Hospital won't say what the sex is!

[KateTTC123]

Just that really. Different hospital than with my first and, because he arrived at 29 weeks I am having lots of scans. 17 weeks today and I asked at my scan if they could tell the gender and she said they could but had a policy not to say! So frustrating since I'll have at least another 5 scans there! I loved knowing last time so now I'm considering having a private scan done. Has anyone been in this position before?

Boys are obviously boys by that stage.

Not necessarily. My 'girl' had to have a sudden name change in the delivery suite as I don't think that Rachel would have suited him.

I was told I was having an average sized girl and had a huge boy!

GummyGoddess very few people have a scan after 24 weeks.

The reason they won't tell you is because of Gender based abortion

I agree the policy might be in place to try and get the message across that the purpose of the 20 week scan is to look for any abnormalities. It's shocking the amount of people who don't realise this (not you OP I mean people I know in real life). That's another thing my mum hears a lot is people saying they are there for their sex scan. My ex asked me why I had to go for my 20 week scan when I already knew the sex (found out at 16 weeks)

we were told this at one of our scans -many years ago now so not a new thing, funny enough hadn't wanted to know other times, , it was a private hospital and had its own policies, mostly I think they didn't want any comeback, plus sometimes if baby legs up it was a waste of time trying to get a clear picture, my Dh got all huffy but we assumed it was now normal policy. Then I realised as saying this the sonographer was suddenly looking out window , then at her shoe, and doing nothing , while image was static on screen, I looked at image and it was a very clear image of a penis.. so maybe the wink wink nudge nudge approach would work

"If it's sex selective abortion that they're worried about then surely they would tell you once that window had passed?" For legal abortion yes, but then there'd potentially be mothers attempting to self abort or accessing illegal late abortions.

Plus as has been said they can get it wrong it's not an exact science.

I never knew with dd cos she refused to let anyone know little madam! Yet somehow both then husband and I were sure from beginning without even discussing it. We only came up with girls names too. Slight panic when I was in labour when we realised this and we started discussing boy names. Anything bought was in neutral/unisex colours anyway and actually I was given a load of stuff from a friend who'd had 3 boys, she said don't worry just use the unisex stuff but I was quite happy putting dd in blue tops etc main thing was she was warm and comfy (winter baby).

I was also told she was "on the small side" 9lb 4ozs is not on small side!

All the people saying the scan is to check the health of the baby, surely this includes the genitals? The way some are talking on here you'd think they had to stop their checks to find out the sex when really it's one of the checks they have to do.

Yes, surely they'd have to see it. We don't get a twenty week scan, only 12 and 32. We'll be going for a private scan at 20, to find out the sex but also to make sure everything's ok. Had a rocky start to the pregnancy.

But you can find out and be prepared; you just need to have a private scan. The NHS is not preventing you from knowing the sex of your baby; it’s just not information that your hospital provides.

What I meant was I know a lot of people who think the sole purpose of the 20 week scan is to find out the sex.

We booked a private scan with DS and i will be booking one with this pregnancy too. The NHS scan is there to check medial issues / all is progressing as it should and if they tell you the sex (or at least what they think the sex is) then its a bonus, not a given.

I loved knowing beforehand, after several losses it really helped me bond with DS I was quite unattached beforehand. I also understand why some people don't want to find out and its up to the parents really!

All the people saying the scan is to check the health of the baby, surely this includes the genitals?

Genitals are not part of the check, nor are fingers and toes etc.

sorry if this sounds really ignorant but is this a new thing?! I know we all see it in films etc but I assumed like with us it was one of the first thing they asked and wereexcited about telling.

I thought genitals would have been part of it. You learn something new everyday.

I was mad keen to find out the sex with DD and with this pregnancy- I didn’t have a preference at all, I’m just a very impatient person.

For that reason, I paid for a private scan to find out the sex- I knew the 20 week scan was a medical appointment and it felt really icky to be looking forward to finding out the sex when the most important thing was that baby got the all clear.

My hospital will tell parents if it’s possible, but I’d support a policy which meant they didn’t disclose the sex on the basis that there’s plenty of private scan providers who will.

I don't know anyone who hasn't been told the sex in their scan on the NHS . I think they only tell you after a number of weeks to avoid selective abortions (they wouldn't tell you on the 12 week scan), but they normally do in the 20 week scan?

I was definitely told (my DD is only 18mo), so was my cousin who is currently pregnant, and I've got quite a few friends with babies who knew the sex before giving birth and none of them had private scans as far as I know...

A private scan is pretty cheap. When I had my first two the policy was not to tell so I booked a private one to find out. With my third I was in a trust that asked if you wanted to know at the 20 week scan, after they'd done all the medical checks. I did. He was very obviously a boy but I was willing to go private if they didn't tell.

We don't get a twenty week scan, only 12 and 32.

That's pretty awful if you don't find out there are serious health problems until 32 weeks along !

@pisic i was told last time too but it was a different hospital. For the record I also dont believe in gendered clothing; ds was, and still is, in as neutral as possible. It's more a feeling of knowing what's to come; silly as that sounds. I'll be having 8 scans in total so I feel silly getting a private one too. Will need to have a chat with dh and decide what to do. I guess i was just not expecting not to be able to find out as part of one of these is all.

As PP has said, in some areas the likelihood of sex selective abortions is higher so they don’t say.

I think the OP is getting a hard time unnecessarily though. In both of my successful pregnancies the technician has asked if we wanted to know the sex and then happily told us. For some people it’s nice to know, there’s nothing wrong with that.

I think the people wondering why you even want to know are being deliberately obtuse. I found out both times because I found it easier to bond when I could refer to my baby as "he" rather than "it" or "they" or "the baby". I preferred having a single name picked out and referring to him by his name too. Made it all feel real and I think helped DH too as it's all more abstract for men.

Also the whole "keep it a surprise" thing doesn't make much sense to me. It's a surprise whenever you find out.

My hospital will tell you but stress they won't specifically look as it's a medical procedure and there is no guarantee. In your position I would absolutely book a private scan.

That’s strange, we’ve been asked at multiple scans if we would like to know the sex. We found out very early as I had CVS so we already knew but it seems there are different policies throughout the U.K. (I’m in London)

Jenala
I get wanting to know.
What I don't get is the idea that not knowing prevents preparation for baby's arrival.

If they don't share the sex at the hospital then they don't share the sex. It doesn't make any practical difference

I'm not sure boy babies and girl babies need anything different?

Fed warm and loved. That's it.

Surely it’s up to the mother if they want to find out what the sex of their baby is. I never like how judgmental some people are about people who find out, it doesn’t matter if you don’t understand why people want to know as it has nothing to do with you. I’m also shocked that some areas won’t tell you the sex, it’s my body and my baby if I want to know then surely I have the right to know.