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Original poster

Thoughts on baby showers?

103 replies

Gobletoffire · 23/10/2018 18:41

I’m sure this has been asked many times, sorry if it has, but what’s your thoughts on a baby shower? If you’ve previously had a baby, did you have one?

I hadn’t really given it thought but a few friends have mentioned helping me plan one, the last three from my group of friends that have been pregnant all had baby showers! They were nice little get together a but the more I think about it, the more I feel that I don’t want the stress, expense and people feeling like they have to buy me a gift! I had just planned to have a bit of a ‘leaving meal’ out with my work colleagues and my mum was going to cook all the family a dinner/have a little buffet and gathering a little while AFTER baby has arrived.

What’s everyone’s thoughts? Will you be having a baby shower?

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MagicalCreatures · 24/10/2018 14:22

There’s actually lots of different types of baby showers. Depends on who you are and what you want from it.
I’ve attended a baby shower for someone who yes, is a complete princess and spoilt and saw it as the last chance to have everything about her before the baby came and stole her thunder.
I’ve just had my baby shower, which was a get together with my closest friends. I asked people not to bring gifts, I don’t like being centre of attention but I have lots of friends from separate times of my life who don’t see each other or hang out but get on very well with each other when I do arrange stuff. Like my hen do a couple of years ago. And they all love meeting up and catching up with each other.
It was at my mums with some scones and lots of chat and funnily enough the majority of my friends are all having babies or have just had them so they all had lots to giggle about.
It doesn’t have to be tacky. It can just be used as a great excuse to get the people that you love all together in the same room x

dontalltalkatonce · 24/10/2018 14:28

It's not a shower if there are no gifts. It's just a get together then. Parties with men involved, meet ups in pubs, etc are not baby showers.

Unicornandbows · 24/10/2018 14:28

I'm having a baby shower however it's more of get to together with lots of friends I would not usually be able to see on a day to day basis.. I have mentioned no gifts are to be brought and it is actually exciting for both me and my friends. Its more like the last hoorah before the baby comes and life takes over.

I get why people would think its grabby but am sure if that's the only concern you can mention no gifts accepted etc ?

ThanksItHasPockets · 24/10/2018 14:39

I said I didn't want gifts or silly games but we did a female family and close friends get together

They don't have to be about receiving gifts, at all, if that's not what you are about as a person. All of the baby showers I have been to, including my own, have been lovely and focused on showing support for the mum to be, preparing mentally for the birth, and making sure she knows her friends have her back.

I’ve just had my baby shower, which was a get together with my closest friends. I asked people not to bring gifts

I'm having a baby shower however it's more of get to together with lots of friends I would not usually be able to see on a day to day basis.. I have mentioned no gifts are to be brought

These examples all sound genuinely lovely, but not a single one of them was a ‘shower’ and I don’t understand why you’d describe them as such.

Thirtyrock39 · 24/10/2018 14:50

I was given a surprise one which was v casual - everyone brought food and we had a lunch and natter - and it was lovely but generally I'm not a fan
As previous posters said I'm superstitious about them and I hate all the games - also not only do you buy a gift and then still feel you have to buy a gift when meeting the baby later you often have to chip in for games decorations etc... and I cringe at the opening gifts in front of everyone as well (my personal idea ot hell !)

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 24/10/2018 16:10

I've been to some but didn't have them for my babies. But that said I decided to stop working as soon as I knew I was pregnant so had loads of time on my hands and met up for lunch several times a week with NCT friends, so it was very sociable and we all bought gifts for the babies after they were born. I think I preferred that to a big party beforehand.

cheesefield · 24/10/2018 17:45

@PtangyangkipperbangOi That sounds fucking hideous. She didn't even ASK to use your house?

Start your own thread so you can keep us posted on how it goes

Seafoodeatit · 24/10/2018 18:04

Wow! You're a lot more patient than me be because I wouldn't have let them host it at my house, if they're going to threaten not letting you see the baby I'd just let them get on with it as they'll probably threaten that every time they want to get their own way and stuff dealing with that!

Seafoodeatit · 24/10/2018 18:05

That was to @PtangyangkipperbangOi

Newbie21 · 24/10/2018 19:06

In my groups of close friends we tend to have a get together - like afternoon tea or something. It is arranged by the friends (not the pregnant one). In one group we buy a group token gift - something for baby and something for Mum to be. In the other group we prefer to wait until baby is born before presents. It is nice to go be Mum go be the chance to sit with friends and chat about baby as they are obviously very excited and that is what they want to chat about. Not so much a baby shower but more of a get together.

Andylion · 24/10/2018 19:08

I'm American so I've enjoyed planning and attending ones in the States. That being said, I've read some horror stories of ones here and it doesn't sound like a custom that has translated well.

As a Canadian who has attended and enjoyed many baby showers, I agree.

Andylion · 24/10/2018 19:15

Baby showers seems very "let's spend a couple of hours focusing on ME", and it is totally unnecessary if all you genuinely want is to see your friends.

As I posted above, I like them, but I do sort of agree with this. I have more of a problem with hens, however. I wonder if people who don't like showers like hens? Not necessarily directing my question to you, HereForTheLineEyes.

problembottom · 24/10/2018 19:32

Oh god! DP and I thought they were tacky but I've been talked into having two very soon. I'm told everyone accepted the invites and my friends are telling me they're really excited, at least to my face. I'm hoping the family one will help DP and I's rellies get to know each other a bit more and we're putting money behind the bar at my friends one so everyone can have champagne and cocktails and hopefully enjoy themselves. A bit nervous about the whole thing!

HereForTheLineEyes · 24/10/2018 20:51

Honestly could take or leave Hens. I think with baby showers though it's the combination of "showering" with gifts = grabby plus the nature of what you're actually celebrating. Essentially someone's fertility, because no baby is here yet. Also all the attention will inevitably be on the mum because, again, the baby has not been born yet.

In my early twenties I probably would have been less cynical, but now I'm a bit older I have seen too many people struggle to get pregnant, and then not end up with a healthy baby at the end of it. I'm not superstitious, just realistic.

I found it very hard to look at all the baby gear we got given back (after lending it to people) after my miscarriage. Then it took an emotional toll accepting that i wouldn't be needing it all and packing it into the attic. I wouldn't want baby shower stuff lying around my house, or photos popping up on my timeline.

The arrival of a baby is a very happy occasion and indeed people may want to celebrate it. I just think the time for celebration is once your baby has safely arrived.

April2020mom · 24/10/2018 22:13

I love them. When I was pregnant with the twins I had a baby shower one weekend. On the invitations I politely said gifts were not required but they’re welcome. I had about 40-50 guests come to my shower. On the actual day I had cake and a buffet style potluck lunch for everyone to eat. I received gift cards and money from everyone mainly. A few people bought me some baby books and toys.

stressedoutpa · 24/10/2018 23:02

In a word.... ugh!

PurpleFlowersInMyHair · 24/10/2018 23:15

Our group of friends just go out for afternoon tea somewhere nice. Some thoughtful presents for mum not baby! Nothing expensive but everyone clubs together to get a bag of goodies- it’s nice.

For mine we went to a posh cocktail bar. I had mocktails! I wanted to do something I couldn’t when baby arrived.

RomanyRoots · 24/10/2018 23:27

I had got to 52 without ever attending a baby shower.
Thought they were grabby and entitled, but I was wrong.

i'm speaking as a mil who was invited to my dilBaby Shower.
It was lovely to meet a lot of her family I hadn't met, some travelling long distances. The friends and colleagues were a friendly bunch too.
We played the usual games, had a glass or two and a buffet tea.
All held in a pub function room her family, me and dd decorated.
I wouldn't have wanted to miss that for the world, but the initial idea was meh.

HJE17 · 25/10/2018 02:33

I was very against, but my friends planned a surprise shower for me towards the end of my first pregnancy and it ended up being really lovely. It was a small bring-and-share brunch with a few “punny” stations like an alcohol-free “mum-ossa Bar” and a watermelon carved like a pram. I think my friends suggested gifts but made it clear that hand-me-downs were welcome. It ended up being a casual, fun morning, and was legitimately helpful in equipping us for the baby... we were prepared to buy “everything needed” but as new parents had no idea about what some of those things actually were... sleep sack? Breast pump?! 😂

Dorigen · 25/10/2018 08:25

I'd think they were second only to hen nights for awfulness. Happily, all my friends feel the same about both things, so there has never been any risk of invitations.

Quite apart from the general awfulness of the idea, late pregnancy was unspeakable - I couldn't move, breathe or do anything much at all (severe SPD in all pregnancies), and couldn't have been all cheery and eaten cake if my life had depended on it...

Mildmanneredmum · 25/10/2018 08:52

I'm superstitious too. I actually bought very little until they were safely here (and sleeping in a drawer because I hadn't bought very much ....)

amyboo · 25/10/2018 09:09

In a word: Repugnant

I had a still birth at 36.5 weeks. i can't imagine ever celebrating the arrival of a child before he/she has made it safely into the world.

ThanksItHasPockets · 25/10/2018 09:11

So sorry for your loss, amyboo

oh4forkssake · 25/10/2018 14:00

DC1 was my 3rd pregnancy

No way would I ever have one. And I warned a number of friends who were suggesting them that if i walked into one, I would turn on my heel and walk out. I was brought up to have better manners but I just wouldn't have tolerated it.

barkisworsethanmybite · 25/10/2018 14:23

I had baby showers with both dc. It wasn’t a greedy way to get more gifts. It was to spend time with friends and celebrate what was to come following previous losses. We had nice food and drinks and yes, there were gifts. I’ve reciprocated with all of my friends. I think they are great.

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