Thoughts on baby showers?

[Gobletoffire]

I’m sure this has been asked many times, sorry if it has, but what’s your thoughts on a baby shower? If you’ve previously had a baby, did you have one?

I hadn’t really given it thought but a few friends have mentioned helping me plan one, the last three from my group of friends that have been pregnant all had baby showers! They were nice little get together a but the more I think about it, the more I feel that I don’t want the stress, expense and people feeling like they have to buy me a gift! I had just planned to have a bit of a ‘leaving meal’ out with my work colleagues and my mum was going to cook all the family a dinner/have a little buffet and gathering a little while AFTER baby has arrived.

What’s everyone’s thoughts? Will you be having a baby shower?

Rampant narcissistic FB culture.

Awful. I would never attend one.

They’re not for me. I definitely wouldn’t have one and it’s unlikely I would go to one if invited. Luckily none of my family or friends have ever had one either.

I’m currently pregnant with DC2. For me it would be jinxing things to have presents bought for the baby & a party before it was born - I’d rather wait until the baby was here and safely in my arms before there was any celebration. Plus people feel that they have to buy a present for new borns - it seems a bit of a grabby fecker to have an event pre-baby where you also get bought presents.

What’s the point of it? If it’s to spend time with friends/family before the baby is born do that without labelling it a tacky baby shower.

I know a lot of Mumsnet generally hates on, but I'm pregnant with my first and will be having a baby shower
My best friend really wants to organise one, and it will be around my 30th birthday which I won't be celebrating in the way I had originally planned (very drunk!) so I think it will be nice to have a bit of a celebration.

I'm thinking afternoon tea, outside catered, but in my own home. No silly games just food, drinks, and a girly get-together with any gifts people want to bring. Lots of my friends and family will want to buy gifts for the new baby anyway, so why not a few weeks earlier?

Noodles14 couldn't have put it better myself!

I wouldn't mind attending one but wouldn't want one for myself. I don't really enjoy all the fuss and people think that just because you're pregnant you want to talk about it constantly. I know a few baby bores- I think it's for people like that.

If I were asked what type of person I think has baby showers I would say it’s a queen bee type who thinks and acts like the world revolves around them because they’re pregnant and then go on to think and act like they are the only person in the planet to have a baby etc etc . A bit spoilt and precious. Yes, I’m fully aware that I’m being unreasonable and judgemental

I won't be having one. I went to a friends one not long ago and I have never felt so awkward doing stupid games and having enforced fake fun. The presents were equally awkward as they were opened there and each person was either made to feel generous or tight fisted dependant on what they had bought. I normally love get togethers but this was vulgar and awkward for everyone to be honest.
I'll just be meeting up with friends and family as usual and if anyone wants to buy a gift for baby once he/she is born then they can but I won't be asking!

I think they are awful and tacky. I said a polite but very firm No when someone suggested one for me.
Why celebrate something that hasn't happened, feels very like tempting fate. I know someone had a stillbirth and it was horrific. I couldn't get it out of my head while I was pregnant and definitely wouldn't have been up for a big party and silly games.

Surely you aren't "a mum" until you've actually had the baby?

And what happens if you have a shower and people visit to see the baby, do they come weirdly empty-handed or have to buy you two presents?

I said I didn't want gifts or silly games but we did a female family and close friends get together and did a celebrity baby quiz and shared anecdotes about babies, births and similar. Tea, cake and Prosecco, a lovely afternoon with no gifts or sniffing nappies

I don't think the custom has translated very well in the UK. You're not supposed to throw your own shower, have one for any child but the first, make guests pay to attend or expect another gift after the baby is born. Nor are they mixed-sex, evening events involving alcohol (beyond maybe a glass or two of bubbly). The whole point is to bring a gift for the baby and in that respect they are a bit like counting your chickens before they hatch so I'm glad I never had one and wouldn't go to one here.

Wish I'd ever had enough people to shower me with gifts! Normally get some nice things given/sent once baby actually arrives though.

I think it's one of those things I have had to sacrifice as someone who only has a very small circle not all of whom know each other or would probably even get on. I have also moved a lot which doesn't help.

think they are a horrible American "grabby" idea. Your friends will buy your little one a gift when he/she is born I imagine.

I said I didn't want one, numerous people have said oh but you have to, said fine, if someone wants to organise one then okay but otherwise I won't be organising one because the whole "buy me gifts" is cringy. I've had girls from work who I'm not at all close to as well as friends (but again not best friends) say oooooo I'll organise it. I'm 30 weeks today and nothing seems to be materialising so I think I've gotten away with it haha. We have the majority of stuff in already (big items were just short of a pram) and clothes wise we have bought plain white everything. I don't even want any really cute little outfits as they grow out of them so fast I'll just be upset they can't wear them any more! Now if someone wanted to get me a nice pamper package that would be a whole different matter however my birthday has been and gone and despite hints nothing materialised haha, and I'm due right around Christmas so I should probably burry that hope somewhere I won't find it again x

I would never organise one for myself. Cringe

I've only ever been to one, and it involved a horribly cringeworthy hour long gift opening session, where everyone just stared at the mother to be, watched her open her gifts and her mother wrote a list of who had given what. Otherwise, it was just polite small talk and writing well wishes to go into a jar. I didn't take a gift, because I gave them something after the baby was born.

My friend suggested organising a baby shower for me, and I asked her not to. The idea of having a party which revolves around me, expecting people to bring gifts etc and I can't even drink?! No thank you! I had to ask my husband to be very clear with his mum that I really didn't want a shower thank you - if she'd had her way, she would have organised one for me.

I’ve been invited to two baby showers and couldn’t go to either because of other plans. Tbh, I was glad I had somewhere else to be so I had a proper excuse, rather than just saying no thank you. Both were for afternoon tea type events, one costing £20, the other just under. I would have felt obliged to take a present and then buy another gift for the baby when it arrived. Which adds up to spending quite a lot on a friend having a baby.

In the US, there's no social obligation to give gifts twice. I think that's part of the problem here, it's as though some of the customs have been adopted but not others, and not by everyone.

Yes, Maryann, it seems the custom here has been really misinterpreted. I have a cousin who lives in America and you're not supposed to organise your own shower, expect people to pay to attend or expect another present after the baby arrives. But here it just seems like people go tacky with it. It was in the Daily Mail but I saw an article about a 'bridal shower' in Australia where guests were told what food to bring and also informed that shower was 'an envelope party' so they were told they needed to hand over cash as well!

They don't have to be about receiving gifts, at all, if that's not what you are about as a person. All of the baby showers I have been to, including my own, have been lovely and focused on showing support for the mum to be, preparing mentally for the birth, and making sure she knows her friends have her back.

From what I've heard, some people Princess types now seem to expect "spoiling, pampering and gifts" at a baby shower, then another gift when the baby is born to "welcome the baby to the world" and a "special christening gift" a few months later.
Mostly when they haven't set foot in church for years. It's getting ridiculous!

A friend of a friend had their baby scan photo on a cake and everyone was cutting into it!

But a shower by its very nature is about giving gifts to the baby before it's born. They are not about indulging the mum to be . Why do you need a Me, Me, Me party to know your friends have your back? What if they can't come, does that mean they don't have your back?

Not for me, I turned down having one with my first and my mind hasn't changed in the years since. I found the few I've attended quite cringey, especially the part where you all have to sit through the present opening.

uuuurgh, my eldest sister is currently pregnant with her PFB. I was pretty shocked when a facebook page was created at 4 months pregnant saying that I was hosting a baby shower for her at my house. I just kept quiet. Since then its constant. " Can I have a firm idea of numbers please ladeeze" and "Come on, come on- you wont want to miss this, its going to be great celebrating my little princess coming into the world" to "A few people have messaged me about gifts and so as to avoid ending up with fifty size 1 baby grows I will be creating a gift list for you all to choose from".

It is this weekend. I am DREADING it. She wanted to bring her husband (a controlling piece of shit that we I hate) and I said no men allowed. He has told my sister -and she agreed- that unless I get over myself and accept him I won't be allowed to see the baby. But it's ok for me to throw a shower for them and pay £125 towards the pram they wanted! But I have to keep smiling as she is my sister. She is in a shitty abusive marriage with a cocklodger that is bleeding her dry.

I have told my other two sisters that I am planning on getting pissed. I am not playing the stupid fucking cringey games, I am not sitting there for a shitty present reveal ( ooh, a baby grow!) and I am not going to listen to her crow about her husband when he treats her like shite. I will be in the kitchen, cooking buffet food at the slowest rate possible and drinking gin.

I feel sorry for her. most of her friends have let her down and there will be maybe 3 of them there so we have had to rope in our own friends. Its just a big cringey farce.

They are a vulgar and grabby American import. I am so glad they weren't a thing when I was pregnant (my youngest is now 16).

I'd have refused to even entertain the idea even if they had been a thing. I hate parties anyway, and having miscarried my first pregnancy I became very superstitious that as little as possible should be bought for the baby before she had been born safely. Otherwise, I felt it would be tempting fate too much.