Hospital won't say what the sex is!

[KateTTC123]

Just that really. Different hospital than with my first and, because he arrived at 29 weeks I am having lots of scans. 17 weeks today and I asked at my scan if they could tell the gender and she said they could but had a policy not to say! So frustrating since I'll have at least another 5 scans there! I loved knowing last time so now I'm considering having a private scan done. Has anyone been in this position before?

If you look closely you may be able to tell yourself. Google other people's scan pics when they knew it was a boy or girl and it will give you a chance of seeing for yourself.

If you can afford a private scan then I would recommend it. I had one with each of my children. With my first the NHS didn't provide a 20 week scan and with my second, the 20 week NHS scan was really rushed. The sonographer was an arse and we were not even sure she checked the heart thoroughly. She didn't explain what she was seeing and we just didn't feel reassured that all was well. At the private scans they take their time, explain what they can see and I found them to be much more pleasant.

It must've been a disappointment OP to get excited that you were going to find out the sex of you baby and being told no.
I think it's nice to know and hope your private scan is a happier experience.

it’s my body and my baby if I want to know then surely I have the right to know.

Absolutely and you can pay to have a private scan to tell you if your trust doesn’t.

it’s my body and my baby if I want to know then surely I have the right to know

Yep and sod all the wrong sex babies who are aborted

I really don’t understand why you should have to pay for a private when you are having a scan and they can tell you. If the baby is not in a position for it to be clear then that’s absolutely fine, you shouldn’t get additional time or be called back like you would be for medical reasons but if they can see why not say? In what other medical situation would a doctor refuse to tell you something about your own body?

I absolutely would not abort a baby due to its sex, I found out what I was having but really didn’t mind either way. Do all the people that say you shouldn’t be able to find out due to the risk of people aborting an unwanted sex think these people are absolutely delighted with what they get when they are born? I know a midwife who has seen women inconsolable after giving birth as the baby is the wrong sex and refusing to even hold the baby, is that a better situation? At least if they find out before the baby is born they can come to terms with their disappointment and maybe realise that either sex is a blessing.

I don’t get this abortion thing?

I thought two doctors had to approve an abortion. So there are doctors out there (two at once) who will agree to terminating a pregnancy due to it being the ‘wrong sex’? Obviously mum can lie and say it’s something else but if they’ve been happy as Larry up until 20 week scan that’s going to look odd surely?

What am I missing here?

TruffleShuffles they don't check the genitals. It isn't like they know but won't tell you.

And yes, parents do have a right to know, which is why private sexing scans exist.

If the NHS scan specifically checked genitals and then refused to disclose the information then I'd agree that was inappropriate, however they don't.

Ilovealexa yes, they lie. They can also say they only recently found out or the decision has been difficult so taken a while. A Dr agreeing to sex selective abortion is going against the law, but they do exist if you know where to go.

@mortifiedmama I know, but op said she's having more scans than normal, so they might tell her at a later one?

They do in a lot of areas though mortifiedmama as like a lot of PPs have said I don’t know anyone who wasn’t asked if they wanted to know and wasn’t told. Maybe it would be more acceptable if it was a standard yes we will tell you or no we won’t. They also didn’t have to ‘check’ genitals on mine, the position the baby was in when they measured the femur clearly showed the sex so like I mentioned earlier they shouldn’t waste time checking the gender but if they can see why not say?

*sex not gender

I just find that so hard to believe if I’m honest. Not saying anyone is lying but surely these docs have access to notes etc?

Stop being such a baby. Years ago nobody knew what they were having. I didn't and neither was it important. It seems to be a very silly thing to be concerned about in the scheme of things. Your baby will probably be a boy or a girl, OK?

It’s the same reason that if you have a non invasive blood test from 10 weeks on the NHS that you won’t be told the sex (unless needed for genetic reasons etc) even though if you pay for the test at a private clinic, you’ll find out for certain whether you are having a boy or girl.

Ilovealexa private abortion clinics have no access to NHS notes. You can give completely falsified information if you wish.

I assumed they'd check you learn something new every day! I had the opposite problem with my fourth we didn't want to know and at the final very late scan (breech) the Midwife said don't worry you'll only be able to tell if you see very Male bits....then she scanned some very Male bits. She looked at me in pure horror but didn't say a word-I felt quite sorry for her!

I understand Op, I do. It’s a shame but understandable from NHS perspective.

As those those foetuses aborted because of their gender. It’s too grotesque to comprehend. The only silver lining is that had these children been born to such parents, they would have undoubtedly had an abysmal childhood

jessstan2

Such great input to the thread. I bet OP will be really grateful for your comments. 🙄

Stop being such a baby. Years ago nobody knew what they were having. I didn't and neither was it important. It seems to be a very silly thing to be concerned about in the scheme of things.

Total overreaction to the OP. Do you have some baggage you’re projecting here, or just a bad day you’re visiting upon someone else for kicks?

Your assuming that the people carrying out the abortions are actual doctors. It's the same as FGM, you don't nip down to the local clinic for it to be done.
It's a lot more common than you think in certain areas, also there is the falling down the stairs or being pushed.
In certain cultures etc the need for a specific sex to be born first is incredibly important, the mothers feel great shame if it's not the right one. They can also suffer abuse if it's not right.

There was a panorama (I think) undercover investigation a couple of years ago which exposed some private clinics for sex selective abortion and caught them saying as much on camera!

I didn't find out on my first, I was told girl on my 2nd it was a boy😱 3rd and 4th I was told girl but I had lots and lots of scans I didn't find out at my 20 weeks scan it was after

Horrific

it’s my body and my baby if I want to know then surely I have the right to know.

Then surely you pay privately for it because your rights extend to medical examination of the fetus. You're there to assess the medical health of the fetus. It's not a sex determining scan. It cost about 40 quid for a private scan for this purpose.

I think if you want to know, by all means, find out, don't really give a fig for 'years ago, we couldn't find out', well, bully for you, this is 2018 now.