Thoughts on baby showers?

[Gobletoffire]

I’m sure this has been asked many times, sorry if it has, but what’s your thoughts on a baby shower? If you’ve previously had a baby, did you have one?

I hadn’t really given it thought but a few friends have mentioned helping me plan one, the last three from my group of friends that have been pregnant all had baby showers! They were nice little get together a but the more I think about it, the more I feel that I don’t want the stress, expense and people feeling like they have to buy me a gift! I had just planned to have a bit of a ‘leaving meal’ out with my work colleagues and my mum was going to cook all the family a dinner/have a little buffet and gathering a little while AFTER baby has arrived.

What’s everyone’s thoughts? Will you be having a baby shower?

I’ve only been to one. She is probably one of my friends with the most money and she had a gift list at a large department store! Wouldn’t dream of it myself before the birth because I was too superstitious but also I did t want to put pressure on anyone to buy me anything.

I think if you organise one for yourself then it’s asking for gifts but if friends want to organise something for you then I think why not. Your fun is limited when your pregnant so why not have a few hours playing games and having a laugh with friends and family who want to be there, no one is forced to go.

I've been to many of my friends' baby showers and have always just seen it as a nice way for girls to get together, eat some cake, play some silly games and have a few giggles. Nobody is expected to take gifts but people do. I don't see how they are hideous etc...no different to having another type of party? I'm having one arranged by my friend and mum and am looking forward to having all my girlfriends together for cake, laughs and silly games...no pressure to buy me a present though! Just enjoy it...we've all given up most of the joys in life whilst being pregnant so why not enjoy this?!?

I've only ever been to baby showers which were arranged as a surprise for the mum which I really liked. We cared about her and wanted to get her gifts. I think that's entirely different to somebody arranging their own with the end goal being to get gifts. Although the same can be said about inviting to christenings, weddings, etc. I think a surprise one is a lovely idea, but is intended for those that you are close to who would naturally want to celebrate with you and buy gifts.

I like them. I have been to several- nice get together with friends, food and drink.

Only on MN do people find it grabby

@greendale17 not true.

The majority of my friends in RL don't like them either. Only common amongst our American friends. (Am an expat and surrounded by many nationalities)

I threw one for my sister in the summer she's due her first soon but will be having baby in Australia. That's the only reason I had one for her while she was home visiting. I asked people to bring food in place of gifts but they all came with both. None of us will be there for her when she's had the baby so everyone wrote nice messages of best wishes for her. She had a second one organised by her Australian friends and I cannot believe the gifts she got! I had to buy all myself for DS.

I have told DM to make sure no one attempts to organise one for me!

I really dislike them but each to their own.

My sister is throwing me one and is incredibly excited to be doing so - mostly because I think she feels cheated out of a hen do as I didn't have one when I got married earlier this year! I was worried about it seeming 'grabby' but it's just a few close friends and family and I've made it clear that gifts are in no way expected but just a nice girly afternoon with good food, drink and company :)

I hate them, they make me cringe. Happy to buy a gift after a baby is safely delivered but I have seen a few situations amongst friends and family where this was not the case sadly. I'm not superstitious but they make me uncomfortable.

Vulgar American import.

My friends have been pestering me to have one and I wasn’t sure at all. So I’ve settled on saying let’s all get together on a certain date and have afternoon tea. No big fuss, call it whatever you like but the only obligation you have is that you pay for your own afternoon tea. I don’t expect gifts at all and thought it was a good excuse to catch up with some friends and have some cake! It’s happening in December too so will be nice to do it amongst the Christmas rush and just have an afternoon catching up with friends

Personally not a fan. A friend had one and invited 70+ people, hired out a local social club for it and ended up with so many clothes I’m positive her DD never actually wore all of them!

I had to make it very clear I didn’t want one, as a few people were pestering me to have one but as PP have said I wanted to wait until baby was here safely. I had a very rocky pregnancy so am glad we waited. DD arrived safely and was spoilt rotten! We also fitted her christening in nice and early so family could all get together to celebrate her safe arrival! (Christening gifts were strictly books only, as she had been so spoilt when she arrived!)

Have personally not had one with previous two and not having one with this pregnancy.

I've not had simple pregnancies and prefer to keep things private.. just would feel wrong celebrating before baby is safely in arms.

I've been to a couple and they were fun enough I have no problems going to them and as for the present thing I would just buy for when baby is there no matter how rude I look - The person the showers have been thrown for I know well enough to have spoken about this in advance and there was no awkwardness.

The thing is, people on here say ‘I don’t expect gifts’ but the fact is that the majority of attendees will feel obliged to take a gift anyway, even if told they’re not ‘expected’ to. Essentially, that’s why it’s called a baby ‘shower’.

Where I grew up they were a big deal but they happened after the baby was born. They were a wonderful way to welcome the baby into the community and for everyone to celebrate. As a child I adored them as everyone seemed so happy. There were no silly games or dressing up. It was just a big pot luck where the parents kept and left overs they wanted.

As for the grabby nature, I just don't get why everyone is so against gifts. Couldn't you say the same of having a birthday party? I would never dream of visiting a new mother and baby empty handed so why would I take offence to giving my gift at the same time as other people do?

I’m superstitious about them too. Buying gifts and celebrating too early feels like tempting fate.

The party games etc seem to work well in USA but don’t really carry over well to the UK, they’re very awkward and uncomfortable.

Much nicer imo to have a “wet the baby’s head” party, which is traditional in some areas.

So once the baby is a few weeks old (or whenever you feel ready), you invite your friends over to meet the baby, make a fuss of the mum, have tea or a beer and generally catch up. People bring gifts to that.

I was really uncomfy with the idea of having baby stuff in the house before I had a baby safely in the house, so felt bad about baby showers from that point of view.

Recently though I was talking to a friend about it and suddenly thought that, had I had a stillbirth, I really don’t think I’d have thought “Oh good, no baby stuff in the house makes it less bad having a dead baby” - I can’t imagine anything making that less bad: it would surely just be fucking awful, full stop? So now I think people should do whatever they like.

I don’t think anyone is against gifts. I’d just rather give them after the baby is born.

Exactly that @SoyDora not everyone has straight forward pregnancies and as so nicely put by our consultant 'babies die'. Celebration of safe arrival is lovely.

Personally we had such a rollercoaster pregnancy I couldn't have comfortably sat through a baby shower, plus DD appeared at 34 weeks so likely would've physically attended any preplanned shower 😂

You made a mistake asking the women of Mumsnet haha - I remember seeing something on here about baby showers before and it made me question mine entirely.

When really, all they are, is a little celebration for you as a mum with your friends and family to get together and play games and enjoy yourself!

These people over think them, and I would hate to live a day in their lives haha.

I had one person (my partners step mum) telling me it was sexist and that the baby wasn't just mine, and I just turned around and told her "Yeah but I've just grown her for 9 months and all the sickness, the stretch marks, the general sacrifices are to be celebrated so fuck off".

I wouldn't mind, but my OH organised it! She hasn't had children though so I can only assume her ignorance is the reason behind her misery.

It does make me sad to see it dismissed as tacky. I’ve enjoyed attending and throwing them over the years and I’m a little sad that I won’t be able to celebrate in the same way.

They aren’t really my cup of tea but I did go to some lovely ones when I lived in America, where they are traditional. As a pp said way upthread, the import hasn’t quite translated. There is a very clear etiquette to showers in the US:

• the mother never ever hosts for herself
• they are only ever for first babies
• there is no such thing as a shower where gifts are not expected. This is the main one that hasn’t translated and many MNers will tell you that they had a lovely baby shower with no gifts. That’s great, but it wasn’t a shower. It leads to a lot of confusion. If you don’t want gifts, don’t call it a shower.

Just to add, OP - it sounds like you aren’t entirely comfortable with the idea. Don’t be pressured if so. Baby showers can take place after the birth too.

Americanised grabby entitled nonsense.