can we please talk about the lady area after birth?

[Springmummy19]

FTM here and everytime the conversation about labour comes up I get a lot of 'ohh it's going to be ruined. it will never be the same again. it's going to change down there. he's going to be able to tell its all changed and it can put men off'

tbh I know this sounds odd but I'm not scared of giving birth/tearing or anything( not yet anyways). i find it hard to fear something I've never been through even though people never fail to remind me of the pain to come.

I know every situation is different but those of you who have already been through is your fufu very different now compared to prior pregnancy. once everything healed did it look/feel different? of you had a C-section did you notice changes too?

I’m now concerned there is something wrong with me! I had a large baby, second degree tear and lots of stitches inside and out. Although it doesn’t look much different on the outside, sex is pretty much ruined as I now feel very little

@ThatPlanWorked when did you give birth? I had discomfort for about a year. And the feeling, to be honest I have always been a clitoris kind of gal , not much feeling in the actual "tunnel"

2 vaginal births here. 1 episiotomy and a graze. DH says there is no difference.

2 vaginal deliveries, no stitches with either of them and no noticeable difference

Mine changed. It was fairly typical textbook/pornstar/whatever you get the idea. I had a few tears, episiotomy and, the inner labia stretched out. The scars were a bit tight at first but stretched out with use . But now the labia minora stock out from the Kabila majora ever so slightly. Only noticeable on close inspection though. And generally not as tight/slight loss in sensation.

DH doesn’t seem to have noticed though

@planespotting 2.5yrs ago! It’s amazing I’m pregnant again in the first place as we literally no longer bother.

I had a second degree tear (DD is 6 months old) it was healed within a week and I felt 'back to normal' the only thing I noticed (and this is probably TMI!) is that when I wee'd, it would shoot forwards to the front of the toilet instead of down.. that's gone now though and all is good in the hood!

However, I wouldn't have a clue if it looked any different because I don't know what it looked like before!

I had an episiotomy with my first and then the stitches fell out completely, the wound was gaping and it became infected. At the time I was really angry because no one seemed to want to do anything about it. The wound was gaping, I mean it really looked horrendous, it was really deep and the sides were no where near each other.... but I was repeatedly told they wouldn't re stitch and just to leave it.
I couldn't even sit down let alone walk and I had to just lie on a bed all the time! It was really frightening because I couldn't see any way it would heal!

Oh goodness I pressed send too soon!
Well it did heal... and without any intervention apart from antibiotics. It took about a year but after that time it looked and felt exactly the same as it had before down there... you would not have even known anything had happened! I was amazed. They were right and it did heal completely.

I've delivered two babies vaginally. One was 7lb 10oz and the other 8lb 1oz. Had a tear with the first and nothing with the second. Second baby is now 15 months and I don't think my nether regions are discernibly different to before I had babies. DH hasn't commented on it either. Obviously immediately after everything is a bit alien but in my case I've had no lasting ill effects.

My advice is don’t look too soon after. I braved a mirror look a few weeks after birth and quite honestly didn’t recognise what greeted me at all! It all looked completely different. Swelling I guess.

My child is 20 months old now and all is back to normal, pretty much! Sex is probably better now than before (although I put this down to extra blood flow to the area because Of a couple of solid years of pelvic floor exercises).

Oh I had a third degree tear btw. I know this isn’t what you asked but it does feel different and slightly unpleasant when I need a no2, or am doing one. But not too bad at all.

I did also manage to pull a muscle - side wall of vagina, while pushing dd out. That was painful for a while but physio helped.

Also a heads up, in labour I had no idea how stretched my clit was going to feel! Don’t want to scare you but I think if I’d been expecting that i wouldn’t have panicked quite so much!

I had 3rd degree episiotomy and for the first month I thought it was a write off...I described it to my friend as road kill!!
But then it all sort of sprung back, but took about 3 months to really feel normal.
I do think those who have stitches heel better??

OMG the changes. Sex is now the best thing in the world. It was good before but now it is AMAZING! I had a forceps delivery with a small tear.

Sex got better for me as well. I consider myself very lucky, I don’t know how common that is!

4 vaginal births here, never looked after birth but all feels the same, DH says it looks the same, and I only had stitches once (4th birth)

Hmmm, going against the grain somewhat but I've never been the same. Huge episiotomy for forceps delivery, the scar/area still throbs during period time over 9 years later. DH daren't comment or complain but it's definitely looser and caved in inside - but both my GP and gynae have commented as such (questions about whether I do pelvic floors and suggestions I do yoga but nothing else helpful...). And yes, this is despite doing pelvic floors every day. (Perhaps the 'collapse' counteracts the looseness? not sure) anyway, tampons leak when previously they never did and inserting them is a bit like putting them in a cave, again I think the collapsed walls keep it in but the space inside is bigger - you can move things side to side when previously it was only in and out.....
I also had faecal continence issues - my perineum is not as strong so wind leaks out forwards now too.
I hate what childbirth did to me and how I had so little choice over its butchering. I had an ELCS with DC2 and bitterly regret not demanding one for DC1.
I guess it looks a bit different due to the episiotomy scar which deformed the shape of my labia minora and runs to my bum cheek but really I couldn't care less what it looks like it's the destroyed function that is upsetting. No-one warned me.

@herethereandeverywhere
My episiotomy also throbs and hurts during my period! Quite relieved to see someone else write this as no health professional has really understood what I mean and seemed confused that it’s a thing.

I also had a forceps delivery and this all really resonates with me. It makes me so angry that women aren’t properly informed about instrumental deliveries and their risks, and that sometimes a c-section can be done instead. I feel like my vagina/continence/sex life was ruined in order to contribute to the hospital keeping a low c-section rate.

Yep Claire I totally agree. Someone will be along in a minute to tell us that CS can't be performed easily if the baby is low down /almost out (which is true). But in my case I had Keillands forceps, she was barely descended and needed rotating before she was dragged out.
And no one told me there are several different types of forceps and that it's not always the case that CS would be more difficult to perform. No one told me about life-long damage and changes.
Oh and the midwife introduced the consultant as 'this is the guy who keeps our CS rates low' when explaining his 'skills' with the Keillands so it was definitely about the statistics. No-one really cares how smashed up your bits are afterwards because well, 'a baby came out of there'.

@ThatPlanWorked I am not that bothered either to be honest! Sex or sleep? Errrr sleep

@herethereandeverywhere

Yep I had keillands forceps as well, seems as though they are usually used when a c-section could be performed as well (in my case I was prepped ready for one in case they failed to turn and deliver the baby). They also seem to be the type of forceps associated with the most risks to mother and baby. I definitely don’t feel the decision was made with my best interests in my mind, and I’m angry that decision was made on my behalf without my input, considering I live with the consequences now. There definitely needs to be more transparency as it wasn’t nice researching the procedure and the risks after my body had already been through it.

Had 3 natural births, no tears or problems and when I bought a moon cup recently I had to buy the smaller size for women who haven't given birth...yeah I was pretty smug . I've always tried to do some pelvic floor and yoga but haven't been religious about it...prob just lucky!

@Claire - there is very little truth and honesty about the brutality of forceps delivery. There is an actual NHS page which states the obstetrician "GENTLY pulls to help deliver your baby." That is a lie. An out and out untruth. Although it states there are different types, there is no break down of risk/problems. I'm still filled with anger almost 10 years on.

I had an episiotomy and healed quite rapidly. I too was worried about what everything would be like post birth (appearance, enjoyment of sex and tightness etc.). I think everyone is different but for me nothing really changed. I did (and still do) my pelvic floors religiously and have Ben wa balls to get everything back to shape and it seems to have worked (my OH is very honest and would tell me if things were different). In terms of sensation I haven’t felt a difference at all.