and I wasn't prepared for it! Freaked me out for months! Everything just felt out of place and different!!! I got used to it though and now it's a new normal!!!!

I had an episiotomy though so might not be the same. Next one on the way now so it'll probably change again!

I had an emergency ventouse and episotomy after a long labour and DS got stuck, I also had s second degree tear
Got to any thought the healing would be much worse! Only pain relief need ed was the odd paracetamol early only mainly when I wore skinny jeans and walked a lot (good few miles). I'm no hero and have a low pain threshold. When they were stitching me up another nurse came over and commented on the neatness of the stitches, the one doing the stitching laughed and referred to her own OCD traits (it was one in the morning Christ knows how they were so chipper). I'm eight weeks PP no pain anymore and whilst initially everything was very puffy and swollen it is now back to how it was! There is a pink line where my stitches were but I'm assuming that will fade over time and it is very straight and neat in a seven o'clock kind of position. We've not DTD yet but mainly due to nipple infection, blisters and cluster feeding and DSin a next to me crib rather than any concerns down below. I realise this is way TMI , but honestly my binaries have changed post by child birth!

Looks maybe a tad different, if you studied it. Everything feels more or less the same. Any chance is just different, not bad.

Change!

I might add my daughter was a forceps delivery and as to the look of it I can't say I ever really inspected it before but had to check my stitches etc and as far as I can tell/remember it looked as it had before (just a bit bruised and swollen).

It's all about the pelvic floor muscles. If you look after them properly you'll be fine. Do your excercises now, do them straight afterwards (even before you can feel them, you can start...) Honestly. And do some yoga too, when you can.

I've had 4. No difference once everything healed. Like pp's, I do pelvic floor exercises.

I remember talking to someone years ago. They said I must have a fanny like a tunnel now, and she was amazed how we were still enjoying sex (I had 3 at this point). I mentioned the pelvic floor. Her response made me glad I was doing my exercises as she said she would never get up off the floor if she tried

Be noted that not all births result in a rip /tear. I have had many dc and not a stitch.
Dh verifies it isn't like a welly top either despite some nasty comments from total strangers over the years!!

When i had my first child i had a third degree tear, i can honestly say i dont ever remember inspecting myself down there prior to giving birth so as far as it looking any different i wouldnt have a clue! That said i have never had a partner say it looks any different to the norm. What i have been told and can obviously tell from myself that i am still very tight down there (possibly more so than before i gave birth) and i thought from what i read and just the general thinking that giving birth to a baby it would be the opposite! I have no idea if this is due to being expertly stitched up or if some people just recover down there better. 10 years on I am due to give birth again in 11 weeks so if you ask me again after that i might not find i have the same answer!

I had a 2nd degree tear and 20 stitches, though generally a good birth. I am going to say that it did look different after (to the point where I got my urethra confused and made a massive arse out of myself at the GP!), but it still looks like a vagina and I don't look at it that often, so it literally doesn't bother me at all, you cant see any scars or anything.
With regards to how it felt, it was sore for a couple of weeks. I had my 6 week check at the GP and they said it was fine (healed). I found sex hurt at first, but within 6 months(ish!) felt the same as before birth. Now it feels exactly the same (or it did before I got into the third trimester with my current pregnancy and I got the fanny daggers!). DS is 2.

Have to say I never studied mine in that much detail before kids
I had an episiotomy and ventouse with DC1, I think there’s a little extra nobble of skin that wasn’t there before. Pelvic floor still going strong many years later. I do have piles though

Am now wondering how many take before and after pics

No idea about the look of it.
I've had 4 and never had any tears, cuts or stitches.
Sex felt a bit uncomfortable, after DC1 the first tine we did it, she was 4 weeks I think. Fine with the other 3. I felt a bit different initially after DC4 but either I tightened up or I just got used to it.

Mine is totally the same as pre-birth. Looked like i'd been kicked by a horse directly after. Had internal stitches and had torn sideways across my labia that needed stitching (he came out like superman and had his elbow poking out beside his ear) but you wouldn't know now. No scars or anything.

Mine was a disaster zone after my first 2. Didn't tear with either of them. After my third dc i had a second degree tear with alot of stitches and honestly it looks better than it did before i had her, much tidier. I don't know what the midwife did but i am delighted. Trying for number 4 at the moment and hoping it stays the same. Also pelvic floor exercises are so important.

I had an episiotomy and I was scared to look down there for ages! Was just pain!

Then I sneezed and the stitches came undone and it was even worse.. tbh after both children it's changed and looked and felt different for quite a while but eventually it's fine

It 1000% depends on the person, AND the person who stitched you up, if you need it. I had a doctor stitch me up after a PPH so was done very well, my SIL had a training midwife and they had to take them back out and re do it, my lady bits are fine.

Mine didn't change.
Had a normal delivery with a graze inside.
Waited 3 months as it was still sore and I didn't feel ready. It's gone back to normal and felt the same - from my side and my partner at the times side too.

People always like to throw the horror stories out about their birth and their fufu afterwards!

Emergency ventouse with HUGE episiotomy (needed 30 odd stitches).
Was sore and had to lie on my side rather than sit for a couple of days, until my mum appeared with a piles ring cushion, which was a game changer, seriously, get one!!

I made the mistake of looking with a mirror abut 5 weeks later and was horrified/traumatised. I can't even describe what it looked like!
I wasn't brave enough to look again for months...by which stage it was practically back to normal. Now (3 years on) it looks and feels pretty much how it was before...can't even see the scar.

'ohh it's going to be ruined. it will never be the same again. it's going to change down there. he's going to be able to tell its all changed and it can put men off'
If it was so off-putting to men then there would be very few families with more than one child!!!

Also, interestingly, I had to swap back down to the smaller size mooncup (the one for women who are under 30 and have never given birth-mid 30s here!) after about a year.

I haven’t noticed any long term changes. 2 kids, 2 tears (2&3rd degree). Youngest is 4 months. I think it’s gone back to normal. I did do plenty of pelvic floors.

I had an episiotomy as well and things didn’t feel any different once things healed up- that was after 5 - 6 weeks to feel totally back to normal.

I never looked at my stitches or anything while I was recovering, which I think helped me not worry about it.

Second a pp who said about giving yourself a chance to heal properly and not rush into anything. If it was a cut or tear to any other part of the body you’d take it easy, so don’t treat it any differently because it’s out of sight.

Mine hasn't changed. Only one DC though. No stitches or tears.

2 emergency c-sections here, I had planned for vaginal births with both but it wasn't meant to be. No difference afterwards and none of that c-section overhang you sometimes hear about. I was about 9 stone each time, don't know if that makes any difference.