can we please talk about the lady area after birth?

[Springmummy19]

FTM here and everytime the conversation about labour comes up I get a lot of 'ohh it's going to be ruined. it will never be the same again. it's going to change down there. he's going to be able to tell its all changed and it can put men off'

tbh I know this sounds odd but I'm not scared of giving birth/tearing or anything( not yet anyways). i find it hard to fear something I've never been through even though people never fail to remind me of the pain to come.

I know every situation is different but those of you who have already been through is your fufu very different now compared to prior pregnancy. once everything healed did it look/feel different? of you had a C-section did you notice changes too?

Just do the exercises. I was really slack about them (boom boom) but they really work.

I've had 5 children. Youngest is 2 and I've still not looked down there. But my guess is it won't be pretty 😐🤭

Vaginal delivery here
I was very fortunate and didn't tear or require any interventions.

So, my perineum is different. It kinda feels less "thick" than it was?
No noticeable difference in my labia however.

Far from ruined fortunately.

And I was 33 when I had my baby so it's not like I had really really youthful skin on my side!

Mine changed, my labia tore badly and just hands on the left side now, doesn’t connect to the rest. I also tore across my clitoris but that was stitched and healed okay. It bothered me for ages but honestly I’m not bothered anymore, and it’s the outside anyway, the actual vagina is fine, I still feel everything. But I have friends who never tore at all and says it looks the same too.

I've had 2 big babies, two episiotomies. Everything healed up fine after a few weeks. It looks pretty normal down there now, and my vajayajy is as tight as before.

I had an episiotomy and forceps , the recovery was hard and it was painfully tight when we tried to have sex for the first couple of months of trying but now it's back to normal and I would say it's more sensitive and better than it was before

I did perineal massage every day from 35 weeks onwards and it worked - I had to have a couple of stitches inside the vaginal wall but my perineum is intact.

I am 4 weeks pp now and everything looks exactly the same as it did before. Haven’t tried to DTD yet though..!

Small episiostomy with dd1 which was stiched up well and left me with a (noticable to me) lump. But fine. No problems after dd2. Sex actually feels better than before but the whole area just looks 'bigger' somehow. We have a very unfortunately posistioned mirrored cabinet in front of loo ao unless I open to door I get to see!

The only thing I had no idea about was internal grazing. This hurt and was uncormfortable for months after both dd, possibly even a year before it all healed completly.

I had a second degree tear. I looked in the mirror after the stitches had gone and honestly it looks no different.

Sex hasn’t been affected. I was religious with my pelvic floor exercises though and did perineal massage in the later stages of pregnancy.

Small tear with first (2 stitches), tiny graze with second. Both healed pretty well. I'm never sure if I'm doing PFEs properly and I'm not at all regular at doing them, so I need the loo a lot more than I used to.

Looks a bit puffier than before, I guess? I don't exactly look like I'm smuggling a boxing glove in my pants so I'm not too fussed.

I had a episiotomy and actually the Dr did slightly mis-align that side up (MW pointed it out when she was checking my stitches!). I had a look myself and yeah for first couple weeks it looked a mess but by time stitches went and the scar healed up it looks pretty much the same down there.

Personally I don't think I am as tight before, despite doing all the pelvic floor exercises (I know I was doing enough as my mum was amazed at my confidence on jumping on the trampoline with my kid sister only a month after birth).

DH said he hasn't noticed any difference in tightness and doesn't notice the scar and actually our sex life went through the roof post DS!

Emergency C-Sec after 27 hours of labour - no obvious changes, although sex was very uncomfortable and sore until about 7 months afterwards and then was the same as pre-baby.
Currently in pelvic rest due to placenta previa with this pregnancy though and sex feels like a distant memory 😂

I had episiotomy so was stitched, afterwards, like in the week or so after it was swollen and sore. I darent look at it after the one time i took a peek and it was black and blue down there i was horrified.

we DTD 9 weeks later and whilst it felt different to me, DH said it didnt. It was a bit numb feeling i think, but at some point, maybe 6 months later or so? It started to feel the same. whether thats a new normal or not i dont know.

Am 18.5 weeks with number 2 now so I am hoping i dont need stitches again because honestly the recovery from those was worse than the labour!

I think mine is the same
I had episiotomy and forceps
I do heal very quickly for some reason, from anything.
I asked my husband if he thought it was the same and he said "dunno"

I did look back at him and he was visibly tense and sweating, I guess he thought it was a loaded question

sorry can't help it Vulva.

Thank you guys, its put me at ease a lot. I guess I better start on the pelvic floor and remind myself not to look at it after birth. I haven't examined my fufu as such, just as its now harder to shave I've had to use a mirror and carefully inspect where the blade touches so I've seen bit of myself I wouldn't normally see lol

I had an extended episiotomy with DC1 due to emergency forceps delivery. I had no idea extended ones existed, I had a huge cut right into my butt cheek. Had a second degree tear after DC2, nothing after DC3 and c-section for DC4.

My vagina honestly hasn’t changed much. I have the inner butt cheek scar but that’s it (and I don’t know if the scar is even still visible since it’s not an area I see anymore!).

Nothing changed for me. I had 3 stitches you can't tell and neither can my partner. Looks the same in the mirror too 😂

I’ve given birth twice and had stitches both times. The second time was only five weeks ago so I’m still a strictly hands-off zone, but my husband said nothing felt different after the first time, and I haven’t had any issues. I will say that the healing process was much better this time around. I recommend getting Tena Lady disposable pants and then putting a maternity pad inside. It gives you extra cushioning and also helps to keep everything clean. I also used Sprits for Bits to aid healing. I showered the area twice per day and put on a clean pair of disposable pants each time, used the Sprits and made sure I changed the maternity pad regularly throughout the day.

3 vaginal births here. 2nd degree tear with my first, no tearing with my second and third. Honestly it looks and feels totally normal. I did/do my pelvic floor exercises!

This whole "it'll be like the Holland Tunnel" thing is misogynistic wank and I hate that there are people (women!) who go around peddling this claptrap.

FTR, two full term vaginal births including one induced, no tearing or damage either time and all is exactly as it was, perfectly pleasurable for both parties. There can be cosmetic changes especially if you have a significant tear or an episiotomy but long lasting injuries are fairly rare. And things bounce back. Pelvic floors are important for life anyway, as most of the damage to them is done by the hormones and weight of the pregnancy, not the delivery.

I had an episiotomy with forceps and a third degree tear. The outside looks exactly the same. And everything pinged back fine, albeit in a slightly different place. So it all felt a bit odd for a while but not abnormal.

Pelvic floor exercises are so important and not stressed enough. It's best to start them before pregnancy and then continue. Download the nhs Squeezy app. Don't do any high impact exercise for months after the birth. (Speaking from someone who now has a prolapse and wishes she had not kept ignoring notifications on the app!!)

I’ve had 2 vaginal births - first one requires a couple of stitches for a minor tear, second one had no tearing or grazing.
After the first was born, I caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror in the shower room about an hour after dd was born. It wasn’t a pretty sight. DH was literally holding me up, I had blood dripping down my legs, and my lady area looked like a swollen car crash. Turns out swelling makes things look a lot worse than they actually are! The swelling went down within a couple of days, and I asked DH to have a look down there to make sure it was ok. God love him, he had a look and said he was pleasantly surprised at how normal it all looked!
Bonus points: it would appear that all the stretching etc required for baby to actually come out, permanently alters the geography down their a few millimetres...which mean in my case, sex is actually better for me post-children than it was before!

Those that had episiotomy (I did) but also tear on another birth... how do they compare?
I had a spinal block so I didn't feel a thing but I am worried if I had a second... ring of fire and that