Christmas Facebook Announcement?

[Siannybobs]

Or is that cringe?!
I'm 14w4d, we've been telling people face to face since the 12w scan, so we have got round to all close family and there has been a lot of love . Should I do a Facebook post with DH, scan pic and me in front of the tree? I'd like to for sharing the excitement with friends but I do understand it's a cliche.
Ooo I'm in two minds.

People are so harsh I think it would of been lovely to announce in Christmas Day , I’ve had three misscarriages I put mine on fb with a message which let people know it hasn’t been easy to get this far. It’s upto you what you put on Facebook! Not cringey at all! I found it hard to see others announcements in the past but there always going to be around so it’s something you have to go through x

Personally I wouldn't post a scan photo as I know how hard I found that to see so much, when we were trying and losing hope.
We recently posted about our pregnancy on Facebook because family members were adamant we were keeping it a secret until it was on Facebook. Even though I have a bump, had told people, told them they could tell people...

We posted a photo of our dog with a sign saying that his big brother duty was starting in June 2019, with a little note to say that we were all excited for our family to become a family of 4. That way it, hopefully, wouldn't hit any nerves.

Also, to add - anyone that you are close to that you would like to know before this, particularly anyone trying for a baby, I'd text a while before it's on Facebook. I say text and not tell them face to face so they can hide any unhappiness behind a phone screen.
These people might still react badly (one friend of mine has barely spoken to me since I told her, despite the fact I miscarried in the summer and she was very unsympathetic then, also) but at least you will have done the right thing.

But if you are on Facebook you are going to be exposed to pregnancy announcements and as much as it hurts it’s upto other people if they want to share there scan pictures. I went through an incredibly bitter and hurt stage after my mcs, I hated seeing announcements but then I took myself off Facebook so I could heal. You can’t just not share your happy news for fear of upsetting someone, it’s like you’ve done something wrong

The thing is, if you are posting scan pictures on FB, you are doing so with a clear expectation you will be inundated with all the congratulations you want to receive.

But;
(1) If and when your post gets missed in the busyness of a FB newsfeed; or
(2) people just aren't as amazingly thrilled as you are (and being blunt, nobody actually cares that much about someone else being pregnant)

...the lack of expected gushing from all and sundry can be a bit of a downer. And again, why wouldn't you want to have personal conversations with your close friends and family, instead of hoping they catch it on a quick scroll of social media on the particular day you post it?

Make the effort to personally tell the people you care about, the rest don't matter, unless you are just posting it for "likes" (which is a very odd thing to do)

@tinselandtoblerones it really isn't lack of empathy I made my comments with I promise you. I am actually not posting mine because I don't want to upset a few of my friends that have previously confided in me but this is not a first time pregnancy for me and I've experienced this all before a few times. I would never want to hurt anyone but also social media is a place you can publicly share these exciting times. My friends who have been through loss and still are also would hate to think a friends pregnancy was hidden from them, my one friend often says to me she doesn't feel any upset over other babies as they are not the baby she misses. The OP has unfairly been told its cringey and it's attention seeking, I think that's totally unkind and unacceptable because your first pregnancy particularly is so special, it's all new and you don't get it back, you are allowed to be proud and it isn't inappropriate to share it on social media, it's a public platform and if you do struggle with these post there are ways to avoid seeing them, you can unfollow anyone you like, keep a smaller friends list or not use it as you can't control what people post. It's the same on mother's day, many people take a break as they struggle with mothers day without their mother but they don't expect you to keep your mother hidden. No one is saying your loss and feelings aren't important, just that someone's happiness over their longed for pregnacy is also important and deserving of sharing. Xx

I read a post on here before Christmas on the infertility boards about ‘baby-bombing’. Those women were so devastated. My need to share my pregnancy with Sarah who I worked with 11 years ago or Bob who I went to school with and haven’t spoken to since really isn’t more important than shielding people in a horrible position from the little bit of pain my announcement might cause. Sharing the news of a pregnancy is very exciting, which is why I did it in person or individual message with everyone I cared about. My best friend, brother or auntie didn’t need to see a grand announcement on Facebook because I’d already told them in a much nicer way.

I'd be tempted to post it for New Year's Day. OP. It is hard for those seeing it when they're ttc or struggling with infertility but I don't think coming round a supermarket corner and seeing you in full heavy pregnant mode is any easier.

For all those saying "well people will find out eventually" do you really think if you're struggling with infertility that suddenly seeing your mate pregnant or with a new baby and having to put on a brave face is easier than a Facebook post where you can have a private cry?

sleeping it’s not Facebook or nothing. Private text not on Christmas Day with no scan picture is best.

@tinselandtoblerones I do hear what you are saying and I'm not a massive lover of social media but it does have its perks and keeping in touch with old friends is one of them. I've been reacquainted with many through fb and having my children around the same time. Social media is a place for sharing is all I'm saying, if you are affected by others posts they can be avoided, you don't have to go on it.

@shotsfired to say it's odd to share baby news on social media as its just for likes, can I ask what sort of sharing on social media is not put out for interaction or response from those who may like or identify with the post?? If you feel that way I've no idea why you'd use social media anyway because if that's the case then all posts are 'odd.' I actually do care when acquaintance's post their baby news, I believe the majority of people are genuinely interested too, hence why they get so much interaction. I've never seen an ignored baby announcement.

of course it’s preferable to have upset, hurting people isolate themselves from others by removing themselves from social media so they can avoid someone else telling someone they’ve not spoken to in 5 years that they’re pregnant on Christmas Day!

We need a little perspective here, you’re bordering on victim blaming.

Don't be ridiculous, no one is saying that. But if it isn't on Facebook, it will be on text or in person. If you come of FB to avoid it, you'll just get it by text or in person. Text is no better than FB and you're under more pressure to reply instead of taking time to process you pain. In person is worse because you can't even put on game face, it's just there in front of you.

Totally agree Re scan photos but there isn't any way to avoid news that your friend or family member is pregnant unless you also expect people to never mention their kids until they're 18

I’m not being ridiculous. I was quite taken aback by some of the comments on the thread I read and I don’t think banishing these women from social media is the answer. I think your approach is quite unkind but I too was somewhat ignorant to this unkindness until last week. The world doesn’t revolve around any of us as individuals and if we can act in a way to save others pain then that seems to be the logical way to go.

Get a grip @tinselandtoblerones by the same token you're pregnancy shaming people who want to share their happiness publicly. I suppose meghan markle is insensitive too flaunting it all over the press for all those that don't even know her?! I'm not saying people who have suffered loss should remove themselves from social media and civilisation, I'm saying if others happy announcements deeply hurt you, you can easily avoid them as previous posters have said. You also don't speak for everyone who has suffered losses or infertility, it upsets my friend that people avoid her or treat her like she can't cope or be happy for others. Anyway we are not going to agree. I wasn't trying to upset anyone and i would always avoid causing upset to others but this is something else.

At the end of the day it's up to you what you share on your own Facebook or social media, you shouldn't feel bad about sharing your exciting news with people or happy moments in your life for fear of upsetting someone. I have a lot of friends on my Facebook who emigrated to different countries, are travelling a lot or have moved away. The easiest way to share your news is to update your social media so that all friends and family can see it. Whilst I appreciate that it's difficult to see pregnancy announcements if you've suffered losses or are struggling to conceive its not a reason not to share your news on social media.

Please refrain from being so rude, there’s really no need.

Of course MM isn’t flaunting her pregnancy. She’s being pregnant, just existing as a person. There’s a big difference between that and a big announcement to all and sundry on a day that some infertile couples will find particularly difficult.

I’m not being ridiculous it is ridiculous to say suggesting FB is easier than "in person, huge belly staring at you, need to put your game face on quick and not cry" is victim blaming. I'm not blaming anyone for finding the latter, I'm saying I preferred hearing the news in private and can't imagine I'd have done very convincing game face if my mate had turned up 7 months pregnant having never mentioned it in case it upset me.

I think your approach is quite unkind the one where I don't think suddenly appearing heaving pregnant to see a friend coping with infertility is a good idea?
I pm'd all the friends I knew were struggling, told them that I didn't expect a reply as I'd understand them needing time to process, told who I could in person but the reality is its absurd to think people in social media won't share important part of their lives on it.
Do you really think people are going to doctor holiday photos for years or do you think a sudden Xmas photo of your 6 mo is less painful that a FB comment without a scan pic and not on Xmas Day? Which is actually what I said I'd do in PP's position.

I think you’re missing the point so I won’t engage with your further.

Post it. People can’t keep their happiness inside from fear of hurting someone else. If your the type of person to post your good news on social media just do it OP.

Congratulations OP! I’d post it as soon as you feel comfortable. I would have posted it on Christmas Day if I wanted to, it’s my news & I think it’s far from tacky. It’s a lovely idea especially yours in front of the tree.

If you live by the people saying no not Christmas or NYE - technically there isn’t a right time to post it is there? If you are struggling to conceive or have had a MC etc you are always going to be upset when you come across that Facebook post. Simple.
As other other PP have said I’d rather see it on FB than suddenly stood in front of a friend who was quite clearly pregnant. You can reflect on your own time if you’re upset.

I say this as somebody who was TTC for quite a while and although I was gutted I’d never think “I can’t believe they shared that on FB on Xmas day or how tacky” it’s exciting news.

@siannybobs I'm so shocked to read all these posts! I don't think anyone else should be a factor in deciding how you'd like to announce it - in fact I would have thought Christmas would have been a really nice announcement! So what if other people have their own issues? Doesn't mean you shouldn't share your good news! If people don't like it they can scroll on!

Maybe nobody should announce a new job in case of offending the unemployed... Or maybe you shouldn't announce an engagement in case of upsetting your single friends... You shouldn't flaunt spending time with your family in case someone has had hard family times recently... How ridiculous! You'd end up never sharing any good news ever!

World gone mad.

If I'm close enough to know friends struggling with fertility then I'd tell them tactfully, but if you've told everyone you're close to then whoever is left probably isn't going to be too bothered anyway if they don't know you that well!

find it a bit insane that people are telling you not too because of losses etc. I have been through a loss myself and personally think it's adorable when someone announces pregnancy with a nice photo! do whatever makes you happy it's your life and ure bubba. that's just like me saying my mum passed away so people shouldn't post on mothers day etc you can't expect that xx