Am I being stupid?

[gemmaaaxxx]

I'm pregnant, i live with my mother in law and partner, my partner is 22. I'm 20. He doesn't work. And I'm not at work due to a broken arm. I'm on universal credit. So only get a little bit a month to live on, I'm assuming his mum claims housing benefits for me. She must do. Yet she wants my money from universal credit, leaving me with £40 to live on, buy myself baby bits, and maternity clothes, and food, and other bits. Am I being stupid by arguing against this? Or does she have a right? Surely she would be saying her son needs to work and help provide (I'm looking for a small job) before I go on maternity leave. Ladies am I being overthinking about this? Because it's starting to bring me down.

Most dc live with dm from day 1!!
Most df take responsibility for their dc from conception.
Take yourself to the council op and ask for the forms to fill in for yourself and the baby

Will the council help me tho?

If you are not happy move out.
I agree with previous posts, she is entitled to ask you for whatever she likes when you're under her roof.
I think your partner needs to grow up, he's about to become a father and he won't leave mummy... 🙄
I get the impression his mum could be quite manipulative.
I would just get out of there and if he doesn't want to go with you then that's his choice.
As for support, speak to your local council and CAB and they will be able to point you in the right directions housing wise.

You don't get extra HB if there's another member of the household. It's paid by the number of bedrooms you need.

If it's your partner and his mother living there they're entitled to the two bedroom rate. You living there won't change the amount because you wouldn't be considered as needing your own bedroom.

If you're bringing an income into their home their HB may be reduced.

If it's been declared that you're living there you or your partner may get into trouble for not letting UC know you're living together.

The only income is my sick note for my broken arm, which is uc?

His mums making him go college. She doesn't want him to work?

He needs to grow up. He’s going to be a father.

How can his mum ‘make’ him do anything? He’s an adult.

How long are you on sick for? Is it possible for you to stay anywhere else while you can save a little cash for a bond? Or a friend or relative loan you the money? It sounds like an awful situation because you, the mother of his child are up against his mother. And by the sounds of it you won't win.
You need to think about you and the baby. Because without sounding horrible it doesn't seem like they are.

I think the two of you have some growing-up to do before you’re baby is born.

She is illegally subletting then... 🙄
Whatever she charges you is illegal and sounds like extortion anyway
Those benefits are meant for you... They are subsistence anyway and you will need more than that to put towards baby stuff... I would leave him and them and go find somewhere else to stay, even if it meant homeless accommodation X

your, obviously.

Does he have any interest in this child at all?

I think you just need to view yourself as a single parent, as to all intents and purposes it seems you are, and try to get your life sorted out before a baby is brought into it. There's no point complaining about his mum 'taking' his money or her asking your or money – the real issue is that you have a baby on the way with a father who obviously doesn't give a shit and you have nowhere stable to live and no income.

You need to see what you're entitled to and what your options are now.

Bumblebee, it isn't subletting to have a child's partner move in and it isn't illegal to charge them rent.

However the mother will need to inform the benefits office that someone has joined the household

•I could bet my house on the fact that he won't change and he won't move out or take any responsibility, it sounds like a harsh wake up call but unfortunately this is on you.
•Your universal credit is a combination of different benefits packaged as one. So your housing benefit will be included in your universal credit.
•She is quite right, if you are living in her house, she can charge you whatever she likes. You have moved in, are you paying rent, bills, council tax, food? This will all be included in your universal credit (whether it actually covers it or not is probably a different story.
•Can you not move in with your mum temporarily while you get on your feet and find somewhere yourself? The black and white of it is that you expect to live there for free and she expects you to pay what you cannot afford, your partner has made it clear he has no plans to support you, the best thing you can do is to look at your options properly. Let go of what you want to happen in an ideal world because life isn't like that and think about what this baby needs.

Ffs why are you bringing a baby into this?

Is living with your mum an option? She was willing to help out buying a buggy, so what about helping you out if this situation?

I agree with others about going to CAB. They will advise you about benefits, maternity pay (you may be entitled to a one-off maternity allowance and vouchers for vitamins/food if you are on a low income too) and what would happen should you choose to live in your own.

Do you really want your child growing up with two people who have zero work ethic? You sound like you want to work yourself and it seems like you are a better role model than they are. The only thing is you can't expect his mum to be buying stuff for the child - that is his job. She shouldn't be taking ALL of his money either. It sounds like she is trying to control him and keep him dependent on her as she benefits financially from this. If he works and moves out she doesn't have that income. If he can't see that and it isn't enough for him to change, it might be better to get the ball rolling yourself and start looking elsewhere. It might prompt him to get his act together. I wouldn't expect them to change though, you need to change this situation yourself.

It might also be worth speaking to a midwife if you are finding this stressful as she can refer you to speak to someone if you are really struggling with this emotionally.

Does your partner want you to give her your benefits money?

As has been said, it’s her house, she can charge you what she wants.

How long have you lived there? How long are you planning to stay?

If you’re off work for your arm why can’t you go back when it’s better rather than needing a new job?

His pip money gets paid into HIS account. But she's got all his bank card, loads of them? Why I don't know? I honestly don't know why they have so many!

My partner said it's between me and his mum about my money. No his problem he said.

Are you listening to anything anyone is saying OP? Your partners mum can’t make him do anything. He’s an adult, who is about to become a father. You and he need to grow up and take responsibility for the life you’ve created.

I'm willing to do that? I wanted this and so did he and now he's gotten like this about it! I full well knew what I was doing

So the pregnancy was planned?
How long have you lived with them for?

Clearly you thought he'd make a great father and this was a suitable situation to bring a baby into, right? I mean, you chose to have a child knowing this was how it was. I assume he and his mum had this set up when you decided he was an awesome role model for a child.

Of course you should be paying your way btw. Why wouldn't you? It's what grown ups do. If, now that your pregnant, the situation doesn't suit you anymore, move. Pay your way somewhere else and not to this woman.