Hospital won't say what the sex is!

[KateTTC123]

Just that really. Different hospital than with my first and, because he arrived at 29 weeks I am having lots of scans. 17 weeks today and I asked at my scan if they could tell the gender and she said they could but had a policy not to say! So frustrating since I'll have at least another 5 scans there! I loved knowing last time so now I'm considering having a private scan done. Has anyone been in this position before?

It depends on your nhs trust, with DS1 they had a no tell policy due to a couple of reasons. We didn’t want to find out with him anyway, but at a growth scan at 32 weeks it was very obvious what sex he was! 😲
Most of the ladies in my antenatal group had paid for private scans to find out the sex.

We are now in an area that do tell you the sex if you wish and decided to find out this time.

If you want to know pay for a private scan.

It isn't like they know and are just not telling you, they actually don't look as have no need to.

They have good reasons for not telling patients.

Our nhs trust where we had DS had their no tell policy as they had been threatened with legal action for getting it wrong, and also apparently had a couple of cases of people terminating pregnancy after “being disappointed”, so good reasons not to tell.

What can the good reasons be? Last time the only thing we were prepared for was the sex; it was so helpful to have a name picked out etc. I think it's a shame not to be given the choice because of a post code lottery

@silverbythesea that is awful if people do that. It just seems a shame that some places tell and others dont

Why spoil the surprise? As long as the child is healthy, that 's the important thing.

It's not a postcode lottery. It suggests the area you live in has a high proportion of groups which have a sex preference and may choose to abort based on sex, which is illegal in this country.

It is first and foremost a medical test to check the health of the baby and everyone using the NHS needs to remember that.

The NHS scans are medical procedures so I personally don't think any trust should tell people the sex of their babies. If you're so desperate to know, pay for a private scan.

I don't feel like it's spoiling the surprise at all. Having had a very unwell baby last time I know that health is all that matters. It's more about feeling like you at least have one tiny thing that's certain (well, certain-ish!) I honestly dont care either way but I found that knowing was a lovely part of the experience last time.

You do realise you can pick a boy's name and a girl's name though without knowing what you are having. Chances are it will be one of those.

The scan is to check for anomalies and potential issues requiring monitoring or medical intervention.

Knowing the sex is not relevant to your maternity care.

As others have said some areas don’t tell the sex due to the fact that some communities may abort the “wrong” sex 😕

My mum is a receptionist in the ultrasound department and often sees the parents coming out from their scan ranting and raving because the baby is a boy when they want a girl and vice versa. It's also been known for women to book a termination after their scans because it wasn't the sex they wanted (and my mum's deparment only scans from 20 weeks onwards). Many of the sonographers there don't like having to tell the sex because of this but it's not hospital policy to not tell so they have to do it if asked.

I found that knowing was a lovely part of the experience last time. whilst I understand what you mean (though I chose not to find out, for the experience), the NHS scan isn't there for the "experience".

@mortifiedmama i mean the experience of being pregnant. We had a very tough start and 8 weeks in hospital and my pregnancy was so short anyway, one of the nice things was just knowing what we were having and feeling a little more prepared for the crazy start

How does it make you more prepared though? They all scream and shit and it's always chaos, regardless of sex. I just don't get why anyone thinks it makes a difference.

It's a good point @gingerbreadteapot and i can't really explain why other than to say that it just did.

Hi OP I totally understand why you would want to know and it's a personal preference. My DH and I wanted to find out at the same time because when my previous DC was born I was knocked out. After 20 weeks they may be more relaxed about sharing that information but if not go private if you want to know.

KateTTC123 I understand you and I'm not criticising you for wanting to know, it's just that the NHS isn't there to provide an "experience" whether it be being pregnant or having cancer. And your trust has obviously made a decision which is necessary for its populace, as sad and disheartening as that is!

Unfortunately, some people in our country will opt for sex based abortion out of some bizarre disappointment with the baby they have.
Scans are there to check baby is healthy not to let parents pick pink or blue items. I dont see how knowing the sex changes preparation unless you're wanting everything done out in stereotypical gender colours.

How does it make you more prepared though? whilst I didn't find out with DS I can imagine that it helps you prepare mentally by envisaging the future, as inaccurate as it may be. Having a name picked out and gender specific clothing appeals to some people more than others.

The policy is for several reasons but the main two are:

1- If the sonographer gets it wrong
2 - To reinforce the message that the scans are to check baby's health and not to distract the sonographer from doing that.

If you want to know, get it done privately

If it's sex selective abortion that they're worried about then surely they would tell you once that window had passed?

When I was pregnant it was more the norm not to know the sex, now it seems this has changed.

However,the NHS trust where I had DS have a policy of not telling due to having been sued when they’ve got it wrong (scan is only around 85% accurate iirc,) also,a relative was a dr’s receptionist and the numbers of patients (all women might I add) who used to go in and become verbally and on occasions physically aggressive when it transpired that the baby wasn’t the gender they wanted and demanding a termination which they thought the NHS would pay for was unreal.