Hospital won't say what the sex is!

[KateTTC123]

Just that really. Different hospital than with my first and, because he arrived at 29 weeks I am having lots of scans. 17 weeks today and I asked at my scan if they could tell the gender and she said they could but had a policy not to say! So frustrating since I'll have at least another 5 scans there! I loved knowing last time so now I'm considering having a private scan done. Has anyone been in this position before?

For those who say..."what does it matter", "its going to be a boy/girl, i waited", "noone knew years ago" etc, to put a different spin on things please consider that not everyone has a normal delivery and on occasion tragic things happen during pregnancy and delivery. In consideration of such circumstances some people prefer to or are glad to have been able to identify sex and therefore properly name their babies prior to birth in order to help them connect on a deeper level. Might not help everyone but for some it does and that time becomes very precious. For example, I have a friend who had an emcs and had to be put to sleep. I know she was glad to find out the sex of her baby and give him a name prior to delivery for it meant she was the first (after the sonographer) to know his sex and call him by his name rather than the third or fourth (her partner, mother and I were all at the hospital and she found it awfully difficult at first knowing that she was the last of us to see his face so did take comfort in at least knowing she had known his sex and had spoken to him using his name first). I have another friend who very sadly had a still birth at 29 weeks. Her time with her daughter was very short however since her little girl had been named weeks earlier it felt so much more like she had been around for much longer and that time is treasured by her mother greatly. For some, knowing the sex doesnt help as they already feel connected enough and are happy to refer to their baby as 'it', 'she/he' or a string of possible boy/girl names but for others it can. Ok so there are neutral names but they don't suit everyone.

Selective abortion based on sex is a totally different matter but where there are no alterior motives is it really that wrong if a couple decide to find out prior to delivery. Some very judgemental comments of this thread sadly.

With regards to NHS scans however agreed this is a medical scan and not one concerned with identifying sex but if people have other means/opportunities and wish to know then why not!

Ilovealexa - there are certain women and certain communities who would consider it acceptable to late abort a "wrong sex" baby. 2 Drs are required for a legal abortion and as you said yourself they could plain lie about their reasons. Or they could attempt to self abort or get it done illegally or travel to another country where it would be legal.

Can't believe people still think there is a policy to avoid sex-based abortions. Of course there isn't. Abortion is legal in this country for anyone who wants one for any reason that might affect a woman's mental health or health in other aspects (domestic violence risk).

BlancheM but the fact remains that sex selective abortion IS illegal. Yes it can be dressed up in other ways, but should a person request an abortion based on the sex of the foetus as primary concern the abortion would be denied.

Gender disappointment is a well known phenomenon which can cause mental health issues, this could happen to anyone anywhere. Then of course there are the problems mentioned before where women and babies would be at risk of severe violence.
Even if a woman changes her mind and simply doesn't want to be pregnant anymore, she is entitled to a termination as long as she cites and has two doctors agree to any one of the three criteria needed.

blanche - ?!? It definitely, definitely isn’t. The actual law is slightly unclear on the issue but the Department of Health has issued clear guidance to the effect that it’s illegal and there’s been talk of introducing an unequivocal ban to the law for a while, as it may be becoming more common in this country.

MPs back ban on sex-selective abortion www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-29891005

There are strong public policy reasons for not allowing sex-selective abortions - countries where it’s prevalent frequently end up with a sex imbalance.

Anyway OP - I get it, I think it’s really frustrating. I don’t know what the solution to the problem is but I can’t see that denying the service to women in some areas of the country is going to address it - anyone intent on aborting a daughter will pay privately (although Labour have called for a ban on early gender testing through the NIPT for this reason).

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/health-45497454

Monkey, that article from 2014 bears no relevance. As distasteful as it may be to some who are outsiders in the situation, whatever my opinion, your opinion, Fiona Bruce's opinion, some MP's opinion, a sonographer's individual opinion, any woman in the UK is entitled to an abortion for any reason which would affect her life, and thank god.

The article from 2014 is relevant because that’s the year the DoH issued its guidance on the issue. They don’t change their guidance annually.

Here’s the guidance itself if you’re interested:

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/313459/20140509_-_Abortion_Guidance_Document.pdf

Paragraph 25 says:

“Abortion on the grounds of gender alone is illegal. Gender is not itself a lawful ground under the Abortion Act (see Annex A for the lawful grounds under Section 1(1)). However, it is lawful to abort a fetus where two RMPs are of the opinion, formed in good faith, “that there is a substantial risk that if the child were born it would suffer from such physical or mental abnormalities as to be seriously handicapped”, and some serious conditions are known to be gender-related.”

Also, the government commissioned an investigation by the DoH into the practice in 2015 (as a requirement of the Serious Crime Act 2015). The problem is that they aren’t really sure how widespread the practice is in this country.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/456642/sex_selection_doc.pdf

You’ll see on page 8 that they refer to the DoH guidance again:

‘Gender is not itself a lawful ground for abortion in England, Wales and Scotland (Abortion Act 1967). DH guidance, in May 2014, states that abortion on the grounds of gender alone is illegal.’

If you can find updated guidance from the DoH since 2015 that says they’ve changed their minds and abortion on the grounds of ‘gender disappointment’ is absolutely fine, I’d be very interested to read it.

However, you are of course correct that women can LIE about their reasons for seeking an abortion and cite one of the permitted reasons when the real reason is cultural pressure about the baby’s sex. That’s one of the reasons the practice is so difficult to detect. But doctors aren’t allowed to abort babies on the grounds of sex.

Just go private - however they said we had twin girls... it was twin boys. We were very happy anyway so it's not infallible.

My SIL has found out the sex in order to feel "prepared". She didn't with her first and wasn't going to with their second but the baby has some problems and she felt like all of the facts they had told her so far led to fear, anxiety etc and she wanted a fact that she could say out loud to the baby's brother which wasn't shrouded in the unknown or in worry iyswim. There are myriad reasons to find out and multiple reasons to have a surprise. There is no right way but wanting to know is not a character deficit.

Everyone has different reasons for wanting to find out. I found out with my first as I was curious. I've found out this time because if we had a boy, then I needed to buy everything again as we just ahd dresses/skirts/pink for DD. Luckily, it's another girl so I could just wash all fo DDs old stuff!

Monkey: https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachmentdata/file/456642/sexxselectiondoc.pdf

This came after the DoH's guidelines. The findings don't indicate a growing number of sex-discriminatory terminations (although how accurate could it really be?) in the UK.
It also outlines that the guidelines you speak of are just that, guidelines and a legal interpretation, opinion, not fact.
The criteria in the the Abortion Act 1967 hasn't changed. So whilst it's correct that 'gender' isn't a lawful reason for termination (therefore interpreted as illegal), neither is changing one's mind, rape, domestic abuse, violence, not feeling supported, contraceptive failure, poverty, not wanting a baby ect.

Oh I see you posted that same link, monkey. I don't see where the confusion is then.

It's not a question of women 'lying' monkey, as with every reason a woman has for needing a termination, they will meet one of the grounds stated in the Act, to which two doctors will agree with and sign. Absolutely any reason is personal to the health of the woman and her health is paramount. All perfectly legal. We don't force women to go through pregnancies that will injure them mentally or physically in this country.

I understand why you would want to know, OP, but for a long time I couldn't articulate it. Someone said to me that it's because you can know so little about them at this stage that anything you can find out seems really important.

Anyway, I came here to make the same suggestion as a PP - you've got lots more scans, so next time watch the screen closely, and maybe just hint to the sonographer that you'd like to know, and you might get lucky!