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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Outed On Holiday

92 replies

Siannybobs · 04/11/2018 14:36

Hi everyone!
I’m 8 weeks along only my husband (and our doctor) knows, we’ve come away for a friends 40th, I’m pretending to drink after researching that “I’m on antibiotics” is a dead giveaway. Arrived yesterday, avoided airport drinks as it was 5.30 am, had lunch separately with my husband and had photos with his cocktails, took a bottle of non-alcoholic wine round to the predrinks and that’s when it all kicked off. (I’d removed the “alcohol free” part of the label before going, bottle looks good, just a weird shape, but Mateus is a weird shape?!), I had a few sips or fizz and then politely quietly changed to my rose. This wasn’t good enough for Birthday girls SIL, started saying it’s shloer, birthday girl followed suit, I remained calm explained I had 3 daiquiris with lunch and just fancied rose. A chorus of “let me see that bottle” I was like it’s just wine! Stayed there for an hour before table reservation, on the way to restaurant I had to collect husband from our room as his actual 3 lunch time daiquiris had sent him sleepy, arrived at the restaurant a little late, accepted the water from the waiter and looked at the menu, Birthday girls SIL with wine list asked if I’d drink Cliff Richards wine, I didn’t hear in the commotion (8 loud people at the table)

I said “went for a wine tasting there last time, it was nice”
BG-SIL: “I know but I said would you drink it if we got it?”
I said “no I’m ok thanks”
BG-SIL places the menu down staring at me, table goes quiet “are you gonna tell us or what? You’re not drinking, have you got news”
Friends all chime in the same, I burst into tears. Ask my husband to take me home.

Just want to know in what word is a middle aged woman I’ve never met before allowed to oust me at the dinner table at my friends 40th birthday party?
It’s now 14.30 the next day and I’m still really upset. I’ve not even told my mum and sisters? I’m only 8 weeks along, ive misscarried previously. I’m not ready to announce and now I’m out.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

JeanPagett · 04/11/2018 14:41

You poor thing. I think sometimes people get caught up in the excitement and forget that actually there is a very good reason many people don't share news before 12 weeks. Obviously most people are polite enough to turn a blind eye to women "being on antibiotics", even if they have their suspicions.

Coolaschmoola · 04/11/2018 14:41

That's awful!

Did you admit you were, or did you just leave?

PotteringAlong · 04/11/2018 14:44

You should just have told them before you went. It wasn’t the best for her to ask you but you were never, ever keeping that one quiet.

Bursting into tears and asking your husband to take you home is a bit of an overreaction.

Sethis · 04/11/2018 14:45

Sounds like a bunch of fucking twats to me.

Your body, your business. Prying into shit like that is one of the worst things about groups of women who don't know when to let it drop.

Your husband should have launched a fucking ROCKET at his sister if she did that to you in front of a tableful of people, either at that second or later in private. It's NOT okay.

plaidlife · 04/11/2018 14:46

I'm sorry you are so stressed OP. Do you usually drink a lot? You have gone to a huge amount of effort, which just looks a bit odd from the outside. Maybe just saying, "I've stopped drinking in the run up to Xmas" would have been easier. People do stop drinking for other reasons than pregnancy, I've haven't been drinking for the last couple of months just to be a bit healthier. The friend was rude but it wouldn't have come from a bad place. I your pregnancy goes well

CosimaNiehaus · 04/11/2018 14:48

This is horrible. Did she apologise afterwards? Did you say whether or not you were pregnant?

Original poster

Siannybobs · 04/11/2018 14:49

Just cried and left, I’m a bit embarrassed as I’m not a big cryer, very ugly crying face too, husband had to steady me down the stairs. Mega drama queen feel very embarrassed. But also really sad that my friends in their 40s 50s 60s could treat a girl in her 30s at a vulnerable time so appalingly

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2018 14:51

You should just have told them before you went

Why? Nobody has a right to know before you’re ready to tell them.

Op your friends behaved horribly. I hope you check your phone and find a lot of apologetic texts.

Starlight345 · 04/11/2018 14:53

Sorry but i think the likelihood of getting away with this was low.

I understand why you didn’t want to share but think people were happy for you not wanting to upset you.

plaidlife · 04/11/2018 14:56

OP they were prats, when they are sober they will I am sure feel bad. I expect that they are just excited for you rather than seeing it as a vulnerable time like you do.

Thewindsofchange · 04/11/2018 14:56

That's really awful, it's no-ones business if you are or not drinking. I hate that side of the drinking culture in this country.

I doubt the hormones are helping.
Congratulations though. I hope it goes OK for you

Original poster

Siannybobs · 04/11/2018 14:56

So the woman who outed me was my friends (birthday girl) sister in law not related to me or husband, never met her before, she’s 50-something. Got kids of her own.
And please everyone remember that I know it was an overreaction but hormones
Yes I drink a lot, I honestly thought pretending to drink would be better than antibiotics. I did say to my husband that I was going to tell people I had an abscess on my anus as hopefully that would keep people from being too inquisitive. Should have gone down that path. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

OP posts:

BlancheM · 04/11/2018 14:56

That's awful and I would be fuming on your behalf. But cut out the age references, also you are a woman, not a girl!

DuploRelatedInjury · 04/11/2018 15:09

I don't understand why people feel the need to pry like that. Yes, they might have suspected you were pregnant, but surely they just speculate in private? There's any number of reasons you might not be drinking and if you were trying to disguise the fact you weren't drinking it's obvious you didn't want to share why.

Ta1kinpeece · 04/11/2018 15:13

Appalling behaviour.
Even if they all guessed it was NOT their place to say a word if you chose not to.
Make them apologise publicly.

KingBee · 04/11/2018 15:14

Total arses - of course people will notice but unless they are told they should respect your need for privacy - really poor manners.

PinkHeart5914 · 04/11/2018 15:14

In all honesty you were never go to get away with going on a booze filled weekend away not drinking, of course people were going to put two and two together. I think the fact you went to such lengths with the alcohol free wine and such like is probably what gave you away. You drew more attention to the not drinking thing than you needed too

However they shouldn’t of said anything, but they’d been drinking and that’s the excuse just as your using hormones for your crying, making dh take you home drama queen bit.

Geraniumpink · 04/11/2018 15:17

That’s really mean. It’s really not their business. I was outed by a work colleague to the whole office, one member of which then toured other departments to let them know too. Idiots.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 04/11/2018 15:20

Has your friend contacted you to see if you are ok? If she does I would say that the reason you were not drinking was because you are TRYING to conceive, not that you are pregnant and that you were upset because it hasn't happened yet. That could hopefully throw them off the scent. It was appalling the way the SIL behaved, it really is no one's business but yours and your husband's.

BTW I do agree with pp that at 30 I would describe you as a woman, not a girl.

mummyhaschangedhername · 04/11/2018 15:24

So sorry this happened OP. Have any of them checked up on you?

Aridane · 04/11/2018 15:26

Agree with pinkheart

Italiangreyhound · 04/11/2018 15:28

Weird, you should have told her where to go.

FFSFFSFFS · 04/11/2018 15:32

I don't think you did overreact. None of their business.

But for your own sake you should work on your confidence to just say no. No need for elaborate pretending. No I don't want wine. No need to justify

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/11/2018 15:33

Fuck! That makes me glad I don't have any friends I'd waste my holiday time on!

Friend's SIL sound like a wonderful woman! OOh look at her Poirot!

Can't believe that not one of the women, at least, stopped and thought about possible reasons you would not have mentioned it and told her, and others, to wind their necks in! Drinking or not, that was a lovely way to ruin anyone's night - badger and bully them to reveal something they had obviously chosen not to! Even if it as just that the cat had died, not nice. Hopefully at least one of them will seek you out to sincerely apologise!

I'd be tempted to spin some story, make them feel really sorry. But maybe a breezy "None of your fucking business" will do it!

That and never waste a moment of your leisure time, let alone holiday time, with them again!

PatchworkGirl · 04/11/2018 15:33

I honestly find is a bit bizzare that some people, on seeing someone else avoid alcohol, think they must be pregnant. Are we really so habituated to drinking alcohol at every social occasion that 'I just don't fancy drinking tonight' is not a plausible reason?

I don't think I'd even notice someone being on soft drinks unless they went to a lot of effort to 'hide' the fact - it sounds like maybe you made it a little too obvious that you were avoiding it? Although if someone was making a very obvious effort to lie about something like this I'd think that would be even more reason to not blurt out your suspicions in front of a big group.

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